Ch-Check it Out!

When I step into the polls this November, I highly doubt I'm going to be voting the way the Beastie Boys want me to. I went out and got their newest album, To The 5 Boroughs, the day it came out. What did I find? Well, I found an interesting set of songs representing the next evolution of one of the greatest rap groups of all time. I also found some pretty freaking goofy lyrics that, to anyone with an IQ lower than a box fan, do a pretty good job of flicking the ear of George W. But the question is why? Why do these boys, who are much beastier than I, feel they need to soil their returning, and unstable, reputation with some of the silliest Bush bashing to date?

The first track on the CD is the absolute best. It's their single, "Ch-Check It Out", which actually sounds like it could have came from "Ill Communication" (arguably the Boys at their best). And all in all, that sound is pretty free of goofy political rhymes.

It all starts with the second song, "Right Right Now Now" (yeah for some reason they had a stuttering problem when naming these things.) The entire song is an extremely late Columbine song. Where have these guys been? That's like rapping about the outcome of the O.J. Simpson trial, or writing a song complaining about Gerald Ford. But I guess when you've been out of the picture for six years, you have some catching up to do. "Columbine bowling, childhood stolen, we need a bit more gun controlling"

Skipping ahead, let's check out "It Takes Time to Build" a song that is not about the construction industry. Such hilarious lines from this song include: "It's time to let em know what we expect/ Stop building SUV's strung out on OPEC." and "We've got a president we didn't elect/ The Kyoto treaty he decided to neglect." and another great one, "Is the U.S. gonna keep breaking necks?/ Maybe it's time that we impeach Tex." I could go on with this song, citing more hilarious, and phat, beats on how he doesn't care enough about the environment and the national debt. Since when do rappers, especially the Boys, bust fat rhymes about pollution? Shouldn't we be singing about slapping bitches and partying until we get to Brooklyn? I'd like to write a rap song in response "When interest rates are so low debt don't mean a thing/ I'll kill a seal and wear it if it gives me more bling"

The next few songs, while not necessarily as excellent as "Hello Nasty", are serviceable and pretty free of ridiculous messages. I just can't understand why the Beastie Boys think people are going to take them seriously. They did a song called "Brass Monkey"!

"That's It That's All" is the next beltway disaster. "You want peace for the people then you say all right/ 'Cause George W's got nothing on we./ We got to take the power from he." I tell ya, if there is ever an attempt on GW's life I am looking in the direction of these three Jewish rappers. But after all of these songs bashing our president, they then do an open letter to NYC, praising them for taking the scar of 9/11 so well. I think it's a tad contradictory, really.

But then there is the last song on the CD, "You Got The." They basically just blow their lids with this one... check it:

[The complete first verse]
Who got the chance to make things right?
Why the politicians always want to fight?
The Christian coalition and the right wing ooooh!
Let me tell you what you can do
Step outside the cone of silence
Too much hatred and violence
It's time to rewind
We need a military decline
Got the power of the mind focused
Government like a locust
Are we gone or just going?
Time to act on what we be knowinh y'all

[and then the complete last verse]
We can work, walk, march and protest
Think about how we approach this
Ask questions but they keep frontin'
Due time we change a little something
Hey yo don't you know
Won't forget Amaduous Diallo
To the crooked people and the crooked cops
Got to spread love before the world goes pop
Never again should we use the A-bomb
We need an international ban on
all W.O.M.D.'s gone
We need a multilateral disarm

The Beastie Boys are calling for multilateralism? Who are these dudes? That goodness they aren't running for a public office. Aside from having a great inaugural rap, I can't see any real benefits to having Adrock, Mike D. or the other guy in office. Don't even get me started on that goofy-ass anti-war song they released online last year. Wow, that was worse than any song on this album. What the Beasties don't re-re-realize is that nations of the world can't just "chill" and that really, national security is just a tad more important than worried about factory emissions.

But the funniest thing out of this whole album, is that it is going to convince some people. I have the unfortunate timing to be stuck with a mindless Hot Topic generation who actually gets moral advice from musicians. Are kids nuts?! I can't imagine getting all of my political views from bands with such "reputable" names as "Anti-Flag", "NOFX", and "Beastie Boys." What happened to the Beastie's partying days? They used to be a carefree group of white dudes who wore fake mustaches and wigs and rapped about porn and robots.

At least they didn't sample Michael Moore on the CD.

Posted by MikeRubino at June 23, 2004 11:29 AM