I'll Go Stag

The Writer's Guild of America has been on strike for a over a week now, and essentially the entire visual entertainment business has gone to hell. Late night shows have gone in to repeats, prime time dramas are counting down the remaining new episodes, and reality shows are waiting to flood the airwaves any day now. I'd say it's pretty much a disaster.

The writers are holding out for an agreement that would give them royalties from DVD and online sales of the movies and shows that they write. That sounds like a good idea, but I don't necessarily agree with striking until you get a universal agreement. I'd much rather see a standard established where each writer would negotiate for specific royalty rights for each project. Depending on the project, a writer could get more or fewer royalties based on how the product would be distributed. It's more pragmatic than just a plain old strike--because in my opinion, a strike is hardly ever pragmatic.

Unfortunately, it looks like it's going to be some time before anyone reaches a resolution. So here's my proposition: I'll go stag. That's right, I will gladly fill in for any writer in Hollywood and write something that they may have been working on. Need a fresh new episode of Grey's Anatomy? I could pull that off. Want some jokes for Jay to meadle through? Sure, I'll come up with something. Why re-shoot the ending to this season's Heroes? I've read enough comic books to rip them off and come up with some more material. Ya see, I've waited for years to be a stag for something... I am just the right kind of guy to cross the picket line and get the job done. So what if all the scripts I write will be filled with vague sarcasm and fake information, it would be better than watching an 18th season of Big Brother.

Just to prove my point, here is a sample just the kind of quality work I could be producing for your favorite TV shows:

Grey's Anatomy

Grey: I can't believe that John left me. My life is so crazy!
Other Doctor: Don't worry, Grey. I know how your life can be dissected so that you know every specific aspect of i.
Grey: Are you saying that you know... my anatomy?

End scene.

Wasn't that awesome? I'd say I hit every thematic note that show has (I assume). I can write jokes for Jay Leno as well:

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Jay: Hey Kevin, did you have a good night yesterday?
Kevin: Oh Jay! (laughs uncontrollably)
Jay: You're high again, aren't you?

End scene.

So now I've proven that I can master the Jay Leno monologue. Onwards to one of my favorite shows from last year:

Heroes

Peter: I'm so glad I got a haircut.
Claire: I cut my hair and it just grows back!
Peter: I'm sorry.

End scene.

Freaking awesome!

Who knows when this writer's strike will end, but as long as there are people like me out there... Hollywood should be fine.

Posted by MikeRubino at November 13, 2007 9:46 PM | TrackBack