ANGRY TEEN

As we mature, from babies to adults (or adults to babies if you so prefer), horomones rage and relationships fall apart. Well, at least for some people. These things normally happen during a human's "teen" years (unless you are Howard Dean, in which case they happen all at once, right in the middle of the first Primary vote in Iowa). These emotions, raging through so many kids, cause extreme actions. Some children become "gothic," which means they worship the classic WCW athlete Sting. Some children play videogames to release their pent up angers... then they get reality confused with real life, and kill people... and it's ALL Grand Theft Auto's fault! (Woah, cool out.) Some children grow up to be members of the Green Party. Other kids write poetry. Very sad, angry poetry. This is a big problem.

While teens, a group of which I happen to be an un-willing member of, should definitely have a way to express their angst and frustration with this cruel world (a world which is definitely against them), their choice to express such views in poetry is questionable.

This poetry comes about because of a variety of circumstances. But mainly it is because of a relationship break-up. A guy dumps his girlfriend, a girl cheats on her guy, a kid just CAN'T get a date, some dude left his sole copy of Penthouse in a baby-changing station at Barnes & Noble; the reasons are endless. Whomever is depressed, they go straight for the notebook and write a poem. This is a great exercise for people, and a nifty way to relieve stress. Just like writing in a journal, doodling, or blogging. The problem arises when teens read these personal, hate-filled poems at poetry readings, or try and get them published. There is a reason such poems are kept in a notebook under your bed... they are personal, and should be shredded like an Enron report.

I have been to way too many poetry readings that are flooded with these poems. I can always see them coming from a mile away, too. Let's say, for example's sake, that it's a girl. She stands up and walks to the front of the room.

Girl- Hi. The first poem I want to read is entitled "See you in hell, asshole"... I wrote it when I was going through a rough time in my life.

These poems make me uncomfortable... I slink down in my chair, flip up my collar, and look around the room like I did something wrong but I don't want anyone to recognize me. The girl at the front of the room is getting louder and louder with her reading: "You left me there crying/ravens vomited from the trees/I stilled loved you!" She seems to be edging closer to me, staring me down, not even looking at the paper: "I HATE YOU/I LOVE YOU/I WANT SOME MORE OF YOU!" I flip the table towards her, creating an obstacle! I turn and bolt out of the cafe, hop in Tiger and drive back to SHU. The girl is left in the street, shaking her fist... a raven ralphs.

I think I have an idea. I am going to start a magazine that exclusively publishes emo/angry teen poems. That way, these kids will get their creative outlets, and only they will have to go through the painful process of reading it. The only criteria is that the poem MUST contain the phrase "cheating bastard" at least twice. But that shouldn't be a problem. Then, all of the issues can be burned in a massive pit next to all of those old E.T. Atari games.

The raven hurled...