Jumping around

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creative hypertext

"His flirtation with dumbness had taken the form of the ingestion of heroic quantities of cannabis smoke. But eventually that got to be a drag."

-is that pun intentional?

Highly unpleasant. That was waayy too much jumping around for my taste. I like traditional novels better. Not that they're exactly linear. I like subplots: Harry Potter is full of them. But they're so much going on here, too much exposition at once. I prefer when exposition is spaced out and events get to unfold. That's why I read: I like to see the process, not have everything thrown at me at one time. Half the time, I forgot what was happening. Sub-plot overload!!!

"He'd killed the man, and he realized that the only reason he'd done so was that he was afraid if the man got away with his money, the insurance companies would make him install a bunch of the new and expensive security systems they were trying to push on everybody"

I can't believe how deep I had to dig to find that out.

The Heist begins-!!! Only now is the action beginning???

layout of the bank-link no longer works

now he could go in-link doesn't work

General critic of the story: too corny. I went down the "Regina" path originally.

That was worse than "If On A Winter's Night..." 

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1 Comments

Jed Fetterman said:

I agree with you. He starts out with the page that connects with the story, then halfway through the story there's a page that says the heist begins here. And then the digressing plots seem to die out of nowhere like the characters. Why was there a whole link for the woman who got hit on the head with a chair, when the only thing she says is "I don't wanna die" or something like that for a whole paragraph? By the end, I was just skimming through, looking for links that interested me, and then looking for more links on the 'interesting' page until I reached the end. I just did not get the feeling that this was a writer who knew what he was doing. It looked like something I would write, but I am a freshman and he is getting paid to write this stuff.

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