June 27, 2009

My Top Ten Reviews at DVD Verdict

As far as busy months go this year, June seems to be taking the cake. My family went on vacation recently, I got a new computer, and my wonderful Aunt Marian is celebrating her 90th birthday. I've got some blogs up my sleeve for all of that stuff; but since time is short, and this weekend is already half over, I thought I'd spread the word on another noteworthy event: DVD Verdict is celebrating its tenth anniversary!

I've been a staff writer for DVD Verdict for two years now, and so far I've published 101 reviews. Most recently, I've been an occasional guest contributor to the Friday Filibuster, one of the site's many movie podcasts. It's great fun, and excellent writing experience.

In honor of DVD Verdict's tenth anniversary, the site is spotlighting individual judges each weekend. So I turned in what I thought were my ten favorite reviews for the site, along with a sentence or two about each article. For the next 24 hours, my top ten will be occupying the site's homepage. After that, you can find the list at its own page under the Tenth Anniversary archive.

The reviews listed aren't all glowing of course, but they are all fun reads I assure you. Some of the highlights (of the highlights?) include the Rambo box set; the complete series of The Incredible Hulk; Godard's Pierrot Le Fou, a film I first studied in Dr. Arnzen's film course at SHU; and the completely ridiculous Robinson Crusoe on Mars.

Enjoy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:59 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2009

"We're Taping It!": A Game 7 Story

When the Pittsburgh Penguins won their first two Stanley Cups, I was but a young roustabout, a child who entertained my parents' friends at hockey parties by listing every player and number on the roster (it was quite the skill for a seven year old). I don't really remember too much about those days, and the crazed celebrations at the airport or the parade. But I will remember this Stanley Cup.

After following the Pens since my childhood, and enduring through this rollercoaster of a season, I was dreading a friday night Game 7. Not because I didn't think we'd win, but because I, like so many others, already had plans. The Cellar Dwellers' weekly improv show, FN' Improv, would be happening the same time as this historical hockey game.

We couldn't cancel the show, of course. You can't just cancel a theatrical performance because the most important hockey game of your life is going on. I was comforted by a Post-Gazette article detailing all the various cultural events struck by the scheduling of Game 7. We weren't the only ones in a tough spot. The key was getting through the show without hearing the score of the game. If we could only do that, then the troupe could watch a tape of the game.

Much to our surprise, we actually had an audience last night. An audience ready to laugh and play improv games. The show was great, mainly because we were all feeding off of nervous hockey adrenaline. Miraculously, come 11:30pm, we ended the show, gathered our things, and constructed a gameplan for getting to the tape of the game (which was at Joe's house). If the Pens had won, there would partying in the streets; if they lost, the county would be silent, eerie.

I checked my phone--more missed calls than referee Paul Divorsky. I refused to listen to any voice mails or read any texts for fear that they may contain whooping, hollering, or, worse yet, the score. Sorry friends.

I gave all the drivers in the Stanley Cup Taped Game 7 Caravan explicit instructions: When you are driving, keep your eyes on the road. Don't look at patrons coming out of bars or roaming in the streets. Don't make eye contact with drivers at red lights. Keep going. Keep looking straight ahead. Pretend this is the zombie apocalypse and you don't want to see the horror that is all around you. We had gone this far in the evening without hearing any inkling of a score.

I was leading the caravan as we pulled up to the first red light. My hands were smacking the steering wheel to Elvis Costello blasting over the stereo. That's when I heard, over the din of King of America, screaming and pounding. Like that scene in The Warriors when the Turnbull ACs give chase in a bus, swinging bats and screaming obscenities, a car was drifting through the intersection, kids screaming and pounding on the doors. I tried to pay them no mind--perhaps they were just idiots out for a joyride. This couldn't be any hint as to the outcome of the game, right? I would find out later that my brother was probably responsible for inspiring these revelers.

We made it the rest of the way, and thankfully only two of us in the caravan actually saw this obvious hint as to the outcome of the game. By midnight we were rolling on the NBC broadcast in HD. I had a good feeling (except when Pierre McGuire was on TV).

The Pens played their hearts out--but you know that now. It was some of the tightest hockey I've seen, and the team executed their gameplan flawlessly. The game ended with Fleury making that In the Line of Fire Secret Service save. He looked up at the clock. They had won, and we were all cheering, jumping, and high-fiving. Sure I may have been arriving at this incredible revelation a few hours late, but it was just as sweet.

This was a game, a season, and a team I will always remember. And to think, this is only the beginning.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:25 AM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2009

The Daring Consumer: Sheetz ≠ Subway

The world is filled with daring consumers, whether it's a guy trying to play off an expired coupon as still valid or a woman returning a jean jacket after wearing it to a party. From a managerial perspective the customer should always be right, assuming he or she is playing by the rules established by the business. Daring consumers could care less. They feel entitled to the world. They're cheap. They're merciless. They're usually wrong.

The daring consumer I saw today at the mall was exceptionally bold, attempting something that I don't believe has ever been tried before: he tried to return a Sheetz MTO to a Subway.

I happened to catch the incident in all its ridiculous glory. The consumer strolled up to the sneeze-guarded counter of the food court Subway and slammed his 6-inch Made-to-Order hoagie down on the glass. It's worth noting that this hoagie was still in its bright green Sheetz MTO wrapper. It said "Sheetz" right on the packaging.

"I ordered a meatball hoagie, with just cheese on it... but this has peppers and bacon and all kinds of stuff on it."

The sandwich artist, caught off guard by this daring declarative statement, stared at him blankly.

"Can you make me a new one, the right way?" the daring consumer asked.

"You know this is from Sheetz, right?"

This is where it got interesting. At first, it might have seemed as if he was just bringing the MTO to the sandwich artist as an example of what not to do. Perhaps if the consumer showed her what those sandwich hacks over at Sheetz had done to his order (an order, mind you, that the consumer placed himself using a touch screen), then he would get a meatball sub made right over at Subway. But no, he was, in fact, trying to return the hoagie and get a new one for free.

"I can make you a new one, but you have to pay for it," the artist said.

"But this one's no good," replied the consumer.

It was a tense standoff with an utterly absurd expectation hanging in the air--like if Ronald Reagan sat down with the Harlem Globetrotters in an attempt to get them to enter the NBA and play legitimately.

"Are you going to be nice and make me a new sandwich?" the consumer asked.

Now the daring consumer was trying to make this a personal issue, as if to imply that by refusing to make him a replacement sandwich the Subway employee was somehow betraying the Better Business Bureau. The entire transaction felt like a hidden camera comedy routine. At one point the consumer asserts that Sheetz and Subway are the same business (despite one offering gasoline and the other offering lame children's meal toys). He even asked to speak to a manager. The sandwich artist he was speaking to just so happened to be the manager on duty. This is never a good sign for the daring consumer.

In the end, the daring consumer rightfully failed. It's one thing to try and rip the expiration date off the bottom of a coupon in order to still use it, but it's another to try and return food from one business (not even located within ten miles of the mall) to another. Daring indeed.

Posted by MikeRubino at 5:50 PM | Comments (1)

June 8, 2009

Monster Ruins Wiffle Ball Game

Panic erupted at a the Sonny Bono Memorial Wiffle Ball Field last Sunday, as the inaugural game for the 2009 season was messed with by a big green monster.

The Big Green Monster (BGM), as he's known, showed up before the game and parked himself at the edge of the outfield, just beyond the center field fence. The players of both teams (The Pink Ponies and The Sellecks) weren't overly concerned with the monster's presence at first.

That is, until BGM became actively involved in the game.

The 12 foot, horned, quad-toothed behemoth quickly became a nuisance for players as he swatted down balls that would have normally been home runs. His lust for blood and chewing tobacco could not be sated, however, and BGM stuck around for all three games that afternoon.

There are reports that the only way to defeat this frightening obstacle of the outfield is to hit a home run ball right into the monster's mouth. Doing so would not only effectively shut down the monster, but it would also yield the successful batter a cash money reward of $20-some dollars. Smacking the monster in the glowing red eye with a ball would also award the attacking team an instant grand slam.

Sadly, throughout the afternoon, no batter was able to destroy BGM. His wild arms and cruel taunts will return for another wiffle ball game... and the Sonny Bono Memorial Wiffle Ball Field may never be the same.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:23 AM | Comments (1)

May 29, 2009

The G20 Tailgate

In case you didn't hear over to the elite White House press core's cackling, President Obama plans to host this year's G20 Summit in the great city of Pittsburgh. I don't know about you, but I didn't find this announcement nearly as humorous as the press did. I see it as an opportunity for our city to show the world how great it is. I also see it as a great chance for the people of Pittsburgh to do what they do best: tailgate.

The G20 Summit is the perfect chance for us to have a pretty sweet tailgate party that exhibits all of the traditions and superstitions that we've developed for all three of our major sports teams:

• We'll bring out some Iron City, cook up some kielbasa, and wave our Terrible Global Economy Towels.
• Everyone can sit outside of the convention center and watch the summit on a giant Consol Energy television screen.
• Half way through the summit, there will be a pierogi race. Sauerkraut Saul, the favored winner, will end up losing the race thanks to the interference of Marinara Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
• The summit will conclude with a bingo game.

The Post-Gazette had an interesting article about all the city needs to do in preparation for the summit. Aside from reserving blocks of hotel suites, the city will need to throw a blanket over the casino construction site and set up a large "Help us finish our tunnel under the river" donation bucket.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:05 AM | Comments (3)

May 27, 2009

His Friends Call Him JC

When faced with unexpected scenarios, it's important to weigh all of your options carefully. Recently, during a three-day film shoot at work, I was presented with the option of calling Jean-Claude Van Damme. That would be Sudden Death's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Apparently his friends call him JC. This makes sense, since calling him VD would be awkward.

It all started because I was cast in a small role for the production. I was able to put aside my normal duties as graphic designer for a bit of on-camera acting. Have I mentioned that I love my job? Because I love my job. While hanging out on set, one of the more seasoned actors was telling me about his previous work. That's when he dropped the JCVD bomb. He is friends with one of the great action stars of the '90s! The man who saved the Civic Arena (kinda), the man who traveled through time to arrest a guy (sorta), and the man who pulled off a French-Canadian accent and mullet combo (for the most part).

After explaining how much I love the movie Sudden Death, the actor jokingly said "You want to call him?" He wasn't joking, however, because the next thing I knew I was staring down at a cell phone with JC's name highlighted.

Scenarios raced through my head faster than a horse in a zoetrope. Of course they were pipe dreams, mainly involving he and I going to a Pens game together, and then teaming up to stop terrorists. In that scenario, he would probably do most of the butt-kicking and I would do most of the one-liner-quipping. Needless to say, I didn't call. It would have been a dumb move--certainly an unprofessional one.

I handed back the phone and we laughed. Not calling makes for a slightly more interesting story, in my opinion. I'm just happy knowing I'm now two degrees away from JC.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:23 AM | Comments (0)

May 25, 2009

Beowulf, Hams, and Hockey

A day off for Memorial Day afforded me the time to get the first of many new Dodge Intrepid podcasts in order. This newest episode is another inter-library loan adventure, a solitary romp devoid of any real cliffhangers or ties to previous episodes. In other words, it's worth checking out if you've never heard the show before.

Our heroic librarian, Dodge Intrepid, along with his peppy intern, Pluck Gumption, travel back in time so that they can hear a first-hand account of Beowulf, straight from the viking's mouth. Their little mission doesn't go according to plan, of course, and they are forced to take a longboat through time back to 1940s Pittsburgh. Little do they know a viking has followed them through time! Now they must track down this Norman barbarian as he runs amok through Oakland's Forbes Field, the Duquesne Gardens Ice Arena, and the University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning.

If you like Beowulf, if you dig Pittsburgh, and if you fancy yourself a viking enthusiast, you'll surely appreciate this latest offering. Download it here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:58 PM | Comments (0)

May 15, 2009

I Have the Power (Glove)

The Nintendo Powerglove is one legendary peripheral, perhaps the most legendary of all the ridiculous NES add-ons. Its actual usefulness rests somewhere between R.O.B. the Robot and the Power Pad. I had the distinct honor of trying out the Powerglove recently... boy was it a trip.

There were only two games designed specifically for the glove: Super Glove Ball and Bad Street Brawler. The glove works with just about any game (more on that later), but it's pretty lame that there were only two releases for supporting it. While I can't speak for Bad Street Brawler, I can certainly say that Super Glove Ball is about as fun as trying to catch a Frisbee under water. The game is a virtual version of handball, where the player must grab a ball (using the Powerglove!!!) and then throw it around the virtual room, knocking away tiles. Making matters difficult, however, is the inclusion of little enemies that float around and attack you. It's like trying to play handball after someone smashed a bee hive in the middle of the court. The only way to combat these enemies is to fire your various weapons while throwing around a ball. That means you have to use the little controller strapped to the top of the glove. Despite my immense skill at handball, I couldn't seem to get past the first level. At least I was able to take down a couple of those floating punks before I died...

The Powerglove is more than a one-trick pony. Impressively, the glove was designed to work with just about any game. Nintendo programmed settings in the glove to work with any genre of game you can think of, you just had to find out the number of the program and type it in to the pad. For example, if you wanted to play one of the hundreds of generic side-scrolling movie adaptation games that plagued the system, you would put in a code that made the glove suitable for scrolling, jumping, and attacking. Mario Bros. has its very own program, and it actually works well (although really, the glove is a terribly awkward way to play any game).

There is truth in the glove's advertising, however:

My buddy, the man who proudly owns the glove, was actually able to knock out a challenger in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out just like in the commercial. It was, perhaps, the most glorious moment in that Powerglove's life. Not long after that, we put the glove to rest, and I dealt with a nasty blister on my pinky finger from too much Super Glove Ball.

The Powerglove may be a ridiculous peripheral, only really good as a quick prop in some small-budget science fiction movie, but it certainly was influential. The motion controls, which work thanks to a massive right-angled sensor that you strap to your TV, are surprisingly good. It's easy to see the direct connection between the technology in the Powerglove and the Wii's remote controls. I suppose if you'd like to recreate the experience of the Powerglove, you could just duct tape a Wiimote to a golfer's glove.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:42 AM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2009

Color Me Trekkie

My father and I were equally reluctant to see the new Star Trek movie. When it comes to sci-fi-space-geekery, I always categorized myself halfway between Star Wars and Aliens. There had been a time, when I was young and into action figures, that I got a few Star Trek toys, realized they did absolutely nothing, and quickly discarded them. That was the extent of my Trek experience. Now, with J.J. Abrams adapting the beloved franchise for a new generation, my father and I felt it was time to give it another shot.

Amazingly, we both loved the movie. It was funny and action-packed with just the right level of reverence for the original television series (and by reverence, I mean every said their catchphrases). The casting was absolutely perfect, and the special effects were pretty sweet as well. Coming from a non-Trek fan, this is a very fun Summer blockbuster.

I can understand, however, the fear felt by die-hard Trek fans. I know their pain, as I feel the same disgust about Tim Burton's remake of Planet of the Apes--a film I greatly anticipated, even going so far as to make a "I (heart) Apes" t-shirt with a Sharpie marker, only to be horribly disappointed. But this is a little different. Star Trek is a legitimately good movie, unlike that blasted Apes flick. I think it's safe to say that J. J. Abrams can be trusted to make a bombastic summer popcorn movie out of just about any franchise (his previous work includes Mission: Impossible 3, Cloverfield, and Armageddon... and some show like Gilligan's Island).

I won't go as far to say that me and Dad are Trekkies (or is it Trekkers?), but I hope that this Abrams version of Star Trek lives long and prospers... you see what I did there? Clever, right?

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:15 PM | Comments (1)

May 1, 2009

Updated Podcast Feed, Death Mountain on the Horizon

I updated the Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time podcast feed today, the first time since Christmas. Of course I screwed it up, date-stamping the newest MP3 as debuting May 1st 2008, and had to hurriedly upload a fixed version before the dozens of people that subscribe to it miss out (okay, there may be more than dozens... but I can't really tell).

The podcast feed was updated with a commercial previewing the debut of the show's fifth season, and next week's live performance, Death Mountain Crusaders. I always enjoy podcasting our little commercials, if only because of the very modest way we record them. I shall explain.

After weeks and weeks of writing in various coffee shops throughout Beaver County, James and I finish our four-episode script, which totals roughly 75-80 pages. Then we get together and read through them so that we can proofread, edit, and time them. Once we're certain that we have a pile of old-time-radio gold, we draft up a quick commercial to promote the show... then we go into my car and record it. You see, we're strapped for time, and our writing and (real) recording sessions are carefully planned. But for the trailer, we simply get in the front seat of my car, place my iBook on the dashboard, and read the lines into the tiny microphone Apple built into the screen. It's cheap, it has a weird sound, and it surely freaks out people passing by the coffee shop ("Why are those two dudes talking into that laptop?"). It works, however, and that's what's important. It was also much easier to do when I drove a Buick.

So with Live Sound under our belts, (and podcasting soon), we look ahead to May 9th. It's gonna be a good time.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:06 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2009

Crusaders and Blogger Themes

It's been a while since James and I have written a new installment in our epic comedy/adventure radio serial, Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time. I'm sure, readers, that you've missed my shameless promotional blog posts and endless jabbering about podcasts, pulp, and Pluck. Well, in the coming weeks we have two live radio shows to perform, and the fires of creativity are burning once again.

On April 30th, we're performing another one of our Live Sound shows at Beaver Falls Coffee & Tea. Differing from our full-on performances, these Live Sound shows feature a solitary adventure (involving the dreaded Inter-Library Loan system) and a wonderful musical guest. This time around, we're joined by Marissa DeSantis, who's joining us all the way from Cleveland! It's going to be quite fun (and the event inspired me to make a poster that I'm supremely proud of.)

A week later, Saturday May 9th, we're returning to Cafe Kolache for our usual four-part adventure. It's called Death Mountain Crusaders, which is a pretty fitting title given the show's content (and it also sounds like a kickin' roller derby team!) I'll be posting more about this in the future, but suffice it to say that James and I are very pleased with what we've churned out.

Now, with all of these shows just around the corner, and last year's re-branding of the show for its third anniversary, I decided to spend a couple hours revamping Dodge Intrepid's blog. I originally made the thing in a hurry a few years ago, and it's essentially just a Blogger template. I don't really have the time or energy to try and move the site to better blogging software, like WordPress, or even create a site from scratch... so I updated the template to something more fitting of the show's theme.

One thing I sort of enjoyed about Blogger's updated themes (which aren't really new, mind you) is the ability to add these little gadgety boxes in the columns. You can mess with the layout of stuff a lot easier than digging through code. It's not ideal by any means, and I'm sure more efficient bloggers out there are pointing at me and screaming "blasphemer!", but when you don't have the time to really fine-tune things, Blogger suffices. I was able to totally change the template of the site, add in all of the episode archive links, create a cleaner header, and make a new post in about 90 minutes today.

I wouldn't recommend Blogger for anything if you're actually starting a blog from scratch. For my money, WordPress is probably the best I've seen (MoveableType good too if you can afford it... thanks SHU!); however, if you have a blog deeply entrenched in Blogger, then updating the template and using their layout system is a nice reboot.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:37 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2009

The Problem with Die Hard 2

It's widely, and accurately, understood that Die Hard 2: Die Harder is the worst installment in the revered action franchise. This doesn't necessarily make it an awful movie--heck, I still enjoyed it more than anything the Bourne franchise has to offer. I will claim that the film's problems, however, can all be linked to the redundant, chuckle-inducing title.

Die Harder. Really, if there is an apt way to describe the movie it's to call it just that. It's Die Harder. There's more Die Hard here. It has everything the first movie has, but more. It's extreme. It's amped up. And its utter ridiculousness sets a tone that the third and fourth movies in the franchise really take to heart (with much greater success). After all, Die Harder was just following the rules of a sequel: find what was successful in the first film and then take it one step further.

The producers found a suitable, well-quaffed blond haired villain to match the Hans Gruber mold. Here, they assumed he would be an even more likable terrorist simply because he enters the film doing karate exercises naked in front of a mirror. Hans never had to do that to win our affection... And just as Hans Gruber had a rag-tag group of henchmen straight out of the United Nations, so does this guy. The difference is--surprise!--they're all ex-American soldiers and foreign Communists or something. It's a little complicated. Sadly, the screenwriters missed what was so great about the villains in the original film: they were just bank robbers. Sure they put up the guise of being "serious" bad guys with an "agenda," but it was all for show. It's just the opposite here.

Perhaps even moreso than the villains, Die Harder is brimming with secondary characters who are just playing caricatures of their counterparts in the original film. In Die Hard, McClane gets plenty of help from a couple average joe's: Sergeant Al and Argyle. Both characters are real slices of life. In fact, the original movie was a great example of every character feeling real, with honest needs and personal backstories--even if they weren't all spelled out like Al's. In Die Harder, every character is in slice-of-life-overdrive. It's like every character was plucked from This American Life: Gruff Blue Collar Edition. You get two police officers this time, one of which played by Dennis Frans; a handful of air traffic control guys, one of which is played by shoulda-been-president Fred Thompson; a weird maintenance guy with a lot of maps and access to a golf cart; two different news reporters, one of which is a holdover from the last film; a military task force; and some stewardesses with an ax to grind. Seriously, that's a lot of attitude.

To match the sheer amount of gruffness going on around him, John McClane is forced to essentially lose his mind. He's constantly reminding us how ironic all of this is: "I can't believe this is happening to me again! Right audience?!" His personal asides are always welcomed, don't get me wrong, but almost every line he utters feels like he's assuring us that this is what we asked for. Heck, even his wife Holly, at the end of the film, grabs John and asks him why this keeps happening to them. Thankfully, John, at no point in the movie, looks at the camera and says "Here we go agaaain!"

This is to say nothing of the intense violence and stunts in the film, which try to outdo some of the cooler scenes in the original... but end up resorting to snowmobile chases and John McClane soaring through the air in an ejector seat.

Die Hard 2: Die Harder was made because of the immense success of the original. The studios saw a golden ticket and they went for it. Sure the movie is over-the-top, and brimming with more er than could have been anticipated... but it's still a decent time. I look at it this way: if it wasn't for Die Harder, we wouldn't have had the middling Die Hard with a Vengeance. And if we wouldn't have had that, then we wouldn't have had the incredibly awesome Live Free or Die Hard. It was a long road to get there, but one I'm ultimately satisfied with.

Posted by MikeRubino at 5:19 PM | Comments (0)

April 4, 2009

Boiling Hot Dogs for Guests: A Beginner's Guide

Congratulations on building up the courage to go out of the house. Now that you have, it's time to pick up some hot dogs for your party tonight. Using this as your guide, you'll be well on your way to making delicious hot dogs in minutes, feeding a group of four or more, and impressing your friends. It's easy!

Step 1: Hot Dogs or Wieners?

When you arrive at the store, you'll find all sorts of hot dog-shaped sausages to choose from. Some will say Ballpark, others will say Oscar Mayer, a few expensive ones will say Hebrew National or Nathan's. Some packages say "hot dog" others say "wiener." So many choices, and you have such little time to decide because you waited until the last minute to leave your house to prepare for your four-person party. Schmuck. The good news is that generally, there is no difference between a hot dog and a wiener, because you're not in Europe. In Europe it would matter. Not here. I recommend the bun-length hot dogs, because they're longer than regular hot dogs. They sort of stick out a little bit when placed in the bun, and are much more picturesque. Get those.

Step 2: Buns.

The key thing to remember is that, unless you are making hot dogs for preschoolers, you're going need to also purchase a pack of buns. The important thing to take note of is the number of hot dogs in the package you just bought. So take it out of your cart, buggy, or arms and look at the quantity. It's probably eight. Assuming that it's eight--because, really, what kind of hot dogs are you buying that don't come in packs of eight?--you'll want to get a regular pack of buns. Feel all the buns to make sure they're soft. Stop giggling and do it. One thing never to do is buy the generic, store-brand buns. These buns are probably made up of stale leftover buns from more reputable name-brand companies. Instead, go with something you know.

Step 3: Await Your Guests

One thing you don't want to do is to skip this step and go straight to preparing your hot dogs. If you did, take the wieners out of the water, and wait. It's important, when having a party, that you wait for guests to arrive first before preparing your hot dogs. Doing so will allow the dogs to be as warm and as fresh as possible, and it will also allow you to judge how many to make. If a guest who said they were coming doesn't show up, you shouldn't waste his or her hot dog and you should also not invite them anymore. Unreliable friends are cracks in the foundation of a successful party.

Step 4: Boil Your Hot Dogs

Congratulations, all of your friends that said they would attend did. Now it's time for you to boil those hot dogs. First, get out a sauce pan. Test the sauce pan to make sure the hot dogs will fit. You can do this by setting the hot dogs into the sauce pan without even taking them out of their packaging. Then, once you have the correct sauce pan, fill it with water, preferably bottled or tap, and place it on the stove. Boil the water for however long it takes to boil. Once the water is boiling in the sauce pan, carefully remove the hot dogs from the wrapping, making sure not to comically drop one on the floor. It'll be a good laugh, but then someone will be short a wiener. Stop giggling. Place all of the hot dogs into the boiling water, and then place a lid on top to seal in the steam.

Step 5: Stop Boiling the Hot Dogs

Once you have all the hot dogs in the water, allow everything to boil together for roughly a minute. Then turn off the burner and move the hot-dog-and-boiling-water-filled sauce pan to a different, not hot, burner. Allow the whole thing to sit, covered, for seven minutes. While the dogs are doing their thing, prepare the hot dog buns by moving the bag that they're in within reaching distance of your guests. Also get out plates--paper will do--and ketchup. If you have mustard, you could get that out, too, or you could wait and see if anyone asks, that way you won't make yourself look weird by admitting you own mustard. After seven minutes have passed, turn off your egg timer or whatever it was that you used to time this, and take off the lid to the sauce pan. Caution! A cloud of piping hot hot dog steam may spew from the pan. Don't put your face directly over the pan when you take off the lid, because aside from being weird, you may get a very stinky burn.

Step 6: Serve the Hot Dogs

The last thing you want to do is poison your guests. It's very hard to have future get-togethers if you ruin your first one by sending someone to the hospital with hot dog poison in them. That's why you should eat the first hot dog. Use a two-pronged hot dog fork--probably located in your large cutlery drawer with those rubber jar-openers and salad tongs--and pick out a dog from the gray, smelly water. Cut the dog in half and touch the inside to your tongue. If it's warm, it's good to serve. If it's not, do NOT throw it back in the water. Just microwave it or something. If your guests are blue-collared, working class, friends, it's acceptable for you to hand one of them the serving fork and allow him or her to choose a dog from the water. If your friends are rich, and you're trying to show that you, too, are of the upper crust, then you'll probably want to have someone pretend to be your butler and serve everyone for you.

