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February 10, 2005
Distraught: am I trying my best?
I feel awful because I've not been "on top" of my work as much as normal.
What is "normal" per my standards? Well, I'm in the process of redefining all that, anyway, since I've had some issues with overwhelming time constraints, demands, and lofty superfluous goals for myself.
I didn't get my blog for American Lit. up for Tuesday like we were supposed to... I admit it. Man, if there's one thing that I'm usually right-on with it's blogging...!
Am I ill? Nah; I guess I'm just trying to get used to this semi-relaxed (or at least not as freakishly stressed-out) lifestyle that I'm framing. Perfection that I've bowed to over my schooling career has got to be for the birds...
I'm really not good at "chilling out" but I'm trying! My dear friends are helping me, but there's still part of me that's so addicted to the previous way of life (um, I had a life then??) that I am so distraught.
For crying out loud, I'm not even used to getting Bs... This is a major thing for me, trying to be okay with non-perfection. I mean, I'm still trying.
But am I trying my best? I have NO IDEA because what I used to assimilate as my "best" was putting every sliver of energy that I had into my studies. That's why I never had a B before. That's why I'm having such a hard time with this.
*sigh*
If anyone--anyone at all!--has any advice on how to "live" a little, how I could maybe "chill out" a tad, and maybe how I could not feel so guilty all of the time I would really appreciate hearing what you have to say. I'm throwing my hands in the air on this one...
Posted by KarissaKilgore at February 10, 2005 9:47 PM
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hi! I just came across this entry (it's portfolio time, you know! man i'm backed up on my usual reading...)
anyway, as for advice on how to chill out a little:
i TOTALLY understand your problem... i feel like i'm all work and no play and i'm still not performing up to snuff. i think the trick is to make sure to give yourself time off to relax. as business as i am, i try to ensure that i have a significant block of time free each week (usually friday nights) in order to not think about school work or stress about all the stuff i have to do, but to just relax.
as for feeling guilty all the time, i understand that as well. i think by scheduling free time in the name of your mental health could really help... if you know that you have one night completely free no guilt included, you will be more inspired to work on the other days and better able to chill on your day off.
plus you have to remind yourself that getting a B is NOT the end of the world! sure, we all want all A's but how many of us actually get 'em?? the important thing isn't so much the grade (which, really, is just a letter) but what you get out of a class. that's what i'm constantly telling myself anyway...
good luck! i hope you aren't too stressed right now! remember: breathe! and, hey, i hear knitting during classes can prove to be quite relaxing. ;c)
Posted by: Moira at February 26, 2005 9:59 PM