That Jerk is Bringing Happiness!

Any meal in our beautiful dining hall is usually semi-enjoyable. There always seems to be something there that will satisfy my ever-growing appetite. Of course, that's usually cereal. (I can hear my dad right now saying "I am paying for a meal plan just for you to eat cereal?!") But then something happens... something magical. My friend (who's name will remain secretive... not like you'd know him anyways) walks over to the stereo, on the floor next to the desserts, and cranks up 3WS, Pittsburgh's Oldies station.

I could be having the worst day, everything going wrong, and sit down at dinner and be totally uplifted by the sweet sounds of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. But trust me, I am not the only one. As soon as he walks over and cranks up that boombox, heads in the cafeteria immediately start bobbing to the beat, hands start clapping along, and mouths chew the generic meat to the rhythm of time tested classics. I have witnessed plenty of folks sing along with "Take a Letter Maria" (my personal favorite), sway back and forth to "Monday, Monday," and clap along to "I will Survive." It's truly a cool thing to witness.

Now, of course, like all things in life, there are nay-sayers. Some folks get really pissed at the fact that my friend drowns out their conversations with doo-wop. The baseball players especially dislike the act of blantant music appreciation, mainly because they sit right next to the stereo every day. I, on the other hand, don't see anything wrong with it. It gets people moving, it gets people smiling.

The best aspect about turning on 3WS is this: people can't honestly dislike this music. Yes, there will be people out there who will complain just for the sake of doing so. But I honestly haven't met someone who flat out hates oldies. You can't. "Oldies" is such a broad term, that covers everything from r&b, doo-wop, pop, rock, and Fleetwood Mac. Rappers like it because many of today's rap songs "sample" from these originals. Punks like it because half of it is practially slow-ska music. Country people like it because sometimes they play Johnny Cash. There really is a song for everyone. And yet people still get "torqued" when my buddy turns the radio on.

But you must be strong, friend. Just like the dope in Tienemen Square. Stand up to the tanks demanding quiet meals and sad silences. Play your music proud, play your music loud. Just don't get shot like a Kent State student. Turning off the oldies during a meal, once they have already been playing, is like shooting a butterfly five minutes after it leaves the cocoon. You just can't do it!

Take a letter, Maria.
Address it to my wife.
Say I won't be coming home.
Gonna start a new life.