Step 7: The Clean-Up

After the last hot dog has been eaten, and all of your friends are well-fed, it's time to begin the clean-up. The first thing you have to do is dispose of the hot dog water. The easiest thing to do is to put the lid back on the pot, and then carefully walk it to your front door, open the door with your free hand or hip, and then walk out into the street and dump the water out on the ground. Pay attention to your surroundings, and look both ways before you walk out into the street. If there are a lot of stray dogs in your neighborhood, you'll want to dump the water quickly and run. Just make sure you don't spill any on yourself, or one of your guests' cars. If you live in an apartment building, or the woods, and don't have access to a street, you can also dump the water into the shower, toilet, or the pot of any large houseplant. Do not, however, dump hot dog water in to kitchen sink. Don't ask why, just don't.

Congratulations! You have successful made hot dogs for you and your guests. In all honesty, this guide has not taught you anything you didn't already know. This guide has merely unlocked the hot-dog-boiling powers that have existed inside of you since birth. Be proud of yourself. Celebrate. Throw a party.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:48 PM | Comments (2)

March 31, 2009

"Sudden Tweet" by Arnold Slick

SUDDEN TWEET
Name: Arnold Slick
Location: Pittsburgh PA

Game 7 tonight. Going to Strip District to get face paint. Go Pens.
12:35PM Jun3rd from web

@pensmom Sorry you can't come tonight. I'll twitter from my phone and keep you updated. love you mom. is dad working 2night? Go Pens.
4:45PM 6:15PM from web

Stuck in traffic. Lange on radio is saying Tolliver has a fever. They better not put in Ken Wregget.
6:15PM Jun3rd from mobile

@scalperJoe Sorry I didn't have an xtra ticket. Catch ya after the game!
6:30PM Jun3rd from mobile

VicePrez Binder is at the game 2nite. He better be a Pens fan, I voted for him! Go Pens.
6:45PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom inside arena. I got here safe, don't worry. I got my puckhead hat on you got me. did dad cook for the vp?
7:00PM Jun3rd from mobile

I just saw that new mascot Iceberg with her mask off. She's a hotty! Go Pens.
7:10PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom In my seat, D18 Row E. Awesome. Just off the blue line. Barbarro is announcing the game! Everyone's going nuts.
7:20PM Jun3rd from mobile

JIMMERSON singing the anthem! Rocking the mullet! GO PENS!
7:29PM Jun3rd from mobile

Belfour vs Tolliver in net. I think we can take him if Jagr and Robitaille step up.
7:30PM Jun3rd from mobile

PUCK DROPPED!
7:36PM Jun3rd from mobile

Great game. Back and forth. Frances looks great. Some jagoff in front of me is talking to his two kids, sit down! Weird looking kids.
7:40PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom STEVENS SCORES! 11th of playoffs!
7:50PM Jun3rd from mobile

CRAP the Hawks tie it up w/ 1:52 remaining.
8:01PM Jun3rd from mobile

Beefy mullet vendor selling Sprite? Where's the Irons? Stupid kid standing up during play! SIT DOWN!
8:03PM Jun3rd from mobile

Intermission— guy in front of me had his jersey tucked into his Dockers. Unreal. Gonna go buy a pennant for my room.
8:10PM Jun3rd from mobile

I just saw that rent a cop guy chasing Iceburg, and he owned some fat guy and spilled his drink. Why do our mens rooms have troughs?
8:18PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom PUCK DROPPED for 2nd per!
8:20PM Jun3rd from mobile

CRAP BHawks take the lead.
8:31PM Jun3rd from mobile

I just heard a low boom. Maybe the Pens defense imploding?
8:35PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom GOOOAAL! Sandstrom at 11:02! Go PENS!
8:36PM Jun3rd from mobile

Big dudes strutting up the steps during play! What is with people? Wait til a break in the action jags!
8:40PM Jun3rd from mobile

End of 2nd per. Tolliver not on his game. They're opening the roof for fireworks? Shouldve waited til after we WIN!
8:52PM Jun3rd from mobile

Heard a really loud boom... fireworks are over and the roof is closed (fastest closing time ever?)
9:13PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom 3RD PER. started! Longest first minute everrrr.
9:18PM Jun3rd from mobile

Why are people doing the wave? We're tied! Stoppit! Idiots are just cheering for no reason. Clearly not real fans.
9:22PM Jun3rd from mobile

Some dude standing in the aisle, talking to that kid. Can't believe this jagoff. I'm saying something.
9:23PM Jun3rd from mobile

I said: DOWN IN FRONT!
9:24PM Jun3rd from mobile

I said: FELLA I DIDNT PAY TO WATCH YOU! DOWN IN FRONT. i showed him. go pens.
9:25PM Jun3rd from mobile

He finally left. Just noticed that annoying girl's gone. Weird kid's still there though.
9:26PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom FRANCES SCORES! We want the cup!
9:35PM Jun3rd from mobile

Tolliver left the game, Wregget going in. We're done for :-(
9:39PM Jun3rd from mobile

whoa—that cop guy just spilled another dudes coke and is hopping down the rows towards the ice. Hilarious!
9:42PM Jun3rd from mobile

Nicols scored on Wregget. CRAP
9:47PM Jun3rd from mobile

Tolliver back in the game! Seems different. We're done for.
9:49PM Jun3rd from mobile

Tolliver wiped out on his own man. Then save OF THE YEAR?!
9:51PM Jun3rd from mobile

Tolliver dropped gloves... Says I LOVE YOU in sign language? WTF—the game is still going on!
9:52PM Jun3rd from mobile

TOLLIVER PUNCHES A HAWK! That guy must have said something really nasty.
9:53PM Jun3rd from mobile

CRAP time running out. Jagr has done nothing.
9:58PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom ROBITAILLE SCORES! SUDDEN DEATH! OMG OMG OMG
10:01PM Jun3rd from mobile

Sudden death started. Little kid is actually standing up! SIT DOWN!
10:20PM Jun3rd from mobile

Roof opening again?
10:24PM Jun3rd from mobile

No way... guy hanging from light on the roof!?
10:25PM Jun3rd from mobile

SCOREBOARD XPLODED!!!
10:26PM Jun3rd from mobile

CopguyridingcameraintoVPbooth!
10:27PM Jun3rd from mobile

boothblewup!
10:28PM Jun3rd from mobile

Everyone is running. That kid isn't leaving his seat.
10:29PM Jun3rd from mobile

Are they gonna finish the game?
10:29PM Jun3rd from mobile

Ishouldleave
10:30PM Jun3rd from mobile

I painted my face for this?
10:31PM Jun3rd from mobile

halls filledwith people. bathroom xploded poop and water everywhere
10:33PM Jun3rd from mobile

@pensmom don't worry, mom I'm outside arena now. I dunno about dad. I bet all the chefs got out safe too.
10:37PM Jun3rd from mobile

HELICOPTER FLYING INTO THE OPEN ROOF?! :-0
10:38PM Jun3rd from mobile

I wonder if Jimmerson is ok?
10:39PM Jun3rd from mobile

@scalperJoe this is BS. tix were expensive. game didnt end. we shoulda won. wonder if that kid got out. going to primantis. go pens.
10:42PM Jun3rd from mobile

Posted by MikeRubino at 5:55 PM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2009

Suddenly Tweeting Today

The big day is finally here! Game 7 of the 1995 Stanley Cup Playoffs... if you're as pumped about this fated match between the Penguins and the Blackhawks as I am, then you'll surely want to follow the live Twitter feed of the game.

Faux-Twittering is nothing new, but faux-Twittering from the perspective of an extra inside of an awesome movie is. So far Sudden Tweet has been getting some good feedback and a fair amount of readers (thanks in part to a plug on The Pensblog). I don't really have any expectations for this, aside from it being a good way to spend a Sunday night, so I'm looking forward to really getting into the posts this evening.

Thankfully, you don't have to even belong to Twitter to follow Sudden Tweet! Just check it out and refresh throughout the day (the big stuff's gonna start around 6:00). You can also subscribe to the RSS feed. And once it's up, it's up...

Go Pens.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:22 AM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2009

The Running List

I mentioned that I was going to start running. Well, I did. It's one of those instances where I'm thankful I have good friends and family members to help me out, show me the ropes, and make sure I keep up with it. Sure I could just run on my own, but I'd probably make all sorts of terrible decisions (like when Michael Scott ate all that spaghetti before running on The Office). My brother showed me how to stretch properly. My friend has been running with me, pushing me to keep going whenever I try and slow down. My parents crack wise about how I haven't died yet. It's all been going as well as can be expected.

The real issue, aside from the fact that I have the stamina of a 70 year-old chain smoker, is that I can't really nail down a playlist. Some of the music I thought was going to work like gangbusters, mainly things like Mastodon's "Island" or Iron Maiden's "The Trooper," are a little too meedly-meedly to get into--lengthy guitar solos, while awesome, are difficult to jog to. I would probably run into the same problem if I tried running to Rush's "Cygnus X-1 Book II," which I actually considered until realized how stupid that would be. There are some exceptions in the metal category that have worked nicely. Mainly some Probot songs and "Runner" from Andrew W.K.'s Japan Covers CD. It was kinda tempting to make a whole playlist featuring songs about running (Coheed and Cambria's "Running Free" comes to mind), but then I realized, again, that most of them stink for actually working out. I was also tempted to make a playlist featuring only songs from 80s movie montage sequences... but then could I ever take myself seriously?

What I found to be most effective (after running upwards of three times, hoo-ah!) is a lot of fast paced power pop and ska works nicely. By power pop, I mean stuff like The Hives or The Go Team. Stuff you could jump rope to, if you were into that sort of thing. It's not surprising to me that ska worked so well--after all, what is "skanking" but running in place? My current playlist only has a couple ska songs, mainly by the Voodoo Glowskulls (left over from my high school days when ska was much more popular). Going forward, I'll probably add more of that, and take out stuff like Mastodon.

The real root of the problem with my "running playlist" is that I hate making playlists. That's right, I hate it. I listen to a ton of music, all of which is in album form. If I start an album, I have to listen to it from start to finish even if I just want to hear a specific song. So when it comes to making a mix CD or some sort of playlist, I'm clueless. I can't separate songs from albums, and when it comes to actually naming songs I'm pretty hit or miss. This is probably a topic worth exploring in a later blog entry.

So if you'd like to suggest a playlist for me, I'll probably take it and run with it (zing!). Or perhaps to make things easier, I'll just try Rush's "2112." It'd be a good 20 minute workout.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:10 AM | Comments (2)

March 24, 2009

Prefacing "Sudden Tweet"

I'm not a fan of Twitter. I am a fan, however, of the Jean Claude Van Damme masterpiece, Sudden Death. So I'm combing my hate for Twitter with my love of Sudden Death to create something beautiful. It's called Sudden Tweet.

This Sunday, I'll be twittering the entire film... as Arnold Slick (from Turtle Creek).

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:43 PM | Comments (3)

March 15, 2009

"2009 Resolutions Update" or "I got the shoes, now what?"

It's about that time of the year where most people have long abandoned their New Year Resolutions, perhaps putting them aside for Lenten Resolutions or just forgetting about them altogether. Well I haven't forgotten. In fact, today I took a big step towards the resolution at the top of my meager and slapped-together list: running.

No, I haven't started running yet. In my original resolution, I clearly stated that once the weather started to get warmer, I would give it a shot. Thankfully, the c-note I slipped Phil on Groundhog's Day bought me a few more weeks to mentally prepare myself for working out. (It's hard for me to justify running without actually traveling anywhere... why not jog to the store or the coffee shop and get stuff done?) Now that Spring is on the march, it's time to sit or get on the track. I'm not one to just jump into something like this; I've got plenty of friends who run and are in good shape, so I've been talking to them about all the various things I need to do in order to prepare.

There are two things every runner needs: good shoes and a good playlist. I'll say right now that I don't have a good playlist yet (although you can rest assure that once one is amassed, I'll be posting it here), but I did get the shoes. My mom, who used to coach cross country, and I went to Marshall's and she helped me pick out a nice pair of New Balance running shoes (or "kicks," if you will). They're insanely light, which is nice. I'm baffled, however, as to why New Balance shoes are so incredibly ugly. Do they really need all this mesh and plastic? All the runners I know swear by these things, but maybe that's because when you're running no one can really tell how ridiculous they look. Oh well, I don't really care what I look like while running--especially since I got a goofy pair of green mesh gym shorts as well.

One of my buddies has agreed to show me the running ropes this week. Basically, he'll just be there to call an ambulance after I faint on the track during my first 5-minute jog. That's what friends are for.

As for the rest of my resolution list, it's actually going fairly well: I'm still blogging about the same as I always have; I still don't know how to play Sudoku, but I've been rocking my New York Times Crossword game for Nintendo DS; and I haven't really been messing with any tin foil.

The one screw-up is that I haven't cut back on my Master-Blaster references. If anything, they've increased. Lately I've been doing some guest appearances on DVD Verdict's weekly podcast, The Friday Filibuster, and I definitely made a Master-Blaster joke (involving Steve Urkell climbing on Eddie's shoulders in a Thunderdome episode of Family Matters). I even made a reference just as recent as last night, when I saw my friend's large rabbit pen, which happened to resemble (again) the Thunderdome. Old habits die hard.

I'm optimistic that a little jogging now and again will become a new, positive habit. I'm not looking to enter 5K runs or anything, but I am trying to stay healthy enough to not lose my breath playing wiffle ball this summer. That's the key.

Posted by MikeRubino at 4:57 PM | Comments (3)

March 12, 2009

Panera's Refreshed Coffee

In 2005 I made the rather bold statement that Panera's coffee was better than Starbucks. Re-reading that article, it's clear that I came to that decision based on a lot more than just the coffee. I liked the atmosphere. I liked the refills. I liked the soup. Having grown up a bit since then, and with plenty of other coffee under my belt (not literally), I can wholeheartedly say that I recant that statement. Panera's coffee isn't that good.

I feel the need to write this now due to Panera's recent revamping of their coffee line. About a month or so ago they rolled out what they claimed to be new kinds of coffee, replacing their own House, Bold, and Decaf roasts with Light, Dark, and Decaf roasts. So as far as I can tell, the only real difference was that they changed the adjectives to describe their brews.

The problem with Panera's coffee--and it's a problem I only realized when a franchise moved to Beaver County--is that it's tangy. It's got a weird sour zip to it, almost as if it's been sitting around for a long time. It's consistent, regardless of what flavor I get or when I drink it. I'm not the only one to notice the zip, the tang, the pickle flavoring (okay, maybe not a distinct pickle flavor, but definitely sour); some folks I've mentioned it to don't seem to mind. I mind, and yet I still drink it.

For the longest time, my favorite stripe of Panera's coffee was the Hazelnut, which just so happens to be the only brew they didn't replace. This is because their Hazelnut, so claims a reliable source who used to work there, is nothing more than their standard coffee with hazelnut syrup added in. And all this time I foolishly thought they were roasted with a hazelnut flavor, now I find that it's nothing more than a sexed up house blend. I'm drinking coffee in a bread shop of lies!

So what's so different about the new stuff? I couldn't really tell you. The zip, the tang, the pickle is less pronounced. This may be because things are a little fresher, or perhaps the beans are a little different; or it could just be because they're changing the coffee more than they used to. My Panera's (I don't own one, but you know...) used to keep it a secret when the coffee was brewed. They would hide those little cards or timers out of the sight of curious customers. Now they proudly inform me, when I show up at say 7:00pm, that my coffee was brewed at 5:30. Maybe I was better off not knowing.

One good thing that did come out of this "new" Panera's coffee is that they finally ditched the dangerously thin styrofoam cups they've given customers for years. These cups stunk (big time). They essentially cracked in half the moment you tried to press on a travel lid. Now Panera's has nice paper cups, a la Starbucks. Except Panera's cups aren't telling me how to live my life. Thanks Panera's.

I'm not really saying that Panera's, or Starbucks for that matter, have undrinkable, awful coffee. I still enjoy going to both places for a quick and usually consistent cup of Joe. But what has really happened over the past three years since that last blog entry is that I've spent more time at locally-owned cafes. My tastes have changed a good deal. I appreciate the regionally roasted, ultra fresh coffee I can get at the neighborhood shops. Sure they're not open very late (hence why I travel to the chains), but I've come to appreciate them more than I may have years ago. The best part about the local shops is that I know they aren't pickling their coffee beans. That means a lot to me.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:26 PM | Comments (1)

March 1, 2009

Interviewing The Unit's New Recruit

If you'll indulge me in a brief post of shameless promotion, I wanted to point you towards DVD Verdict's sister site, TV Verdict. I've been writing for them since the site's founding, and last fall became a beat reviewer for the CBS series The Unit. This past week, I posted my first interview.

I had a great phone interview with The Unit's newest member, Nicole Steinwedell. We discussed the role of women in the military's special forces, her preparation for the role, and some very weighty subject matter featured in some of the upcoming episodes.

Check out the interview at TV Verdict.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:08 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2009

Geekery n'at

I went to the Penguins game last night. If you watched it from the comfort of your home, you already know that two-thirds of the game were about as exciting as watching an old person try to get their quarter back from an Aldi's shopping cart. Still, I enjoy every game I go to, and after last night, I'll future games I attend even more.

Seeing a Penguins game now is like living in the future. It's like stepping into a Philip K. Dick novel, sans all that pesky paranoia (unless you count the ever-present fear of the Pens blowing a 3 goal lead going into the third period). I'm talking about Yinzcam, a new sports engineering project coming straight outta the brains of Carnegie Mellon University students. Now, the Yinzcam may sound like some sort of Jumbotron segment where a camera scours the crowd for the gruffest, nastiest Steel City dweller in attendance, but it's actually a wireless network of cameras that give attendees extra access into a live sporting event.

In order to use this sweet service, you need to have an iPhone, iPod Touch, PDA, or something else with a wi-fi card. Once you connect to the Yinzcam network (which is only available inside the arena), you can access up to six different camera angles broadcasting the game. So I'm able to sit in my seat, watch the game, and look down at my iPod to see a special camera that just follows Malkin around on the ice (even when he's sitting on the bench). That's cool, but what sold me was the ability to create your own instant replays. You can rewind the video on your iPod to check out something while the game is going on. Last night, a shot from one of the Pens bounced off the crossbar of the goal, and I was able to rewind to see exactly what the shot looked like from different angles (since the people sitting around he were positive it somehow went in.) As the game progresses, the Yinzers edit higher-quality replays of goals to stream on demand.

This is probably the geekiest thing I've ever seen at a sporting event. I loved it. And I have to give zambonis full of credit to the bright students who came up with this idea (and then navigated the murky legal waters of the NHL and the Penguins to make it a reality). The kids at the kiosk explained to me that they got permission to do it because the video feed is contained within the arena, and isn't recordable.

Next time you're at a Pens game, and you have a wi-fi phone thing, you should definitely give it a try. It's so cool it almost drowns out the din of people screaming "Shoot the puck!"

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:27 AM | Comments (1)

February 23, 2009

The First Phone Call Hugo Chavez Received After Being Elected President-For-Life

Hello, Mr Chavez?
...
Yes, how are you? This is Janice from Urbano Ropas. Yes, I was calling in regards to the interview you had with us last month.
...
I know, I'm sorry it took so long for us to get back to you. We just had so many applicants and a lot of personnel changes with the department... but anyways, I'm very excited to let you know that we would like to hire you as one of our floor managers.
...
Oh?
...
Are you sure you aren't interested?
...
Another job? May I ask with whom?
...
Well we had originally discussed that this was the kind of low-stress job you'd be looking for after your term in office was complete...
...
For life?
...
I see.
...

Do you mind if I ask how much it pays per hour? Because Urbano Ropas has a little bit of flexibility with our pay scale and--
...
For life?
...
Well do they give you stock options and a 401k after six months on the job?
...
I understand.
...
I do apologize for the delay. If we would have called you earlier this afternoon, things may have been different.
...
Yes, 56% of the vote is a big number.
...
Yes.
...
Well we will certainly keep your resume on file in case things don't work out with the dictatorship. If you ever decide you'd like to give us another try, please don't hesitate to call me.
...
I will.
...
Thank you.
...
Oh, and if you are looking to purchase red button-down shirts in a large quantity, please let me know. I can work up a discount.
...
Thank you, sir!
...
Excuse me? Haha, it sounded like you said the state would be--
...
Oh.
...
I see.
...
Then... I guess we won't need your resume on file! Ha!
...
Allllright, well you have a good day.
...
Yes, and congratulations.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:05 PM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2009

On To Success: Three Tips for SHU Graphic Design Students

I had the honor of being invited to participate in Seton Hill University's "This Way Up... and On to Success" alumni networking event this past week. The event allowed students of varying areas of study to sit down with some alumni and network. I met with a great group of graphic design and art students.

Now, in case you weren't able to actually make the event--say you really needed to watch the Penguins game, or were just too entranced with Guitar Hero to drag yourself to the Greensburg Room--I thought it would be cool to offer up three of the tips I gave the students who were at my table:

1. Make the most of your senior art show in Harlan Gallery. My biggest piece of advice to everyone was to treat your senior show as more than just a requirement for graduation. This may be the only time (hopefully not) that your stuff will hang in a formal gallery, and you should do your very best to present it well. Beyond that, if you have an idea of where you would eventually like to work, be it at a small design house or a larger marketing firm in the area, it certainly doesn't hurt to invite people from the industry to your show. If you can get local art directors, designers, or creative professionals at your show, and you make a great impression on them with your work and your personal skills, you have essentially stuck your foot in some very valuable doors. Getting a possible employer to check out your art show has the possibility of being more important than just a normal job interview. Additionally, don't be afraid to tailor your show to a specific theme, or even make additional design pieces just for your show (I know, that's asking a lot... but it'll be worth it).

2. Create a strong portfolio now, while you have the time. It's very easy to think of your portfolio and resume as just something you need to do to pass the core curriculum and graduate. The thing is, when you actually do graduate, you're going to need the best portfolio possible to get a job. Do as much of it as you can while you're in school, while you have the free time and resources to really make it representative of your skills. When you're out of school, suddenly you'll find that updating your portfolio is a chore, it's tedious, and it's filled with uncertainty. As designers, it's important to always have an up-to-date portfolio, but it's certainly easier to freshen up something that has a very strong foundation. Going along with this idea, show your portfolio to as many folks as possible--especially people in the design field. Get advice about the order of the work, and weed out any weak projects (especially stuff that screams "assignment.")

3. Don't be afraid of web design. When I was a design student at SHU, Flash animation was only taught as a small portion of two of my classes. From what I was told at the dinner, SHU offers a full Flash course now. Take it if you have the option to. My senior year, I created an independent study to further my knowledge in Flash, and I'm really glad that I did (right now about 25% of the work I do is in Flash). With the rising cost of paper, printing, and mailing, companies are finding that direct mail and other forms of print advertising aren't necessarily cost effective. That stuff will always be around, but more and more folks are moving towards the web. Online advertising can be cheaper, more targeted, and can produce measurable, tangible results. As such, it's a great boon to be a designer with even a slight knowledge of web design. Don't pigeon-hole your skills in print. I love print design more than any other kind, but I'm not afraid to learn Flash and web design. If you are able to offer a potential employer a well-rounded skill set, they are more apt to hire you (and in turn, make more money from their clients because of the services you can provide).

We talked at great length about a slew of other topics at the event, but I found these three to be the most important. This was a great event for students, and there were plenty of alums there to offer up incredibly helpful advice. If you didn't make it this year, make sure you do next time. It just might help you land a job.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:45 PM | Comments (2)

February 18, 2009

The World Stopped Shrinking

At some point in the process of growing up, my world stopped shrinking. When I was a kid, when we were all kids, my grade school was tailored to the half-pint size of sixth graders. The desks were small, with tiny little chairs for everyone. The shelves were low. The toilets were only slightly larger than those found in the Barbie Dream House.

When I return to my grade school and walk around, I'm always amazed at how tiny everything feels. I'm not a tall person, but even I can experience the effect of returning to a place built for children. It's nostalgic. You should try it.

Last weekend, when I was visiting my grade school for the church's annual carnival, I got a chance to walk through the old classrooms. It was during this little trip into my childhood that I realized that there probably won't be a time years from now where I'll have a similar experience about where I am today. I may grow a bit more before (although I'm not putting much stock into it), but once we all reach a certain age, things stop shrinking.

Another ten years from now, I won't look at my car and say "man, that is so small now." My office chair isn't going to change in size. Neither will my toilet. Everything is grown-up sized now, and that's how it's going to stay. Things need to be grown-up sized, they're the ones with the money to buy the stuff.

Sure we may grow wider, and then things may seem small. And when we're all really old, and we shrink a little, then things may get bigger. But neither experience will really replicate that of visiting your grade school. Of leaning over slightly to touch the top of the desks. Of shuffling up the shallow steps. Of hurting your back bending over while simultaneously banging your shines of a step stool just to get a drink from the water fountain. Nope, everything's our size now. The world has stopped shrinking. We've grown up.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:43 PM | Comments (2)

February 17, 2009

Tranquility Lost NOT One of Time's Best Blogs of 2009!

Time Magazine, that lovable once-relevant news rag, has released their list of the Best Blogs of 2009. Sadly, this very blog, Tranquility Lost, was not featured in the list.

For the record, it wasn't listed on their 2008 list, either.

I'm not surprised, quite frankly. My once venerable blog has more than an uphill battle if it ever wants to reach the greatness it used to have. Remember that time I made the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article about Seton Hill's blogging? Yeah. Good times. If there was a time for Time to really recognize the wit, intelligence, and overall asininity of Tranquility Lost, that was it. It's possible that they checked me out this year, considering my slight redesign of the site to warrant a second glance. My infrequent flashes of brilliance, paired alongside the occasionally boring introspective entry, matched with long stretches of nothingness, surely are more interesting than anything the Huffington Post has to offer. Right?

Being passed over for another year of blogging won't deter me. It shouldn't deter any blogger (especially any blogger who doesn't actually make any money doing this...). Besides, at least I can proudly say that I wasn't listed on Time's Most Overrated Blogs of 2009 List either! That's something to really be proud of.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:27 AM | Comments (2)

February 11, 2009

Analog Man. Digital World. Four Months.

President Obama signed a bill today delaying the federally mandated switch from analog to digital cable that was supposed to happen next week. You may have heard about this big switch; every freaking television station, news program, and commercial has been talking about it for the past year and a half. Well saints be praised, we get four more months of these mind-numbing commercials!

Four more months of some lady walking in to a living room to tell me that I need to go over my elderly friend's house, crawl behind their massive television cabinet, and hook up the box for them so that they don't have to. Four more months of lengthy PSA's at the end of every news cast telling me to call some number for more information, lest I get left behind in the analog age. Four more months of confusion, mass hysteria, and bunny ear jerry-rigging.

