As the Hawthorn's Scarlet Letter Chap 13-18 progresses we get to see inside Hester's head that she contemplates the thought of killing Pearl and then herself.
"At times a fearful doubt strove to possess her soul, whether it were not better to send Pearl at once to Heaven, and go herself to such futurity as Eternal Justice should provide."
These thoughts come to Hester as she is asking herself if going through all these years of being an outcast is really worth it, she works hard and is raising her daughter and yes it is true that as the years go by it does get easier but her "heart had lost its regular and healthy throb". I think Hester was just taken back for a moment and in a way is just stopping to think why me, surely there are other women that have done the same that she did. As she couldn't find anywhere to be comforted on earth this is when her thought of whether she should just end it all now and kill Pearl and herself comes into play. She thinks it may be easier for God to judge her then to let the townspeople.