January 2, 2005
moon jutting in the clear sky
city's lights not enough to block Orion's belt
Moon hanging like a sagging shirt tail behind a person's back
His wizened face squints in jealousy at the youth, then he smirks at the thought of what the youth lacks: experience. Time is relative.
Posted by Michael Diezmos at January 2, 2005 12:06 AM
Do you need "hanging like a sagging"? Woulding just "hanging" or "sagging" be enough?
I feel like I need to be introduced to the presence of the youth earlier in the poem... is it the youth looking up at the sky, or is it an outsider observing the moon's reaction to the youth?
hey Dr. Jerz,
It's a little bit of both,the youth is looking up at the sky but there's no outside observer aside from the youth...