November 2007 Archives

You have to eat the Cheez-Its....

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You take the Cheez-Its hesitantly.  The man is staring you down, but the fire in his eyes has subsided. 

You eat a Cheez-it.

You die.

The End

Back to the beginning.

You decide to ride the unicorn....

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You have never been known to pass up a $5 dollar unicorn ride!  You approach the man.  He smells like sardines, but you don't care.

"Five dolla," he grunts.

You hand him a five dollar bill and hop onto the unicorn.  The unicorn takes off, flapping its wings.  You glide over the mountains, through the clouds, and over the ocean.  The unicorn's wings graze the top of the water.  This is awesome!

But you only paid for five minutes.  The ride is over.  The unicorn lands and sends magical sparkles into the air.  You slide from its back and begin to walk away.

The sardine-smelling man yells, "Wait!  Eat the Cheez-Its."

"No thanks," you say, "I don't want any." 

Who, in their right mind, would accept food from this man?

"Eat them," he commands.

"No," you say.

"Eat them!" he yells, his eyes turning red with fury.  Frightened, do you:

Eat the Cheez-Its?

Or eat the Cheez-Its?  Seriously, this man is giving you no choice here.

Back to the beginning.

You decide to continue walking....

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You think it's best to continue walking.  It's probably not even a real unicorn.

You walk until you reach your house.  You walk onto the porch and search under the door mat for the spare key.  You unlock the door and trudge inside.

Immediately, you kick off your shoes, plop yourself onto the couch, and flip on the television.  The news is covering the oatmeal raisin cookie incident.  The mayor called in fifty helicopters carrying buckets of milk to douse the cookie.  It became a soggy mess, and now the city's clean-up crew is at work clearing away the soggy cookie.

You've had enough excitement for one day.  You doze off.

The End

Back to the beginning.

You decide to run away with everyone else....

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You don't know what good it will do to go into some dark place that smells like eggs, so you decide to run in the direction everyone else is running.  They might know where they're going.

You join the crowd; you are jostled and shoved as you try to keep up.  Despite the injuries, you manage to put a good distance between yourself and the cookie.  The cookie is still back in the city stepping on buildings and spitting raisins at everyone like torpedoes.

Once you reach the outskirts, you see a man standing beside a unicorn holding a sign that says:

"Unicorn rides $5 dollars
5 mins Free Cheez-its"

Everyone else continues walking.  Do you:

Continue walking?  That business is too shady.  Besides, you have a box of Cheez-Its back home.
Ride the unicorn? For only $5, that's a good deal!

Back to the beginning.

You decide to keep walking....

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You decide to keep walking.  Who knows what that was!  It could have been infested with germs.  It could have been a dynamite.

You walk, and walk, and walk...until you cannot hear the cookie terrorizing the city anymore.

You only hear the drips of the sewer.  You only see the total darkness.  You only smell a sulfur smell.

And those are the last things you will ever hear, see, and smell.

The End

Back to the beginning.

You decide to examine the object....

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You grasp the object.  There is something that feels to be a switch.  You flick it and discover that you are holding a flashlight.  In your excitement, you forget about your surroundings for a moment.  Once you are done celebrating finding light, you see figures hanging from the walls and ceiling of the sewer.

You nearly drop the flashlight!  But after you catch it and re-compose yourself, you shine the light directly on these figures.  They seem to back away from the light. 

You notice they aren't people.  Not exactly.

"Hello," you manage to speak first.

"Hello," they reply cautiously.

You explain that you are trying to escape a giant cookie monster; they explain that they are mutants who have been dwelling in the sewer for centuries.  They show you their village deep in the heart of the sewer.  Your flashlight eventually burns out, but your eyes become accustomed to the dark.

So you live happily ever after with the mutant people of the sewer.  You meet the love of your life, who has the most lovely eye, and you both raise a beautiful, healthy family.  And to think this all began with a giant oatmeal raisin cookie!

The End

Back to the beginning.

You decide to hide in the sewer....

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You decide against being part of the running crowd and run into the nearest alley.  It's empty, luckily for you.  You lift the sewer's lid and slip down until your feet find the ladder.  You slide the metal lid back over until you are left in the darkness. 

Carefully, you lower yourself down the ladder until your feet hit something hard.  Cement, you assume.  If only you had a lantern.  Relying on your sense of touch, you place your hands on the walls and guide yourself down the sewer, hoping to come across a light or something.  Above, you can hear the cookie terrorizing the city.

Finally, you step on something seemingly cylindrical and almost slip into the murky slime of the sewer.  Do you:

Pick up and examine the object?  Hey, it could come in handy (whatever it is).
Or keep walking? You aren't going to risk picking up a strange object that you can't even see.

Back to the beginning

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