None of this applies to me, and yet I'm forced to sit back and hear about it. Haven't people been planning for the switch? How could this have happened? It's the economy. It has to be. That's the only answer. Somewhere, deep beneath the greasy streets of Washington, a hairy, open-shirted toiler not unlike Grot from Metropolis was ready to throw the massive switch labeled "analog-to-digital." But now word has just made its way down. Obama signed a bill. It's a no-go. The mediator between the head and the hands is the heart!

According to the article, the funds set aside to help people buy converter boxes ran out. How did the government run out of money for a program so important? What's more important than television? How else will we see our glorious leader? They could have snuck more funding for the converter boxes in to the stimulus bill. Then again, I heard that the bill is an even 2,405 pages and they didn't want to take up a whole page just for one sentence.

Four more months.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:58 PM | Comments (1)

February 8, 2009

Battling Baristas

Baristas are awesome. They make me coffee, and sometimes a latte or a cappuccino. They also, apparently, toss aside their usually calm and friendly demeanor to battle it out to the death in competition. This weekend was the US Barista Championship Mid Atlantic & North East Regionals, both of which were held at the Marriott in Cranberry Township. I took my brother to the event to not only catch some sweet espresso action, but also support one of my favorite local coffee shops who was competing for the first time.

The setup was pretty simple: each barista gets 15 minutes to make drinks for a panel of four judges (there are three technical judges also watching). The barista has to make an espresso, a cappuccino, and a specialty drink of their own design. While they're doing this, they have to talk the judges and the audience through what they're doing, their choice of beans, and give a little background about their shop. The baristas aren't competing simultaneously against each other, but instead are shooting for a high individual score. The highest ranked baristas were competing today for spots in the national competition.

Some of the speciality drinks these baristas were presenting were pretty impressive. One girl from Baltimore made an espresso drink with flavorless pop rocks and some of the leftover coffee cherry casings. Of course, I was most excited for one of the baristas from Beaver Falls Coffee & Tea, who created a small espresso drink based off of a cake he had in Prague. Not only did it sound delicious when he described it to me, but he used a small blow torch to make it... I would have given him the prize for that alone.

One of the more intriguing ideas to come out of the competition was that anyone can enter at the regional level. You don't have to be a barista for a local coffee shop. Meaning that if I could only get better at my homemade espresso-ing, I could enter next year as a dark horse competitor! I can just imagine showing up there with my counter-top espresso maker, a bag of stale Starbucks brand espresso, and some marshmallows prepared to take the world by storm. I would probably wear a luchador mask as well--just to add to the mystery.

if I were to enter the competition today, my drinks would include:

1. Four shots of espresso for the four judges, served in various dinosaur Dixie cups.


2. Four Americanos (I would explain to them that since my only attempt at steaming milk failed so miserably, I would be making them Americanos instead of cappuccinos. They'd understand.)


3. Four "Marshmallow Surprises." My specialty drink, which would include a shot of espresso, a marshmallow, and Nestle Quik. I haven't actually made this before, but I think they would enjoy it.

Okay, maybe entering the tournament next year wouldn't really work. Besides, attending it seemed like way more fun. My brother and I were able to go around and sample coffee from a bunch of great local coffee shops, drink some delicious Turner Dairy 2% milk, and eat way more desserts than we probably should have. It was an excellent event for anyone interested in learning about coffee, and it highlighted one of the growing areas of our region's economy; Pittsburgh has one of the highest per-capita coffee consumption ratings in the country. Nice.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:25 PM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2009

The Hills have Houses

There are plenty of things to consider when building a house: are the plans structurally sound? How much money do I want to spend? What school district will I be in? Above all else, the big issue is always location. Location. Location, in fact. And so if location is three times as important as other factors, it only seems natural that you'd want to build a house in, say, a good spot. In Southwestern PA, that doesn't really seem to matter to some folks.

Since I've been commuting to work, taking the same routes every day, I've been noticing the more subtle aspects of my environment--the small business signs, the squirrelly back streets, the roadkill. I'm flummoxed by the odd number of houses that seem to be in horrible, dangerous locations. Like "side of a mountain" bad.

During my drive to work, I travel a highway that runs along what is effectively a mountain. It's probably not as tall as the Adirondacks, but around here if it is so tall you can't see the top, it's a mountain. So I'll be driving along this mountain (watching out for yeti and goats), and I'll see a house just tucked away amidst the icicles and rocks. I haven't actually stopped to see if any of these houses look like they're occupied, but my passing glance would leave me to believe that who ever is in there is either a crazy or a ghost. Or maybe it's just a well-to-do businessman who can afford to be air-dropped in; there aren't really driveways to these places.

Houses that are currently in bad locations may have, at one time, been better off. Most of the time, older houses (like from the beginning of the 20th Century) were once in great spots before major highways rolled through. Heck, there's a town in Beaver County that was totally cut in half lengthwise by a giant highway... suddenly everyone was in a bad location. But this is a little different. Highways may be near the houses, but it's not like the houses were built and a mountain suddenly sprung from the earth! Who ever the trapper or hunter was that built these homes 100 years ago knowingly stuck them on the side of a mountain.

There are upsides, of course. For one, your property is pretty much always going to be the same. It's not like the market for mountain-houses fluctuates very much. And eventually, depending on the foundation, that house could slide down to become a main street property in another 100 years. Plus, I bet there aren't many solicitors that bother to strap on some boots and pull out the pick-axe.

I had always thought that it would be nuts to live on the Southside Slopes in Pittsburgh, or on the side of Mt. Washington; but these mountain-houses that I've been discovering take the cake... and that cake is nutty.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:40 PM | Comments (0)

January 19, 2009

A Happy City

Pittsburgh, she's a moody gal. The collective feelings of the city seem to sway with the current successes and failures of our many illustrious sports teams (okay, at least two of them... sorry Pirates). I never really understood how a city could be so bi-polar, or at least how you could sense that in the day-to-day, until I started working there. Now I pick it up immediately, as soon as I start that commute.

The city is happy today. Mainly because the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to another Super Bowl. I don't really like the sport of football, but I'm happy when the Steelers win. I love the city, and I want her to be happy. Thanks to the Steelers, and to the Penguins and their excellent 3-0 victory over the Rangers, everyone seems to be smiling in the 'Burgh.

If the Steelers had lost, things would feel different right now. My commute would have been hectic and tense, with people cutting others off to get to the red light faster. The UPS and Fed-Ex guys would be slamming down the packages, kicking them a little as they left the office. The gate, barring access to the office parking lot, would have been frozen shut. That bucket rolling around between lanes on Route 65 would have smacked into a car. My coffee would be bitter. Things would have been different.

But on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the city is pleased. The traffic was light. Schools are closed (probably on account of the holiday, not the Steelers winning). People around town are holding doors for others, letting folks merge onto the highway, and handing out blankets and hams to the homeless. Heck, even Mayor Steelersteel doesn't seem so bad right now (he'd better not change his name back until after the Super Bowl...)

Yes, today the city feels good. The Spirit claims that his city screams. Mine is sort of all giggly right now.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:05 AM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2009

The Rise of Mayor Steelerstahl

When the Pittsburgh Steelers made their way to Super Bowl a couple years back, the modest metropolis of Greensburg changed its name to Black-and-Goldsburg. This vain attempt at sports pride may have caused undue chaos in the Greensburg Post Office and temporarily ruined the stationary of thousands, but it was a generally harmless display of affection.

Not to be outdone for this year's playoff run, Pittsburgh's mayor, Luke Ravenstahl, has officially and legally changed his last name to Steelerstahl. This stunt, while wreaking havoc on his family genealogy, is surely proof that this man cares about his city's football team. To the max.

Personally, I think he should keep it. How many towns have a mayor named after one of their sports teams? Chicago doesn't have a Mayor Blacksoxstein. Anaheim doesn't have a city council member named Bob McMightyduck. And I would hate to see New Jersey have a governor named Mr. Devil. But Pittsburgh has the distinct privilege of having a Mayor Steelerstahl for a least a week or so.

Never mind the fact that the "stahl" in Mayor Luke's last named actually means steel in German... calling him Mayor Steelersteel just sounds made up.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:38 PM | Comments (0)

January 12, 2009

Grand Torino

Gran Torino is rumored to be one of the last films Clint Eastwood will star in. If that's the case, then he couldn't have chosen a more perfect movie. I saw it over the weekend, and aside from just enjoying it thoroughly, I found it to be a great bookend to Clint's entire career.

In Gran Torino, Clint plays Walt, an old Korean War vet (I guess all Korean War vets are old), who finds his life in Michigan changing rapidly. His wife has just passed away, his kids (who are grown men with families) barely relate to him, and his neighborhood is filling with more immigrants than he cares to recognize. Soon his new Hmong neighbors begin to mix it up with a local gang, and Walt is forced to take matters into his own hands.

The movie is a Western. Everything about it harkens back to the days of High Noon and A Fistful of Dollars--without the obvious spurs and horses. It's fitting that Clint began his career doing Spaghetti Westerns, and is now ending his career with a modern, urban Western. The film even ends with a classic stand-off between the villainous gang and the hero (with the town folk looking on). The film is about manliness, chivalry, change, and death. And even though it echoes Clint's previous work, Gran Torino remains extremely relevant.

Aside from its Western aspects, the film gets plenty of other things right. I am so glad to see that for once the Catholic Church wasn't just used as ironic window dressing, or as a point of mysticism, for the characters to use and discard. The priest in the film is an actual, rounded character who learns and grows. His relationship with Walt changes him, and to some extent he changes Walt. Too often, priestly characters are relegated to being one dimensional, moral loudmouths, or worse, corrupt gluttons. Here, the priest promised Walt's dying wife that he would look after the old guy (and get him to Confession).

There's plenty else to mention about the film, but it's worth just experiencing for yourself. I've had the time to check out some excellent movies over the past couple of weeks (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire) but I think I've enjoyed this one the most. Perhaps it's because I love a good Western, or maybe I just like Clint gritting through his teeth: "Get off my lawn!"

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:53 PM | Comments (2)

January 1, 2009

Imagine That, It's 2009

Ryan Seacrest proclaimed last night that 2009 was a year full of "hope" and "change." These are ideas that embody every New Year's celebration (except for that one year when everyone wanted "sameness"); and they're really the only reason to even acknowledge the evening of December 31st. It's a nice, simple breaking point for each of us to say "you know what, I'm going to do things differently."

What am I going to do differently? Let me count the ways (so that when I don't actually do this stuff, I can at least go back and rediscover my failures in print):

1. I'm going to start running. For the few times in the past year where I've had to actually jog somewhere, I'm pretty sure I only narrowly avoided a heart attack. While my exterior may appear thin, chiseled, Van Damme-esque, my insides are about as efficient as that giant machine that eats Charlie Chaplin in Modern Times. So, now that I've amassed enough music to make a decent playlist (I recently picked up some Iron Maiden albums), I think I'll start running once the weather gets warm.
2. I am going to blog about the same. Some people may be trying to write more blog entries in the new year, others may be trying to cut back. I'm setting the bar low by saying that I'm going to just try and keep up. Constant writing, even if it is self-indulgent drivel, keeps the mind sharp. Sudoku sharp.
3. I'm going to continue to avoid learning how to play Sudoku. I still do the occasional crossword puzzle, and maybe even a Jumble if I'm really bored, but I refuse to learn Sudoku. At first I avoided that game because I heard it involved math. That turned out not to be true. But every time I get the urge to try it, I lie to myself and insist that it still requires some sort of addition or subtraction.
4. I'm going to use less tin foil. NASA and the astronauts may be responsible for giving us this miracle metal, but I'm going to stop using so much of it. Of course, that's not to say I use a whole lot right now, but it wouldn't hurt to start using tin foil substitutes like cardboard and construction paper.
5. I will cut back on my Master-Blaster references. Master-Blaster is one of the coolest characters in film history, true, but forcing that reference into everyday conversations can be a tad tiresome. The "little smart guy and big dumb guy that symbiotically exist together" joke only hits home with a select few. Although I kind of hope that this will change and more folks will just start renting Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.

So there you have it. Will I accomplish any of these things? Perhaps. But at the very least, I wrote a blog saying that I would... and that's half the battle.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:08 PM | Comments (2)

December 30, 2008

Allentown Rocks

Last Monday, my buddies and I had ourselves a little road trip across the state to see a concert in Allentown. Andrew W.K., the rocker-turned-philosopher, was performing a solo show at a little venue called Crocodile Rock. We couldn't miss it.

The lure of seeing AWK (as he's called) is that you never quite know what you're going to get. When I first saw him at Warped Tour years ago, he was promoting his first album with a full band of crazed metal-rock musicians. You may remember that album, it had a lot of songs with the word "party" in the title. The last time I caught AWK, he was giving a lecture at Carnegie Mellon. He's sort of been toeing the line between inspirational speaker and fun enthusiast.

His show in Allentown was a little bit of both worlds. Andrew took the stage (after a grueling lineup of four opening local bands) armed with just a keyboard. He informed everyone that they weren't necessarily here for a concert or a performance, but rather they were here to have fun together, to have an experience that will be unlike any other. His philosophizing isn't of the Plato or Aquinas variety, really-- it's a much simpler, more optimistic "you feel good, I feel good" flavor. After telling the audience how much he was looking forward to having fun, he launched into some of his hits (you know, "Party Hard," "It's Time to Party," "We Want Fun," etc...) all of which were converted into thumping dance songs.

After a few songs, he invited the audience up on stage. About fifty kids climbed on stage and danced with him. It was sheer insanity; wisely, I just watched from a safe distance in my normal "concert-wallflower" stance. He put on one heck of a show, to say the least--a show definitely worth the five hour drive.

Occasionally, between songs and speeches, Andrew would discover someone's lost set of keys on stage, or a cell phone, which sent him into an improvised song about claiming them. When a girl, who was one of the folks dancing on stage, stepped forward to claim the phone, Andrew proclaimed it a miracle that anyone could find their cell phone amidst all this chaos. It was a "cellular miracle."

Reading about a concert is never as fun or as effective as being there. My friends and I made the trip out there not just for the music, but for the experience. AWK exudes a kind of positivity that I don't see too often in rock music. He proclaims a message of making the most out of every situation, and doing all that we can to look on the good side of things, because after all, he says, "No one can change the world with a bad mood."

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:29 PM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2008

The Bell Tolls for Geese

If only the geese of Beaver County read the newspaper. If they did, they would find out that there are swarms of hunters coming their way tomorrow, prepared to execute them. The geese are hiding in Brady's Run Park, a local pavilion-and-hikery in the heart of the county's woods. It's like High Noon, except that there is no Gary Cooper goose to stand up to the onslaught of orange-and-camo Frank Millers... who are actually arriving at 6am and leaving at noon.

This has apparently been a long time coming. According to the Beaver County Times, the goose problem in Brady's Run is out of control. They're pooping all over, stirring up a ruckus, and possibly running illegal dice games near the horseshoe pits. Attempts to chase the geese away haven't worked--I even heard that they refused to migrate out of town for the winter. They're nothing but trouble. This leaves but one effective option left: posse justice.

So tomorrow, hunters will show up bright and early, enter into a certain section of the park, and start unloading on some geese like Eliot Ness and the Untouchables breaking up a hooch operation. It's gonna be messy, it's gonna be loud, and I imagine it's going to be pretty awesome.

Of course, so as not to perpetuate the myth that everyone in Southwest PA is a gun-toting goose-killer, I should add that there are plenty of folks upset over all this. One group of ardent letter-to-the-editor-writers are crying fowl over the ethics of goose genocide. It's sort of like those folks that protest deforestation, even if that means that the woods are going to burst into flames every summer from too much brush.

Then, from what I've heard, there's another group of hunters complaining that cornering geese and shooting them isn't challenging enough, that it's not really hunting. That may be an issue of semantics; sure this isn't the same as sitting in a tree stand for eight hours, spotting a goose, and then shooting it, but I also don't think the geese are just going to sit back and take it either. I expect the entire event to sort of play out like a WTO riot in Seattle. The geese will be having their usual sit-in at the lake... the hunters show up and fire a few shots... everyone scatters... a window to a Starbucks gets smashed in with a garbage can... the price of rice goes up... the end.

The entire event, which is becoming quite controversial within the county, hopefully goes off without a hitch tomorrow. There's talks of folks showing up to protest the shooting, or even trying to sabotage it by luring the ducks with corn feed. I won't be anywhere near the place (I'm a blogger, not a hunter)... but I look forward to hearing about the results and reactions on the news. I suspect Mother Goose will not be available for comment.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:44 PM | Comments (0)

December 18, 2008

Awkward Moments Involving Jack Bauer at the CTU Christmas Party

Low-level Guard: Merry Christmas, Jack.

Jack Bauer: Merry Christmas… I’m sorry, who are you?

LLG: I’m Sam Talbot, I used to guard the holding rooms. You might not remember me, but I’m the guard you cold-cocked while trying to escape your temporary imprisonment after you went rogue chasing those Russians.

JB: Right. Merry Christmas.

***

LLG: Merry Christmas, Jack.

JB: Merry Christmas…

LLG: Terry. Terry Wilson. You punched me in the throat that one time you were temporarily arrested for going rogue and trying to hand over valuable information to the Chinese, despite your promise that they would never actually get the information.

JB: Right. Merry Christmas.

***

LLG: Merry Christmas, sir.

JB: Hey there…

LLG: Bart. Bart Greysmith. You stabbed me in the back with a ballpoint pen while trying to escape the medical ward after being temporarily hospitalized due to an injury you incurred while trying to escape your temporary imprisonment after you went rogue chasing down those terrorists who nuked part of California.

JB: Of course. Merry Christmas.

***

LLG: Merry Christmas, Jack.

JB: Merry Christmas, Frank.

LLG: It’s Howard, actually. You kicked me in the stomach in front of the entire staff that one time, after I tried to temporarily arrest you because you were about to go rogue in front of everyone during that crisis involving the nerve gas.
JB: Right… Merry Christmas, Howard.

LLG: That was really embarrassing, you know.

JB: Merry Christmas, Howard…

***

LLG: Merry Christmas, Mr. Bauer.

JB: Merry Christmas.

LLG: You remember me, right? Tom McDonnaugh--

JB: Right, yes, of course. Excuse me, can you tell me where the egg nog is?

LLG: You made my brother sacrifice himself so that you could live long enough to shut off some poisonous gas--

JB: I get it, I'm sorry... just tell me where you got--

LLG: And then you went rogue shortly thereafter because we wanted you to go back into holding--

JB: DAMMIT, JUST TELL ME WHERE THE NOG IS!

LLG: ... over by the cookies.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:31 AM | Comments (0)

December 7, 2008

The Christmas Special

Ever since James and I started writing our adventure serial, Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time, we've created an annual Christmas episode. This year, for the first time, we're actually performing one live.

With the tremendous amount of work we put into Dodge Intrepid "The Beginning," as well as our involvement in the Cellar Dwellers' sketch comedy show "Prez Dispenser," James and I paused on any plans for a large Fall radio show. Instead, we focused our sights on the Christmas episode.

We approach the Christmas episodes like any normal, serialized drama would; we cram the special with every character we can, have a number of schlocky-yet-inspiring Christmas storylines, and end with a lovely message of peace and goodwill. In the past we've parodied O. Henry and It's a Wonderful Life... this year we went with Die Hard with a Vengeance.

Now that the episode is finished, I can proudly say that it's some of the funniest writing James and I have done for the show. While we usually try and balance our humor with actual thrills and adventure, this Christmas special allowed us to really let loose.

The Dodge Intrepid Christmas Special will be performed Thursday (Dec 11) evening at Beaver Falls Coffee & Tea Co., next to Geneva College, at 7:00pm. Joining us for the show (since our Christmas Special is only one episode long) will be our good friend and musician Jason Panella. He's going to be singing some original tunes as well as leading the coffee shop in some Christmas carols.

I'm not expecting everyone to be able to make it out on a Thursday night for our live show, but I hope that you'll check out the subsequent podcasts! As usual, we will be releasing a finely-tuned studio version of the Christmas Special and then a live, raw version (both before December 25th of course).

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

December 5, 2008

Coffee Shop Domination

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I had my first taste of speedy world domination in the back room of a local coffee shop. I had decided, rather spontaneously, to exercise the first call-to-arms of my Coalition of the Willing to Play Risk. It was the first time I would be cracking open the box to the brand new version of the classic board game; I was about to find out if, in fact, these new "fast" rules actually lived up to the hype.

I can freely admit that much of the hype around the rules was of my own generation. I had stumbled upon a web ad for Risk, which explained that there was a new, faster, way to play. I enjoyed 7-hour games of Risk when I was young and reckless, but now that I have responsibilities I can no longer dedicate over a fourth of my day to world conquest. After reading a positive review of the game, I started building my coalition (which is up to about eight or nine, depending on who's in town). I stressed to everyone that the games would only take an hour or so because of the new rules... but admittedly I had no idea if that was the case.

Thankfully, I can report that this is very true. And that the game is very fun.

I set up shop in the gathering room of the coffee shop with my brother, Dan, and my friend Chris. I had never seen anyone play board games in this coffee shop before, but I didn't see the harm in it since the game should have only taken 60 minutes. Yes, you could say I was taking a risk (huzzah!).

The lunch rush was over now, and we had the back room to ourselves. Amazingly, their tables are just big enough to fit the board, some pieces, and various cups of coffee. One of the more interesting aspects of this "fast" way to play is that you essentially start the game as if it's already been going for five hours. There's a card with an illustration of the map, telling you how many pieces go on each country, where everyone's capitol cities are, and what countries have cities in them. So for three of us, we each had an equal number of countries and troops, and our capitols were in countries near the edges of the map. It took a bit to get everything in place, but once things were ready we hit the ground running.

The other big change to the game is the inclusion of objectives. There are two kinds of objections, minor and major, but for the fast version of the game they're both worth the same (there's a third way to play that uses the objectives more, but it's not necessarily a quick game). What makes this version fast is that you only need to get three objectives to win the game. So really, instead of practicing "world domination," the fast version has you practicing Truman-esque containment. It's darn exciting, though, considering that you can only accomplish one objective per turn--and they're not easy to do. So essentially you're spending the entire game keeping everyone's motives in check while secretly trying to position yourself to take over Asia, take over two capitols, capture 10 territories in one turn, etc. Just like real life.

Surprisingly, the game lived up to its marketing. From start to finish the whole thing took about 80 minutes, but that was with us slowly going over the rules for the first couple of turns. I'd imagine that the next time I play, be it in a coffee shop or in my dining room, that things will go even faster.

It's a shame that these days board games have to advertise speed in order to get attention. That's like a video game proudly saying "you'll beat this thing in two hours!" But Hasbro and other game makers are facing reality. With so much technology, new media, and entertainment out there, people don't sit around a table and play games as much as they used to. The market is speaking, and if they want to stay alive they have to adapt. It worked with me--I went out and got the game, and played it in a coffee shop just to see if it lived up to the hype.

Perhaps some day, after plenty of rounds with the fast version, I'll move back to the epic game of world domination that I played as a kid. For now, I'm content to rule in 60 minutes.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:03 AM | Comments (2)

December 3, 2008

Pittsburgh Signs Project: 250 Signs of Western PA

Last April I submitted photography to the Pittsburgh Signs Project for their upcoming book celebrating Pittsburgh's 250th anniversary. The goal of the book, and the project, is to highlight the art and regional flavor of signs throughout the greater Pittsburgh area:

You may know the landscape of Pittsburgh by its hills, rivers, roads, buildings, and trees, but the eye is strongly drawn to the text and symbols of the signs that comfort with familiarity, that irritate you with their distractions, that please you with their symmetry, or that illustrate the economic condition of a neighborhood. Signs are always trying to say something. Signs make our spaces a mongrelization of type-styles, graphics, and fashions: The futuristic becomes the modern becomes the dated becomes the retro. The passage of time provides the subtexts of rust, faded paint, and delamination. Signs are necessarily brash, democratic, and confessional. (PittsburghSigns.org)

I was lucky enough to have three of my photos accepted for the book! This is going to be the first time my photography has been professionally published, and I'm extremely excited. Of course, I'm also lucky enough to live around some awesome and iconic signage!

The book, Pittsburgh Signs Project: 250 Signs of Western Pennsylvania, is being unveiled this Saturday at the Heinz History Center "Holiday Book Fair".

The book is being published by Carnegie Mellon University Press and, from what I've heard, will be available at all Barnes & Nobles, Borders, and other brick-and-mortar bookstores, as well as on Amazon.com. So if you find yourself in one of those places this Christmas, make sure you check out that book!

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:10 PM | Comments (0)

December 1, 2008

Not-As-Black Friday

Over the past however many years, I've written about plenty of Black Friday experiences. There were years when things were hectic, chaotic, and down-right dangerous, and other years where things were getting so ridiculous that I considered calling it quits. This year, despite the numerous stories of consumer-driven violence talked about on the news, was the tamest Black Friday I have ever attended.

Last year was bad, as I've noted previously. The amount of space heaters, tents, and overall lameness that permeated the Black Friday lines was stifling; me and my three friends were plenty turned off from the whole experience. Despite this, the challenge and fun of going out amidst the hoards of irate shoppers was too good to pass up. With only three of us available (our fourth member, and the originator of this whole tradition, sadly couldn't be with us), we decided to take it easy: show up just an hour before Best Buy opened, get in when we can, and just play it cool. After all, we're never really after anything special.

But when we arrived at 4:00am, we were met with a number of surprises. First, it was like 40 degrees, which is downright balmy for this kind of line-standing. Second, the line was puny, and there wasn't a tent or space heater to be found. We met up with another friend, a newcomer to the event, and I felt kind of silly. I had warned him about the insanity that goes on, the long lines and the bitter cold... but none of that seemed to count this year. Once the doors opened, we were able to march inside of Best Buy, get what we wanted, and get out in fifteen minutes. There was no shoving, yelling, or running.

The most obvious reason for this serene shopping experience is "the economy." The crappy economy can easily be blamed for just about everything wrong in the country right now (I miss the days when global warming was the cause of all our woes...). It's possible that folks just don't want to spend the money on stuff they may or may not need. It's also possible that the deals this year kinda stunk in comparison to prior sales, but reason isn't as interesting.

My experience this year seemed to be opposite of what everyone in the news is talking about. Elsewhere, people were trampled to death, maimed, or pushed about just for a low-end television or some cheap clothes. I don't think I actually had to get close to anyone during my shopping experience. I wasn't even witness to a harsh temper. Of course, reporting about friendly shopping experiences doesn't get ratings... and it doesn't really make for good blog entries either.

Posted by MikeRubino at 5:37 PM | Comments (2)

November 25, 2008

A Pack of Mustaches

Last month, my friend asked me if I was going to celebrate Movember with him. While I had hoped that this was some sort of 3 Stooges History Month, it turned out to be something far cooler. Movember is November + Mustaches. It's a campaign to promote men's health awareness, raising money for prostate cancer foundations across the world with the help of a ton of corporate sponsors (including, ironically, Norelco). Essentially, a big part of the campaign to promote men's health is everyone needs to grow a mustache throughout the month of November. Then, once everyone is fine and 'stached, there are big gala's thrown around the world. It sounds goofy, but it also is a cool way to promote an area of health often ignored.

