Am I a "Goofy"?

"Hey everyone, there goes a Seton Hill Griffin Goofy!"

"I declare this meeting of the Griffin Goofies to order"

"Holy crap! That Griffin left a goofy all over the floor!"

So here is the deal... they were apparently giving out T-Shirts at the great and might "St. Vincent vs SHU" basketball game last saturday. I know nothing about it, since I decided to go to DV8 for a crrrazy and wild poetry reading instead. Anyways, my buddy Josh got a shirt from this b-ball game.... On the back it reads "Event Staff" and on the front left breast it reads "SHU Griffin Goofies" He was as boggled as I was.

Now, I have no clue what this insane club is, and who is considered a "goofy" and who isn't. And at this point I don't really want someone to post a comment telling me what they are. I would rather let my imagination run wild... oh so very wild. So bare with me while I run through my normal list of possibilities, and let's hope no one decides to rain on my parade of insanity and madness. (And that wasn't a reference to the disaster-filled parades of Arbor Day 1984 and Veteran's Day 1992)

I sought out the wisdom of Bulfinch to see if there was any mentioning of a Goofy under the Griffin biography. Turns out, there was a small blub. Let me copy and paste:

"The Griffin is a monster with the body of a lion, the head and wings of an eagle, and back covered with feathers. Like birds it builds its nest, and instead of an egg lays an agate therein. It has long claws and talons of such a size that the people of that country make them into drinking-cups. India was assigned as the native country of the Griffins. They found gold in the mountains and built their nests of it, for which reason their nests were very tempting to the hunters, and they were forced to keep vigilant guard over them. Their instinct led them to know where buried treasures lay, and they did their best to keep plunderers at a distance. They had small, blotchy-skinned servants which lived with them, waiting on their every need. These slaves were known as 'Goofies.'"

AHA! So there you have it. Apparently, the rightful owners of the Event Staff shirt were blotchy-skinned slaves of our mascot, the Griffin. I am still pretty skeptical of this whole thing. So, onward I go... to do more research.

On the Encyclopedia Mythica it reads:

"The Griffin is a legendary creature with the head, beak and wings of an eagle, the body of a lion and occasionally the tail of a serpent or scorpion. Its origin lies somewhere in the Middle East where it is found in the paintings and sculptures of the ancient Babylonians, Assyrians and Persians. In Greek mythology, they took gold from the stream Arimaspias and, neighbors of the Hyperboreans, they belonged to Zeus. The later Romans used them for decoration and even in Christian times the Griffin motif often appears. Griffins were frequently used as gargoyles on medieval churches and buildings. Goofies were often used as door stops to the same churches and buildings."

The Perseus Encyclopedia describes the Goofy as "a character created by animator Walt Disney... or a sex martyr to the Griffin"

According to the Perseus, these "Goofies" are martyrs that die during sex. The Griffin has a reputation for being a pretty rough cookie in the sack, and according to Bulfinch's it rips its lover to shreds. The fact that the Griffin prefers older lovers doesn't help the issue at all. Although no one every suspects the Griffin to commiting inheritence fraud due to the quick death of their new spouses.

In the movie Clash of the Titans, directed by Desmond Davis, the goofy is briefly mentioned by Ammon, played by Burgess Meredith.

Perseus What's that coming over the hills? Ammon Perseus, I fear that those are the evil slaves of the Griffin... they are as vile as bats from Hades and as satirical as Medusa's younger brother Steve! Perseus By what name are they called? Ammon Goofies! Perseus Really? Wow... I didn't see that coming.

Apparently, the Seton Hill mascot, none other than the Griffin (who dwells in a delicious cove under Sullivan Hall) is taking applications for this "Goofies". The job will require you to be on the Event Staff of all major events that involve Mr. Grif, and of course you will die during intercourse with "it." Therefore, if you don't land the job the first time, just wait a couple weeks, positions will be opening up soon!

Note to self... go to Pitt and get an application for their "Panther Pansies" instead. I may have to wear a dress, but at least I will live through the night.

Posted by MikeRubino at January 25, 2004 8:52 PM