Q4: Beta Reports
When we started doing this final project, I had a clear map of what my website is going to look like. Now I had already achieved my purpose. However, I believe that I can keep working on this website on certain aerial.
- Shorten my story.
- Add more emotional expression.
- Put in the information about further scamming.
Ron Mannon, my roommate, claimed my website is lack of multimedia. He wanted to see a cool flash banner with explosion and Nigeria holocaust. Then he indicated my website has so many words, that most reader would not like to read though the whole story. Rather than literary narrating story, he suggested me to add more personal emotion. More slangs and abuses would be work. In addition, he showed lack of interest to my suggestions about how we can avoid scamming on internet. In fact, he demonstrated if I create a piece of rap music as the background melody to curse the scammers and teach the readers simultaneously, the affection would be much stronger.
Obviously, I cannot take all of his suggestion above. Nevertheless, his suggestion about adding more personal emotional demonstration would make the story more interesting. On the other hand, moderately shortening my article seems to be another wise suggestion for me.
In Dr. Jerz's email, Scammers targeting people who've been scammed, he wrote, "Just FYI... http://www.boingboing.net/2008/11/30/scammer-targets-peop.html." The web link is a news article pointed the face that some scammers or scamming organization are targeting the people who have been scammed. They send a letter and tell people that the victim has been selected as a "lucky victim". The victims will get a huge amount of money from Nigeria. Physiologically, the victims have some common characters, like they would easily trust stranger. Therefore it is very possible for them to get into a further scamming. Reminded by Dr. Jerz, I decide to insert this information to my story. Hopefully, it can be read by more victims.
Since I have already done well in the beta version, I really do not have much things can do for my final release. I actually have a little regret about that I have done too well before I release the beta. I considered putting in some fancy special effects on my web page, like my roommate said, but eventually I think they are not necessary and efficient. When all is said and done, this website is a website that testing our writing skill, but not designing skill.
In a nutshell, I had a significant improvement during this experience. In addition, I gained a lot of priceless proposal from my classmates Jessie Dylan, Alex Hull, and Andy Lonigro. My professor Dr. Jerz and my roommate Ron Mannon are also helpful. In turn, I also made suggestions for Chelsea Oliver, Daniella Choynowski, Jed Fetterman, Andy Lonigro, Aja Hannah, and Aja Hannah. Here I propose: "Thank you for all your help, and congratulations for everyone that you have done brilliantly in your projects."
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Jessie Krehlik on Q4: Beta Reports: Hi Aero, I just wanted to give
Hi Aero, I just wanted to give you a few suggestions for your writing.
On the homepage of your site, I would suggest changing the word "memory" with "experience." This would be a more effective word.
Instead of putting "an unknown man or woman," simply put "an unknown person." By putting man or woman, you are just taking up space, and like Krug and Killian said, the less readers have to think, the better.
In chapter one, I'm not sure you really need to give such a huge description about what all you were selling. People who are not familiar with cameras might not understand and could easily lose interest after reading so many big words. Maybe just simplify this by saying something along the lines of "I decided to sell my old Sony DSLR A200, along with a few specialized lens and other accessories. The entire bundle was originally worth $____" This again saves space and gets the message across.
You might want to take out the word "Shit" quoted by Mr. Dell. Replace it with something less...profain, such as "crap."
I also do not understand why you made each page of your website a chapter? Maybe just put something like "My story." and then "my story continued." This might just be my preference though.
You also don't seem to have anyone else's stories on your site. If you do not intend to include anyone else's stuff, think about revising your introduction page. Also, because your story is so long, people will probably lose interest by the end of it, so think about moving the tips page to your introduction, because this might lure more readers in.
Hope I've been helpful!
Jessie
Hi Aero, I just wanted to give you a few suggestions for your writing.
On the homepage of your site, I would suggest changing the word "memory" with "experience." This would be a more effective word.
Instead of putting "an unknown man or woman," simply put "an unknown person." By putting man or woman, you are just taking up space, and like Krug and Killian said, the less readers have to think, the better.
In chapter one, I'm not sure you really need to give such a huge description about what all you were selling. People who are not familiar with cameras might not understand and could easily lose interest after reading so many big words. Maybe just simplify this by saying something along the lines of "I decided to sell my old Sony DSLR A200, along with a few specialized lens and other accessories. The entire bundle was originally worth $____" This again saves space and gets the message across.
You might want to take out the word "Shit" quoted by Mr. Dell. Replace it with something less...profain, such as "crap."
I also do not understand why you made each page of your website a chapter? Maybe just put something like "My story." and then "my story continued." This might just be my preference though.
You also don't seem to have anyone else's stories on your site. If you do not intend to include anyone else's stuff, think about revising your introduction page. Also, because your story is so long, people will probably lose interest by the end of it, so think about moving the tips page to your introduction, because this might lure more readers in.
Hope I've been helpful!
Jessie