I couldn't last forever, could I? No, I'm not invincible, it seems.

I woke up feeling achy. Then my head hurt. I went to work anyway. I couldn't get warm. I cuddled into my sweater coat in my task chair with my space heater on full blast and coughed. A colleague commented that my cubicle felt like her car one time when she used her automatic starter and forgot her car was on--for like three hours.

The sign it's bad is when I can feel how warm my eyes are. Let that sink in for a minute. My past experience with fevers is that my eyes get so warm that there's a temperature difference between the eyeball and my eyelid. When I blink, the eyelid gets warmed and there's cooling sensation on my eye. When that happens, it's time to get the NyQuil.

In less than two weeks my thesis is due. I just figured out an alternative work schedule with my boss so I can work mostly half days next week... so I can come home and work on my thesis. This does me no good if I'm at half-strength!

I feel like I'm in a video game, looking for the 1UP, trying to avoid the bad guys. It's like I'm Mario in the original game and I just lost firepower when I'm about to face King Koopa. I'm a tiny little Mario with no extra lives (and no vacation time to speak of). I have to face the ultimate challenge despite it all.

I'm getting feedback on my thesis from my committee readers. It's exciting but terrifying. I'm worried about having enough time. I'm worried about not living up to my expectations (and expectations others have of me). I meet with my students on Saturday for the first time. (Long story why it took so long. Not my fault.) I'm still working every day next week because I have a huge (and hugely important) project due on the 19th...

I have a multi-ended candle (perhaps a dodecahedron) and I'm burning it at all ends...

So here I lay--laptop on top of every blanket I own, on top of me, tucked into bed. I'm still not warm, but maybe the NyQuil will kick in soon and I'll have a spectacular solid night's sleep. (I've been getting 6-7 every night! Sleep is the one thing I don't cut... even though I forgot to eat dinner last night.) I need to feel better soon. I MUST feel better soon...

Posted by Karissa at 7:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Updates noted with an asterisk (*). Trying to stay positive. Trying to stay afloat with classes amid thesis madness.

Spent Daylight Saving Time sleeping, as expected. I think I averted a cold and/or the flu by getting decent sleep this past weekend, though.

I'm beginning to doubt myself and doubt that I have anything worthwhile to say. I'm trying to keep those thoughts at bay because I know they're not helping me, but it's difficult when I get feedback and it seems so thoughtful... It's meant to be helpful but I think it's actually making me question everything I've done for the last seven months. Scary stuff.

All that remains is incorporating comments, printing, and turning it in. In the throes of doubt, though, I'm wondering if what I wrote is even what I set out to write. I'm wondering if what I wrote will be good enough. I've never striven for "good enough" before, and now doesn't seem to be the time to start, but I think "the best" is far out of reach when I've extended myself beyond what I thought possible...

Encouragement welcomed. Prayers encouraged.

---Earlier listings removed for brevity. To see entire list, go here.---
• Write results. (I wish it was easier to break this down into something more manageable... It's not.) Goal: 10/18/09 * Completed 10/27/09--still might fiddle with things...
• Send draft to committee for read through. Goal: 10/19/09 (or sooner) *Completed 10/19/09--right on time! *Sent to chair on 10/26/09 as promised.
• Polish introduction and conclusion. Goal: 10/22/09 *New goal: 10/31/09 *Completed 10/31/09
• Check transitions between sections and paragraphs. Goal: 10/24/09 *New goal: 10/31/09 *Completed 10/31/09
• Check APA citations for correctness and completeness. Goal: 10/26/09 *Completed 10/27/09--some things are just easier because they're mindless... or I'm braindead... or both.
• Check formatting with IUP Thesis/Dissertation Guide. Goal: 10/29/09 *Completed 10/27/09--finally got Microsoft Word to cooperate with section breaks and dot leaders!
• Submit to School of Graduate Studies for formatting check. DUE: 11/2/09 *Completed 11/1/09! YES!
• Incorporate feedback and comments from committee readers. Goal: 10/28/09 *New goal: 11/14/09--since the readers just got the thing and most have responded that they need more time, I'll wait till after I send my draft in for formatting to incorporate comments. I'm hoping to have this done just before turning in the final copy... or sooner, if possible.
• Submit printing and binding form. DUE: 11/16/09 *THIS IS THE DROP-DEAD DUE DATE. Must be in-hand at the Office (and printed on fancy paper). Taking vacation time to get signatures and turn in paper copies. (Cheaper than mailing it in? Contextualize "cheap," please.)
• Have committee chair update grade on thesis credits. Goal: 11/30/09 *Still hazy on how this works. I hate not knowing things.
• GRADUATE! 12/20/09
• Throw a party. Goal: 12/31/09

