Local Politics: "Beaver County Municipal Primary Election Report" or "The World's Tallest Midget Makes a Snowball in Hell"

The world of election-politics never seems to stop. As many learned the day after Bush defeated Kerry on November 2, there was already talk about who would run in '08. And of course there is already alot of jabber on the radar for the '06 Congressional elections. But, to zoom into the America a little deeper, just like the beginning to Shepherd Smith's show Studio B on Fox, I have recently found myself neck deep in the very foundation of the American political system. Today was the Beaver County Local Primary Election, the offices that make up the town governments, school boards, and judges.

If you want a taste of how America's republican government system (since we aren't a democracy) works, get involved in the system at the lowest, most local level. I found it amazing at how much easier it was to get someone elected, but also the sharp contrast in the conflicts and issues that arose between local and national candidates.

Conflicts
The names of the candidates in this election aren't really that important for the purpose of this blog entry, so I'll just refer to them as Smith and Johnson (and no, their names weren't Smith and Johnson).

I was a big supporter of Smith, mainly because he was an experienced community leader, a modest car shop worker who has had to work for everything in his life, and an all around good man. People knew him, he had no dirty secrets or weird alliances. He was running against Johnson, a spoiled young fellow who is running because everyone knows the Johnson name, and his mother wants a little more power under her bosom. Cases like this appear in local towns all across the country, I'm sure.

The interested aspect of it, when compared to the national scene, is what people find important. During the presidential election, everyone made a stink about Bush's national guard records and Kerry's Vietnam service. Did Kerry have relations with some of his interns? Did Bush snort coke at Camp David? These are the dirty issues that the pundits and tabloids argued about. What's happening on the local scene? The front page of the Beaver County Times reads "11 anonymous phone calls report that Smith doesn't have a high school degree..." People are arguing about whether or not someone has a high school degree? What was even funnier was that the Times ran a picture of Smith holding his degree, with all of the official signatures in place. (The 11 anonymous phone calls were apparently made by Johnson's mother... although that wasn't officially reported anywhere). In small town politics, drugs and war records aren't the hot topics... it's whether or not the candidates have their GED.

Even better was the controversy of Johnson running without certification. To become a district magisterial judge, you have to take a test that certifies you for the position. However only two, of the four, candidates running actually passed the test! Smith was one of them. Why would anyone vote for the guy who wouldn't be allowed to do have the job even if he won? This sort of situation happened years ago in a town neighboring to mine, and instead of the uncertified winner taking the job, a new judge had to be appointed.

My Involvement
Aside from talking up the various candidates I supported (all of which were Democrats by the way... no Republicans really run for anything in Beaver County-- however this will be changing soon) and proudly displaying their signs in my front lawn there wasn't much I could do prior to election day. However, today, I was out in the hot sun (burning like a Protestant witch) for over five hours working the polls in good old Ward 2.

I was recruited the evening beforehand, and was glad to take up the job. However, voter turnout for such po-dunk elections is never very good, especially on a beautiful day like today. And so I stood out there, with about 12 other people representing various other candidates (mayors, tax collectors, school board, write-ins, etc). The best part about it was seeing the solitary voters trickle in, and watching everyone jump out of their lawn chairs and surround them. I held back because Smith had supplied me with the best campaign gifts of all: little plastic litter bags. So after the voter was swamped with pens and stationary, I would hand them a nice little loot bag to put all of their stuff in. I'm pretty sure that's what won us the election. So remember, if you run for public office, invest in loot bags with your name on them. A gold mine for votes!

My time spend in the scorching sun was certainly not boring. There was quite a supply of colorful characters. There was the "dentally-challenged" trucker next to me, who I spent most of my time talking to. There was a 70+ year old dwarfed woman who came by and cussed out the candidates she didn't like (thank God she's a Republican). There was a crazy Italian man who cussed out the candidates he hated in broken English and fluent Italian. There were the crazy, rich, and cocky members of the Johnson family who would roll by and reaffirm everyone of their asinine attitudes. It was a good time.

The Results
I detached myself a bit from the election in order to go to Dweller practice. But it was when I returned that I got on the phones. My dad was currently down at the Smith victory party, eagerly awaiting the results. To stress the po-dunkness of this election, they held the party in a restaurant that had no TVs or internet access... so I was their only hope for updated election results. And the only way to get results (in a timely manner) is to log on to the county's website and hit "Refresh." Of course, the site was built for the bandwidth of 5 people, and was being flooded by hundreds of people dying to see some results.

Slowly but surely the final numbers streamed in, and I alerted those at the party. Our man had won... as well as the other candidates we had supported! The candidates were dual registered on the Republican and Democratic tickets and our candidates won on both. It was a sweeping victory.

I really am getting spoiled with this whole "winning elections" thing. So far every campaign I have been involved with has won. Beginning with Melissa Hart and Bush in 2000, carrying over to 2004's huge GOP win, and now this local election. God help me if I lose an election, I'm going to be much more disappointed than any normal loser. You democrats must be used to this sort of thing by now.

Ah well... all I can say is that this is quite an exciting hobby I have, and I think I may enjoy the local elections a tad more than the national ones. These ones are more personal, you have more of an immediate impact, and you get to see the losers every day at the grocery store. Politics are cut-throat no matter what level you are at. Just ask my brother, who will be running for re-election as class president. Maybe he'll recruit me as his Karl Rove.

Posted by MikeRubino at May 17, 2005 11:37 PM | TrackBack