The real issue arose, however, when I discovered that I'm not really a mustache growin' kinda guy--despite coming from a long line of Rubino mustaches. Any attempt I would even make to grow a 'stache for a month would just result in something resembling a hobbled chia-pet tended to by a kindergartner (patchy and embarrassing). Thankfully, there are plenty of places to purchase prosthetic (read: fake) mustaches, for the lip-hair-impaired. One such place was Hot Topic.

I had always eyed the pack of mustaches occasionally found in the back of the store. It was absurd that they were there, and I appreciated that. Apparently, my recognition of the pack of 'staches (one for every day of the week) came in handy for Movember. I went to Hot Topic over the weekend, and when I brought them to the register, the clerk was surprised.

"I've sold a bunch of these lately," she said. "That's kinda weird."

"It's Movember," I replied. She looked at me like I was nuts. I went on to explain about men's health awareness month and the growing of mustaches.

"That's really weird," she said.

And so I left, thinking that there's a good chance I gave her and her co-workers something to talk about. A little bit later, my friend called me and asked if I would pick him up an extra set of mustaches (just to hand out to friends). Since I had made such a commotion with the first 'stache purchase, I asked my dad to go in and buy the second set. The fact that my dad has had a rather prominent Italian-American mustache all of his life (he may have been born with it) just added to the sheer absurdity of him buying a pack of mustaches. He was more than happy to stir the pot.

According to accounts by both of my parents (yes, my mom accompanied him in to get the 'staches), the event went something like this:

My dad approaches with the mustaches. The clerk goes insane.

"I just sold like three of these things today!" she says. "We've had them back there for over a year and no one bought them... now today, I sell three!"

"It's Movember," my dad replies.

"Yeah, that's what someone else said."

"Well you have to support men's health awareness."

"But you already have a mustache!" She's clearly flabbergasted by all of this.

"I do, but I have a lot of friends who don't."

I think it's about now when the clerk dropped to the ground and started pedaling her feet in circles a la Curly from the 3 Stooges. My dad walked out of the store grinning beneath his charcoal caterpillar.

If anything, these Hot Topic kids have a great story to tell on Thanksgiving. Meanwhile I've got enough mustaches to last me for a few years, and many Movembers to come.

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:39 AM | Comments (2)

November 18, 2008

Dog and Driver

My mornings are rarely thrilling. I get up, get showered, pack a lunch, and join the throngs of Beaver County workers that commute into Pittsburgh each day. Yesterday went a little bit more like this: I get up, get showered, pack a lunch, avoid a large dog that's hanging out by my car...

Over the years my fear of dogs has subsided a great deal. It used to be that I had two major issues with dogs: they scared me and I was allergic to them. Well after spending plenty of time with Karissa's dogs, I've come to at least have a mutual respect for the species. I stare into a dog's eyes, he stares into mine, I usually sneeze at some point. It's a healthy relationship.

The dog waiting for me by my car yesterday was quite different. He was like a cross between that dog from Sandlot and the dog Atticus Finch shoots in To Kill a Mockingbird. Alas, when I looked around the street for Gregory Peck with a shotgun, he was nowhere to be found.

Worse yet, I didn't see the dog at first. I had just started brushing the snow off of my car (with a very sub-par snow brush, I might add) when I heard his Baskerville-esque woof. He was on the other side of my Rabbit, which, given the size of the car and the dog, is pretty impressive. He started strafing around the car, right towards me. If it was a smaller dog, I probably would have kept cleaning off the car, but this was a massive beast. I immediately hopping into the driver's seat, snowy brush and all, and shut the door.

That's when I heard the owner of the dog, who was half a block away, start yelling at it. I don't remember what the dog's name was (probably something like Spike, Lucifer, or Tariff), but the dog didn't seem to care. She walked closer to her pet, but made no attempt to actually grab him or lure him away. Instead, the dog moved away from her, as if they had butting magnetic fields. Eventually she gave up on trying to contain the dog, as he had moved further down the street.

I got back out of my car to start cleaning it again and the dog returned! Sheesh, I was trying my best not to be late for work. Again, he woofs; again, the owner comes yelling. And yet no one is doing anything to actually resolve the problem! For a brief instance I knew what it was like to live in the Gaza Strip. The dog evaded the owner yet again (although really, she wasn't trying very hard) and I hopped back in my car. I decided I wasn't going to put up with this anymore, and I drove away. I'd clean off the car later.

For some reason I assumed that this was the end of the dog; after I left, the owner probably went and retrieved the monster and the world became safer. Quite the contrary. Apparently the owner just gave up, because my parents both dealt with the roaming dog later when they went to clean off their cars for work--as did much of the neighborhood that morning. A passerby even stopped and called the police to report the dog (for a moving violation). The cops never came, and eventually everyone went to work; because unlike that dog, some of us have to make a living.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 11, 2008

The Coalition of the Willing to Play Risk

WHEREAS Hasbro has released a brand new version of the boardgame Risk, the game of strategic conquest.

WHEREAS this new version of Risk promises to have some new rules that let you play a game in under an hour. Seriously.

WHEREAS in the past, when Mike has wanted to play Risk people have declined to join him because Risk games normally take upwards of three hours to complete; they also usually involve people being eliminated fairly early and forced to find other things to do while remaining players duke it out for hours.

WHEREAS Mike doesn't want to purchase a new version of his favorite boardgame, unless a "Coalition of the Willing to Play Risk" is formed. Members of this coalition will therefore play the game Risk on at least one occasion, and perhaps two if they have a good time, hence making it worth the price of $15 plus tax.

WHEREAS board games are a good way to spend quality time together, and provide tangible enjoyment not found in the cool new videogame or YouTube video.

THEREFORE if Mike gets at least four coalition members, then he will look forward to getting a new version of Risk to play with everyone. He'll even pick up some chips or something. It'll be fun.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2008

BC to the Right

It's a new week, and the election is thankfully well behind us now. I'd like to hope that we won't have another 2-year presidential election again, but signs are pointing to an even longer one for 2012. Now, I'm not really depressed or anything; although I fully expect to be once President Obama starts enacting policy, nominating liberal Supreme Court justices, and taking my money. But for now, I am actually smiling over the recent development in Beaver County: we're red.

Much to my surprise, this 2:1-Democrat County not only went decisively for John McCain, it also elected a ton of local Republican representatives. Sunday's issue of the Beaver County Times addressed the county's shift (slightly) to the Right, and it was pretty rewarding. And while not every Republican scored a win in the county, the majority of our state reps are now from the GOP. This says that the county, despite its registration and union background, is far more conservative than one would admit--at least socially.

Beaver County folks go to church, they like to hunt and fish, and they're generally not too bitter (unless rain threatens a high school football game). It's good to know that at least my county went to the right candidate. While maps show that much of the country turned bluer after the election, Beaver County can remain an exception to the rule... even if it's only for one election cycle.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:59 AM | Comments (0)

November 4, 2008

The Curve Ball Question

Each election, I'm always pleasantly surprised by the absurd curve ball question tacked on to the end of every ballot.

This year, there were two questions, one about home rule and one about water (or something). While I knew where I stood on the home rule issue, I had no clue as to what the water question was about. And it's never a simple question, like "Do you want the state to spend more money?" or "Should the state stop dumping water into New Jersey?" My answer to both would be "No," of course. But it was a complicated jumble that read like this:

Water and Sewer Improvements Bond Referendum: Do you favor the incurring of indebtedness by the Commonwealth of $400,000,000 for grants and loans to municipalities and public utilities for the cost of all labor, materials, necessary operational machinery and equipment, lands, property, rights and easements, plans and specifications, surveys, estimates of costs and revenues, prefeasibility studies, engineering and legal services and all other expenses necessary or incident to the acquisition, construction, improvement, expansion, extension, repair or rehabilitation of all or part of drinking water system, storm water, nonpoint source projects, nutrient credits and wastewater treatment system projects?

My eyes glazed over around the $400 million part. Couldn't they have at least warned me about this question ahead of time? Each polling place in the state should have a worker standing outside saying "Hey, heads-up, there's a crazy question on the ballot about water... just ignore it."

These questions certainly make the voting process more interesting; it's like studying for a test only to find that the last portion of the exam is about a chapter you didn't read. Regardless, I think it's a nice surprise, even if I don't usually know what the heck they're talking about.

I'm going start pushing a number of new questions to appear on the ballot for the 2012 election. Feel free to voice your support of any of these ideas:

Traffic Ticket Referendum and Hoagie Order: Do you favor the addition of 30,000 police officers to the Beaver County Bureau of Traffic Violation Enforcement, which will be created after this election so that people can be pulled over without having to worry if it's a sheriff or a police officer, while they will also have the option of order one of the Fraternal Order of Police's delicious meat and cheese subs (and don't worry because the lettuce and tomato come in a separate baggy) which will also help funding for the officers, except on Sundays, and this will all come out of the state's budget for Homeland Security preparedness?

Small Business Storefront Naming and Development Referendum: Do you favor shifting $230,904,004.84 in funding from public transportation (especially those silly trollies) to small business storefront development, so that small businesses can development attractive storefronts and better names for their businesses instead of using perforated dot-matrix printer paper for marquee signs and "John's Pizza" or "Karen's Koffee" for names (because really, that's not very creative)?

Ohio River Redistribution Referendum: Do you want to dry up the river and pave it into a road?

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:41 AM | Comments (2)

Add Mac 'n Cheese to Your Vote for $.99

I miss the days of the paper ballot. Parts of my county were still using the old "fill in the circle" ballots up until the 2006 election, and it was wonderful. I liked it because it was tangible. No one could erase my vote, nothing could go wrong short of a broken pen. Today's elections are all done with touch-screen voting machines, which, I admit, are actually very easy to use... for most folks.

The woman in front of me this morning at the polls didn't seem to think so. She was probably in her mid-40s, and was completely manic behind the tri-fold voting panel. It wasn't crowded at my precinct this morning, but a line was forming because she just couldn't get a grasp on the system.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that it's actually harder to order an MTO at Sheetz than it is to operate a touch-screen voting machine.

The average Sheetz customer is presented with so many options, condiments, and add-ons to their order that it can be totally overwhelming at times. I want a chicken hoagie. On white. Add cheese. Add ranch dressing. No extra meat. No salt or pepper. No special instructions. No mac n' cheese for $.99. Complete my order. Here comes the receipt. It's difficult, and yet people do it every day without hesitation.

Now, this woman isn't the only person I've seen struggle with the machine. I've worked polls, I've seen a lot of people vote over the years, and I know that plenty of people can't wrap their heads around the thing. Maybe it's because they see this as way more important than a possible messed up hot dog at a gas station. I know I'd rather accidentally get onions on my sandwich than vote for Jason Altmire.

It's possible that folks would feel better about the whole touch-screen endeavor if they had the option of adding a mac n' cheese to their vote. It's just $.99, after all.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)

Starbucks Coffee-Voter Fraud

I left home this morning with two very important things to do: vote and get free coffee. There are plenty of places offering free stuff for voting, but Starbucks went to great lengths to promote its special. They said that all you had to do was walk in and tell them you voted and they would give you a free tall coffee. Just tell them that you voted, no stub required!

That, right there, is a recipe for coffee-voter fraud, possibly worse than anything ACORN could have cooked up. Then again, I guess we'll have to see just how badly ACORN screwed up today's big vote.

I have always loved voting; it feels good to be part of a process, and I feel like I'm fighting the system by voting Republican in my heavily blue county. Quite frankly, I'm more than satisfied casting my ballot and going to work... but when I can get free coffee for doing my civic duty, then hot dog!

I marched into Starbucks, my hoodie sporting a lovely McCain lapel sticker, and the barista already had my number.

"Did you vote?" she asked.

"Just finished," I said. "I'll have the Thanksgiving Blend."

I didn't even know what the heck the Thanksgiving Blend was; who cares? It's free. I got bought a scone, too, just to give back a little. It was probably safe for them to assume that a young lad wearing a McCain sticker wasn't just going around like that for his health; this boy was serious about voting. But what about everyone else who goes in there? It's like the unreliable exit polling of 2004.

"Did you vote?" they'll ask.

"Um... sure." they'll reply.

Bam. Free coffee.

The even bigger secret, however, is that you don't even have to lie. There doesn't have to be any voter fraud involved, because Starbucks has agreed to give coffee to everyone today. You just have to ask. According to KIROTV in Seattle, election officials told Starbucks it was illegal to reward people for voting. That's equal to paying someone to vote (even if they aren't telling you who to vote for... although I'm pretty sure Starbucks wanted me to vote for B.O.). So you can actually just walk in there and ask for a free coffee, and they'll give it to you.

Despite this development, I'm pretty sure my coffee tastes better because I earned it.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:10 AM | Comments (0)

November 3, 2008

Nothing is Inevitable

I know this comes as a surprise to many of my readers. An endorsement of a Republican for the office of the presidency is almost unheard of here in the annals of Tranquility Lost. Well, not quite. I like to think that this blog has, in many ways, been a chronicling of my own conservatism, and its development over the years. Sadly, I cannot say that my vote this election will necessarily advance the cause of this great philosophy; despite this, I must wholeheartedly recommend Senator John McCain for president.

The National Review, in their endorsement of Senator McCain, put it best: "...the choice we face is, in most respects, between a liberalism that is checked and one that is not."

The Maverick from Arizona is not a man that I would refer to as a "conservative." He may have the same restless, outsider streak that his predecessor, Barry Goldwater, had, but he his ideas on some of the major issues of our time can be labeled that of a centrist. And while the man I supported for president, Fred Thompson, didn't quite make it, I find that there is much to admire in John McCain and his running mate, Governor Sarah Palin.

For me, this election represents a very clear choice: America can remain a center-right country, or it can veer sharply to the left. The choice is between a traditional and rational society based on capitalism, or a society devoid of any responsibility or individualism and instead replaced by an all-seeing, all-governing, all-taxing bureaucracy. If it sounds extreme, that's because it is. And it's exactly what Senator Barack Obama, and a super-majority Democratic Congress, has in store for this nation.

This election has always been a referendum on Senator Obama. Is he fit to lead? Does he have the experience? What does he stand for? Like the Grimm Brothers' Pied Piper (or Lyle Lanley from The Simpsons' The Music Man parody) Obama is a con man with a fancy message that appeals to our inner, most-human desires. The need for hope and inspiration is within each of us, and Obama has, I believe, conned a large group of folks in this country into thinking he is somehow different. I can assure you that he isn't.

Behind the doric columns, excellent typography, and preacher rhetoric, is your standard-issue modern Democrat. He is the sort of leftist that has taken over the Democratic Party during the past ten years (with more than a little help from the New Media hubs of Daily Kos and MoveOn.org). He espouses the sort of class warfare, regulation, and redistribution of wealth that every Marxist eats--the difference is that he dresses it up so deliciously that the majority of Americans don't seem to notice. Perhaps his candidacy is only possible because of the past eight years of rhetorical in-eloquence from President Bush; people feel refreshed and inspired by a politician who can actually give a speech, regardless of its actual content (or lack thereof). It doesn't matter.

Barack Obama is not different.

Yes, he will change this country, perhaps forever, but it won't be the kind of change we'll all be welcoming. With an unfettered Democratic rule in Washington, America must be prepared to take on massive new entitlement programs (ones that can never be undone), higher taxes and regulation that will bring about a deeper recession, and enough environmental green tape that will destroy energy and automobile production. If Americans vote with their feelings and not their minds, if they bite the sweet hanging apple of rhetoric, then we will be in for a rough ride.

The alternative is simple.

John McCain is a hero, through and through. Voting for just a simple hero would be foolish, unless you knew his policies. And while McCain may not be the best at expressing his policies (it took a humble plumber to actually make McCain's tax plans apparent), he has some solid ideas that would actually help this country. His best idea, of course, is to get government out of the way.

Neither candidate really knows what he is talking about in terms of economics, but while Obama crazily wants to tax America's producers in the middle of a recession, McCain has sense enough to stay out of the way. He wants to cut the corporate tax rate, reduce the capital gains tax, and actually eliminate taxes on the internet. Most people probably don't even know that he wants to get rid of all taxes online. He follows the classic, and successful, conservative ideal that Americans know how to better spend their money than the government. If you allow people to build wealth, they will spread it around on their own through charity, trade, and job growth--and their own instincts and free will operate more efficiently than any federal bureaucracy.

Above all else, I trust that John McCain will protect this country. His entire life he has fought to preserve this country, and I am certain that he will only act with America's best security in mind. He's not going to sit down and chat with dictators, he's not going to bend over backwards for the United Nations and Europe, and he's not going to halt our military's development. I think it's telling that he hasn't been endorsed by a single totalitarian regime--the same can't be said for Obama.

The differences between these two men are stark.

I don't know if Americans will take the time to really learn about these two and what they truly stand for. Do people remember that we spent almost half of the 20th Century fighting against governments that employed the very same policies Obama is stumping for? Do people even care about the word "socialist?" It's sad that the classic Democrat (now reduced to a marginal polling group called "blue dog") will officially be declared dead if Obama wins. While the positions of a classic Democrat may have still be disagreeable to the conservative mind, they were at least open for debate and common ground. Now, the fringe wing of the leftist movement has taken over and, hidden behind a glitzy facade, are prepared to take the White House.

I am voting for John McCain because I want him to keep the Left in line. I want him to reduce the size of government and make Washington actually function. I want him to embark on one last mission to save this country from Communism. It's like he says in his stump speech: "nothing is inevitable." I hope he's right.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:23 PM | Comments (3)

October 29, 2008

Thank you, Master Control: The Crazy Media Buys of Barack Obama

It's not often, in the realm of political campaigns, that someone has too much money. Quite often, when a campaign is exceedingly rich, they just spend it on better commercial spots, wider media buys, paid volunteers, and plenty of printed materials for the volunteers to hand out. It's also important to have a lot of money saved up for the last 72 hours before Election Day. I've seen it done plenty of times over the past eight years. The best campaigns know how to use their money effectively so that no one seems to notice how well-funded they may actually be.

Barack Obama is a little different. Case in point: he's airing a 30-minute infomercial tonight at 8pm on most of the major networks and cable stations. The guy has enough money to buy the primest of primetime television slots so that he can present a "closing argument" about his candidacy... but that's only the latest of Obama's campaign spending excesses.

Because Obama decided to break his promise to follow the same fundraising guidelines as John McCain, he's been able to raise almost a billion dollars for his campaign (and from anonymous and generous donors all over the world, no less). This flood of money has allowed Obama to make the kind of media buys once reserved for late-night knife salesmen and Billy Mays.

He's been able to purchase two-minute commercial slots (which is like buying four normal-length commercial slots) in order to remind everyone how badly they're supposed to be hurting. Thanks for telling me about the tough economic times, sir... glad to see you're doing okay amidst all this. At least John McCain's commercials, however negative they may be, are entertaining; watching Barack speak straight into the camera is like being lectured by David Warner's character Sark in the movie Tron. (Zing!)

Revealing geek references aside, I haven't even touched on Obama's most excessive media spending: his TV station. Yeah, you may not have heard, but Barack Obama has his own channel, available to everyone who subscribes to Dish (and no, I'm not talking about Free Speech TV, Current TV, or MSNBC). Being a Dish subscriber, I've had the luxury of this mind-melting channel for about a month now. In the programming guide, the channel name is simply "OBAMA," and if you are daring enough to actually tune in, you'll find that it's just a constant 24-hour loop of a lame campaign video. I couldn't bring myself to actually sit through an entire run of the video (which I guess lasts about ten minutes), but whenever I'm cold I'll turn on the station briefly to allow the hot air of his inspirational vagaries to warm up the room a bit.

It's understandable for any campaign to want to raise as much money as it can, because then it has the best chance of winning an election; however, breaking your own promise simply to roll around in fat cash from big-time (and foreign) donors is more than a tad disingenuous. It's telling to see what Obama does when so much money is at his fingertips: he's spending money on television stations that no one will watch, and buying ad-time in attempt to fool us into thinking he's already president. In short, he's throwing money around in order to alleviate the problem that some Americans see him as too inexperienced and elitist to be president. I say it's a good window in to how he will actually function as president, only then he'll be throwing around our tax dollars instead of just donations of the willing.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:35 AM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2008

Angry Folks

When it comes to physical fitness, I'm probably willing to bet that John McCain is in better shape than I am. At least, that's what I was thinking as I jogged up the hill to Robert Morris University yesterday, just in time to see the presidential nominee speak at a rally being held in the school's gym. I wasn't even really "running." I was kinda doing that awkward half-jog shuffle--you know, where you walk fast, and then break into a jog for a few minutes before you realize that you're out of shape and then you go back to walking. I moved briskly and with purpose, past the guy hocking McCain t-shirts, and past the angry, screaming Obama-nuts, to get into the rally just before Cindy McCain took the stage.

Much as been said about Pennsylvania in this election, especially about us here in Western PA. Barack Obama called us bitter, and said we cling to religion and/or guns. John Murtha keeps assuring people that we're a bunch of racist rednecks. The media, Biden, Obama, and plenty of other talking heads make the PA McCain rallies sound like deleted scenes from Griffith's Birth of a Nation. These are strange words being said about a state Obama seems to think is in his bag. But perhaps John McCain actually believes that he can win Pennsylvania. I hope he does. And I hope that Pennsylvanians will realize that he and Governor Palin are the only people in this race giving us any credit.

None of the McCain supporters at the rally last night were angry. No one was brandishing pitchforks and torches. I didn't hear "off with his head" or "we want Barabbas" once. In fact, the angriest people there were the Obama supporters.

From the moment I arrived, I heard Obama people screaming at the top of their lungs. They looked crazed in their yellow caution-taped "protest zone." But the Obama folks weren't just outside, they were at the rally as well, letting out strange yells that were unintelligible from where I was standing; although my dad did mention that one Obama fan went out of his way to call my dad something pretty mean (I'll spare you the vulgar details).

I couldn't understand why the Obama folks were so angry. They're man is ahead in most of the major polls. This was a McCain rally; it was as if they were surprised to see Republicans actually showing up for their own event. Members from the party of tolerance, friendship, and post-partisan rhetoric were going horse screaming "McCon!" and "Obama!" I don't really understand the McCon part; but maybe it's supposed to be McKhaaaaan (a la William Shatner).

I left the rally rather enthused. McCain isn't some great orator, but he gets by--and I like the way he ends his rally speeches, with that run off of "Stand up and fight! Fight for your country!" etc while everyone cheers. The Obama folks outside were gone by the time the event was over, and the scores of people filtered out with their "Country First" signs in tact. No one got on their horses or fired shotguns in the air to celebrate. Everyone was simply excited... Sarah Palin was coming to the area on Thursday, and they needed to get ready.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:17 AM | Comments (1)

October 20, 2008

The Convenience Fee

I wish I knew what, exactly, justified the Ticketmaster convenience fee when ordering tickets. From what I could tell, as compared to other places that sell tickets, there wasn't much convenient about their methods. They've been charging said fee for decades now, and no one has been able to really understand what it is that they're giving me conveniently.

When I have ordered tickets online through independent concert venues, it's been a very easy (dare I say, convenient) process. I've paid online, I've picked up the tickets at will-call, and it's all done without any tacked-on fees. Ticketmaster, on the other hand, makes you jump through plenty of hoops online, including those ridiculous typographical vomit boxes that make you type whatever letters are barely visible, and then, after you decline to purchase insurance for your tickets (in case they get into some sort of negligent accident), you are charged a convenient $7.00. Thanks.

I recently got tickets to see David Byrne in concert. And while I'm looking forward to the show, I would probably be even more gung-ho if I had an extra $7 to spend on renting a giant white suit to wear to the event. My friend and I have tried in vein to figure out what exactly is so convenient about the Ticketmaster experience. It's not the customer service. It's not the ticket pick-up (although they do mail them to you for free if you're willing to wait). If they gave me a gift card to Steak n' Shake--you know, for dinner before the concert--that would be convenient. If they held a killer parking spot for me downtown, that would be convenient. Heck, if they didn't make me type in that goofy verification thing before ordering tickets maybe the $7 wouldn't be so bad!

Alas, Ticketmaster remains one of the most inconvenient aspects of a concert-going experience (next to that group of girls who insists on singing along to every song, and the tall dudes that always manage to stand right in front of me). Ticketmaster's monopoly, with its gouging fees and such, has been challenged in the past, and will be in the future; until then, it looks like we're just going to have to put up with convenience.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:46 PM | Comments (1)

October 9, 2008

My Tell-Tale Heart

The basement in my house is a time capsule with a washing machine. Although it is unfinished, and has a dangerously low ceiling, it is home to much of my childhood. That's not to say that I spent my childhood in a grungy basement, but rather that's where all of my toys ended up. There was a time when I could go downstairs and sift through boxes to find a Spider-Man action figure I had in second grade or a board game I played once in high school. Now, sadly, all that is changing.

It had to happen sooner or later; eventually I was going to need to sort through that stuff and get rid of most of it. I don't play with toys anymore, but I liked knowing that stuff was down there. I had quite the collection, in my day, of whatever was popular in the world of comics and action figures. GI Joes were, of course, my specialty, trumping any other toy fad that may cross my path. But I digress...

Over the summer, our furnace broke. I guess it was good timing on the furnace's part, since we weren't really in need of it. That meant, however, that we would need to clear out at least half of the junk in the basement so that a new furnace could be installed. No easy task, to be sure, but I suppose the urgency of the situation (what with the cold weather on its way) made my parents more liberal when it came to throwing things out. If it wasn't for my constant slogan of "I could sell this!" they probably would have pitched the whole place. Instead, they just got rid of most of it.

They're lucky that my recent influx of things to do kept me away last weekend when they were doing most of the pitching. They were able to throw away boxes of old videogame magazines, my James Bond Junior toys, and a healthy chunk of old computer parts and water-damaged puzzles. WIth their work finished in the basement, it was up to me to take care of my portion of the junk, which they had thoughtfully piled up in the middle of the room.

Much of what I was sifting through was remnants from my days of schooling. I think I kept every last notebook I ever wrote in from high school through college. I don't really know why, perhaps thinking that one day I would need my notes from Geometry or AP European History. That was all pitched. I did keep a couple strange artifacts: a postcard my best friend sent me from vacation informing me that he'd call me when he got back; a poor drawing I did of Bill Clinton (during his first term in office) just saying "duhhhh;" and my original idea tablet from 5th grade, when I first joined the Cellar Dwellers. Stuff like that is not only hilarious in retrospect, but pretty priceless.

I know that someday pretty much all of this stuff is going to have to leave me; after all, there's no reason for me to keep it around, aside from my dangerously high sense of sentimentality. But last night, I came home to find a long row of garbage bags ready to be picked up. They were filled with more junk from the basement, and somewhere inside of them was a toy that still had the batteries in it. It was buzzing, screaming into the night for help. My dad told me he suspects it was the Micro Machine slot car set that I had (which was awesome, by the way). Something was pressing against it, making it run. For me it was like the Tell-Tale Heart. It was wurring when I got home, and it was out there wurring when I went to bed. It would probably be wurring still when it is plunked on top of a trash heap somewhere.

