A collection of sweetness, conveniently packaged for all tastes.
This is my collection of Sugarpackets.
November 17, 2009
Journal: a record of reflection
Writing a journal for class has given me the opportunity to pull my thoughts together in one place. It's a peaceful and familiar place--it's my blog.
Early in the semester, I established this as a place where I would post my reflections on readings and my thoughts on teaching for this practicum course. It's been challenging to keep up with, but I was always glad to write a post so I could think more deeply about what I had read or experienced. Writing a blog gave me a few precious moments to stop rushing around and really think. I'm excited to have this record of my thoughts and feelings so I can return to it later as I grow and learn. That's got to be the best part about keeping a journal (or a blog, for that matter!).
What always seems to happen to me with my blog is that I find an old post one day and reread it, then I reread whatever text I referenced (or linked to), then I see if I still think the things I thought when I wrote the original post. It's a fun way for me to see how I'm changing, learning, and growing. This time, though, it's with my thoughts on teaching, so it's important for me to catalogue what changes and how (and when) so I'm constantly aware. I'd like to continue journaling about my thoughts on teaching, and it seems like my blog is the perfect place to do it!
Without further ado, I present to you my journal entries for ENGL 688. Click on the links to view each entry and its comments. Enjoy.
In memory of Sherwood: October 18, 1997 - November 12, 2009
Sherwood was my childhood dog. My family got him when I was 12, and he was 12 when he died just last Thursday, so I'd had him half of my life.
Needless to say, it's been difficult to deal with. I've also never lost a pet that I've had so long. I had hamsters and rabbits growing up, and they had died, but never a dog. This is a first to deal with for me.
To clarify my post from the other day, Sherwood died peacefully and in my arms. I had gone home to see him after my mother called, and I held him for an hour and a half. He was panting hard, coughing intermittently, and generally not looking good. Holding him in my arms, I cried and told him it was okay to die, that I could see he was suffering, that I loved him so much and always would.
The appointment at the vet's was for 5:10. Around 4:45 I carried Sherwood to my mom's Blazer. She drove, and I held Sherwood in my lap. We went to pick up my youngest brother from his afterschool job at Subway. He had to wait for his manager to show up before leaving, even though he was planning to come back afterwards. Mom and I waited in the car with Sherwood. I petted him, he panted, we waited.
Then, as I talked to mom about something of no consequence, Sherwood looked up at me. I looked down at him, curled up in my lap. He turned his head into my hand and died.
We didn't even make it to the vet. I think I prefer it this way though. His last moments were enveloped in love. He knew it was okay to go. My family has been saying that he needed me to come home to tell him it was okay because he was my dog, he loved me and looked for me, and needed me.
Even though I'm glad things happened the way they did, this hasn't made it any less difficult to deal with...
Yesterday my family met at my house to bury Sherwood. Dad had dug a hole in the yard. We said our goodbyes. I pet his soft ear one last time--perhaps the most difficult stroke because it was to a cold ear. We wrapped him and carried him to the hole. Dad laid him in the ground, and we talked about how much we would miss him. Mom and dad covered the hole, and then we went inside.
After mom had told me when we would bury him, I made a photo slideshow to remember our dog. I cried while making it, and cry every time I watch it. We watched it in my family's living room after burying Sherwood. We laughed and cried, remembering our little puppy. I'm uploading it to Youtube so my family members can watch it any time they want. I hope you'll enjoy it too. (Below is the text from the "about" portion of Youtube.)
This is a tribute to Sherwood, my family's dog, who passed away recently.
Sherwood was a pure-bred chocolate brown cocker spaniel. My mother brought him to our family in January 1998. He was a great lap dog who loved to have his ears rubbed. Sherwood enjoyed typical dog treats like meat and peanut butter, but he was what my mother called a "fruit dog," because he would beg for apple, cantaloupe, watermelon, and other fruits. His begging was silent, though. He would just stand and stare at you, hoping you would notice him and give him some goodies.
Sherwood loved to be clean and good smelling because then everyone would want to hold him and pet him. When he came home from the groomer's, he sat tall in the car. His posture was princelike and he knew he looked and smelled good.
He was a good guard dog, and would bark to alert us when someone was coming to the door. In his later years he would chime in to bark when the other dogs did, regardless of whether or not he knew what they were barking at.
His tail was remarkably fast, and would wag at the sound of his name. When we came home from school or work, or just being outside for a moment, he greeted us at the door with great vigor. His tail, untiring, wagged so hard his whole rear end would move. It was always a joy to be greeted by Sherwood.
Sherwood was spry and energetic until his last days. Even at 12 years-old he would canter through the house to stay on my mother's heels. He was known for getting "under foot," and sometimes was a tripping hazard, but we will miss his presence.
