Before I continue, I'd like to remind you that my dog is a rat/fox terrier mix and weighs in at 19 lbs. (Not a big dog, but big enough to have a real bark not a yip.)

Since tearing up the linoleum and door frame on our first day in my first apartment back in 2007, Trixie tore holes in the carpet of that same apartment, popped the door off of a plastic dog crate, broke the welding on a larger metal dog crate, and nearly learned to open a complicated lock mechanism on yet another plastic dog crate.

Score: Trixie 3, dog crates 0.

Last week I came home from work and Trixie was barking, as usual, but she sounded closer than normal. She was in the kitchen. I lock her up in my bedroom...

I came in to find a frantic dog who had clearly enjoyed an afternoon of lounging on my bed and the sofa cushions, which were strewn all over the living room. Fortunately that was all she did--no other damage (not like in the past).

Except to her new dog crate. I bought it at the end of January and here is was, the first week of March, and she broke the welds that held the spring-loaded locking mechanism to the metal door.

Score: Trixie 4, dog crates 0.

I had my boyfriend weld the lock back to the door so I could go to work the next day. Then there was Saturday afternoon. Again, upon unlocking my door, I found a frantic Trixie and the trademarks of her escape escapades--sofa cushions strewn, bed covers rumpled, dog crate defeated. She had managed to separate the top and bottom halves of the crate enough to push the door open. Unbelievable. And you should see the marks from her clawing and biting...

Score: Trixie 5, dog crates 0.

Then Sunday she did the same thing. Funny thing is that Sunday I was out buying plastic zip ties to hold the two halves of the cage together so she couldn't do it again. That evening I put the zip ties all the way around the crate, doubling them on the side where she keeps escaping. Getting ready for bed that night I found chewed up zip ties on my bedroom floor...

My next idea involves ratchet straps and if that doesn't work, perhaps a custom-built doggie jail (designed just for Trixie).

Trixie never had a middle name. My family's other dogs have, so Trix has one now: Trixie Jailbreaker Kilgore. It's appropriate, I think. She's the most determined little dog I ever met. My life has turned into Shawshank Redemption (minus the part with the sewer pipe) and I'm the warden.

I was scheduled to present at 4Cs in Louisville, KY (March 17-20). I paid for the hotel in January. I scheduled vacation days at work. I told everyone I knew because I was so excited.

But my doctor advised against travel and stress. I had to cancel the hotel reservations. The first time I have a paper of my very own research accepted at a conference and I can't go. (I had funding from my university too.)

It is so hard to do the right thing...

I've had a rough past few weeks. Scheduling doctor's appointments. Sitting in waiting rooms. Imaging tests. Bloodwork. More tests. More bloodwork. Tests. Tumor. Surgery.

I'm scheduled for surgery on March 26th. The most stressful part is preparing for it and preparing for the weeks following it. And canceling conference presentations I've looked forward to for the better part of a year...

My thesis is complete. (!) I just emailed it to my advisor for review. It was due tomorrow.

For anyone out there reading this: I do not (I repeat: I do NOT) recommend volunteering to write a thesis while working full-time (which is what I did... I could've just taken six more credits like everyone else).

Please take my experience as a warning. It's not even the fact that you have no life while doing this that is so bad... it's the fact that you fall so far behind on the life you had before you started writing your thesis that catching up seems nearly impossible.

Now I wait to see when I'll defend. In the meantime, I have some catching up to do.

Trixie's entry is posted here on my blog in the right-hand column. I took the picture in the snow back in December 2009. Trix loves the snow!

Vote for her and help raise money for animals who need help in our area!

Unfortunately, I didn't have any electricity at my house when I woke up! After digging out my car and his car, my boyfriend, Trixie, and I headed for a highway to see what was open. All three of us went to his sister's place for awhile. At 4 p.m., we checked my house again and I still didn't have power. Since it's supposed to go down to single-digits tonight, Trixie and I are both staying over at his parents' house tonight.

These are the things that are keeping me grounded these days. I laugh and remember not to take myself too seriously. After all, I'll be picking green foil confetti up in my yard. My dog is a continual source of joy. Thank goodness there were no chocolates left in the wrappers.

I'll defend before spring break too--most likely during the week of March 1-5. That's why I have to have my final draft in so soon. They'll need time to read it and prepare for the defense. I plan to use those three weeks to prepare my presentation for 4Cs (March 17-20) since, at that point, I cannot do any more work on my thesis.

February crept up on me, and it hardly seems like November was that long ago--that mystical time when I thought I could still graduate in December. :-/ Everything happens for a reason, right?