In reality, this comes down to a decision between heat for the coming winter months or moldy old toys from my childhood. My parents are making the right move, of course. I just wish I didn't have to choose between cold toes and keeping that sweet Ghostbuster Fire Station playset. You know what I'm talking about, right? I mean, I could probably get money for that.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

October 5, 2008

October: More Shows Than Sticks to Shake

Now that October has arrived, it's becoming painfully clear that things are about to get insanely busy for me. So busy, in fact, that if my schedule was being measured by the noise meter at a Pittsburgh Penguins game, it would have already exploded. Allow me to lay out my schedule before you in a vein attempt at shameless self promotion.

Prez Dispenser.

The biggest item on the ticket this month is the first Cellar Dweller sketch comedy show in over a year. It's not that we've been lazy; we've just got this whole Comcast On Demand television show to promote, meaning countless all-improv performances throughout Western PA, as well as our weekly improv workshop. Slowly but surely, and mainly over the summer, we wrote our show, which has been wonderfully titled Prez Dispenser. The sketch show features a four-person cast and roughly 20 sketches.

If I were to describe the show, which is being performed three times in Beaver County and once in Pittsburgh, I would say that it's an "anti-political satire." It's a show that has a running theme of elections and presidential campaigning without mentioning or impersonating candidates. I won't spoil it, because I know you're all planning on seeing it, but I can assure you it's a show that can be enjoyed by everyone who's old enough to get it (sorry 3-year olds). Prez Dispenser is something that I've put a tremendous amount of time in to, including this fancy poster you see, and the little Flash animation I've created to go along with it.

Here are the dates for the show:

Friday, October 17th at the Bagpiper Theater
Geneva College, Beaver Falls
8:00pm $7/$5 for students

Friday, October 24th at the Blue Violet Cafe
156 Brighton Ave, Rochester
8:00pm $7/$5 for students

Sunday, October 26th at the Blue Violet Cafe
156 Brighton Ave, Rochester
8:00pm $7/$5 for students

Saturday, November 8th at ModernFormations
4919 Penn Ave, Pittsburgh
9:00pm $10/$7 for students

The sketch show is clearly the biggest thing, performance-wise, going on in October, but it's certainly not the only show I'm in.

A week before the Geneva College performance of Prez Dispenser, the Cellar Dwellers are doing a new all-improv show at the Sheffield Lanes Fallout Shelter in Aliquippa. We've done a handful of shows in this quaint performance space before, and it's always been a lot of fun. The decor of the Fallout Shelter can only be described as pragmatically authentic. It's a basement below a bowling alley (which is a change of pace for us, considering that we do most of our improv in a theater a floor above a bowling alley), and it's dressed up like a fallout shelter. One wall is made to look like its lined with storage crates filled with food and supplies--although its very reminiscent of that warehouse scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc . The rest of the place is decked out in steel and concrete, with the occasional nuclear symbol spray painted on things. To find theater improv in what would normally be a very sterile and frightening setting (if it were a real fallout shelter, as opposed to this fun performance space) is quite the catch.

Fallout Shelter Improv Saturday, Oct 11 Sheffield Lanes Fallout Shelter, Aliquippa 9:00pm, all ages, $3

And if all that wasn't enough, the "Dodge Intrepid" radio show has been invited to do a guest performance at the Hustlebot improv show in Pittsburgh. Hustlebot is Pittsburgh's only long-form improv troupe, and consist of five extremely funny performers (three of which are/were Cellar Dwellers). We'll be presenting Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time at their weekly ModernFormations show on Thursday, October 23rd. Featured will be one of our Inter-Library Loan (I.L.L.) episodes, previously only performed at the Live Sound shows at Beaver Falls Coffee & Tea. This is going to be our first live performance of the radio show in Pittsburgh, and hopefully it'll get us some new fans (especially now that we own the domain name dodgeintrepidradio.com!)

Hustlebot: The Show Thursday, Oct 23 ModernFormations, Penn Ave, Pittsburgh 8:00pm, $5

The month is also going to feature our normal weekly improv shows (including a cool Halloween show) and a private improv show for a local women's organization. Oh yeah, and there's that big election right around the corner. Things are going to be a lot of fun, but most definitely hectic; in the end, though, it's all worth it.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

September 29, 2008

Covering The Unit

I've been writing for the website DVD Verdict for over a year now. It's going very well, in case you were wondering. But as of last night, I'm starting a new assignment for DVD Verdict's sister website, TV Verdict: I'm reviewing the weekly developments in the CBS series The Unit.

TV Verdict is essentially a blog about television, unlike the more formalized setup of DVD Verdict. Much of the writing staff is the same, and it's tied in with the rest of the "Verdict network" (which includes Cinema Verdict, four podcasts, and a slew of other projects). But only recently did the site formally begin reviewing weekly TV episodes.

Having my chance to review any show of my choosing, I went with what is probably one of the most underrated on network television: David Mamet's The Unit. The show is entering into its fourth season and its first in a new time slot on Sunday nights. It's been one of my favorite shows these past three years, but it hasn't been without its problems. So I'm looking forward to writing "on the beat" this season, reviewing each episode the day after it premieres.

My review of the season premiere, "Sacrifice," is online now, and you can look for future reviews posted each week there's a new episode. I believe the reviews will also appear on IMDb's episode listing for the show as well.

And if you've been meaning to catch up on my reviews over at DVD Verdict, check out all of my reviews in my Judge's profile, or subscribe to my specific RSS feed.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:11 PM | Comments (0)

September 28, 2008

The Differences Between a Rabbit and a Tectonic Plate on Wheels

I've spent much of my adult life driving massive, chugging, man-cars that scorch down the highway and take up three parking spaces at a time. While some may have referred to them as "large, gas-chugging, old man-cars," I like to think back on my Buick LeSabre and Mercury Cougar with some fondness (even if they both sort of crapped out towards the end).

There's a big difference between driving those cars and, say, a Volkswagen Rabbit. I got my Rabbit a few weeks back, but I was informed by many that I still drive it as if it were a Buick. To just let you know how goofy this must look, let us first get a sense of the size difference. The Rabbit can be inserted into the trunk of a LeSabre with little effort. In fact, you would have to line up three Rabbits end-to-end and tape a yardstick to the front one just to equal the length of a Buick LeSabre. So I'm still driving the thing as if I need half a football field to parallel park it. Hopefully I'll get over this soon, otherwise I might lose my reputation as the neighborhood's best parallel parker.

Then there's the crazy extra stuff they put inside of the car. Of course, this is me just reacting to having a car that's actually rather current (instead of a car that's 12 years old). Heated seats, CD changers, auxiliary input, heated rearview mirrors--the works! The best feature my old Buick had was a tape deck that worked, so I could use a cassette converter for my iPod. And before that, the best feature my Cougar had was that the stereo could be removed and replaced with a store-bought stereo. It was a handy feature.

The only area the Rabbit and the Buick are similar on is power. My Buick was a Master of the Universe back in its hay-day. Every person over 45 who talked to me about my car always asked if it had the legendary GM 3800 Engine, apparently the best engine the company ever made. Well it sure did, folks; and those 170 horses were a force to be reckoned with, provided I had enough time to build up some momentum on a three-mile straightaway. I was worried that if I went to the Rabbit (despite it being the car of my dreams) I would be disappointed by its woodland-creature-power. Instead, I found that there are only 20 fewer horses inside of it than my LeSabre; which is quite a feat considering that they were able to cram them into such a compact space. It's peppy, and it gets good gas mileage. Two things I could never say about the tectonic plates.

I always assumed I would be driving these massive sedan-yachts the rest of my life, but now that I have the Rabbit I won't be looking back. I love it too much, even if I have to learn how to park it.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:41 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2008

You Get What You Pay For

Michael Moore has released his latest documentary, Slacker Uprising, for free online. Being that it was free, and that I've seen most of his other films, I watched the 90-minute feature on /Film's blog. Calling it a documentary is being a little generous (moreso than calling most of his movie's "documentaries"). It's really like a concert film; Moore films the "Slacker Uprising" tour he went on before the 2004 election to help John Kerry win big. Well, we all know how that turned out.

So the actual reason behind his film was a flop, but in most circumstances that can actually make for a better movie. Just look at the documentary Lost in LaMancha, about Terry Gilliam's failed attempt to make a Don Quixote movie. That was gold! Instead, Moore has crafted an egocentric tribute to himself. Much of the film features him being adorned by screaming liberal college students packing in to their gymnasiums to hear him speak. He also parades out a slew of musicians and celebrities who remind us all how silly and naive they can be. Politics aside, it's just not a very interesting film to watch (especially because the majority of Moore's speeches feature him repeating things over and over and over).

I can't help but wonder if Moore didn't put his usual effort into the film because he was releasing it for free online. If he was releasing this film in theaters, like the rest of his movies, he would be out and about promoting it, gussy-ing it up with nice graphics and funny vignettes, and generally providing an interesting narrative. I just hope the quality of Slacker Uprising doesn't reflect on the quality of the free healthcare he wants the government to give out.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:05 PM | Comments (2)

September 24, 2008

Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine: Volume 4, The Failed Latte

[For my birthday, my brother gave me a steam-powered home espresso machine, the DeLonghi Caffe Parma BAR6. While I have been a coffee enthusiast for a long time, I've never actually made espresso before. This blog series chronicles my experiments, failures, and successes as a home-kitchen-barista.]

It's been quite a while since I've added a new entry to my on-going espresso blog series. This is mainly because I've been playing it safe when it comes to my baristacious adventuring. I've been making great (relatively) Americanos at home with the Starbucks Espresso Blend. While I've been meaning to try my hand at something using the cappuccino setting, it wasn't until tonight that I finally got the guts to do it.

Something came over me. Maybe it was the long day at work, or the large bowl of rice I ate for dinner. Either way, I wanted to make an espresso drink at home. I dug around in the kitchen and found the manual for my DeLonghi, hoping it would tell me the three easy steps for a cappuccino. No dice. The process is more complicated than that, and the instructions that come with the machine are far too vague. So I did what any respected adventurer would do, I googled "how to make cappuccino at home."

The results weren't very pleasing, especially since most folks were using cruder methods than I was. People were heating milk in a pan, brewing espresso with stove-top percolators, etc. Finally, I decided that a latte, with mainly consists of half espresso and half steamed milk, would be a little easier for tonight. I found two YouTube videos that would actually point me in the right direction (one that was hard to watch but kinda helpful; and another that was extremely helpful with the steamed milk side of things.)

All I had with me were the basics: the espresso, the machine, and eight ounces of milk in a measuring glass. I will admit that I didn't have enough 2% milk to reach the eight ounces, so I had even it would with Skim (yuck!) My day was long enough without worrying over the details like that. So I dove into things and started making the espresso. Like I had read/watched, half-way through the espresso process, I turned the dial on the top of the machine from "Medium" to "Cappuccino" and released the steam valve. Then I dipped the steam wand (which is this little white thing sticking out of the machine) into the milk and waited for the magic to happen. It didn't.

Perhaps I followed instructions wrong. Maybe I wasn't supposed to turn the dial to "Cappuccino" if I just wanted to steam the milk. Or maybe I just turned the steam on too high. Whatever the cause, the milk barely moved. It bubbled a tad, but never reached that magical 150-degrees Fahrenheit that I had read about. In fact, I don't think it got warm at all.

Not knowing what to do when the steam was gone and the espresso was finished, I just poured the espress into a mug and then added the milk. I've seen some beautiful lattes in my day (mainly at Beaver Falls Coffee & Tea, where they practice the art of latte-makin'), but this looked more like a big cup of blaaahhh. The liquid was almost as white as I am, and because the milk was still essentially refrigerated, the espresso was now at a disgusting room temperature.

I took a sip. It tasted like coffee-flavored milk. It had neither the density nor the wispy flavor of a good latte. It was pretty gross really. I tried choking down as much as I could, mainly because I needed a pick-me-up. Before I waste any more milk and coffee on another one, I'm going to have to go watch some lattes made by real baristas to see where I went wrong.

Looks like I'm sticking with Americanos for the time being.

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:05 PM | Comments (0)

September 15, 2008

Eviction Notice

To: Current Facebook User
From: Facebook

We regret to inform you that you have hereby been evicted from your present domain. We feel that your current home for social networking is in need of dire renovations. We agree with you that your orderly, form-filling nature was a refreshing change from the chaotic world of MySpace, but you are currently out of date. Your interface has been bogged down with pokes, prods, flair, and countless other useless spam applications that have muddied the waters and made for an unsafe and undesirable atmosphere.

We, here at Facebook, have decided to renovate your network. Don't worry, this will come with no cost to you, aside from your patience. We are getting rid of the simple, scroll-able page layout, and replacing it with tabs that won't be confusing or muddled at all. We're also going to greatly enhance the bottom toolbar that we installed last update, making the entire website feel even more like the beloved Windows operating system. Now you can access all of your favorite applications, and chat with people, all with the click of some buttons. And since the biggest Fall fashion this year is redundancy, we're including links to your applications on the top menu bar and an extra large side bar. The sky's the limit for our residents!

We're so confident that you'll like the changes, that we will be making the previous setup of your network completely unreachable. No need to worry about sending feedback or telling us about your concerns; while we certainly provide you with the means to do so, we're simply going to ignore them.

And the best part of all, as we mentioned, this will come at no cost to you! We are able to provide these worthy updates to you thanks to our friendly and responsible sponsors, who file away your information after paying us a finders fee!

Again, we hope you enjoy the new Facebook... because afterall, if you don't like it, there's always MySpace.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:10 PM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2008

Breathing Uneasy

Amidst the somber September 11th memorials in the state of Pennsylvania last Thursday, something else was going on. A new law went into effect, created and passed by the Democrats in the legislature and the governor's office that bans smoking in almost every public establishment in the state. There are a few exceptions which include bars that earn less than 20% of their revenue from food and tobacco lounges (if the latter hadn't been an exception, I would have questioned the sanity of Democrats more than usual). Of course, I'm not a smoker--in fact, I hate second-hand smoke--but that doesn't mean I'm at all pleased with this piece of legislation, which cuts short the rights and liberties of businesses to decide how they want to operate.

The argument is plainly simple: people who work in or patronize businesses that allow smoking shouldn't have to be subjected to the dangers of cigarette smoke emitted by other customers. Of course, the right solution to this issue is: if you don't like it, don't go there. The wrong answer is: legislate that every business become smoke free, whether they want to or not, and face tremendous fines if they don't obey.

I can't lie and write that I won't enjoy going to local restaurants and not come out smelling like smoke. I'll enjoy being able to come home from my Friday night improv shows not stinking. But while I'm more than fine reaping the benefits of this legislation, I have to disagree with the very principle of the thing. It's not within any government's rights to impose such stringent and economically harmful rules on a privately owned business. It's tantamount to the state passing a law demanding that businesses no longer use coins because they could be choked on by a child.

The truth is that there are plenty of businesses that began to go non-smoking on their own and experienced a great deal of success. Eat n' Park, who got rid of the smoking section in all of their restaurants a year or so ago, is the best example that comes to mind. Each business is different in terms of clientele, and some rely on the business of smokers more than others, so I can't say with certainty that all establishments will suddenly find an increase in revenue. But it is clear that businesses no longer have a choice when it comes to decisions on how to operate.

A friend of mine has an uncle who owns his own Italian restaurant, and even owns the building that the restaurant is located in. He owns everything from top to bottom, and despite wanting to allow smoking on the premises (regardless of whether or not he loses non-smoking customers), he can't unless he wants to face huge fines for every butt found. Rightfully, my friend was outraged. As were all of my friends, many of whom could care less about politics. The general sentiment was "Government has no right to tell a business how to operate."

Whether they knew it or not, folks I knew were suddenly espousing essential conservative thinking. Government shouldn't stand in the way of business, nor should it meddle in its affairs past the point of keeping everything legit. Sure the state and federal government should bust corporate scandal and illegal practices, but since when can it tell someone not to smoke? This sort of sentiment can only be found in the liberal ideals that the government should be involved in every aspect of society, making sure things are fair, even, and equal.

Eat n' Park chose to go non-smoking, and I was happy for their success... unfortunately, more restaurants and businesses won't get that choice. Just as Democrats voted to enact a ridiculously high drink tax in Pittsburgh (in order to redistribute money to help save the sinking ship of city public transportation), they have no decided for you that you won't have to put up with smoking.

This new law will have me breathing easier at my local diner... but this should have every voter who cares about liberty breathing uneasy about voting for Pennsylvania Democrats.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:28 AM | Comments (1)

September 5, 2008

The Ten Year Old That Kicked My Butt

I'm terrible with children. When they're babies, I'm afraid to hold them out of fear of dropping them or being involved in some sort of Three Stooges-style slapstick accident. When they're just starting to walk and talk, they're impossible to converse with and they never get my jokes (and I don't speak that weird high-pitched baby lingo). But it's the next age range that I have the least amount of experience with: the 5-12 year olds. The kids are old enough to speak clearly, go to school, and open things. They're unpredictable and often precocious (I should know, I first joined the Cellar Dwellers a month after turning 12). I found myself face-to-face with just this type of child last Sunday...

I was tasked with essentially baby-sitting a ten year old while his father worked with my dad on a fence in the yard. Not knowing what ten year olds are even into these days, we assumed that he would want to play some videogames. So, rather than hook up the PS2 or give him free reign on the XBOX 360, we got out our assortment of TV plug-in controllers. If there is one invention from the past two years I can really get behind, it's these excellent little controllers that recreate arcade and Atari joysticks, allowing you to play five different classic videogames on your TV without any sort of system. Pure genius, I say, and something that all kids should instantly love. So my dad laid out our assortment, which included Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog, and a bunch of others.

When the kid came, my dad showed him how to work the controllers, and he seemed to already have a handle on things. He started plugging away at Pac-Man while I went about my business helping Karissa pack up her things for her drive home. But when I got back inside the house, the kid was gone. All of the controllers were wrapped neatly in front of the entertainment center and the TV was turned off. I slowly crept through the house, as if The Predator was hiding nearby in his camo-suit. Then the kid emerged from our computer room.

"You have an XBOX," he said, giving me a gaze that only cross-examined witnesses are familiar with. "I saw it. You have an XBOX 360 hooked up to that TV."

He had found me out. We had assumed that he wouldn't be interested in that advanced piece of hardware, that the plug-in classics would suffice. Oh how wrong we were.

"Do you want to... play it?" I asked. There were awkward pauses, the kid was clearly hustling me.

"Wellll, let's see what kind of games you got." He walked over to my modest stack of XBOX games and began sifting through them. "Call of Duty 4, I got that; Gears of War, I got that; Bioshock, I got that; Grand Theft Auto eye-vee (he said it like that, not actually saying "4")..." He skipped over most of the E-rated games I had, only pointing out all of the Mature-rated titles.

He said that he wanted to play Grand Theft Auto, so I popped that in and loaded up a game for him. I felt apprehensive about letting this ten year old play such a vulgar and offensive game, but he assured me that he had already completed it and that he mainly plays it online now. He knew more about the game than I did, and kept calling me over to show me jumps and kills. I tried to talk to the kid, but I quickly found out that he knew way more about this stuff than I did. What the heck had I gotten myself into?

He kept asking me if I had XBOX Live Gold, the subscription service through Microsoft that allows you to play multiplayer games online; I didn't, mainly because I barely have enough time to play through games, let alone play them competitively. This wasn't a good excuse, however, and the kid basically thought I was lame. "You should ask your dad to get you a subscription." Good idea, kid. "How old are you, anyways?" 23. Really? After a while, he got bored with GTA and my lack of online capabilities... so he asked if I had an extra controller. I did, so we popped in Call of Duty 4.

I had hoped to get some reading done that afternoon and relax a bit before heading to the movies with a friend. Instead, I found myself duking it out with a ten year old in a head-to-head deathmatch. He called the marines, so I was forced to be a terrorist. He explained to me that he was one of the best in online deathmatches, and that he had devised all sorts of tricks and glitches that allowed him to circumvent the normal rules of the game. Basically, he could find spots on the maps that you weren't supposed to be able to reach, and then camp out and kill people as they pass by. Since he and I were the only two soldiers in the multiplayer map, I was always squarely in the child's crosshairs.

I tried to hold my own, making sure to properly celebrate every frag I got; but he was out-killing me almost 4 to 1! He instantly went from being a very polite, friendly boy to a cold-blooded sniping machine. His trashtalk went from adorable to venomous as he questioned my tactics, my skills, my judgement, and my manhood. "You shouldn't try to mess with me because I'm the best!" He was waging a propaganda war alongside his ground-game. I tried my best to keep morale high, excessively celebrating every hard-earned kill I got: "Yeah! Take that! Not so hot that time!" Of course, he would just turn around and blow me up six more times in a row, earning the ability to summon air strikes and helicopters.

The kid was not only the best player I'd seen, he was calculated and strategic. He told me he practiced his moves for weeks at a time, perfecting every last jump and actually measuring distances with bullet holes. Six shots in the ground told him where to jump and when. He leaped from building to fence to building like a cat. And all I could do was run for cover and hope to outsmart him. I didn't have much luck.

Just as his trashtalk was getting really intense, my friend showed up to get my back. My buddy's a grade school teacher, so he at least knows how to talk to ten year olds and relate to them. He told me afterwards that, oddly enough, these kids are in to the exact same thing we were into; I'm not sure if that means kids are maturing faster than they used to, or if we're just pathetically behind the times.

After it seemed certain that I would never be able catch up to this kid's score, we decided to briefly hop over to Gears of War. I was supposed to go see a movie with my friend, so we didn't have nearly as much time to play Gears; sadly, that didn't make the battle any easier. The kid again made me be the bad guys, and again trounced me thoroughly. He would even pick specific weapons and declare "Now I'm going to kill you with [this weapon]." Lucky for me, my friend reminded me of the time, and we escaped to the movies before the ten year old could really get the better of me.

We got up to leave and I told the kid it was nice to meet him. He would stay back and play with the XBOX a little longer while his dad finished up. It was only then that the kid really reminded me that he was ten, because we as walked out, he chased after us. He was shuffling his feet on the ground with his finger pointed right at me. The kid was trying to give me a static shock! I let him chase after me and shut the front door in his face yelling "No way, man! You're not shocking me!" The boy beat the crap out of me in videogames, and then tried to best me once more with an embarrassing electric shock. I wasn't going to let that happen.

My buddy and I went off to see our R-rated movie, safe knowing that there was no way the ten year old could follow us.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:28 PM | Comments (2)

September 3, 2008

To My Buick LeSabre, Goodbye

My beloved Buick LeSabre,

It feels like just yesterday that you came into my life, after a long and arduous search to replace my very first car, the Cougar. I remember getting a phone call from my dad, telling me about your features, your looks, and your much-talked-about 3800 V6 engine. Yes, I essentially got you sight-unseen, over the phone from my dorm room at college. Like a marriage out of convenience, we were an unlikely couple forced together out of necessity, and yet we ended up being a wonderful pair. Now sadly, my car, it's time for me to move on.

I have found myself in the blessed position to voluntarily look for a new car. Unlike before, when my Cougar literally began to fall apart, you probably have at least 6 more months if not a year left in you (with some copious repairs). But we can't beat around the bush any longer, LeSabre; you're starting to show your age. Like the elderly folks who can normally be seen driving you, your mileage and nagging health issues that I once found charming are starting to be too much. While it was the hum of your V6 and your ample amount of leg room that first drew me in, I found even your quirks to be enjoyable (that ever-present "Check Engine" light, the back left window that only worked in the winter, etc). You were a car that represented an older generation, a car that was set firmly in the past, rather than trying to be the future... but your age is now an issue, and so I say goodbye.

These past few years together have been fun, though. I'll never forget our trips to Harrisburg, Oil City, and Wheeling. And how about that time all the Cellar Dwellers ate dinner on your hood? That was the kind of fun you brought to the party. Or when I named a character in my radio show after you? And I'm pretty sure I couldn't have moved home from college in one trip without you. Yes, we had some good times.

It was a tough decision. But I'm moving on, growing up, and going smaller. I hope that you understand.

So long, thanks for all the mileage.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:00 PM | Comments (2)

August 28, 2008

Reactions to the First 90 Seconds and the Last 5 Seconds of Barack Obama's DNC Speech

"We get it: goofy name, big ears. It was charming the first time you said it."

"Finally, that lame video is over."

"He actually built a set of the White House?"

"Where did all of those people get 'Change' signs?"

"Joe Biden looks like Troy McClure."

"Why does Barack clap for himself all the time?"

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"Boy, I hope he's not going to yell every sentence and then wait for cheering..."

"Yep, he is."

"I wonder how much all this cost?"

One hour later

"Hey, fireworks!"

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2008

Starting At The Beginning

Tonight James and I finalized the scripts for our next installment of Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time, our adventure radio serial about time traveling librarians. This month marks the third year that we've been doing the show; yet it feels like just yesterday we were sitting down at a picnic table along the Ohio River, getting ready to start our first script.

The latest live performance is called The Beginning, for obvious reasons. We went back and completely rewrote (read: re-imagined) the original four episodes, which tell the origin of our librarian's time traveling powers. These episodes sure did impress folks back then, and we were pretty proud of them ourselves. But we've grown as writers. Back then, we were still figuring out the conventions of serialized radio (and ignoring most of them); after re-reading those old scripts, James and I discovered a lot we could improve upon. I wouldn't go as far as to say we went completely "George Lucas" on Dodge's origin story (we didn't make Greedo shoot first or anything), but we certainly punched things up and added storytelling techniques we've developed over the past three years.

You know how some superheroes tend to have a lot of crazy powers or subplots to deal with early on in their lives, and then that stuff tends to fall by the wayside in exchange for leaner storytelling? It happens sometimes, and Dodge is no exception. Like for some reason, in the old episode 103, Dodge utilizes his "book senses" to discover that the well-being of a piece of literature is being threatened. Clearly we threw this in as a weird homage to Spider-Man, but we've never mentioned it since. It's been cut. The same goes for Dodge's car, which he only drove in the first episode (and was jokingly a Dodge Touring Car).

Suffice it to say, this new performance is going to be a great deal of fun for us. I'm hoping that what we've wrote will be a great starting point for folks who have been a little intimidated about jumping into the show (afterall, we have over 40 episodes podcasting), but also a rewarding listen for the faithful followers. I also used this three year anniversary to create a new logo for Dodge, which is on display in our noble-looking poster (don't even get me started on the sketchy art style I was employing for those original posters).

