"When, after, as and similar cruthces often prolong sentences needlessly:
- "The company will not issue a general recall in its home country after a preliminary ruling by Health Ministry officials that it poses no public danger, Levin said."
- "The company will not issue a general recall in its home country. A preliminary ruling by Health Ministry officials found no danger to the public, Levin said" (Cappon 40).
Just as Dr. Jerz said, "Conserve Words!" I think that the above sentences show us how to make a long sentence a shorter and more descriptive comment. Instead of simply writing a long drawn out sentence that no one wants to read, try and make it two or three smaller sentences so the reader does not get bored and especially you.
Just think about how you write on facebook to your friends. Do you write long sentences with a lot of description or do you simply write short phrases, sometimes txt speak, in order to get your point across. I bet you write short phrases without me even knowing. Try to practice your short phrase writing, like Facebook and Twitter, in your news articles because it will make the reader enjoy the reading instead of feeling like they are reading a novel.
Click here for the course web page devoted to Cappon, Ch. 4.