To Michael Bay: That'll Do, Bay, That'll Do

Michael, I wanted to let you know that I went and saw Transformers on Monday night. Going in to it, I was uncertain, to say the least. Let's be frank here, you really haven't had the best track record as a director. When I heard that you were going to be turning one of my favorite childhood memories into a big-budget summer movie, I was a little worried. But let me just say, I was more than pleasantly surprised! You actually did the franchise justice and made a great movie!

You were wise to keep a lot of what made the original cartoon and animated movie great: namely keeping Peter Cullen as the voice of Optimus Prime. The fact that many of the series' main characters showed up in the film was a great treat (and the largely male audience in the screening made sure to cheer each time one of them was introduced). And, of course, mixing in the old school transforming sound with the new transforming noise was a cool touch. Sure the designs for the new autobots and decepticons were a little confusing and overly complex, but I'm sure you weren't the only person involved in that decision.

Ah yes, Michael... you did good. But don't think I'm letting you off the hook completely. Afterall, you did manage to infuse this movie with a ton of "Michael Bay-isms" that still irk me. In almost every movie you make you insert the same types of shots, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. You had the obligatory scene of pilots walking in slo-mo to their jets (or helicopters) on the runway, you had the guy running dramatically with the signal flare, you had the copiously dramatic shots of helicopters flyer... what's the deal? Why do you insist on putting this stuff in every movie? It might have been cool in The Rock, but making sure it was in Armageddon, Pearl Harbor and The Island was just nuts. Then there are the speeches. Why do you insist on having a grande, meaningless speech in every movie? And just when I thought that Transformers had escaped this fate, you threw it in there at the end. Are you serious? But hey, at least you know how to edit a film better than Tony Scott.

Anyways, I've got some errands to run... so I'd better wrap this up. You did a great job with Transformers and I'm proud of you. Make a sequel. Then maybe make the G.I. Joe movie. And, just for the heck of it, consider making a movie of the C.O.P.S. animated TV show. Not a lot of people remember it, but I loved it.