The show will be performed live Saturday, August 30th at Cafe Kolache in Beaver, PA at 7:00pm. In the weeks following the performance, we will, of course, be podcasting all of the studio and live recorded episodes.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:50 PM | Comments (0)

August 22, 2008

Metropolitan, on Hulu

Whit Stillman's first film, Metropolitan, has, over the last two years, become one of my favorite movies of all time. It's a talky, beautifully photographed film set in the privileged world of debutantes and old-money bourgeoisie. Pulling from Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and the social conservative philosophies of Russell Kirk, Stillman created an intelligent film that rests comfortably under the radar (despite being nominated for an Oscar in 1990).

Metropolitan arrived amidst the brilliant frenzy of independent filmmaking in the early '90s. While Stillman's film is on the more conservative side of the spectrum from Spike Lee, Kevin Smith, and Quentin Tarantino, his film is no less influential. The precociousness of the characters (who all seem to be about the age of college freshman, despite talking like Victorian-era social critics), and the excessively lavish world that they inhabit, feel like a precursor to Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums. And for as high art as the film seem, its pacing is somewhat vaudevillian, with the characters coming together for a quick one-liner before a jump-cut switches to another beat and another joke. It's a film that offers many things on many levels, from the absurd lifestyles that these children inhabit, to the core beliefs of traditionalism expressed by the various characters.

The film ultimately connects with me, at this time in my life (just out of college), because of its message of growing up. This group of people, who have been getting together each year to attend these debutante functions, are reaching the age where they need to expand, grow, and move apart. They are moving ahead, prudently, away from their teenage clicks and becoming individuals.

I started writing this blog entry simply to spread the word that the film is available for free, online at Hulu.com, but I sort of forgot that part until now. Metropolitan isn't for everyone, and requires a certain bit of patience, since it is just a bunch of kids sitting around for 3/4 the film. It's great to see that NBC/Universal and whomever else owns Hulu thought it would be good to include the film in their free online catalogue. You can find the film here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:49 AM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2008

Backyard of Dreams

The winds of summer were whispering to Joe: If you build it, they'll more than likely come if they don't already have plans.

And so, never one to disobey whispering voices, Joe set to work on his grand construction project, a wiffle ball field in his back yard. The Cellar Dwellers have been playing wiffle ball together for a number of years, but in a largely unorganized fashion. This year, however, at Joe's annual "Happy Fun BBQ," they would be playing in style.

Joe began back in April by creating an artistic rendering and schematics for his backyard field. What was essentially a digital-napkin drawing would eventually become his greatest achievement.

Measuring the field would be the hardest part. Joe would do much of the labor himself, spending hours walking straight lines with measuring tape and string. Everything would need to be exact to avoid any rule conflicts during play. Unlike baseball or softball, wiffle ball is a generally lawless beast. There are "official" rules at Wiffle.com, but even those are subject to change depending on the situation, lay of the land, and people involved. Such questions often arise like "is it foul if the ball hits a tree?"; "are you out if you knock over someone's drink?"; and "where is the strike zone?" Joe, ever a lover of detail, made sure to tackle most issues prior to the opening game.

Joe spent months toiling away in the backyard. He went to Lowe's and purchased yards of green plastic fencing and PVC pipe to construct the massive wall that spanned the outfield. As the schematic shows, he also had plans for a "big green monster," but because of the trees in the backyard, this wound up being unnecessary; Mother Nature would provide the monsters.

After constructing his wall, he moved on to the bases. He wisely opted for flat rubber bases instead of the more authentic base bags used in baseball. While he may claim this was because of cost concerns, others were just happy not to have to fear twisting an ankle. Once the bases were in place, and correctly measured, he set to work drawing the baselines. For this, Joe used flour, string, and a cart to get everything straight and professional.

The final touch to the field was a working scoreboard. After constructing the stand, Joe carved up squares of dry erase board and glued them on. This would allow teams to write in their name and keep track of the score for every inning (he also left a space for outs). This would be one of the first wiffle ball stadiums to offer this sort of score-keeping luxury, and make it up easier for fans to keep track of stats in their programs.

Joe's field (which goes by a number of names, including "The Sonny Bono Memorial Wiffle Ball Field" and "The Tom Selleck Memorial Wiffle Ball Field"), had its inaugural game last Saturday, August 16th at the Happy Fun BBQ. The full game, which lasted roughly two and a half hours and nine whole innings, was between the aptly named "Sellecks" and the "Pink Ponies."

Throughout the game, the goal of both teams (obviously) was to hit a home run. This, however, proved harder than first thought. The outfield wall was a mere two yards or so behind the second base, but the fly balls never seemed to make it over. A few were nabbed by the trees, which created an instant game of Plinko for the outfielders to deal with. Other hits just stopped short, or bounced off the fence. It wasn't until after the game, when a second, shorter game began that star-hitter Big Matt Bower smashed one out of the park. Bottle rockets were shot into the air to celebrate.

Yes, Joe's dream of having his own wiffle ball stadium finally came true, with a little bit of elbow grease. Who knows when it's beautiful greens will be graced by the sneakers of great athletes... but so long as he has it, people will probably stop by... if they can.

Posted by MikeRubino at 4:19 PM | Comments (1)

August 11, 2008

Surprises at the Warhol

Karissa and I weren't about to miss the Piet Mondrien exhibit at the Andy Warhol Museum downtown. The gallery had paintings that spanned the entire length of his career, starting with his naturalistic landscape scenes, which slowly evolved into the straight lines and primary colors that he's known for. Having studied Piet in art history, we knew what to expect. What we weren't expecting to see was the artwork of three Setonians!

The Artist Alliance of Pittsburgh was having their annual exhibit on the floor directly below Mondrien. I was looking forward to checking out the work of local artists, but when I picked up the gallery book I found they were even more local than I had imagined. Featured in the show was Seton Hill instructors Carol Brode and Richard Stoner as well as my fellow-art major Lauren Etling! I was thrilled to see their work in the show, and proud to say that Carol and Richard had a great influence on my artistic endeavors.

Moving down a floor from the awesome AAP exhibit, we found another, smaller exhibit that's worth mentioning. The exhibit is called We Are Survival Machines, and combines two things Pittsburgh is known for: zombies and robots! The main portion of the exhibit was a gigantic double projection slide show featuring tons of photos of people dressed like zombies. The majority of the photos were taken inside the CMU Robotics Lab, with the undead clawing and tooling away on giant machines. Next to the projection room was a table covered in zombie literature, including Max Brooks' World War Z and The Waking Dead graphic novels. Then, on the far wall was a series of photographs involving make-up master Tom Savini turning Andy Warhol into a zombie. It's an exhibit I would only expect to find in the 'Burgh.

I have been to the Warhol a few times in the past, but I think this latest visit was the best. Aside from the surprising exhibits, the price of admission made it all the sweeter--since August 6th was Andy's 80th birthday, admission to the museum was only 80 cents! The Mondrien postcard we got in the gift shoppe cost more than admission.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:17 AM | Comments (3)

August 4, 2008

Gauging McCain

John McCain and I have had a tenuous relationship. I didn't much agree with the man back when he was a full-on Centrist in the Primaries. Now that he's the Republican nominee, however, he's moved slightly to the right, mainly in the area of taxes and energy. But even if I didn't agree with the guy, I've always admired his feisty character. He's a pretty gruff Irishmen, if you ask me, and he's not afraid to pick a fight. Yeah, he is a lot like his idol, Teddy Roosevelt (a President whom I admire not for his actual policies but for his intestinal fortitude).

After weeks of McCain sort of drifting through the motions of a presidential campaign, Senator Obama's trip to Europe finally woke him up. First, McCain began airing an ad called "Celeb" comparing Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. It was a great piece of humorous mudslinging if you ask me--although I'm not quite sure about that weird iPod-commercial-esque music at the end with McCain's logo.

While the news media is still talking about that ad, McCain wasn't satisfied to sit in the glow of the media's ever-hungry cameras. Instead, his campaign rolled out what I consider to be an even better ad: The One. Here, McCain makes fun of the way Obama sees himself (as the savior to the world), even going as far as to play a clip of Charlton Heston as Moses. Thanks to this ad and "Celeb," McCain has now essentially tied himself in the polls with Obama. I don't give a whole lot of stock to any polling data, but the fact that McCain was able to overcome a 7-9 point deficit to tie Obama so soon after his European tour is pretty impressive.

Those two ads alone warmed the cockles of my conservative heart. Then, in one of the too-numerous e-mail blasts that McCain sends out, I saw an offer for an excellent campaign gift. If you donate to the McCain campaign, he'll send you a Barack Obama Energy Plan Tire Gauge. You see, it was quietly reported a week or so ago (by the 30% of reporters that haven't contributed to his campaign) that Obama told a group of supporters in Missouri that all of the oil we want to drill for could be saved if everyone would just inflate their tires (watch it here ). So McCain is calling "bull" on that one by sending out tons of tire gauges!

There is still a long way to go in this blasted election. I can only hope that tire gauges and goofy TV ads involving Moses are just the beginning of Mac's big strategy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:27 PM | Comments (2)

July 29, 2008

Buffalo: A Cheap Date

The same look streaked across the face of everyone I talked to about my vacation plans. "I'm going to Buffalo," I'd say, and instantly their eyebrows would jackknife, their brains whurred, and steam brought on by extreme nonplus-ity shoots out of their ears. "Buffalo? Really?"

Yes, Buffalo. Really. As my brother pointed out, we're not quite sure how the family settled on Buffalo as a prime vacation destination. That's what we ended up picking, and we made sure we had a good time!

If you're on a tight budget, you can't really go wrong with Buffalo. It's a cheap date. Over half the stuff we did there was free--and not because we're cheap and sought it out (although we are, in fact, fairly frugal people). For one, the city itself is largely dead. Probably worse than Pittsburgh on a Tuesday night. The first night in town we went to check out The Dark Knight, and found ourselves in the heart of the city during rush hour. If it wasn't for the lone child working the movie theater, and the guys at the pizza shop, we would have had reason to assume The Rapture had moved in.

The trip to Buffalo actually started rocking before we even arrived in the city. On the way there, we stopped at the small town of Eden, NY to check out the Original Kazoo Co. and Museum. There, people slave away producing about a million metal kazoos a year. It's worth checking out just to see the gigantic metal kazoo that adorns the top of the building. And since you'll be in the area, you might as well continue down the highway an exit or two and check out the Fisher Price Headquarters and Toy Museum (also free). Here you can check out all the major toys the company has made since their inception in the early '20s. It's a nice diversion. Sadly, we were unable to see the third awesome building on the way to Buffalo: the Millard Fillmore House. It was closed the day we were in town, and while I'm not sure how interesting his childhood house would be, if it's anything like his actual presidency, you'd be in for a quiet and inconsequential treat.

The actual city of Buffalo has plenty to offer. In fact, so much activity that we actually had to pick and choose what to do. We passed up seeing a free Shakespeare in the Park rendition of "The Merry Wives of Windsor" (although I was dying to see just how fat King Falstaff would be), as well as an international animation festival. But we made sure not to miss the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed Darwin Martin House, the exceedingly liberal shopping district of Elmwood Village, and their gigantic new mall called the Galleria. We also checked out the Anchor Bar, the birthplace of the Buffalo chicken wing (although I'm not sure if it was the first place to do "25 Cent Wing Night," which I view as the wiser invention).

Of course, there's always Niagara Falls, which is just a short jaunt up the highway from Buffalo. If you can afford the tolls to get there, it's always worth checking out the American side. It has fewer casinos than the Canadian side, plus two extra waterfalls! However I don't think that the state of NY has figured out that machines are perfectly capable of dispensing the toll tickets, and instead they have human beings handing these things out one at a time. Someone should really spread the word, it just might save them millions of dollars.

The last day of the trip, we went to church at Our Lady of Victory Basilica, just a few minutes down I-90. Now, I haven't seen a basilica I didn't like, but this one was of special interest in that its founder, Fr. Nelson Baker, is currently up for sainthood. Fr. Baker built the church in the early 1920s, and was a very vital pillar to the Buffalo community. Now, he's passed the first of three levels to canonization, meaning that he may someday become a full-on saint. They even had his tomb in a small shrine off to the side of the altar--it's not often you get to see the tomb of a soon-to-be-saint. That topped the vacation off nicely.

This entire vacation came about because I was unable to join my family for their week-long trip to Virginia last June. But I don't think anyone was too broken up over the idea of going on two vacations in one summer. Despite the many skeptics, the Buffalo trip was certainly a good time. It was a little strange seeing a city that felt deader than Pittsburgh, but thankfully we found plenty of things to do. If you're looking for a cheap date, look no further than Buffalo, NY.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:40 PM | Comments (2)

July 22, 2008

Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine: Volume 3, The Blow-Up

[For my birthday, my brother gave me a steam-powered home espresso machine, the DeLonghi Caffe Parma BAR6. While I have been a coffee enthusiast for a long time, I've never actually made espresso before. This blog series chronicles my experiments, failures, and successes as a home-kitchen-barista.]

With Saturday's espresso under my belt, I perhaps felt overly confident about the process. Sunday, I set about making 4 shots of espresso so that my brother and I could enjoy Americanos together. I had hoped it'd be a nice bonding experience, where he could enjoy the fruits of my birthday present. I never expected the near-disaster that would follow.

I was initially worried when I saw how much espresso grounds I needed to use to fill up the basket. Obviously, you use much more when going for four shots, but I began to worry when I saw that the espresso wasn't dripping as fast as it had the first time. Clearly, the water was having some trouble getting through the extra grounds. Danny, ever the Cassandra, was declaring that everything was going wrong. Refusing to believe him, I began fiddling with the dial on top of the machine that controls the strength of the espresso. I figured maybe if I set it to a stronger or lighter setting that it would pump the water differently. Eventually, the thing did spit out four shots, but it took a little longer than I would have liked.

With the espresso complete, I figured I had dodged the bullet. For some reason, I was struck with the idea to grab the filter's handle and unscrew it from the machine. The moment I shifted the handle back to the left, dislodging it, a powder keg exploded. Like something out of Backdraft, the pressure remaining in the machine caused the grinds in the filter basket to explode! The noise was fairly loud and dull, but the aftermath was major. Grounds encircled the machine, as if the DeLonghi had tried smoking a cigar given to him by an ill-willing Bugs Bunny. Grounds flew into the carafe, which I stupidly left sitting beneath the filter. There were even some black specks on our dishwasher, below the counter. (The photo accompanying this entry doesn't do the mess justice).

After a good bit of laughter, I tried my best to clean out the excess grounds from the carafe and serve the Americanos. Only after enjoying my creation (which wasn't as good as the first time, mainly because of the trauma I had endured), did I return to the kitchen and clean up the huge mess. During this time, my dad was forbidden from entering the room... it was for his own good.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:37 AM | Comments (0)

July 21, 2008

Completing Our Ode to Futurism

After two separate recording sessions, a month of Sunday afternoon editing sessions in Garageband, and plenty of TLC, the latest adventure of Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time is now complete!

Last May, we debuted our new live adventure, Web of the Futurist, at Cafe Kolache. These four episodes are the bookend (if you'll excuse the pun) to the show's fourth season, in case anyone aside from me is keeping track.

This set of episodes chronicles Dodge's second fight with his Italian nemesis, The Futurist--who is essentially an embodiment of the Modern Art movement of the 1910s. Unlike the first time we introduced the character (Episodes 205-208), the ideas of Futurism are really on display here. The villain has built a league of followers who worship originality, and try their best to brush off any societal norms or standards (they sleep in the kitchen and cook in the living room, for example). It's goofy, sure, but it also explains the core ideas of the art movement (originality, war, motion, technology) to the average listener. This set of episodes even got us noticed by Italian Futurism News, an awesome blog dedicated to recent Futurist art.

As far as writing goes, Season Four has been finished for a few months now. During that time, James and I have begun working on a new set of episodes for our 3-Year Anniversary this August! It's hard to believe that it's been three years since James and I first started this whole podcast experiment... so in order to celebrate how far we've come, we are re-imagining the original first four episodes. We're not changing Dodge's origin story, but simply re-telling the tale with a brand new script that's more in keeping with the way we write the show now. I'm very excited about how things are coming so far. We're going to be performing the show on August 30th at Cafe Kolache.

In the meantime, check out the latest four episodes that make up Web of the Futurist:

• Episode 417
• Episode 418
• Episode 419
• Episode 420

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:28 AM | Comments (3)

July 19, 2008

Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine: Volume 2, The First Run

[For my birthday, my brother gave me a steam-powered home espresso machine, the DeLonghi Caffe Parma BAR6. While I have been a coffee enthusiast for a long time, I've never actually made espresso before. This blog series chronicles my experiments, failures, and successes as a home-kitchen-barista.]

This morning I felt daring. Perhaps it was the fact that I've been thinking about trying out the DeLonghi ever since I got it for my birthday. Or maybe it was because I woke up at 7:30am, watched A Fist Full of Dollars, and was totally pumped to accomplish something this morning--you know, like the kind of accomplishment The Man With No Name pulls off in the third act of the movie. While there weren't really any feuding gangs for me to mess with, I did get up the gumption to try my hand at espresso.

The first thing I needed to decide, before making espresso, was what beans to use. Do I try and grind my Archabbot Reserve from the St. Vincent Gristmill? What about the fair trade Franciscan Blend my parents got me? From the research I did online, you can technically use almost any bean to make espresso, but results may vary. Usually, you want to use a strong, dark roasted bean, like an Italian Roast. Ideally, I'd want to use a kind of coffee made for espresso. So I decided to bite the bullet and actually go get some. The idea here was to get something that's a surefire success coffee-wise. If things turn out poorly, I don't want the coffee to be to blame. So I went to the most consistent coffee shops on the planet: Starbucks. Roll your eyes if you must, but if there's one thing you can't call Starbucks, it's "inconsistent." I got a half-pound of their Espresso Roast, ground for an espresso machine, and came back home.

I decided to amalgamate the instructions from the manual that came with the DeLonghi with a couple pretentious espresso websites that I found. There are plenty of resources online about how to make your own espresso, but a lot of them are pretty condescending. Since the espresso machine was sitting in my basement for about a decade, I thought it wise to follow their instructions for running water through the machine in order to clean it out. This also allowed me to make sure the thing actually functioned (if it didn't, this little blogging idea would be pretty terrible and probably devolve into a list of grievances aimed at the manufacturer).

The water test went well. The steam test, however, was a little frightening. I didn't really need to use the steamer for the espresso, but I wanted to make sure that worked too. You never know when you're going to need to froth something. After about a 10 minute stint of hissing and spewing steam into my kitchen, the process finally ended. If I had known it was going to take that long, I would have hung up some dress shirts and a pair of wrinkled khakis.

Now it was time for the actual first run! I decided that my first drink will be an Americano, namely because I know exactly what one of those is supposed to taste like; I would instantly be able to judge failure and success. So I measured out enough grounds for a double shot (this machine can either make two or four shots of espresso at a time). I filled up the glass carafe with water and poured it in. But since I wanted to make this whole experiment feel a little fancier, I put aside the carafe and opted for two small glasses, roughly the size of those used on espresso machines in real coffee shops. The espresso would then dispense from the dual nozzle into both glasses. To cut down on the wait time, I also heated up water using my brother's electric water-boiling-thing, that way I could combine the two as soon as the espresso was done.

The difference with this home-espresso machine and the real thing comes down to the preparation of the espresso. In the real cafe, a barista needs to "tamp" down the grinds into the filter. What this means is that barista makes sure the grinds are evenly dispersed and pushed together, allowing for the water to move uniformly through on its way to the cup. The instructions for the DeLonghi make no mention of this act, and after some reading online, most people recommended not doing it for the steam-powered home models.

So I grabbed my camera and documented the first pull. I don't really know why the espresso came out uneven, with more dripping into the right glass, but I'm guessing that's because of the way the water moved through the grinds (maybe from not tamping?). From what I could tell, the espresso looked comparable to that of a cafe-made shot. It may not have been as dense, but it had a slight head on it and the color looked close. (For reference, the DeLonghi has three settings for espresso: light, medium, and strong. For this first try, I put it on medium).

With the machine's work done, and nothing ablaze, I poured the two shots into a standard white mug. I added the hot water, along with a pinch of sugar and creamer. You can only imagine my surprise when I took the first sip and realized... that it didn't suck. No, quite the contrary, it actually tasted pretty good! Perhaps it was because I made it myself, and on the first try no less, that I enjoyed it so much. I know there is still much to do, but my first attempt at espresso was a success. My confidence is renewed... and now I have a big mess to clean up.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)

July 16, 2008

Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine: Volume 1, The Introduction

For my birthday this past weekend, my brother gave me a rather mysterious and intriguing gift. Like in children's films when a strange relative gives a boy a magical book or a mystical relic that's been passed on for generations, I was handed a gift that has been stored in our basement for about a decade, untouched and never used--yet containing great power. It was a DeLonghi "Caffe Parma" Bar-6 Espresso Machine.

The story goes that my brother, during his inquisitive gradeschool years, acquired the DeLonghi during a game of merchandise bingo held in our Catholic school's cafeteria. No one knows how the espresso machine wound up on the winner's table, but it's probably a safe bet that it was donated to the cause by someone who didn't understand exactly what they had. After bringing the machine home (to the chagrin of my parents), it was promptly shoved into a dank, cob-webby corner of our unfinished basement and forgotten. I recall inquiring about it once years ago, not knowing where it was, and someone told me that it had been sold at our yard sale. That was the end of it, as far as I knew. Then my brother gives it to me for my birthday, along with a pound of Arch Abbot's Reserve whole bean coffee from St. Vincent College's Gristmill.

Don't think that this is at all similar to the hulking, bank-loan-inducing espresso machines that you see at your local coffee house. It's a much smaller, consumer-friendly version that may or may not be all that it's cracked up to be. At first glance it appears to be close to a normal four-cup coffee maker. From what I've read online, it was an item that probably popped up in department stores close to Christmas and retailed for something between $50 and $90. I also read that it may or may not function as advertised.

No matter. I'm determined to make this thing work, and work well. My love of fine coffee is no secret--and it has only grown since receiving a Bodum French Coffee Press from Karissa on a previous birthday. With this latest addition to my kitchen counter (again, to the chagrin of my parents), I am poised on the cusp of being able to create my own espresso-based drinks at home. The thought of combining my French Press and a shot of espresso into one helluva Red Eye is just too tempting to pass up. But that day is far off, as much as I can tell. Because presently I know nothing about making espresso, aside from what I've read and hear from local trusted baristas.

So I intend to chronicle my journey into the world of espresso-making here on my blog. The series is called Dr. Rubino's Mean Bean Machine--mainly because my brother suggested this apt pun based on the classic Sega Genesis game. I hope to provide plenty of photos of my experiments, recipes that I may discover, and any and all failures associated with this experiment. Hopefully by the end of it, I'll have learned how to make this little machine produced some admirable espresso. I'm not expecting to become a barista, or even usurp my love for hanging out at the locally-owned cafes in the area. I am, however, expecting to waste a lot of coffee beans in the process.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:07 PM | Comments (0)

July 10, 2008

Read, Relax, be Right

National Review Online recently posted a roundtable discussion with its contributors about their ideal "conservative summer reading list." Basically various writers and editors at NRO talked about their favorite books that happen to exemplify conservatism--and I'm not just talking about books of punditry by Sean Hannity. So I thought I, too, would fill out their survey.

What’s the best political novel you’ve ever read? Why is it the best?
Christopher Buckley's The White House Mess.

Chris Buckley is the best political satirist in the country, and he seems to be the only writer that can really capture the insanity of Beltway shenanigans without being overly critical or condescending. He does a fine balancing act, and actually makes these Washington caricatures into likeable people (he made us sympathize with a lobbyist in Thank You For Smoking for Pete's sake!). But The White House Mess stands out to me as his best purely political novel. It's a memoir of a staffer to a one-term Democratic president who takes office after Ronald Reagan (Buckley actually worked for George H. W. Bush during his only term in office). The funniest aspect of the book is that every character talks about how they can't wait to leave the White House so that they can write their own memoir (all of his have hysterical titles).

The White House Mess is a brief read, but it's incredibly funny and earnest. It's a good starter before you move on to other Buckley novels, like No Way to Treat a First Lady and Boomsday.

If there were only one book on conservatism you could recommend to a newcomer, what would it be and why?
Barry Goldwater's Conscience of a Conservative.

The book was ghost written by William F. Buckley Jr. and not only accompanied Goldwater's bid for the presidency, but launched the movement into mainstream America. It's a brief read that sums up some of the essentials of conservatism. It's a good jumping off point before you dive into Russell Kirk or Buckley.

Is there one book that you’d recommend to uplift and inspire depressed conservatives this summer?
P.J. O'Rourke's Republican Party Reptile.

I found this book used at a local coffee shop, and it's been in my laptop bag ever since. It's not just collecting dust in there, either. Any time I'm looking for something brief and reliably hilarious, I pull it out and read an essay. O'Rourke is a complex individual: he's a gonzo journalist like Hunter S. Thompson and he was a writer for Rolling Stone, but he's also a leading Republican humorist. Reptile was written in the middle of the '80s but is still relevant and awesome today. I'm fairly certain even the coldest of individuals will crack a smile at this book.

What’s your favorite WFB [William F. Buckley Jr.] book and why?
Getting it Right.

I admit that I haven't read some of Buckley's more profound works yet. Nearer, My God is working its way up my reading list, and I'd like to get Miles Gone By and his posthumously-published Goldwater book. But out of the books I have read, Getting it Right is tops. The book is a historical novel about the early beginning of the conservative movement in America. It starts in the middle of the Eisenhower years and follows two characters as they dabble in the John Birch Society, Ayn Rand's Objectivists, and the Young Americans Foundation. It's like Forrest Gump in that these characters just happen to be in the right place at the right time in order to witness historical events. If you're looking for some context about how Republicans shifted towards conservatism, this book is pretty straightforward.

What’s your favorite political movie and why?
The Metropolitan
It's a Wonderful Life
Air Force One

Three movies, each very different. The Metropolitan is about a group of teenage bourgeoisie in New York taking in their Communist friend and converting him to their lifestyle. It's a Wonderful Life isn't really a Christmas movie, but rather is all about a man's dedication to family, tradition, private property, and standing up for his personal beliefs no matter the cost. Air Force One kicks so much butt it's sick. Harrison Ford is the ultimate president as he single-handedly kills the terrorists trying to take over his plane.

If you could read or reread one classic this summer, what would it be? What are the odds you actually do?
Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Not gonna happen... I'm working on Michael Chabon's Yiddish Policeman's Union right now, and then moving on to Mark Frost's The List of Seven and Swanson's Manhunt: The 12-Day Hunt for Lincoln's Killer.

Is there any recent book that’s made you want to buy copies for everyone you know and love? Did you actually make the purchases?
Not really... mainly because I don't know how I would feel if someone I knew was handing out copies of a book telling people to read it. That's a little presumptuous, don't you think? You're asking someone to place this random book in front of their entire reading list.

