"Strategies for X-Mas Success" Part Three: Milk, Cookies, and Christmas Eve

Don't ask me why, but for some reason we still leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus. Yes, I realize that Santa isn't real (unless you truly believe... but still, who are we kidding?), and yet each year my family sets out this midnight snack for jolly St. Nick. When I was young, I used to write letters-- but like letter writing in general, this practice has fallen by the way side.

I haven't the slightest idea if Mom and Dad ever kept these letters to Santa, or if they sent them away to the "letters to Santa" burn pile that every post office has. I can only imagine that they were just a scribbled mess of nonsense (sort of like this blog, only without all the political references) to a man I hardly knew. Really, these letters to Santa are terribly selfish, thinking nothing of him and his hard life, all one cares about is getting the word out about the presents. To add insult to injury, these letters are filled with run-on sentences and fragments, and hardly employ the Formal Letter Style. "Santa I want TransFoRmeRs MonopolY Sonic The hedgehod for SEGA Thank!!!!" Wow... is this even worth 38 cents?

But for as bad as the letters may be, the cookies and milk usually make up for it (presuming you still believe in this magical man). I would hate to find out that "Santa" is a diabetic vegan. This would be just terrible. Not only would he hate, or possibly die, after eating the delicious cookies you left for him, but he also hates the cow's milk you left sitting out all night! The man demands sugar-free cookies and soy milk. Then again, what's to say he doesn't just prefer a nice ham sandwich on rye. The man is out working hard all night, and he's purely driven by a sugar and milk buzz. No wonder he's so fat! And no wonder he's developed diabetes! Give the man something substantial.

This Christmas Eve, my family won't be leaving any notes or cookies for this joyous home invader. Because we will be hosting over twenty Italian family members at our house tomorrow, we will have approximately no time to exchange gifts. So we are doing all of that tonight.

As far as I can remember, we've only done this once before in all my years of present-opening. I don't remember how old I was, I think it was around seventh or eighth grade; however old I was, it was past the point of Danny and I believing in Santa. And any inkling we still held that Santa may still exist somewhere was wiped off the planet when Mom and Dad went out to the car and brought in a trash bag filled with wrapped presents. They had been wise to store the presents out of the house, because when we were young and curious there was a high chance of us accidentally finding them. But dragging them into the house Christmas Eve night (after we had already been to Midnight Mass no less) in a black trash bag was a nice, blunt slap into reality. We all know that Santa's bag is made of red, crushed velvet (the nicest material ever invented, or discovered). But Christmas was just as special that year as it is this year. Because really, it's not about the presents, its about the family... the presents just make it a little more exciting.

I won't reveal what I got my folks just yet... but I'm sure I'll blog about all of the gift exchanging after the fact. My dad is notoriously hard to please at Christmas-time. It's not that he's finicky or mean about it, but the man knows what he likes and hopes that we do too. This leaves little room for creativity or surprise, but if you follow his directions it's easy to make him happy. This year, Danny and I didn't follow his directions when it came time to buy him a gift. But the comedic value of said gift will be worth it if we have to send it back (let's hope it doesn't come to that... ) As a small gift to most of my friends, the Dwellers, and some of the owners of small businesses I frequent, I handed out CD's of the Dodge Intrepid Christmas Special. While it may not have been expensive to produce, I find that giving out something like that not only adds to the overall feeling of Christmas spirit, but also ends up being one of the more unique presents they'll receive.

Thankfully, Christmas isn't going to be abruptly ending for me on the 25th (as it usually does.) This year, I have Christmas festivities planned all the way through Tuesday, which means that I get to stay in this warm spirit all the way until the middle of the week! After that, well, then I slump into my "here comes New Years" attitude. This isn't necessarily a negative attitude (because really how can one be negative when there's a Twilight Zone marathon on?) but more like how one feels after eating one too many sloppy joe sandwiches. Yeah, that feeling.

Having ranted on enough, this blog entry is now coming to an end. I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah! I hope you have a great holiday, and that everyone drives, flies, or sails safe!

Posted by MikeRubino at December 24, 2005 2:33 PM | TrackBack