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November 5, 2009
Uninvincible
I couldn't last forever, could I? No, I'm not invincible, it seems.
I woke up feeling achy. Then my head hurt. I went to work anyway. I couldn't get warm. I cuddled into my sweater coat in my task chair with my space heater on full blast and coughed. A colleague commented that my cubicle felt like her car one time when she used her automatic starter and forgot her car was on--for like three hours.
The sign it's bad is when I can feel how warm my eyes are. Let that sink in for a minute. My past experience with fevers is that my eyes get so warm that there's a temperature difference between the eyeball and my eyelid. When I blink, the eyelid gets warmed and there's cooling sensation on my eye. When that happens, it's time to get the NyQuil.
In less than two weeks my thesis is due. I just figured out an alternative work schedule with my boss so I can work mostly half days next week... so I can come home and work on my thesis. This does me no good if I'm at half-strength!
I feel like I'm in a video game, looking for the 1UP, trying to avoid the bad guys. It's like I'm Mario in the original game and I just lost firepower when I'm about to face King Koopa. I'm a tiny little Mario with no extra lives (and no vacation time to speak of). I have to face the ultimate challenge despite it all.
I'm getting feedback on my thesis from my committee readers. It's exciting but terrifying. I'm worried about having enough time. I'm worried about not living up to my expectations (and expectations others have of me). I meet with my students on Saturday for the first time. (Long story why it took so long. Not my fault.) I'm still working every day next week because I have a huge (and hugely important) project due on the 19th...
I have a multi-ended candle (perhaps a dodecahedron) and I'm burning it at all ends...
So here I lay--laptop on top of every blanket I own, on top of me, tucked into bed. I'm still not warm, but maybe the NyQuil will kick in soon and I'll have a spectacular solid night's sleep. (I've been getting 6-7 every night! Sleep is the one thing I don't cut... even though I forgot to eat dinner last night.) I need to feel better soon. I MUST feel better soon...
Posted by KarissaKilgore at November 5, 2009 7:08 PM