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November 17, 2006

IF expansion

Note: I have no idea how to write IF and this draft seems sexist, but I was trying to think like a guy. I know a lot of guys that hate the ballet, but love Chuck Norris, so this is geared more towards them. I chose the humor genre because most of the games I played were in this category and had “the whole relationship thing” in them. This sux, but I'm learning still.

Expansion: “Wal-World Wretches”

Talk to player:“You pull into “Wal World” parking lot at three in the morning after a fight on your cell with your girlfriend. You didn’t want to go to her Grandma’s birthday party and now you’re in the doghouse. What do you tell her?”

>A. “I’ll make it up to you, I’ll buy Grandma something real nice and we’ll go to the ballet next week.”
>B. “I’m sick of your drama. You didn’t come to my cat’s funeral, so I’m going camping and getting drunk!”

(If “A” is chosen) You enter the store and start walking around aimlessly.
>

(If “B” is chosen) On the way back to your car, you run into Bicycle Bill, a surly, bicycling, homeless man ironically wearing a tutu. He offers you a drink from his brown paper bag.
> Pick up paper bag.
If you took the drink, after awhile, you end up getting drunk and try to take Bob’s bicycle to deliver your girlfriend her “special gift” (which is a singing fish for Granny. Bob isn’t happy and beats you to a pulp with his kosher wine bottle. You end up in the hospital and dumped!

If you don’t take the drink, you stay sober and drive to camp. There, you get in one beer and get chased by a bear. The next day your girlfriend’s dad finds you cowering in a tree and is forced to carry you down. You are on the news and your girlfriend tapes it to humiliate you and then feels sorry enough to take you back.

(If you chose A) You are still walking. To the left is the pet care area; to the right are the feminine products.
>
You go left, you run into a stuttering guy with a hamster in his pocket. “Www-hat are are are yyyyou lookin’ for?”
 Say to player “What do you want to buy Grandma?”
A. The fish that sings “Achy Breaky” heart
B. Call your girl (if you still have one) and ask.
C. A photo album and put pics of you and your girl in it.
(The first two get you dumped, the third gets you out of the doghouse and going to see the ballet. You later realize Chuck Norris was making an appearance and all your friends rip on you for not going and make you borrow Bicycle Bill’s tutu to express your remorse.

Say to player:“You go right and see a cart.”
>
Say to player “If you take it, your preschool teacher comes over and hugs you and asks if you need help selecting makeup. “I always knew there was something special about you!”
With horror, you look in the cart and it’s full of makeup, glitter, and tampons.”
>
Say to player “Whatever you tell her, she isn’t happy with until you explain your plight. Once you do, she gives you flowers (that were hers) to give to your girl and you are out of the doghouse, until you go home and she reads the card. “To the Roscoe Family: In your time of need.” You get a smack and realize Bicycle Bob may have been your only friend during all of this.”
>
Say to player:“You, don’t take the cart. The voice on the loudspeaker announces a sale on flowers.”
>
Say to player:“If you buy the flowers, you are back to normal for a little, but still have to go the ballet, but luckily Chuck Norris happens to love the ballet and is a guest. You get to hang with him in the men’s room and maybe get to be a walk-on for his next movie.”

Say to player “If you don’t buy the flowers and stay there, the cart boy accuses you of cart-hording, your response?”
>
Say to player:”If you’re nasty, the Wal-world security takes you hostage, but luckily Bicycle Bob tells them he’s got Elvis in his brown bag to distract them and you complain to the manager. He then gives you a free coupon to compensate for your attack. Unfortunately, it’s only on clearance items, but Grandma does get that fish (the “Achy,Breaky heart” one, of course) and she surprisingly likes it. You get stuck listening to the song so much that you end up with a mullet and a belt-buckle, but hey, you still got to keep the girl!”

Say to player: “If you’re polite or don’t cuss him out, he directs you to the aisle where you find a photo album and some other cutesy stuff to make both generations of women less irate. You go home, get forgiven, and you compromise with a camping trip before the night of the ballet. You go hung-over, but it’s good you did, because you enjoyed the ballet a lot more!”

Alternate Rooms

Say to player: You are standing in the Pet Room. Here, there is an aquarium on your right, a cage of hamsters on your left, and a door leading to the Exercise Equipment…

(This one will also involve trying to find the right gift and perhaps the keys to your mom’s minivan. You are going on a mission in this room because Bicycle Bob loves the hamsters and you have the sneaking suspicion he might have dropped them in their bedding. EW! Do you reach in?

Another idea for a room would be the exercise room where you seek the help of Steroid Steve for you knew him in high school and he can perhaps intimidate Bob to get your keys back or at least bribe Bob with some Stacker threes to go along with his cheap wine.

Other room ideas: The Slurpee Haven. You go there and see your girlfriend’s friend Wendy working the slurpee machine. She dumps a slurpee on your head so you throw

Posted by ErinWaite at November 17, 2006 10:58 AM

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