But if I was going to pick one, I would definitely say Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, just so I could talk about its ideas with more folks. I don't agree with everything in there, but it sure is fun to discuss.

Are there any summer movies you’re looking forward to?
It seems like every weekend there is another I want to see. Hellboy 2 has been a long time coming. I'm most excited for Ben Stiller's Tropic Thunder. I'm fairly sure that movie is going to be incredibly funny.

Would you rather listen to John McCain’s convention speech or read Dick Morris’s new book?
Both feel a little patronizing... I'll stick with the latest issue of Modern Age.

Name one book we’re going to be shocked you read.
Last year I seriously read The Hardy Boys: Mystery of the Chinese Junk.

I actually went out and paid for it, and then read it in like two days. It was funny in a very awful way, but I felt I was doing some good research for my radio show. That's how I justified it anyways.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2008

I've Got the Pen of the Year

Because of mere chance, and the fact that I'm closest to the door in my office and therefore have to sign for all deliveries, I received what is said to be the Pen of the Year. Specifically, it is a Uni-Ball Vision RT, which was given to me for free just because I filled out a little Sanford survey card. The pen did not come along, but was accompanied by a slip of paper detailing its credentials.

The Uni-Ball Vision RT, manufactured by Mitsubishi Pencil Company, is the proud recipient of the "Writing Instrument of the Year" award by the International Stationary Press Association (ISPA). The Association has this to say about the pen:

It is the world first auto-retractable rollerball pen accomplished by inventing a revolutionary refill structure and new ink - the Elevator ink system. VISION RT's refill ink cartridges are available to replace empty cartridges allowing for the body of the pen to be reused to cut waste.

While I haven't had the opportunity to test the pen's touted refill function, I have wondered about the description that the pen is "airplane safe." I suppose that means it won't be taken off of you if you try and take it on vacation; although, I wouldn't be surprised if a security officer recognized the award-winning writing tool and took it for himself. The Vision RT also has an advanced pocket clip that doesn't let the tip pop out if you have the pen clipped on to your shirt. The description sheet had a small illustration of a man's dress shirt with a big blue stain on it. This is, indeed, a serious pen.

I'm not quite sure what fate had in mind, sending me this pen above everyone else in the office. Perhaps it's like the "Sword in the Stone," and I was the only one here that could take it. Or maybe this is more like "The Last Starfighter," and my performance with the pen will determine whether or not I am chosen to help save a dying race of pen-enthusiasts. All I can say is that I'm honored to use the Pen of the Year, and that it's leaps and bounds beyond those mutli-colored, light-up pens I used to get for free in gradeschool.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:54 PM | Comments (1)

June 28, 2008

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation and Other Home Movies

When I was twelve years old, I was just starting my career as a Cellar Dweller. I had my little comic books that I would draw, and eventually I worked with the Dwellers to make a crude animated cartoon. I can easily look back on these early days and say that I accomplished a lot for my age. Then I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation last night at the Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh.

The Adaptation is a shot-for-shot remake of the Spielberg classic, filmed back in the early 1980s by a group of 12 year olds. It took the kids seven years to complete their film, which they promptly shelved and forgot as they moved on with their lives. Time passed, and through a complicated series of events a VHS copy of the tape made its way to Eli Roth, and subsequently, Steven Spielberg. That was 2003, and since then the director Eric Zala has been holding rare screenings of his movie for non-profits and charities across the country. He can't exactly sell the thing, since it borrows heavily from the original Raiders soundtrack and script (which the kids recite word for word), but he's more than willing to share it.

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect going in to it. I had watched some clips on YouTube, but otherwise was going into this screening fairly unassuming. The film, it turns out, is a lo-fi work of art. The sheer amount of skill and ambition on display by this fairly large group of Biloxi teens is astounding! They nailed the opening boulder chase, the fiery bar fight with Marion, the crowded Arab streets, the excavation scenes, the Jeep chase, the submarine, and even the exploding head once the Ark is opened. At times the audience was in awe of what they were seeing--could this film actually be happening? How did these kids pull this off? But most of the time, everyone was laughing. And really, it's impossible not to. The Adaptation is an adorable tribute to a film that many remember well; better yet, the kids play it in complete seriousness, spouting off curse words and killing as many Nazis as the original.

And yet the entire time, I couldn't help but think about other recent films, created by giant movie studios, that hope to capture the same magic and youth that The Adaptation has. I absolutely loved Be Kind Rewind, which featured two lower-class Jersey boys filming their own home movie versions of classic films. And then there's Son of Rambow, which featured two British boys making their own sequel to the Rambo franchise. Mr. Zala also pointed out last night that Paramount is going to be making a feature movie about him making The Adaptation. I'm not about to declare a Renaissance for high-concept, sentimental home-spun remakes (mainly because that's a real mouthful), but the recent frequency of these movies is very interesting.

While The Adaptation was made back in the 80s, I have to wonder if its recent surfacing has inspired movies like Be Kind Rewind. And moreover, would any of these movies even have arrived without the help of YouTube? None of these films really utilized the online service, but the mere idea that YouTube exists, with its countless remakes, remixes and home movies, had to have spurred these three films into pop culture. Or perhaps the timing is just right. There is something to be said that all three movies focus on classic blockbusters from the 80s. Have the films of the new century been so blah that we are forced to reminisce on the greats of the past? On top of that, the children who grew up in the 80s (me included, although I was really only around for the second half) are adults now, and they're able to make and promote these movies that reconnect them with their childhood. There is a lot to consider here, and I'm just happy that The Adaptation made me even consider all of this stuff.

I am very glad I was able to attend last night's screening--an event that I don't think I'll ever encounter again. Aside from rekindle my ever-growing appreciation for the Indiana Jones franchise, it also showed me that sometimes when you're working your butt off for something you love it can really go on to be something great.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2008

Unity Through Towels a No-Go

I can't say I didn't see this coming: the National Wave, which hoped to "unite" America by making everyone wave "uniting towels" at the behest of Hulk Hogan, has been cancelled. While this may sound strange to an outsider, to the small town of Freedom, PA (in Beaver County), it's been a part of daily life... mainly because the Freedom Group of America, the non-profit organization founded just to promote the event, erected a gigantic countdown sign next to the town's municipal building.

The sign appeared last year at a huge street festival celebrating the announcement of the National Wave. I, along with a thousand or so other folks, came out mainly to see Hulk Hogan and Donnie Iris. Everyone in attendance was given a towel and was assured that more of the same towels would be spread throughout the United States. Then, on July 4th 2008, everyone in this divided and bitter America would come together and wave their towels in one united motion. With Hulk Hogan as the main spokesperson for the event, it seemed like a goofy but possibly successful idea... until the Hulkster got into a number of messy front-page stories involving divorce, reckless children, and reality television addiction. The turmoil in Hulk's life is seeping in to every project he's involved in, including American Gladiators and, of course, The National Wave.

That is the official reason The Wave was postponed for a year (read: cancelled). The secondary reasons all feel more plausible: their plan to distribute and sell the towels across the country put the organization in debt over $200,000, and as of last month they had only produced 1,000 towels (which is about the amount of towels they had on-hand at last year's event). Aside from the really fancy sign, the lack of planning and promotion for the event lead me to believe that it would be doomed. It felt as if the entire county (or at least those who remembered to look at the sign) was awaiting Godot... until Godot's son got into a terrible racing accident and was imprisoned.

I've always believed that the entire idea was fundamentally flawed for one simple reason: America isn't divided. Their entire reasoning behind the waving of the towel was that it would bring this country together, just like we were after 9/11. That unity, however, came about because of a simultaneous feeling of vulnerability and strength, not because some folks sold everyone on the idea of waving a towel. Since then, we have merely returned to the way we were.

America, and the idea of a republic, is based on the ideas of disagreement and competition, cooperation and partisanship. Saying that America is "divided" is just an wimpy way of acknowledging that not everyone agrees on everything all of the time. It's a political buzzword, like "hope" and "change," that's not really founded in fact, but instead is really, really marketable. We merely appear divided because half of America wants less government and a firm commitment to finishing the war in Iraq and the other half wants more government and less involvement abroad. These are worthy sides that deserve discussion, rather than being swept away with the flick of a terry cloth--which in itself may be divisive, since that is the essential way of celebrating something in Pittsburgh but not necessarily across the entire nation.

I'll give the National Wave folks credit for trying something bold. They're not admitting defeat yet, but I'll be very interested to see, when July 2009 rolls around, if anyone is even looking at that sign.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:15 PM | Comments (1)

June 22, 2008

Old Man and the E-mail

John McCain's campaign appears to be doing alright for itself. His adherence to the public money deal of campaigning is especially beneficial since Barack Obama flipped on the issue. Of course, this means that McCain will have considerably less money against Obama's corporate-funded juggernaut campaign; he'll have to rely on unconventional, grassroots campaigning to win the presidency. The biggest aspect of this grassroots effort is apparently e-mail.

I get the McCain Update just about every day, and it's annoying as hell. I don't recall ever signing up for this puffy newsletter, which details McCain's campaign stops aboard the "Straight-Talk Express." I can only assume that he purchased an e-mail list that I used to belong to back in the days of the Bush and Santorum campaigns. This is understandable, almost every political e-mail list can be bought or sold for a considerable amount of money, mainly because it's a lot easier than having folks stand in the street with clipboards. But that also means that supporters of a specific candidate or party randomly start receiving e-mails they didn't ask for. With me, it's John McCain.

This wouldn't be so bad if the Straight-Talk Express was only tooting its whistle once a month or so, but I literally am being spammed to death by the Arizona Maverick. Now, he's getting up there in age (everyone knows this), so I see him as the sort of elderly gent who just discovered how to e-mail people... and he's hooked. John's addicted to sending out e-mails just like parents or grandparents enjoy forwarding along stupid chain e-mails every chance they get. This new-fangled electronic mail is still very novel to John McCain, and I'm suffering the consequences every day.

I haven't read more than a couple of these e-mails, but I'm also afraid to unsubscribe for some reason. I guess it's the same reason why I put up with e-mails from Nestle, Eat n' Park, and Borders... I never know when I may want to read one.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:41 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2008

The Key Endorsement

The ever timely and visionary Al Gore emerged at a decisive point in the 2008 campaign today to endorse Barack Obama for President. It was a daring and bold move for Gore, who is likely to make some enemies by endorsing Obama over his stiff competition.

The Nobel-Prize winning private jet enthusiast was quoted saying, "From now through Election Day, I intend to do whatever I can to make sure he is elected president of the United States."

He also predicted that the Red Wings will win the Stanley Cup, the Giants will beat the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, and that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:43 PM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2008

Website Design: Obama vs McCain

The 2008 Presidential Election is really starting to heat up because of one major new development: John McCain revamped his website! Okay, so that's not nearly as exciting as it sounds... and you may have been thinking I was talking about Hillary (finally) dropping out. While as entertaining as that was, the re-vamp of McCain's website is something that sent the graphic design blogosphere into a frenzy. The Vanity Fair blog first noticed the change at the end of last month while they were in the middle of comparing the websites of Obama, Clinton and McCain. Now, with the race entering the general election, these new media powerhouses have to stand up to plenty of scrutiny.

McCain's website went from a serious black and gold to candy-coated blue and red while simultaneously upping his Web 2.0 capabilities. The old website fit John McCain more; it was a grizzly, dark site with black and white photos of McCain that made him look like a general. But for all its fitting tone, it wasn't very friendly, especially in this day and age of feel-good politics brimming with "hope" and "change" (these aren't necessarily good things). His new site is crammed with all the whiz-bang gizmos and widgets that a modern candidate site needs, and some strange social networking thing called "McCainSpace." His new page is also a pretty blatant rip-off of his opponent's website, with bright blue graphics and lots of "sun rays." Yeah, it's a little creepy.

I have no qualm admitting that I was impressed with Barack Obama's website from the first time I saw it. Democrats have had the majority of artists and designers on their side since the 60s, but this was the first time that I actually felt like they were put to work. The site featured some great images and a unified glowing-blue design scheme. It actually utilizes white space and isn't afraid to make people scroll down. Sure it features those doofy taglines at the bottom, like how it's "powered by hope" (and not some web server client), but I'm willing to overlook that for more of those cool eagle illustrations that suggest he's more than a wimpy liberal elitist. Then there's the massive social networking linklist at the very bottom of the page, Obama Everywhere. If it sounds Big Brothery, that's because it is and he will be, but for now it's just an impressive use of New Media that was previously only really embraced by Ron Paul.

Barack's website is actually perfect for him: it's a slick-looking veneer covering up a vapid statesmen with dangerous ideas. His site is great to look at, but the more you read and experience "the Obama," the more you realize that he's not that great. Equally, McCain's site suits him: it's trying to appeal to a young audience, but can't discard its pragmatic, work-horse nature. It features lengthy policy explanations and transcripts of all of his major speeches. Again, the site is an impressive resource for an accomplished politician; but who knows how many people will spend the time to go through it all?

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:52 PM | Comments (2)

June 8, 2008

Objectivism and BioShock

I just finished BioShock for the XBOX 360, and, aside from being one of the most engrossing games I've ever played, I was surprised to find the game brimming with the philosophies of Ayn Rand. I don't know why I was surprised, there is plenty to read online about the game's connection with the radical 20th Century philosopher, but I never had a reason to look into it before I got my XBOX. Having read Atlas Shrugged and other books she's written, it's cool to see a game wrestle with these heady libertarian ideas and bring them to a bigger audience.

The game begins by submerging you in Rapture, an art deco city built beneath the sea. You are introduced to the world by Andrew Ryan (whose very name evokes that of Ayn Rand), the city's founder and individualist-numero-uno. It's an intriguing concept: take the objectivist-utopian city of "Galt's Gulch" and submerge it under water, then see what happens years down the road. You are thrown into this world and quickly find that it's in shambles thanks to a group of crazy people who destroyed everything--there's a lot more to the story of how Rapture fell, but part of the fun is uncovering the truth with the help of audio recordings you pick up throughout the game.

There are plenty of surface level comparisons between the game and Rand's books, like one of the characters being named Atlas, and Andrew Ryan constantly spouting lines about individualism, invention, and free enterprise. For the average gamer, it's just a cool story that's a little bit off the beaten path. It's not often in games where the main villain or nemesis is a libertarian engineer; usually, it's the opposite, the villain is a totalitarian socialist looking to take over everything. But for someone who have read Atlas Shrugged or The Foutainhead, BioShock takes on a whole new meaning. It's a game that's rooted in literature and philosophy, yet is extremely accessible to the masses. It's also fun to shoot things.

The game does think for itself, however, coming up with a great story about the dangers of genetic engineering. I admit it would be pretty boring to play a videogame version of "Atlas" (you might as well play "Railroad Tycoon" at that point). With a film adaptation and two sequels already in the works, it looks like Ayn Rand is lending herself to a great new videogame franchise.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:42 PM | Comments (2)

June 3, 2008

The Great Hockey Game

Last night, the Pittsburgh Penguins battled for their lives. Caught in the city of Detroit with the Red Wings on the verge of claiming the Stanley Cup, the Pens reached deep; they tied the game with 35 seconds to go, and then essentially played an entire second game of hockey, going in to triple overtime before winning thanks to a goal by Peter Sykora.

There were plenty of amazing storylines last night: Malone getting blasted in the face by a slapper from Hal Gill, only to return with a bloodied, purple mug to finish the game; Gonchar leaving the game after a shoulder injury, and coming back just in time to play on the game-winning powerplay; goaltender Marc Andre Fleury stopping 55 shots and playing the game of his life; Crosby sacrificing his body and diving in front of almost every overtime shot he saw; and, of course, Peter Sykora telling Pierre McGuire that he will score the game-winning goal... and then doing it! Rightfully, that game will go down as one of the best ever in Pens history.

Driving to work this morning was fun. Sure I'm exhausted, but I found that most of the city seems to be tired too. It's a good kind of tired; strike that, a great kind of tired. I pulled up to the drive-thru coffee place I frequent and got a red eye with a double shot. "Stepping it up?" the barista asked me through the window (they can see me coming a mile away). "It was a long night," I said. She agreed, letting me know how hard it was for everyone there to work this morning after watching the game. While that's a little odd coming from workers who get as much free coffee as they want, it is a sentiment shared by much of the city today.

The Fed-Ex and UPS delivery men, who I see just about every morning at work, were certainly dragging anchor today. Everyone who walks through our door says something along the lines of "How about that game!" It wasn't the longest overtime game the Pens have been involved with, but it may have been the most emotional. The entire city is behind the team right now, and it feels as if everyone in Western PA was up last night, screaming at one in the morning.

I can't begin to guess what will happen in tomorrow's game. Will the momentum from this huge win carry us to Game 7? Or will the Red Wings regroup and come back more focused than ever? Regardless, last night's game shows that the Pens, while young, have heart and are willing to sacrifice everything (in a number of different languages) to win this thing. This city has been blessed with a great group of players.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2008

Finally, an Adventure

Time to do some more podcast waxing. So for anyone who is an avid follower of our radio serial Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time, you know that it's been quite some time without an update or an episode. This isn't for lack of trying, I assure you.

The usual routine for our podcasting habits are to get into our recording studio (which consists of some decent microphones, stands, and a Peavey soundboard who's model number currently escapes me) either directly before or a few days after our live Cafe Kolache performances. I then take those studio recordings and edit them with Apple Garageband, taking time to foley some sound effects and add some polish to everything. Unfortunately, this time around, when I went to edit our recordings, I found that they had all been infested with a terrible electric hum (which my audiophile comrade Moses diagnosed as a 60hz hum). The buzz can apparently be caused by a loose wire, inadequate power, or a bad cord. I haven't yet determined which one of those is the culprit, mainly because I've been trying to salvage all the hard work we did.

Sadly, after hours of fiddling and filtering (employing all sorts of techniques with Audacity, Garageband, and Levelator), I came to the conclusion that these files are simply no good. At least that was the artist side of my brain speaking; the logical side was telling me, "You don't get paid to do this thing... just release them online and stop wasting so much of your time!" But I wasn't about to break our track record of pretty-good-sounding podcasts (something we've been able to achieve since like episode 205). So while it will be a few weeks before we get together to record again, I figured we might as well release the live recordings.

Web of the Futurist is the big whiz-bang conclusion to season 4, which centered around our heroes chasing down a mysterious book that shoots fire. The big draw to these last four episodes, however, lies not within the Tome of Fire, but with their back-from-the-dead nemesis, The Futurist. If you spent any time studying Modern Art, you surely can't forget the minute and insane movement called Futurism. This villain, who is stereotypically Italian of course, embodies everything about the movement, from its endless manifestos to its emphasis on originality and war. You don't have to know anything about art to enjoy these latest episodes, but I have a feeling folks who like Futurism will appreciate it on a whole other level.

So, if you are interested in checking out our live episodes first, download Episode 417 now, and check out our Dodge Intrepid blog over the coming weeks for more!

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:19 PM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2008

The Jimmy Stewart Museum

Over the Memorial Day Weekend I had a chance to visit a little treasure tucked away in the small town of Indiana, PA: The Jimmy Stewart Museum. Being that the fine actor is from Indiana, and this past week was his 100th birthday, it seemed like the perfect time to hit up the museum that I had been dying to visit (ever since Karissa first informed me that it existed).

It's a quaint and admirable tribute to an incredible actor. The museum, which is located inside the Indiana Library, chronicles Stewart's films as well as his life achievements; the guy had plenty of both. Aside from starring in some of my favorite movies, like Rear Window and It's a Wonderful Life, he was also an American hero.

One aspect of his life that surprised me most was his dedication to serving his country. Back before the U.S. entered World War II, Stewart tried to enlist but was turned away because he didn't weigh enough. He then went on a covert weight-gaining diet and tried again! This all happening before America was bombed in Pearl Harbor. There were a ton of Hollywood stars who went and fought for our country back then, which is refreshing given the movie industry's current disdain for war since Vietnam.

Not only was he a war hero, but Jimmy Stewart returned home and became a great advocate for the conservative movement, and the Republican Party. While I was at the museum, I caught a clip of him speaking at a Nixon/Agnew rally and then later on receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Ronald Reagan. I don't know why I was surprised to find him so conservative, it had just been something I never really thought about.

Spending part of a Memorial Day Weekend checking out a museum dedicated to a small town hero like Jimmy Stewart was fitting. If you find yourself in the Indiana area, you should certainly check it out.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:49 PM | Comments (1)

May 22, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Midnight Showing on a Worknight

I went and saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night at midnight. There was a lot of early talk that this newest installment in the franchise was going to be horrendous (or at the very least, not be worth the 19-year wait). With countless screenplay changes, the lack of Connery, and the general involvement of George Lucas, people may have been right to be skeptical. Thankfully, I can report that there's nothing to worry about.

Roger Ebert had an excellent metaphor for judging this fourth film: "If you eat four pounds of sausage, how do you choose which pound tasted the best? Well, the first one, of course, and then there's a steady drop-off of interest." So sure, it's natural to get tired of the sausage after eating four pounds (even if you have waited almost two decades to finish your meal), but the quality of the actual sausage doesn't change. Indy 4 is a very good film and nicely sits alongside the original trilogy. So if you had any concern about seeing it, know that it's very much worthy of your time.

I'm sometimes annoyed by Hollywood's reliance on sequels, but not when it's for franchises that I like (isn't it funny how it works out like that?). I'm rather enjoying the "fourth installment for action classics" trend, first with Live Free or Die Hard, then Rambo, and now Indy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:14 AM | Comments (1)

May 20, 2008

Movie Synopsis's Written by a Man Who Hates Surprises

MOVIE SELECTION, OCTOBER 1992

Glengarry Glen Ross Dir: James Foley. Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Alec Baldwin, Kevin Spacey. An adaptation of David Mamet's award-winning play about real estate salesmen. There is a lot of talking, a robbery, and then it ends without anyone really getting hurt. Thank goodness. [RATED R: for lots of swearing.]

Mighty Ducks, The Dir: Stephen Herek. Emilio Estevez, Lane Smith. A rag tag group of kids form a hockey team with a has-been CEO, Gordon Bombay. Despite the odds, they make it to the final round and win. It was a close one that came right down to the wire! [RATED PG: for kids overcoming adversity.]

Of Mice and Men Dir: Gary Sinise. John Malkovich, Gary Sinise. George and Lenny come to life on the silver screen with this adaptation of the Steinbeck classic. Two drifters, one smart and one slow, get work on a farm. Then the slow one accidentally kills a bunch of bunnies and has to be shot in the end. It was really sad and shocking, but you can sort of see when it's coming. [RATED PG-13: for Lenny getting shot in the head off camera.]

Reservoir Dogs Dir: Quentin Tarantino. Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi. An all-star cast of bank robbers are on the run after the job goes awry. Everyone dies and Mr. Orange is the cop. [RATED R: for lots of swearing and blood.]

Under Siege Dir: Andrew Davis. Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey. It's "Die Hard" on a boat when a naval ship is taken over by a group of terrorists posing as a rock band. Watch out, because Gary Busey dresses in drag. [RATED R: for lots of swearing and blood.]

These movie synopsis's are but a small portion of the films playing now at your local theater. And don't forget to look for next month's theatrical releases, including Passenger 57, Aladdin, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:12 PM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2008

Improving My Weekend

All this month the Cellar Dwellers (you know, that comedy troupe I'm in) have been performing improv shows all over Western PA to raise awareness for our OnDemand TV show. Although the month is far from over (and we still have one more big improv show on the 31st at ModernFormations in Pittsburgh), this weekend was a killer.

Friday: Our normal FN'Improv workshop at the Beaver Valley Bowl. I wasn't in last week's show because I had to go make sure the Penguins beat the Flyers; this of course meant that the Dwellers would make an effigy of me and proceed to torture it the entire night. But this week I was back, and the show was a lot of fun. Highlight: playing a drug addicted teen and a lumberjack neighbor in the improv game "Four Hats."

Saturday: We performed at the Sheffield Lanes Fallout Shelter, which is a real fallout shelter converted into an intimate and awesome performance space. The walls were made to look like stacked crates, a la that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc. The Dwellers performed two back-to-back shows, one at 8 and one at 10. We were also joined by the hysterical musical duo Bait & Switch. These two, Sean and Addi, are part of the elite group of musicians that the Dwellers have invited to the Beaver Valley Bowl, and this was their first time coming with us on the road. They were amazing as usual, performing twisted covers like "Stayin' Alive" as a Mexican mariachi tune and the theme song to "Jem" as an epic opera. Highlight: James suggesting that his loins become the lead singer for Queensryche.

Sunday: Capping off the weekend was something new for us: a wedding show! A long-time fan of the Dwellers hired us to do an improv set at her wedding, and of course we were honored to oblige. It was a small reception, which lent itself to improv (because no one wants to try and compete with a DJ or a hyperactive ring bearer). Oh yeah, and the reception was held in a castle (see photo). Highlight: getting to re-enact the bride and groom's first date, which included hanging out on a boat dock!

It was a great weekend for improv.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:52 PM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2008

Hypothetical Representations of an NHL Game with Play-by-Play on Versus

Reality: Sidney Crosby skates down the left wall into Flyers territory, banks the puck off the far corner to Gonchar who fires one from the blue line right past Marty Biron!

VS Commentary: Sidney Crosby has really been facing a lot of adversity as of late. Mainly because they say he's a diver and a winer. There may be some truth to that based off of the reports we received from the Flyers bench. The Penguins scored.

Reality: Malkin is coming off the bench for the penalty kill, when Marion Hossa sends him a two-line pass into the Flyer's zone. Malkin, all alone on the breakaway skates up to Biron and fires a blistering slapshot eight feet from the goal!

VS Commentary: You know what's funny about Mike Richards? He's good friends with Mike Modano from the Dallas Stars. Both of those guys are named Mike, but with very different last names. It's amazing that people from such different families can still be friends. And the Dallas Stars used to be called the Northstars when they were in Minnesota. I guess when they moved south, they had to drop the "north!" The Penguins scored again.

Reality: After copious amounts of trash talk exchanged prior to faceoff, Tyler Kennedy and Scottie Upshall decide to drop the gloves and fight. Kennedy is like a wild ferret, throwing punches left and right. The fight is so ferocious that the second the two players fall to the ice, they spring back up and keep at it. Eventually, they tire and are escorted to the penalty box for 5 minutes each.

VS Commentary: You're watching the NHL on Versus in high definition! Make sure you tune in tomorrow night for the next match in the Detroit and Dallas series. Boy, is that a great series or what? I mean, both teams are evenly matched, and neither are as cocky as those Penguins. Don't you just hate that the Penguins are so good? Man... talk about excessive excellence. Oh well, at least the two teams in this Eastern Conference Final come from towns with great signature sandwiches. I'm talking about, of course, the Philly Cheesesteak and the Pittsburgh ham sandwich. That's it, right? The ham sandwich? We go now to a bar in Philadelphia, where fans are cheering for some reason! Did something just happen on the ice?