Posted by Karissa at 7:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm posting this article for myself and anyone else out there who needs help writing a teaching philosophy. I read this once, but I need to read it again--especially because the teaching philosophy is integral to getting a job... or at least an interview.

It's hard for me to relate to books and articles on teaching sometimes because most of them assume you're already teaching and looking for guidance. Well, how about those of us with no experience?

It's frustrating to tackle a task like writing a teaching philosophy when one has not yet taught. This article delves into the depths of what makes a good teaching philosophy, what to do if you haven't taught yet (and suggestions on what to do if you have), and breaks down why people find certain teaching philosophies better than others. This is helpful stuff!

I have to write one of these for my practicum course, so this will definitely be revisited. For now, though, it's posted in the memory of my blog...

Posted by Karissa at 6:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Updates noted with an asterisk (*). I'm almost there. What's difficult now is that friends are calling to make plans for Thanksgiving and I just can't get my brain to think past November 16^th (for obvious reasons). Now that I'm suffering TMJ, which is augmenting my stress because I have no time to go to the doctor's but have to make time to go, I understand the concept of MAKING time--literally. I wish I could manufacture time and insert hours where I needed them.

At the very least Daylight Saving Time ends this Sunday and I'll be given an extra hour... which I will most likely use for much needed sleep (like most other people I know).

---Earlier listings removed for brevity. To see entire list, go here.---
• Write results. (I wish it was easier to break this down into something more manageable... It's not.) Goal: 10/18/09 * Completed 10/27/09--still might fiddle with things...
• Send draft to committee for read through. Goal: 10/19/09 (or sooner) *Completed 10/19/09--right on time! *Sent to chair on 10/26/09 as promised.
• Polish introduction and conclusion. Goal: 10/22/09 *New goal: 10/31/09
• Check transitions between sections and paragraphs. Goal: 10/24/09 *New goal: 10/31/09
• Check APA citations for correctness and completeness. Goal: 10/26/09 *Completed 10/27/09--some things are just easier because they're mindless... or I'm braindead... or both.
• Check formatting with IUP Thesis/Dissertation Guide. Goal: 10/29/09 *Completed 10/27/09--finally got Microsoft Word to cooperate with section breaks!
• Submit to School of Graduate Studies for formatting check. DUE: 11/2/09
• Incorporate feedback and comments from committee readers. Goal: 10/28/09 *New goal: 11/14/09--since the readers just got the thing and most have responded that they need more time, I'll wait till after I send my draft in for formatting to incorporate comments. I'm hoping to have this done just before turning in the final copy... or sooner, if possible.
• Submit printing and binding form. DUE: 11/16/09 *THIS IS THE DROP-DEAD DUE DATE. Must be in-hand at the Office (and printed on fancy paper). Taking vacation time to get signatures and turn in paper copies. (Cheaper than mailing it in? Contextualize "cheap," please.)
• Have committee chair update grade on thesis credits. Goal: 11/30/09 *Still hazy on how this works. I hate not knowing things.
• GRADUATE! 12/20/09
• Throw a party. Goal: 12/31/09

Posted by Karissa at 7:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)