Bucs Win!

Last Wednesday I went to my first Pirate game in about three years. I am not a fan of baseball whatsoever, but when the offer arose I just couldn't say no. I was invited to go with two of my best buddies Pops and Dom to see the Pirates face off yet again against the Giants. There are a few reasons while baseball is more interested when you are there in person... the main reason being all of the distractions from the actual game. The amount of craziness at a baseball game reminds me of that time I was at the mall before the stores opened up, and all of the old folks were doing laps.

We didn't have tickets when we arrived there, so we got in line at the box office and tried to pick out some good, yet cheap, seats. I recommended this section called "The Deck." Sounded good enough, right? Well, it was good enough if you didn't mind being directly under the Jumbo-Tron! It was literally about 3 feet above our heads. But they say there isn't a bad seat in the house, and still we could see fairly well. It was finding our seats that led us to our first odd encounter.

We walked onto the Deck section and were immediately wrangled by an old gentlemen in a vest, "Woah woah guys, where are you going?" Apparently security is "hella-tight" under the Jumbo-Tron.

"Uh, our seats are up here," Dom said, handing him a ticket.

"Your seats are right over there, next to the man in the hat," replied the usher. The whole section was practically empty, so really we could have sat anywhere and we wouldn't have bothered anyone. But PNC Park is notoriously anal (what a phrase!) about sitting in the right seat.

So we sit down in what we suspect are our seats and begin enjoying the game. You have to have a keen eye while at a baseball game, because the actual game begins with out even letting people know! After the second inning, the usher comes over to us with four people behind him, "You guys didn't sit in the right seats! Your seats are over there." He was accusing us of purposely taking these people's seats!

"Can we just move down?" Dom asked.

"Yeah, we'll see!" the usher retorted. What the hell does that mean? Dom just looked at us and we left, not because we lost but because we were very confused.

We walked away from the usher, and checked out the nearby concession stand. It was at this time when the usher starting yelling at Dom and Pops for not going to their seats. "Your seats are over here!" he said, and Dom replied "We are getting drinks over HERE." After that experience, we weren't about to go back to that section.

So after wandering around for a short time, we wound up in the purgatory of seating sections... the upper balcony. It's where all lost souls go who don't want to sit in the seats that they actually paid for. I am certain that no one in this section actually had a ticket for it, and the ushers up there didn't care, as long as you stayed with the group and didn't try and sit by yourself in the highest empty seats. They were pretty good seats too, right down the third base line.

But it only makes sense that with this melting pot of baseball fans, that you are going to run in to a couple of nuts. All of these said nuts happened to be sitting in my newly acquired section.

Nut 1- the three drunk folks sitting in front of us (who moved there somewhere around the 4th inning). They all looked to be about 35 and proud owners of a mobile home somewhere in WV. Sitting in front of them were three 16 year old girls... so the two drunk guys of course were flirting with them the whole time. One kept trying to buy them alcohol and give them cigarettes (talk about an after-school special situation) and the other dude just kept dancing to the music they played between batters. There were a number of times when he tried to sound intelligent:

"Man, did you ever see that movie from Dusk til Dawn? That is a GOOD movie! I mean a GOOD movie! They get to that bar and there are all those freaking vampires freaking out like BLAAAAHHHH" Thank you Mr. Ebert.

Nut 2- Down at the front of the balcony was a group of about 10 high school kids, being led by this rather questionable fellow in a gray sweater. First off, why was this kid wearing a long-sleeved wool sweater at a baseball game in August? I think he was wearing slacks as well. Now that wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't such an annoyance. He was the kind of guy who feels the weight of the entire game on his shoulders, eternally screaming to push the Pirates up the hill to victory. Of course, he is also the rally-master, feeling the need to turn around and yell to the people in his section. But by far, the most offensive thing he was doing was starting a wave. First he heckled us, then he demanded that on the count of three we all stand and do the wave. It was times like that when I wish they didn't outlaw glass bottles at baseball games.

Nut 3- By far the most entertaining nut was some dude sitting rows behind us. The game, in case you didn't see it, went into extra innings. And it was all throughout the 10th and 11th innings, any time a Pirate was at bat, this guy went to town. Yelling the weirdest sports metaphors around. "Rip it!" "Send it!" and then he kept insisting "GAME OVER!!!"

So of course we started to help him along. "Mail it!" "Cash it!" "Send it FedEx Ground!" "Use your debit card!" "Screw it!"

Overall, I enjoyed my outing to the baseball game. I wouldn't have gone had it not been for Dom and Pops, but I'm glad I did. I even saw a fellow SHU student there! Well, Pirates, see you again in four years.

Posted by MikeRubino at August 15, 2004 3:20 PM