"The Year Ends NOW" or "Apocalypse Later"

And so the year of 2003 is ending tomorrow. Much like a bright star finally dying, or a dumb star that practices scientology, every time a year ends I grow nostalgic remember the good times. 2003 was a pretty interesting year for both myself and the world-- two groups of people mentioned in no specific order because I don't want to come off as being more egotistical and pretentious than I am. I won't go through and recap highlights of my year, because I'm sure no one would care. And I won't sit here and make you read me recapping world events that happened this year, because you were there, I'm sure you heard about em. I do want to talk about this year, though, while it's still around. Especially since this will be my last post of 2003... oh how grand.

2003 was a year of monumental change and monumental spending. I'm sure I spent a ton of money this year, and mainly on junk that I didn't need. But this was also one of the more fun years that I can remember... and really it seems that each year I have more and more fun, if I can keep this up until I'm 115 I'll be better off than Hugh Hefner. Yeah I graduated from high school this year, started college this year, had a banner year with my comedy troupe, celebrated two years with my girlfriend, ate at Kings ALOT, and avoided being electrocuted for the 18th year in a row. This was also a pleasant year for my favorite political party (the Republicans... not the Bolsheviks) what with winning a much needed war and capturing a much hated super villain. It was a fairly good year for movies as well: one of Woody Allen's best films in years, a slew of decent comic book movies, and a cool Samurai flick. Am I forgetting anything else? Oh yeah... DISEASE!

Disease was everywhere this year, and quite frankly it was pretty shocking! You know, if I was naive enough (or perhaps a Unitarian) I would think that the world was ending. There are huge earthquakes all over, especially the recent nasty one in Iran; there are plagues of diseases all over the place; there is a good deal of strife in the Middle East; and they are making cell phones with cameras INSIDE of them... who WOULDN'T think the world was ending?! The disease thing especially bothered me, but thankfully neither me nor anyone I knew was affected. The "Hep A" break out at the Chi Chi's a mere two minutes from my house was unnerving, but sort of funny considering their reputation. Possibly the biggest travesty to come of this outbreak is the "green onion" and "let's eat at Chi Chi's" jokes that soon followed-- making everyone a comedian on par with Sinbad. Then there was this Mad Cow plague, thanks to our friends of the North. The biggest problem with Mad Cow is that it travels in herds and just encourages Howie Mandel to put more rubber gloves on his hollow little head. I think there was something in the Revelations about "the livid cows from the Maple Country" riding down on us with "utters sharp and stiff." Definitely not a good sign.

And of course there is another, less talked about but certainly more popular, disease haunting our Generation X world. It's called "vintage-styled clothing" something that's been around for years but is only now truly coming to the forefront. This disease affects anyone trying to fit in with today's "popular culture" and mainly means that he/she pays an exorbitant amount of money for a piece of clothing that looks old, tattered and dirty. It's a strange and unpredictable disease that's being spread through places like "American Eagle" and "GAP" and is spreading SO fast that Red Cross can't issue straight-legged Levi's fast enough. I have no idea when this plague will leave us, but all I know is that it's probably the most expensive out of all I've mentioned.

So what will next year bring? Well it will be 2004, for those of you who lost count since I mentioned the current year in the preceding paragraphs, and that means we are currently scheduled to have some hover cars, computers in our eyes, and the death of Pauly Shore. Unfortunately, none of these things will happen, barring some miracle, so we had better look for other things.

Really, all I am looking for with 2004 is the re-election of our president, Spider-Man 2, a new James Bond videogame, and possibly me winning a large sum of money with little-to no effort. I normally don't make New Year's Resolutions because I can never keep them, and I am terrible at resolving anything, especially quibbles over an extra coffee on my lunch bill. I will just go on living a happy and content life, staying as close as possible to my family and friends and staying as far away from the Amish and street musicians as possible.

So I hope you have a good New Year's! I will be spending New Year's Eve with my family and friends, playing Dance Dance Revolution and watching the immortal Dick Clark drop the ball like he does every year. Oh that Dick Clark!

Godbless