April 27, 2006
I had a bad day...
I'm sitting in my Thinking and Writing class this morning when my mom calls me unexpectedly. Luckily, my cell phone was on vibrate, so I simply turned it on silent and I texted her back. She returned with a text that said, "She's going to the institute in Texas to help her with her anorexia..." Trying to hold back the tears, I tried to remember the many signs that my best friend showed that she was in fact an anorexic. Not that this is literature in any way, shape, or form, I felt that it would allow me to free the things that are in mind.
Let me start by saying that I have known this girl (we will call her "beth" even though that's not her real name) since I was in pre-school. Our first halloween was when I dressed up as the mouse and she dressed up as the cheese. We became the best of friends. We did everything together...Same kick ball teams at recess, same favorite color, same favorite soccer player; Everything we did, we did it together. Then we hit high school. We still were best friends; however, Beth began to isolate herself from me and the other sudents. We were both on the cheerleading squad and Beth had always strived for perfection. I noticed Beth's weight loss in eleventh grade. She was a 5'4'' blonde who usually weighed 120. (Note that she was a soccer player, baskeball player, cheerleader, dancer, and track athelete.) She was made of muscle and was so beautiful. For lunch, she would eat either lettuce, carrots, or cucumbers. She never let anyone see how much she was eating because she would hide her food. After we graduated and attended our first year of college, Beth dropped to a size zero in pant size and even had trouble getting them to fit because they were too big. She died her blonde hair black and began painting her nails black...come to think of it, she wore nothing but black.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I've never really been put in a situation where the person whom I really care about can do such a thing to their body. Beth is being sent away to Texas on Monday, May 1, 2006. This is twenty days before her nineteenth birthday. She is down o 85 pounds and refuses to eat anything. It just breaks my heart because this girl could have been anything she wanted to be. I'm not saying her life is over, but this is definately going to be an on-going problem, regardless of the help she receives. Looking back now, I wish I would have said something to her about her problem. I would have told her that she is perfect no matter what she looks like and thin ISN'T in. I would have told her anything to help make her be herself again. I am at a loss of words. After crying all morning and criticizing myself for not telling her that she had an eating disorder, I feel completely drained...both emotionally and physically. I wish I would have said something to her because I now realize that she would not have been in the situation she is in today. I feel like I am losing my best friend...I pray for her and I hope that the man above can make her right again. It is such a shame that she has to put herself through this along with her family and friends. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense...I just needed to get these thoughts out of my system.
Posted by ElyseBranam at April 27, 2006 01:09 PM
You haven't lost her. She may not be in a situation where she knows how to return or even accept your friendship, but you haven't lost her.
Is there someone on campus you feel you can talk to? This is already a stressful time of year -- the last thing you want is to be burned up by a new problem.
Posted by: Dennis G. Jerz at April 27, 2006 02:25 PM
Don't worry Elyse. You are not the only person that deals with these types of situations. I have delt with many of them. One of my best friends from 6th grade starting being anorexic and belimic in the 11th and 12th grade school year. And I know that you feel like sometimes that it is your fault and there are things that you could of done but in reality there isn't. If you would of told her about it she would of denied it. And then the more you would bug her about it the more that she would have cut you off and the more that she would of hated you. When the group of us girls confronted our friend about the similar problem she wouldn't even talk to us for weeks. She ignored all of our phone calls and she ignored us in the halls at school. Even after numerous rumors and people talking about hearing her throw up in the bathroom at cheerleading practice she still continued to deny it.
It is something internal and emotional that needs fixed. After that the anorexia will go away. I say this because my mother is sturggling with anorexia and has been for many years.. i think since I was a baby. She has been in the hospital many of times and frequently goes away. She is the most beauiftul and attractive mom too; its so crazy. But there is nothing left that we can do. Her anorexia is mostly due to depression that she feels.
I am very sorry to hear about your friend. And I hope that everything will get better. Just remember that you are not alone.
Posted by: brittney Aller at April 27, 2006 05:15 PM