On top of the thesis and my 4Cs presentation, I'm also preparing my professional portfolio. A requirement for graduation, the portfolio will also get me ready for job interviews. I'm already preparing my CV. The portfolio (thankfully) is due last, on April 21.

All the due dates are set. Now it's all I can do to stay focused. This might be considered an "eyes on the prize" mentality because I'm really just anxious to finish at this point. And the prize? My sanity, the character I've built in this experience, and my degree (of course!).

One of his goals, as he indicated on his GPLC intake form, was to read novels. When I asked him about what kind of novels he'd like to read, he said any would be okay as long as he learns English. I assured him that practicing reading in English would definitely help him learn more English. (Don't we all learn more English when we read in English? :-)

He didn't know what book to start with. He suggested finding a book-on-CD to accompany the reading, and I loved this suggestion. Sadly, we weren't coming up with any matches at the Monroeville Library on such short notice. I am already planning our next book and I hope to have an audiobook to help him hear the words pronounced as he reads.

Instead of spending all our class time searching for audiobooks, I suggested an old favorite--Of Mice and Men. My student never read it, but was pleased with its small size. At our last meeting, I asked some comprehension questions so I could gauge how he's doing. And at that point I met the hurdles of great American literature in the advanced ESL classroom. For example, the twang that Steinbeck writes into the dialogue is a hurdle I had forgotten about. My student figured out most of the missing letters with ease. Ones like th' and goin' came quickly, but others like 'em and why'n't took some discussion.

And then there's ain't. I never had to explain this before, but we had fun discussing contractions and slang. We went through the chapter and read the occurrences of ain't so we could determine together what words were meant with the contraction (or would have been there in a more refined version of English). Here's the difficulty language teachers face--do we teach only what's correct according to an imposed standard, or do we teach all that exists and let the students choose what to use or not use? I choose to teach all Englishes, regardless of their so-called propriety.

After we got through the strangeness of the dialect in the dialogues, we went over unknown words. Some, again, I was less than prepared to discuss. Like damn and bastard. Again--the dilemma of teaching what is proper or all that is. We discussed the words and their uses in the book, as well as ways these words are used today. I think it's important for ESL students to have an awareness of the "bad" words so that if they encounter them they're aware of the implications--either towards them or others.

Tomorrow we'll discuss the second chapter in the book. When I gave my student the vocabulary list for this chapter, I pointed out the slang and profane/vulgar words on the list (for example, purty and n*gger). I'm sensing we'll have a mini American history lesson at some point during class just due to the nature of the material.

I might have to slow down the pace we're taking for the book to review everything that's happened so far. I don't want him to feel overwhelmed, but I don't want to lose the story either... The chapters in this book are around 15-20 pages in a tiny paperback, so it's not a ton of reading to someone like me, but I can't imagine trying to do it in another language... So perhaps we'll step back and discuss more of the story before progressing.

It's lots of fun to teach something I love so much. I already loved teaching just the English language, but now that I get to incorporate some literature I'm really feeling good about it. I know there are a lot of things to be learned from literature (more than just the story or its elements). Hopefully the snow will slow down tomorrow evening so we can meet without fear of bad driving conditions!

Just this weekend I was able to spend some time just loafing around at my house, which is still very new to me (the house, not loafing). I haven't quite settled in yet. Without any new emails, without any homework to do, with my house clean and tidy, having had to cancel my ESL class because the Library was closed (and, therefore, most likely, Monroeville a mess), I felt like I had nothing to do. I sat and wondered what I could do with my time.

And so, here I shall post my list of Things I've Been Meaning to Do.

1. Exercise. A job sitting at a desk all day does not do a body good. I'm by no means unhappy with my body (I've got a lot to be thankful for when it comes to my health), but my muscles crave use... I got a mountain bike for my birthday that I haven't had a chance to use. I have yoga dvds that make great dust collectors, at the moment. I am encouraged by my recent changes in eating habits--little/no caffeine, more fruits and vegetables, more whole grains, lots more water--that I can make positive life changes on my own. While winter may limit some of my choices when it comes to activity, I think I just needed to have twenty minutes to myself for anything to feel like I have time to exercise.


2. Read for pleasure. I've tried reading for fun before bed, but I usually wake up in the middle of the night with a book next to my head and my light still on. And then I don't remember anything I read. I truly miss being able to read literature. In the past two years, most of my reading has been dominated by books and articles in TESOL and while I enjoy it, I don't consider it pleasure reading. I want a novel. I want a plot and characters. I want to feel whisked away from my world in the pages. Know any good books? :-)


3. Hang things. Yes, my walls are still bare. I have curtains hung, which I bought prior to move-in out of necessity (a lady can't have bare windows!). I have 13 windows and each of them has a modest covering. Style will come... I'm still phasing out furniture from my dorm days. I've come a long way, but there are things I'd like to hang--shelves, pictures, other fun things--that I just haven't had the time to hang.


