Man vs. Nature

I went camping, for the first time in my life, this past weekend. This may come as a shock to most, because anyone who knows me knows that I hate nature. It's not that I want to cause it harm, I just don't get along with it very well. I'm a city-boy, who would much rather hang out in a mall or a coffee shop with a laptop than "rough it" like our ancestors did. But Karissa invited me along with her friends to go to Crooked Creek Lake in Armstrong County, so I thought I'd give it a shot and broaden my horizons.

During the week leading up to my departure, I discovered that everyone I knew had the same reaction to my statement, "I'm going camping this weekend." Every one of them laughed and replied, "You? Are you kidding me?" I know, I couldn't believe it either. Some people were supportive, like my buddy Pops, who just said, "Maybe you'll find yourself." I had already found myself, and worse yet, I lost the receipt. Others were not supportive whatsoever, "Nothing like being hot and disgusting and then cold and disgusting all in the same day," Mike the Tall said to me. I didn't know what to expect, but I guess I prepared myself as best as I could.

There were a few times on my trip where I had to ask myself, "What Would MacGyver Do?" Most of the time my answer was "Way more than what I'm doing right now." There are a number of great MacGyver episodes that take place while he's camping. There was that one where he is camping with a group of guys who are all meeting for the first time, and two of them are escaped convicts, but no one knows who. And there is the other one where he goes camping with four troubled teens from an urban juvenile detention center. And then there is the classic episode where he first meets Murdoc, his arch nemesis who just won't die. I went into this whole event with all of these possible scenarios in mind (even if no one we camped with was an escaped convict.)

My first mistake while camping was to forget my Swiss Army Knife, something MacGyver never leaves home without. I used to carry that handy little guy around with me all of the time, but ever since security across the country has been stepped up, I thought I would avoid the possible conflicts. All of the Dwellers had joked that I would bring my laptop and try to find wi-fi signals in the woods. I had pondered the idea of bringing my iBook, but I assure you it was only for the purposes of possibly watching a movie. I know there isn't wi-fi in the woods, and if there is it's probably only 802.11b (and who wants that, really?).

Setting up the tent, which was absolutely huge, was like a scene from an old Woody Allen movie. Watching me try to put poles together, and then try and drive stakes into the ground, and eventually try to tie the tent on to the poles, would have been quite entertaining if viewed at twice the speed with ragtime music playing in the background. Notice that I used the word "try" in that last sentence, because I didn't really accomplish anything. I did, however, make some good supervisory decisions, and helped with the logistical side of things. Can't get the caked, old dirt out from inside the poles? Use one of the iron stakes to break it up. Can't drive the stakes into the ground? Use a piece of wood. And of course I was more than happy to stand by and tell jokes to keep the mood light. To further express my experience with the wilderness, I wore my shirt that reads, "You have died of dysentery" and sports an Oregon Trail wagon on it.

I had alot of fun on the trip. We sat around the camp fire and toasted marshmallows. We applied copious amounts of Off! bug spray and hand sanitizer. I even saved the day by bringing my iPod Shuffle with its FM Transmitter, which allowed us to listen to my tunes on the radio that someone had brought. We topped off our evening there by playing Cranium, a board game I had always wanted to play but never have. The game is sort of a test of your creative juices, requiring you to charade, draw, hum, spell words, and answer trivia. Being an artist and actor, this was my kind of game, and naturally Karissa and I totally won.

Things were going peachy until it was time to sleep. That's when things got sour for Mike. Mother Nature is a loud, obnoxious bitch. While I was laying there, slightly downhill, on the hard ground I kept thinking that even Havey (my freshman dorm) was quieter than this. I can deal with a simple cricket or two, but this was unbelievable. There were crickets chirping, some sort of bird cawing, leaves rustling, dogs barking, weird campers nearby coughing, slight snoring, an occasional fart from one of the people camping with us, and the rare car driving by. Of course these things didn't come all at once. No, like Canon in D, they built. First with the crickets, then the barking, and then the symphony of bodily noises. To make the situation even better, two giant mosquitos found their way past the net and into the tent, so I was laying there, trying my best to keep an eye on them (while they were buzzing at the top of the canvas). I also had to layer up with sweatpants and a hoodie to stay warm. And the cherry on top was the rain that sprinkled in at around 7 in the morning. I didn't have a clock on me, but I estimate that I slept a total of 2.5 hours the entire evening.

But the next day was great! Despite me being infinitely more tired than I should have been, I had a great time at the beach nearby. One of the campers made a good point, only in Western PA would we call a man-made lake with some sand a "beach." But it was my kind of nature! Man-made, no animals or bugs, no sea weed... excellent. We spent the afternoon tossing around a football, playing rummy, wading around the water, and enjoying some sandwiches. I was worried that I would feel like crap without getting my morning shower, but those notions washed away with the help of the lake.

Will I be going camping again, you ask? Well, probably. But next time I'll be a little bit wiser on how to prepare. Purchasing an air mattress, a battery-powered electric blanket, ear plugs, Tums, and a sock filled with nickels (to fight off mosquitos with.)

Here's to new experiences!

Posted by MikeRubino at August 6, 2005 10:41 PM | TrackBack