Work in progress.

Buy 3 & $ave

Today I had to bust out the winter coat, the winter coat with the mysterious lighter in the pocket (don't worry, after about five minutes of wondering how long I had been smoking, I remembered that I picked it up in a garage). Anywho, this is a cheap-o purple plastic lighter with "Buy 3 & Save" printed on the side. I always wondered what three things I was supposed to buy in order to get it.

Well, folks, tonight I found out. Three packs (?) of cigarettes at the Sunoco. Hot dog. Mystery solved.

Giving away lighters is apparently big business these days. The other week a fellow English major buddy and I went to see some bands. Afterwards, a man with an automated clipboard (much like UPS) approached and inquired if we were smokers. He was giving away Zippos for answering a survey. Hot dog! I love Zippos! They are the best part of Bradford, Pa.!

So, even though I don't smoke, I took the survey. He asked what I smoked, and I answered "Marlboro Lights." Divine inspiration. Then he asked the tough question. "Hard or soft?" Well, I had no idea cigarettes could hard or soft. I was pretty sure they were one consistency -- rolled up stuff. Apparently I looked rather confused, so my buddy chimed in for me. Then I told the man, "the green pack," which happens to be Menthols, not Lights. I'm a horrible story-maker-upper. He gave me the lighter anyway, even though I am a fake. The sad part of this is that I had to tell the whole story to my mom, because rumor has it my mailbox is going to be flooded with special Marlboro announcements.

But, I have a nifty new lighter. If only I had something to light...