Mario Does What Hillary and Mitt Can't

With Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney leading the blue and red Presidential packs, respectively, in the latest popularity polls, a new Zogby International poll suggests that there is a common character that can unite America.

The poll found that "reds," "blues," and "purples" (aka "moderates") all play videogames. Liberals tend to play videogames more than the rest, but all three have a common favorite: Mario. While conservatives are more apt to play Madden, and liberals are more apt to play The Sims, all three groups of people really like Mario. So if there is some sort of videogaming third-party that can emerge in time for the Presidential election in 2008, they'll surely win as long as Mario is somehow involved. Being that Mario is also Italian, he'll be a shoe-in for support from major coalitions like Italian-Americans and Roman Catholics.

Mario would also be able to run (and jump) on the platform of strong reform when cleaning up the streets and standing up to brutal third-world monarchs that live in underground sewers.