4. Knit. I miss knitting so much! The last thing I knitted was a penguin last Christmas. I really should finish the scarf I started making for my brother Jacob *gasp* two Christmases ago... Ugh, that makes me a terrible sister, doesn't it? (Well, maybe not. I did buy him a car this year.) Regardless--I need to knit! I have so many neat projects brewing in my head that I just need time to get going. Goodness knows that when I get started I usually don't stop till it's done!


5. Do something artistic. Write, paint, draw. Something. I get story ideas and write them down, but haven't gotten back to any of them. Artistic urges overcome me some days, and I have to ignore them and answer the phone instead. Knitting qualifies as artistic, but I think I might need something additional. I would simply like to feel creative juices pouring over my gray matter once more...


6. Glean contact info from Facebook. I quit Facebook back in May and never looked back. I've wanted to log back in for like three hours just to copy contact information for people I want to keep in touch with. I realize that Facebook is "the" ultimate tool for keeping in touch these days, but I want no part of it anymore. I have friends for whom I have no email address or phone number simply because we reconnected through Facebook--so I need to snag those things for the people I want to know.

My final project is an exploration of the use of a class blog in the ESL class I taught through the Greater Pittsburgh Literacy Council. I examine successes and failures and then make suggestions about how I can improve in the future.

Enjoy!

I submitted my thesis--yes, the thesis!--to the RNF in September. I was unsure about submitting since, upon sending in my proposal, I hadn't yet synthesized my research. But now that I know I'm not graduating until spring, and I am taking more time with my thesis, I'm very excited about taking my work to share at 4Cs. My first foray into self-directed research, and I'll be sharing it with people who are just as excited about these topics! :-D

I heard about the RNF and the call for proposals on Kairos, the online journal. Thanks to Dr. Jerz (it's still hard to address you as Dennis!) for pointing me to Kairos years ago--I've been actively following the RSS feed, and that's what lead me to send in my proposal.

I kept up with this just fine until Daylight Saving Time kicked in at the beginning of November. Since then I've struggled with barely seeing the sun. When I'm pulling into the parking lot at roughly 6:55, the sun hasn't even dashed the horizon with its glitter and glow. And when I'm heading home at night it's already dipped beyond the skyline, leaving in its stead brilliant hues that fade into twilight.

It occurred to me over the four day weekend I just enjoyed--thank you, Thanksgiving--that I am not seeing the sun on regular workdays. This is not a problem I've ever had to deal with before. Ever. Even when I lived in the same building that I had class in when I lived at SHU. Even when I was on crutches and didn't want to attempt crossing the snow and ice.

So what are my options?

I'm living here now, (and in a year lease) so moving closer again is not an option. Not that I'd want to live anywhere near the suburb I was living in. (it was NOT my style of life after having grown up near the middle of nowhere.)

I could switch back to an 8 hour schedule and give up those Fridays off. (I'm not convinced it actually helps me anyway since I usually have too much to do for just one extra day to help... And having too much to do on regular days when I get home too late to do anything doesn't make Fridays off that useful!) This could work.

So my work schedule would be 7:30 to 4 again (as opposed to my current 7-4:30). Would I get to see the sun? Would I feel any more energetic? Any less listless?

I did a search on the topic and came across an interesting article that has some recommendations, including a quiz to see what your circadian rhythm might be. My answer doesn't help that much--I'm "intermediate," which means I'm neither a morning person nor an evening person. I can work well at any time of the day, I guess, as long as I'm well-fed and have enough sleep in me.

I might try the "daylight clock" idea. Someone I know has one of these things and asked me if I wanted to borrow it awhile back, so I may take him up on it. Maybe it'll help me wake up better. I don't know.

I don't think I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD), but I guess I just wish I saw the sun more (and my gray cubicle walls less). I'm just noticing that I'm more tired than I've ever felt during winter months. Sheesh, and we still have 20 days till winter solstice...

Suggestions welcome. I'm not sure what else to do. How do people live like this? It really can't be healthy, can it?

Early in the semester, I established this as a place where I would post my reflections on readings and my thoughts on teaching for this practicum course. It's been challenging to keep up with, but I was always glad to write a post so I could think more deeply about what I had read or experienced. Writing a blog gave me a few precious moments to stop rushing around and really think. I'm excited to have this record of my thoughts and feelings so I can return to it later as I grow and learn. That's got to be the best part about keeping a journal (or a blog, for that matter!).

