The Wisdom of the Barber's Chair

Movies like "Barber Shop" and "Barber Shop 2" teach us that there is wisdom to be found in the barber chair. You sit down, and for that brief period of time your fashion fate is in the hands of this barber. You learn things, you have casual conversation, and usually a few local rumors or tales are thrown around for fun. Some folks have deep friendships with their barber, getting haircuts bi-weekly just to catch up on things. The barber remembers the customer's family and current occupation, and makes sure to ask about it next time he comes in. It's all a very heart-warming experience, probably one of the most enjoyable sorts of experiences found in the service industry.

My barber likes to show me animals eating animals.

I get my haircut at the mall. I usually go to the mall, despite it being a dollar more expensive than a barber a few blocks from my house, because they are fast and impersonal. I'd rather not sit there and have a conversation with the man cutting my hair. Why should I pretend that I actually want to be there? Just snip it quickly and get me out... that's what the mall (usually) provides.

And yesterday was set to be no different.

I got to Mickey's (the name of the barber shop) to find that the entire shop was empty, always a good sign for getting out of there fast. I'm not picky on who cuts my hair, so the next barber in line (Tim?) sat me in his chair and began cutting away. Tim has a small fish tank sitting on his counter, containing a few fish and a gigantic albino frog. The barber next to him, an older woman who smokes like a ham, has her own tank containing tiny technicolor frogs. Everything was going swimmingly, Tim cutting my hair just as I had instructed, until he got the message from his fellow barber: one of her frogs was dead.

I wasn't quite sure at first why he would care that one of her frogs were dead, being that his was alive and well. That is, until I heard him say: "Let's feed it to Dennis!" (he was talking about his frog. However, in order to protect the frog's identity I will use the fake name "Dennis")

Sure enough, the woman gets a small green net and fishes out the dead frog. A third barber comes out from the back room, totally pumped for the feeding that was about to happen. I couldn't believe this was happening. The woman walks over the dumps the frog into Tim's tank.

"This is so awesome!" exclaimed the stooge from the backroom. Tim, in a moment of excitement, grabs his camera phone to record this natural phenomenon. At first the frog did nothing to the animal carcass, but after a few minutes he chowed down.

As soon as the show started, all the barbers began cheering. I didn't really know what was happening, since my chair was turned from the counter. Suddenly Tim stops cutting my hair to watch the frog eat the other one. "What are you doing Tim?" asked the female barber. "Turn the customer around!" And so Tim turned my chair around so that I too could watch this gigantic white frog try and swallow this little dead frog whole. When I caught it, the frog had two tiny little frog legs sticking out of its mouth, he was choking this thing down.

Stooge: Dude your frog is going to die!
Tim: No way, this frog is invincible... it's already eaten like six frogs.
Stooge: Dang! All dead ones?
Tim: Actually this is the first dead one... the rest have been little live ones I got at the pet store.
Stooge: Awwwesome!

After about three minutes of watching John Carpenter's version of "Fern Gully," Tim turned my chair back around and returned to cutting my hair. He didn't stop cutting my hair after that, but every once in a while the stooge barber would add some commentary as to what Dennis was doing now.

I left the barber a little dazed, mainly because I was in awe that I actually witnessed such an event. Don't get me wrong, it was sort of entertaining... I just don't know if I should have tipped him after it was all over.

Posted by MikeRubino at January 19, 2005 11:08 AM | TrackBack