Sherwood, you will always be missed. We all love you. You're a good boy.
(Photo slideshow created in iPhoto 2008 on a Macbook. Music is from a high school band concert--2003 Pennsylvania Music Educators Association [PMEA] District 3 Band Festival--"In Heaven's Air.")
This is just a brief post to say that I'm not graduating in December. If you're in-the-know, you're aware that my plan was to write my thesis so I could finish my degree next month and be on my way to teaching. Due to unforeseen circumstances, this will not happen. I'll graduate in May 2010.
For now the goal is passing the two classes I'm taking, mourning the loss of my dog, and reconfiguring my life. It sounds so simple...
I've had my first class with my GPLC students (finally!). They're great guys. Both are talkative (sometimes more when prompted than just on their own) and are actively interested in our lessons. It's exciting.
My first class was half the length of a normal one--it was tough because I didn't know them, I didn't have textbooks for them yet, and we had to establish when and how frequently we would meet. Now we meet twice a week--Wednesdays 6-8 and Saturdays 1-3. I introduced the blog to them, had them sign up for accounts, and talked about the kinds of things we would do in class. I asked about their goals for learning English--they both want to practice speaking more.
Last night was my first full-length class. I used parts of a lesson in the book we're using. They read a dialogue and we discussed words and phrases they didn't know, then we discussed the meaning of the passage. Who are these people? Where are they? We gleaned vocabulary from the passage and moved to the grammar lesson. Gerunds and infinitives. On the same subject as the reading passage, the grammar practice helped me spring into a discussion about how gerunds and infinitives are used. In the exercise, they sometimes gave what the book classified as the "wrong" answer, so we discussed how what they said wasn't grammatically incorrect. They seemed to really catch on quickly.
We looked at the blog again, later in class. I encouraged them to write a post for the next class--the prompt was on a painting by Norman Rockwell (it's called "Freedom From Want" 1963). I asked them to write a story about the picture. That's homework for Saturday when we'll discuss American Thanksgiving. I have some of that lesson planned already, but I want to work culture and language lessons together.
The two hour chunks were imposing at first. I was wondering how I would fill the time. (GPLC requires 4 hours of instruction per week, so we decided to do two classes.) But now that I'm working with material in the book, creating some of my own materials, and working to keep up with their needs and interests, the two hours feels like it might not be enough!
My dog. He turned 12 in October. In a few minutes I'm leaving to meet my mom at home. We're taking him to the vet to be put down.
Mom says he hasn't eaten for the past two days. They've tempted him with meat, peanut butter, apples--all his favorites--and he spits them out or turns away.
My puppy. He's been mine since I was 12. Half my life, at this point. And today he will no longer suffer. Today Sherwood will rest in peace.
Goodbye, my baby dog. My Chewbacca. My stinky boy. Goodbye, my cuddler. My Santa puppy. My rundown puppy. I loved you for as long as you walked this earth, and I'll love you when you're gone.
I can't help but have selfish thoughts... Why NOW, when I'm trying to finish the biggest thing I've ever written, the most important paper of my life so far? Why NOW, when I'm already stressed to the limit and couldn't possibly handle another ounce of stress? WHY NOW, when I need to just know that everything else in the background will be there when I finish this semester? Everything else isn't background though. Everything else is life. It's been living while I've been busy as a blur, and it's dying now. My dog is dying and I've stopped living. Now I pay the price.
Almost done with my thesis. I am currently incorporating comments from my committee readers. After that's done, there's only a little left to do!
I managed to work some wiggle room into my work schedule this week. I'm taking three half days (including today--I left at noon) so I can have longer stints to work on the paper. I have a laundry list of things to finish up... and then it'll be over!
Among my final things to do:
Read through out loud from beginning to end (Gotta practice what I preach with the writing center skills! Note: this may be the longest thing I ever read out loud in one sitting.)
Check transitions between paragraphs and sections
Check APA style (all in-text citations and references)
Redo table of contents
Check formatting
PRINT 5 copies (I bought lovely 20 lb., 25% cotton paper to print it on)
Monday the 16th: Get committee signatures and turn it in!
After getting sick late last week, I realized how lucky I was to not get sick earlier in this process. At least I had Friday off so I could sleep 15 hours and recuperate. If I hadn't had that opportunity, I might still be in recovery today.
I have other schoolwork creeping up on me, and I need to give it the attention it deserves, but it is so hard with this looming about. Priorities are laughable right now because everything is equally important.
I would like to confirm that I was crazy to sign myself up for all of this. I was crazy then and I am crazier now.