What always seems to happen to me with my blog is that I find an old post one day and reread it, then I reread whatever text I referenced (or linked to), then I see if I still think the things I thought when I wrote the original post. It's a fun way for me to see how I'm changing, learning, and growing. This time, though, it's with my thoughts on teaching, so it's important for me to catalogue what changes and how (and when) so I'm constantly aware. I'd like to continue journaling about my thoughts on teaching, and it seems like my blog is the perfect place to do it!

Without further ado, I present to you my journal entries for ENGL 688. Click on the links to view each entry and its comments. Enjoy.

9/3: Return to academic blogging

9/6: In search of professional me

9/15: ESL tutor training workshop

9/22: The mysteries of classroom improvisation

9/30: Classroom management: the merits of explaining rules and knowing what you're doing

10/6: Feedback welcome: my first course design

10/9: I have students!

10/13: Teaching beyond how we're taught

10/28: Writing a philosophy of teaching

11/4: Teacher as bricoleur

11/12: First full class

Needless to say, it's been difficult to deal with. I've also never lost a pet that I've had so long. I had hamsters and rabbits growing up, and they had died, but never a dog. This is a first to deal with for me.

To clarify my post from the other day, Sherwood died peacefully and in my arms. I had gone home to see him after my mother called, and I held him for an hour and a half. He was panting hard, coughing intermittently, and generally not looking good. Holding him in my arms, I cried and told him it was okay to die, that I could see he was suffering, that I loved him so much and always would.

The appointment at the vet's was for 5:10. Around 4:45 I carried Sherwood to my mom's Blazer. She drove, and I held Sherwood in my lap. We went to pick up my youngest brother from his afterschool job at Subway. He had to wait for his manager to show up before leaving, even though he was planning to come back afterwards. Mom and I waited in the car with Sherwood. I petted him, he panted, we waited.

Then, as I talked to mom about something of no consequence, Sherwood looked up at me. I looked down at him, curled up in my lap. He turned his head into my hand and died.

We didn't even make it to the vet. I think I prefer it this way though. His last moments were enveloped in love. He knew it was okay to go. My family has been saying that he needed me to come home to tell him it was okay because he was my dog, he loved me and looked for me, and needed me.

Even though I'm glad things happened the way they did, this hasn't made it any less difficult to deal with...

Yesterday my family met at my house to bury Sherwood. Dad had dug a hole in the yard. We said our goodbyes. I pet his soft ear one last time--perhaps the most difficult stroke because it was to a cold ear. We wrapped him and carried him to the hole. Dad laid him in the ground, and we talked about how much we would miss him. Mom and dad covered the hole, and then we went inside.

After mom had told me when we would bury him, I made a photo slideshow to remember our dog. I cried while making it, and cry every time I watch it. We watched it in my family's living room after burying Sherwood. We laughed and cried, remembering our little puppy. I'm uploading it to Youtube so my family members can watch it any time they want. I hope you'll enjoy it too. (Below is the text from the "about" portion of Youtube.)

This is a tribute to Sherwood, my family's dog, who passed away recently.

Sherwood was a pure-bred chocolate brown cocker spaniel. My mother brought him to our family in January 1998. He was a great lap dog who loved to have his ears rubbed. Sherwood enjoyed typical dog treats like meat and peanut butter, but he was what my mother called a "fruit dog," because he would beg for apple, cantaloupe, watermelon, and other fruits. His begging was silent, though. He would just stand and stare at you, hoping you would notice him and give him some goodies.

Sherwood loved to be clean and good smelling because then everyone would want to hold him and pet him. When he came home from the groomer's, he sat tall in the car. His posture was princelike and he knew he looked and smelled good.

He was a good guard dog, and would bark to alert us when someone was coming to the door. In his later years he would chime in to bark when the other dogs did, regardless of whether or not he knew what they were barking at.

His tail was remarkably fast, and would wag at the sound of his name. When we came home from school or work, or just being outside for a moment, he greeted us at the door with great vigor. His tail, untiring, wagged so hard his whole rear end would move. It was always a joy to be greeted by Sherwood.

Sherwood was spry and energetic until his last days. Even at 12 years-old he would canter through the house to stay on my mother's heels. He was known for getting "under foot," and sometimes was a tripping hazard, but we will miss his presence.

Sherwood, you will always be missed. We all love you. You're a good boy.

(Photo slideshow created in iPhoto 2008 on a Macbook. Music is from a high school band concert--2003 Pennsylvania Music Educators Association [PMEA] District 3 Band Festival--"In Heaven's Air.")

For now the goal is passing the two classes I'm taking, mourning the loss of my dog, and reconfiguring my life. It sounds so simple...