Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine: Volume 1, The Introduction

For my birthday this past weekend, my brother gave me a rather mysterious and intriguing gift. Like in children's films when a strange relative gives a boy a magical book or a mystical relic that's been passed on for generations, I was handed a gift that has been stored in our basement for about a decade, untouched and never used--yet containing great power. It was a DeLonghi "Caffe Parma" Bar-6 Espresso Machine.

The story goes that my brother, during his inquisitive gradeschool years, acquired the DeLonghi during a game of merchandise bingo held in our Catholic school's cafeteria. No one knows how the espresso machine wound up on the winner's table, but it's probably a safe bet that it was donated to the cause by someone who didn't understand exactly what they had. After bringing the machine home (to the chagrin of my parents), it was promptly shoved into a dank, cob-webby corner of our unfinished basement and forgotten. I recall inquiring about it once years ago, not knowing where it was, and someone told me that it had been sold at our yard sale. That was the end of it, as far as I knew. Then my brother gives it to me for my birthday, along with a pound of Arch Abbot's Reserve whole bean coffee from St. Vincent College's Gristmill.

Don't think that this is at all similar to the hulking, bank-loan-inducing espresso machines that you see at your local coffee house. It's a much smaller, consumer-friendly version that may or may not be all that it's cracked up to be. At first glance it appears to be close to a normal four-cup coffee maker. From what I've read online, it was an item that probably popped up in department stores close to Christmas and retailed for something between $50 and $90. I also read that it may or may not function as advertised.

No matter. I'm determined to make this thing work, and work well. My love of fine coffee is no secret--and it has only grown since receiving a Bodum French Coffee Press from Karissa on a previous birthday. With this latest addition to my kitchen counter (again, to the chagrin of my parents), I am poised on the cusp of being able to create my own espresso-based drinks at home. The thought of combining my French Press and a shot of espresso into one helluva Red Eye is just too tempting to pass up. But that day is far off, as much as I can tell. Because presently I know nothing about making espresso, aside from what I've read and hear from local trusted baristas.

So I intend to chronicle my journey into the world of espresso-making here on my blog. The series is called Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine--mainly because my brother suggested this apt pun based on the classic Sega Genesis game. I hope to provide plenty of photos of my experiments, recipes that I may discover, and any and all failures associated with this experiment. Hopefully by the end of it, I'll have learned how to make this little machine produced some admirable espresso. I'm not expecting to become a barista, or even usurp my love for hanging out at the locally-owned cafes in the area. I am, however, expecting to waste a lot of coffee beans in the process.