Havard Takes Hint From Pinkos

Harvard University just announced that they have now hired a "Fun Czar" to ensure that students try enjoying themselves, instead of studying to the point of exhaustion. I had heard, and read, about the competitive nature of the Havard students, ripping pages out of library books and doing anything else they can to get the better grade. It would make sense to me that these people need to learn how to relax (just like us SHU-ers). And so to make sure there aren't heads exploding all across campus, and kids don't turn to rampant sex and drugs, the Ivy League College has appointed a ruler of horseplay: the Fun Czar.

There have been plenty of "fun" czars throughout history, most of this history belonging to the Russians. It's been my experience that the most fun czar was Ivan the "Terrible." In reality, the word "terrible" in Russian means the same as "great" in English-- Russians see both "terrible" and "great" to mean tremendous power. And so if you look back in the history books you can see that this man knew how to party. Other czars, while not nearly as enjoyable as Mr. Terrible, were moderately enjoyable from time to time (Peter the Great, aka Peter the Terrible, and Catherine the Great, aka Catherine the Terrible).

This Havard Czar of Fun seems to be fairly promising however. These intelligent, competitive, and uptight folks need some way to relax a tad, so why not offer the firm steel fist of a totalitarian ruler? And so ushering in a tide of good times, Havard has called in Praskovia Ivanovna, direct descendant of the Romanov family. Praskovia has vowed to begin more intramural sports, namely Ultimate Frisbee, as well as sponsor soft-drink pong tournaments and relay races. Anyone who does not attend these events will be sent to a work camp in Siberia. Praskovia is also beginning work on a new Kremlin of Gaiety, which will be the center of campus and the new Student Union.

Because this is a fairly new position at the University, Havard has also assigned former Resident Life Director Rasputin as his assistant. Praskovia has already put Rasputin in charge of organizing an ice cream social in the dining hall (Tuesday, 8:00PM. Bring your own bowl.)

At this point, everything thing seems to be going according to plan for Havard's new czar. The students, as reported by Fox News, are finally getting a chance to relax, albeit nervously. Kids are joining intramural football, baseball, basketball leagues, and there is even a rumor that they will be starting an X-Box Live competition.

The only downside to all of this is a possible threat to the czar by one of the student clubs sponsored on campus: The Bolsheviks. The club chairman has already begun hanging up posters decreeing the "societal assassination" of the czar, as well as a "dull and boring revolution." Only time will tell which party the student prefer.

This will be a good one to keep ours eyes on.