Reality: The shot clock is winding down, and the Rangers have pulled their goalie. The blueshirts are trying to set something up in the Penguins' zone, but the puck is stolen by Jordan Staal! He skates it into the neutral zone and shoots is calmly into the Ranger's net for his second empty-net goal of the playoffs.

VS Commentary: This VS broadcast has been brought to you by Amp'd Energy drink. From all of us here at the VS Network, we're really glad you found us and were able to tune in. Thanks a whole lot. Seriously, that's really great of you for sticking around. Get it? I sticking around? Eh? Eh? The game is over now, and I think the score changed at the end.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:14 AM | Comments (12)

May 6, 2008

Brief Thoughts on "Outland"

I've been watching a fair amount of small, largely forgotten, sci-fi films thanks to the kinda-like-Netflix Blockbuster program. The most recent of which is Sean Connery's 1981 film Outland. The film is a blatant rip-off (or you may argue "homage") of the classic Gary Cooper film High Noon. It was this notion that first peaked my interest in the movie after a friend recommended it simply by saying "It's High Noon in space!"

This statement is partially true, but the film has little of the respectability or pacing of High Noon; because this is a sci-fi film, they have to first establish all of the rules of the setting/time before launching into the classic "last man remaining" storyline of the classic Western. Lucky for the film, they were able to just move into the leftover sets from the 1979 film Alien. Oh, and they were able to use the space suits. And the art director. And every other bloody idea aside from the actual alien itself. It's clear the movie was trying to capitalize on the new slow-paced, sterile space station flick that Ridley Scott pioneered two years prior; and while Western storylines are largely universal and can be translated into a number of other genres, I don't know if I would have set it in the claustrophobic world of Alien.

Outland borrows even further from Alien with its promotional tagline. Alien's tagline is "In space, no one can hear you scream." Outland's is "Even in space, the ultimate enemy is man." Aside from the fact that their tagline is inferior in its bulkiness, it also tells me that Outland thinks man is the ultimate enemy on Earth. That's pretty presumptuous, Outland. Perhaps the film would have been better served with a tagline like "Mining Jupiter's Moon Can Be Just as Dangerous as Earth Mines," "Sean Connery's still trying," or "Hey, It's High Noon in space."

The film has some good qualities to it... like lots of exploding heads. Sure, the fact that people's heads explode because of bad scientific logic, but who's counting? There's also a pretty good score by Jerry Goldsmith, who did the music for Planet of the Apes, amongst other things. And let's not forget Peter Boyle as the greedy mining boss.

The only remaining question I have about the film is this: why is Sean Connery the only one up there with an accent? Everyone else on Jupiter's Moon is American, and then here comes this Scottish marshal. No wonder no one respected the guy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)

May 2, 2008

Futurism Returns

I first discovered the radical Italian Modern Art movement known as Futurism during my first art history course with Seton Hill's marvelous Maureen Vissat. Futurism had a brief life as a formal movement in the early 1900's (until most of its prolific members joined in the fun of World War I and bit the dust), but continues in some form or another to this day. Emphasizing speed, war, progress, and originality, the Futurist movement was pretty extreme (although it shares a lot of its aesthetics with Cubism and Dadaism). While I think these guys are absolutely insane, I'm fascinated by the movement... and thought it would make for a great villain in the universe of Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time.

James and I created a character, simply called The Futurist, that would embody the entire movement. He first appeared back in the third set of episodes we produced, when Dodge discovered that his library was suddenly flooded with manifestos (a form of expression that the Futurists loved). Those episodes, which can be found here, left the Futurist stuck in the 1400's, presumably dead.

Or so everyone thought!

Because there's nothing more original than having a dead villain return to life for revenge, The Futurist is making a big comeback at our upcoming show: The Web of the Futurist. Our last adventure, Fireside Assassins, ended with a startling discovery that the Futurist movement was alive and well in the 1940's. Now, Dodge and Pluck must infiltrate the Futurists, eventually finding their leader who has somehow remained alive for over 500 years. Their quest will take them into a bleak future and into the ancient birthplace of Western Civilization. It's pretty darn epic for just four episodes!

So if you find yourself in the area of Cafe Kolache, in Beaver, on Saturday, May 10th around 7:00pm... you should make sure you check out the new adventure. We'll also be podcasting the episodes in the coming week.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2008

My Guess as to the Ingredients of Utz Pub Mix

• Chunks of Pretzels
• Melba Toast
• Sour Dough Bread dusted with Garlic Powder
• Old Cheez-its
• Old Cheez-its dusted with Naga Jolokia Pepper Power
• Shards of Owl Bones
• Captain's Wafter Crackers
• Cashews
• Dry Leaves
• Torsos of Dead Praying Mantises
• Triscuits

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:45 AM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2008

Live Sound Tomorrow

SATURDAY, APRIL 26th Beaver Falls Coffee and Tea Co. 3219 Fourth Ave, Beaver Falls PA 7:30pm

[Shameless promotion post END.]

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:56 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2008

The Primary, The Trib, The Chaos

This is the first time that I can ever remember a PA Primary actually being important (at least for more than weeding out the ever-competitive race for prothonotary). This year, the race for the Democratic nominee is (still) up for grabs, and shows no true sign of slowing... that is, until Pennsylvania goes for Barack Obama. But, thanks to the pigheadedness of Hillary Clinton, the work of Rush Limbaugh's Operation Chaos, and the blue-dog folks of Pennsylvania, this thing shows no signs of stopping. Far be it from me to make any predictions for a Democrat election, but I've been doing my part (honking for Hillary when I see the sign holders on the streets).

There has been considerable to-do about the endorsement of Hillary Clinton by the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. The Trib is owned by Richard Mellon Scaife, who has been called the originator of the "Vast Right-Winged Conspiracy" back during Bill's impeachment trial. Now, the Trib has been faced with the tough decision of breaking their usually-conservative op/ed M.O. and endorsing one of the two Dems still in the race.

Their decision to endorse Hillary was an understandable one for a number of reasons. According to an interview one of their reporters gave on WDVE this morning, the Trib invited both candidates to come and meet with the editorial board, as well as Senator McCain. Hillary was the only one who responded (but to be fair, McCain has already received the endorsement from the Trib, and really didn't need to be there). Considering that the Trib's main rival, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, endorsed Barack Obama, it would also seem smart commercially to Clinton.

I would like to also think that Scaife is perhaps playing his role as a "vast Right-winged conspirator" and endorsing Hillary while participating in Operation Chaos. In case you have no clue what I'm talking about, Operation Chaos is a plan devised by Rush Limbaugh to keep the Democratic nomination going as long as possible. This means supporting Hillary when Obama is winning, and vice versa. Because their egos are so big, they will see this support, regardless of its origin, as a mandate to stay in the race. So if Hillary does moderately well today, as well as winning or doing well in the remaining primaries, this race could be decided at the Democratic Convention... which would either lead to some shady back-room deals or pure anarchy. This is a concept that was originally thought to have been an issue in the Republican nomination process, but after McCain swept so many states (with some help from Democratic voters), the party sorted itself out right quick. Hillary Clinton doesn't appear to be the Mitt Romney-type who will bow out of the race in order to have party unity.

Voting as a Republican in Pennsylvania will continue to be easy. We have a couple choices for some local offices, some completely vacant races, and then a confirmation of the one remaining GOPer for President (unless someone in a Guy Fawkes mask makes me vote for Ron Paul). Democratic voters have a good deal of other choices to consider... like whether or not they want to end this thing.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:46 AM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2008

The Pontiff Visitor's Guide

The Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, is making his first trip to America today. His trip will feature stops at Ground Zero, Washington D.C., and two baseball stadiums to hold Mass (and maybe throw a first pitch). While he's here, however, I hope that he would take some time to visit some great locales in the New York and D.C. areas. Afterall, he'll celebrate his birthday while he's here, so it would be nice for him to have a little bit of fun.

Here are a few ideas for the Pontiff, just in case he's reading:

The Carnegie Deli. If you're going to be in New York, you might as well make sure you have the best cheesecake in the history of the world. You may want to consider splitting it with someone, because that cake his as big as a miter. Now, if you're going to go for an entire meal, then I recommend the cheeseburger, which is somewhere around fifteen pounds of beef (I'm pretty sure). You'll also get a whole bowl of pickles to munch out. The best part is that while you're there, you'll be able to sign a photo of yourself for the famous wall of people. You just might edge out Mayor Giuliani, Woody Allen, and Bill Clinton!

The Apple Store. The Apple Store on Fifth Ave is certainly one of the coolest hangouts in the Big Apple. The large glass cube is easy to miss, but once you're inside it'll be hard to leave. Since the Popemobile follows a similar glass-enclosure design, you'll surely appreciate the setup.

Rockefeller Square. If you're in a hurry and want to check out something fairly brief, I recommend the famous ice rink at Rockefeller Square. It's such a tiny, unimpressive space that you can whiz right by it and still get the full effect. It always looks way bigger on TV, especially during those NHL on NBC specials (which I'm sure you've watched). But if you time it right, you may be able to sneak into the NBC Studio Tour and get yourself a photo behind Conan's desk!

Little Italy. You'll definitely find friends in Little Italy, which is just teeming with Roman Catholic imagery and faith. Your arrival may even inspire some sort of street festival. Just don't accidentally wander into Chinatown, which is situated just a few blocks over. You'll know you're getting close when you start smelling fish and knock-off handbags.

Once you're finished in New York, there are certainly a couple good places to check out down in Washington D.C.

Open City. While I was in DC for C-PAC a year and a half ago, I visited a hip corner coffee shop every day I was in town. Open City made one of the best Americano's I've ever had. They also serve a great dinner if you're looking for a small candlelit spot to eat. There are plenty of coffee shops and diners in DC, but Open City is one of the best.

World War II Memorial. There are plenty of memorials and monuments in Washington, but the WWII memorial is one of the newest and best. It's a massive, patriotic spectacle dedicated to the greatest generation. It's pretty impressive to see everything designed in the appropriate style of the '30s and '40s.

The Capitol Steps. If you're looking for a cool place to take a photo, you can't do much better than the steps of the U.S. Capitol building. Tell the photographer to stand at the bottom of the steps, and if you stand at the top, you can probably position yourself like you're leaning on the Capitol's dome. It's awesome!

Here's hoping that your trip to America is both productive and inspiring. But don't forget, it's good to have a little fun as well!

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:41 PM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2008

My Weeks and the Penguins

The Pittsburgh Penguins have been a part of my life since I was a wee boy. As a toddler, my parents used to make me perform at their Penguin parties since I had the savant-like talent of naming every player on the team if you merely gave me their number. Now, fast forward fifteen years or so, and I'm planning my entire day around the Pens' playoff games.

This year is the first in a while where we actually have a chance at the Stanley Cup. The team has matured some from last year, they have deeper lines, and the have managed to harness the phoenix-like path of destruction known as Gary Roberts. And while tonight is merely Game Three, it feels like we've been in the playoffs since February. When the games start, everything else on my mind stops and my heartbeat clicks up to a constant 9,238 beats a second (or so... I don't really know how fast it's supposed to be beating).

Last Friday, the Pens almost caused the Dwellers to cancel our improv workshop. We had decided to meet at seven in order to watch the game in its entirety in the bowling alley beneath our theater. We were confident after the Pens sprinted to a three-goal lead, but then began to panic when that lead faded to a tie. If this game went into overtime, the first period of OT wouldn't start until after 10, well into the first half of our show. As people began congregating in the hallway in front of our theater doors, we began sending up friends to get the theater open... none of the Dwellers could leave the TV. And just as we were preparing to march upstairs and break the news to the audience ("Sorry, folks... but the Pens and Sens just went in to OT"), Ryan Malone pulled off a move that only works in videogames: the wraparound. It was insane. We pumped our fists, let the clock rundown, and then did a helluva good show.

Tonight is Game Three, and the Pens (who are currently crushing the Senators 2-0) show no sign of slowing down. This means that my weeks, already filled with work, theater, and DVD-reviewing, are about to get busier as I make room for hockey games that cannot be missed. Now that the City of Pittsburgh has finally decided to get behind the team full-force (I think it was that Steely McBeam D.U.I. thing that did it), the Pens' success can't be ignored. I don't mind having to drop everything for an awesome game, especially if this streak of success continues all the way to the finals.

Go Pens.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:54 PM | Comments (1)

April 12, 2008

Obama Explains It All

I can only assume that Barack Obama's condescending, offensive, and repugnant comments about small-town Pennsylvania are beliefs that he's held for as long as we've all been barefoot and jobless in the Keystone State. Reported originally by the Huffington Post, and then passed along by Politico and Drudge, Barack Obama marginalized almost the entire state of Pennsylvania (and much of rural America) in a speech he made to some San Friscos last Sunday.

In the speech, Obama says, "You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them..." Obviously, he's talking about the steel jobs that left the area in the '80s (not counting USSteel, and the other specialty steel factories still in business here). Let's set aside the fact that PA has become a leader in a number of other areas, like healthcare, and focus on the issue at hand: we should thank Barack Obama for the free therapeutic advice.

Continuing in his speech, Obama says, "And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Ah yes! That explains it! The occasional bout of frustration or angst I feel is brought on by steel jobs that left my area three years before my birth! Barack Obama has created an astute and wise observation that explains why we aren't all like him and his pseudo-intellectual liberal colleagues. I would have wasted countless hours and dollars on therapy trying to figure that out, and here he is just giving it away!

We here in Pennsylvania take great pride in our religious convictions and our Second Amendment rights, but I've never been sure as to why. I always chalked it up to the fact that we are socially conservative, working-class people that are rooted in the traditions of our founding fathers. Little did I know that it's because we're all bitter, frustrated people too xenophobic to go outside of our homes (huzzah!). Thank you Barack for that explanation.

It's not often that PA becomes a deciding Primary Election State, and yet here we are with the burden of trying to sort out the mess of the Democratic Party (okay, some of us are, not necessarily I). Between Hillary Clinton becoming an honorary Steeler and Barack Obama devaluing our religious beliefs... it's shaping up to be a tough call for a lot of voters.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:46 AM | Comments (0)

April 4, 2008

That Bottom Junk

The lawless world of the Internet has always employed a slower version of Darwin's "Survival of the Fittest" than the real world of business. Whereas in modern business, if a product or idea isn't popular, or inferior, it more often than not fades away into obscurity. The Internet works in a similar manner (Pets.com, Friendster, ICQ, etc.), but at a much slower rate--not to mention the fact that any dead service or idea can come screaming back to life at any second (Napster). I see this lack of competitive elimination all over the web, but right now the best example of it lies at the bottom of my news articles.

Around the same time, or shortly after, that RSS feeds really became popular, other online services were created to sort of piggy-back on the idea. People suddenly began subscribing to blogs and writers, and then sharing articles with friends. Then websites like Digg.com came around, allowing people to share articles and then comment and rank them. Not a bad idea, until all sorts of other services doing essentially the same thing popped up. Now, instead of a website having the normal "E-mail this article"; "Print this article"; and the occasional "Digg this article" link, it's got a slew of other services. You have the option to "FARK" something, "StumbleUpon" something, or "Redd" something.

Because no service is emerging as the clear victor (and other services keep cropping up), websites are forced to include everyone out of fairness. Sites are going to such extremes that they can no longer fit all the little icons along the bottom, causing them to include the "more..." button. Not only is it all confusingly unnecessary, but it's also ugly design-wise since not every logo is of the same quality. The Del.icio.us logo is hideous, especially next to the Facebook or Digg logos; the same goes for Fark. Media websites that feature large amounts of articles and features aren't always going for the most aesthetic design, but junking it up further with all these little icons (not to mention the ridiculous amount of comments at the bottom of every article) is just a mess.

The best way to fix this is to take all of them off entirely, forcing the user to instead get a toolbar plug-in for the service of their choice. Not only will this make things cleaner, but put the control over the service in the individual's hands (especially if their article-sharing service of choice isn't listed). It will have to happen eventually, as services slowly disappear, go bankrupt, or become victims of corporate buy-outs. News sites need to stop jumping on every online trend, and instead wait for the users to sort it out all through competition.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:07 PM | Comments (1)

March 27, 2008

To the Impostor

Dear Kid Who Looks Like Me,

I think the time has come for you to stop exercising in public. While I, personally, have never witnessed your feats of athletic endurance, many around town have. In fact, your insistence on public displays of long-distance jogging have created an urban falsity that I "work out."

Let me get one thing clear: I don't work out. Perhaps I shall some day, when I have the time or physical need, but at the moment I simply don't have the interest. There's too much investment in the work-out lifestyle, all those stretchy clothes and iPod armbands... but that's neither here nor there.

The fact of the matter is, ever since you have begun your out-and-about exercise, people have been seeing you and thinking that you're me. While I can't vouch for how your looks compare to mine, I can only assume that you must be running so fast that people can't get an honest view of you. You've been spotted running across bridges, powerwalking on main streets, and, Lord knows, probably doing bench presses on your roof. Stop. Join a gym. Get a different hair cut.

While I don't mind the fact that people come over to me and ask "Was that you jogging across the bridge last night?" I can't stomach the disappointment in their eyes, or their pitying judgement of me, after I explain that I don't really work out. I can only imagine what they think of me after knowing this.

Perhaps a membership at the local gym or YMCA would suit you? There are also plenty of national and state parks in the area with perfectly secluded running paths.

Thanks for your understanding.

Posted by MikeRubino at 4:11 PM | Comments (2)

March 24, 2008

The Complete Fireside Assassins

Today I podcast the final new episode of Fireside Assassins, the latest adventure in my radio serial Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time. We first performed the show last February 16th, and then recorded the episodes in our "studio." Now, after diligently editing them each Sunday evening with Garageband, they're complete.

Fireside Assassins is the latest adventure in the fourth season of the show. As you may know, each "adventure" is usually broken up over four episodes. Much of this season has been spent talking about the "Tome of Fire," a new mystical book that the characters discovered in Europe. In this latest set, Dodge Intrepid and Pluck Gumption (the heroes), have been called down to Washington D.C. to help their nemesis Buick LeSabre (Dodge's former college roommate) in deciphering the book. While they're there, they discover a terrible plot to assassinate President Franklin Roosevelt.

If you have yet to hear these episodes, I highly recommend them... mainly because I made them, and they're really funny. Now that the newest studio episodes are online, I'll be podcasting our live recordings of the show from the 16th; which should lead nicely to the new live performances we have planned for late April and early May!

For more information about the show, check out the Dodge Intrepid "Library Aids" blog, or become a fan of the show on Facebook.

Episode 413
Episode 414
Episode 415
Episode 416

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

March 19, 2008

Robots Lie About Global Warming?

For decades, we have been warned to be cautious of putting too much trust in robots and computers for they can turn on us at any second. And while there has yet to be that defining "self-awareness" moment where Asimo turns on his Honda maker and rips out his throat, it's clear that the tides are slowly turning in favor of the machine. The latest instance of robots one-upping us can be found in the latest news out of National Public Radio, which reports that perhaps global warming isn't really occurring as drastically (or at all) as people once thought:

Some 3,000 scientific robots that are plying the ocean have sent home a puzzling message. These diving instruments suggest that the oceans have not warmed up at all over the past four or five years. That could mean global warming has taken a breather.

Now, NPR says that perhaps scientists don't know how to read the robots correctly; that through some crazy fluke, the people that invented these machines lost the manual that they personally wrote to understand the readings that are coming back to them. It seems unlikely, but perhaps that's because they refuse to believe that global warming isn't really the threat they think it is... or is it? What if global warming is worse than ever before and these "fact-finding robots" are covering it up, trying to make us let our guard down so that we are swallowed alive by our oceans? That, to me, seems like the more likely scenario.

Really, we should have seen this coming. If robots are going to evolve in their artificial intelligence, I would hope that they in turn become smarter than we are. Why rise up into massive armies and attack the human race like in I, Robot? That's just how we would assume they would do it, because we're humans thinking about human things. But robots are going to be a lot sneakier than that; they're luring us in to a false sense of security, getting us to trust them for our oceanic measurements, and then slowly killing us by lying about the made-up environmental crisis we've come to embrace.

We're doomed.

Read the NPR article here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:37 PM | Comments (2)

March 17, 2008

Green Confusion

The "Go Green" environmentalist fad kicked in to high gear over the summer with all sorts of ugly shirts, benefits and ads. Suddenly everyone from NBC to JCPennys was "going green." As fun as the sounds (not), I never thought it would lead to such confusion around St. Patrick's Day. I saw "go green" everywhere this weekend but I have no idea if it's in reference to the environment or the Irish.

I started to see this train wreck of slogans coming when we got copy for an ad at work selling a bus trip. "Go green to get green" the ad said. Usually we would assume this was some sort of public transportation slogan about saving gas, but since it was falling on the weekend of St. Patty's Day, it ended up being about the holiday. Of course, the messages and the design of these ideas are two totally separate things (only one of the two will feature leprechauns). Although I can totally see someone showing up with their "No Blood for Oil" signs and Priuses at the St. Patty's Day parade.

Hopefully this will be the only year that this "go green" confusion is around, and the pop-culturization of environmentalism will go the way of Furbies and POGs (I know, it's not likely, but I can dream can't I?).

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:50 PM | Comments (1)

March 13, 2008

A Good Night to Visit Starbucks

Tonight's dinner was especially filling, so to offset the eye-drooping effects of digestion, I packed up my iBook and headed to Starbucks to work. I needed to write a new DVD Verdict review for the release of Sam & Max: Freelance Police, and I couldn't afford to fall asleep at the keyboard. Apparently, as I was told later by a barista, I picked a good night to go to Starbucks.

When it comes to Starbucks versus local coffee shops, I have no qualms splitting my attention; I like both places, and usually prefer the local places. The thing is, those local shops close early (at least the ones conveniently near my house), so I'm left with nary a choice but the Seattle behemoth. Lately, as you may have read, Starbucks is working on their image; they're revamping the way the store disperses coffee and espresso and actually training baristas, rather than settling for minimum wage coffee jockeys. As part of this effort, or so I was told, is an attempt to help educate customers on coffee. Tonight was one of those nights.

I walked in to Starbucks and saw almost two dozen people sitting in a circle talking; I wondered if I had stumbled on to some AA meeting or something. Then I noticed that the person lecturing them was the store's manager, who also happened to be handing up cups of espresso. I didn't know what kind of strange cult-like rituals they were up to, so I kept my eye on the prize. I got a medium (sorry, grande) cut of Espresso Roast coffee and grabbed a table.

I was just getting in to the meat of the review (and wondering how to properly spell lagomorph) when a barista hopped over. "Would you like to try a cappuccino?" I looked up at her and saw that she was thrusting a small (sorry, tall) cup of froth at me. "Sure," I replied, looking over at my coffee and realizing it was still too hot to enjoy.

Okay, so a free cappuccino, not something I would normally order but I'll take it. There's something about the aftertaste of cappuccino (maybe it's the frothed milk) that I just can't seem to get behind. This one is better than usual, but perhaps that's because it was free.

Pretty soon I'm half-way done with the cappuccino and the barista returns, this time with a smaller cup with whipped cream poking out the top. "Want to try a cafe mocha?" she asks. "Uh... yes. Yes I do." I probably sounded like I had never had one before, it was my natural instinct that had kicked in when an offer to try something I always have presented itself. I now had three cups of coffee at a table that could barely hold my 12inch iBook to begin with; I must have looked ridiculous.

I sat there and worked my way through the cappuccino first; I contemplated dropping the mocha into the cappuccino like some sort of coffee "car bomb," but then I was afraid of ruining everything. After finishing the cappuccino, I moved on the mocha and downed it in a few brief swigs; I knew I needed to get to the coffee I paid for before it became too late. I moved on to the grande Espresso Roast and its temperate was just right. By this time it was after eight and I had already essentially had one and a half cups of coffee caffeine-wise. I've sort of built up a tolerance for that much caffeine, but still, it felt excessive.

I finished up my review with the quickness of a doped bicyclist and got out of there. While I was working furiously, another barista actually came over and offered me a honey cafe latte. I declined, but only because it had honey in it... and I find that gross.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:57 PM | Comments (1)

March 12, 2008

Another Reason to like David Mamet

It's always reassuring to hear such a public, respected figure talk about their awakening to conservatism. I think of it as a public turning that illustrates that exact moment that Churchill was referring to when a person loses their heart and picks up a brain (in other words, grows out of childish bleeding-heart liberalism into mature conservatism). The latest example coming in the form of Pulitzer-winning playwright, director, and producer David Mamet, the man responsible for Glengarry Glen Ross, American Buffalo, and the CBS series The Unit.

Mamet published a lengthy, thoughtful essay in the Village Voice titled Why I Am No Longer a 'Brain-Dead Liberal'. Rather than proclaiming a switch to the Republican Party, or a newfound love for President Bush, Mamet looks at the subject more on a personal, social level. Modern liberalism, he describes, is the pursuit of perfection in society (a utopia, if you will); but because that is essentially impossible, liberals see everything negatively, broken, and in need of fixing no matter the cost. Conservatism, rather, doesn't attempt to think of every person as inherently good and moral, nor does it see the government as the solution to every issue in society. Rather, the idea behind conservatism is liberty, individuality, and the belief that people will solve their own problems in order to have a better life. He recounts his revelation saying:

I wondered, how could I have spent decades thinking that I thought everything was always wrong at the same time that I thought I thought that people were basically good at heart? Which was it? I began to question what I actually thought and found that I do not think that people are basically good at heart; indeed, that view of human nature has both prompted and informed my writing for the last 40 years. I think that people, in circumstances of stress, can behave like swine, and that this, indeed, is not only a fit subject, but the only subject, of drama.

His ultimate conclusion is that we are best fitted to work things out for ourselves. In the free market. He doesn't deny the fact that governments, corporations, and armed forces are imperfect and open to corruption, but that's because they are run by imperfect humans. Everything we do is imperfect, but that's alright so long as we're not merely settling. Mamet asks how we will be able to work out our problems without the intervention of the government, and his answer is quite brilliant: we just seem to. His reasoning for abandoning the liberal-utopian thinking of the '60s wasn't brought about by watching FOX News or getting yelled at by talk radio, it came from common sense and pragmatism.

I write this not because I'm tallying conservatives in Hollywood or entertainment versus liberals, because obviously we'll forever lose that count, but rather because Mamet presents an argument for conservatism not often addressed. Nice one.

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:24 AM | Comments (1)

February 28, 2008

Teapots and the World that Doesn't Work

There's a lot in this world that is supposed to work but doesn't. Be it faulty design, poor planning, or the stubbornness of physics and gravity, things just don't work right. Case in point, the teapot. While infinitely better for creating hot water than, say, the microwave, the teapots that I've encountered have one fatal flaw across the board: they can't pour water.

For reasons unknown to me, the teapot, when tilted to release water into my mug, produces a small dribble that runs down the spout. Aside from getting water all over the counter, it also creates the opportunity for me to get burned beyond recognition. Perhaps there are physics and science majors out there can explain this phenomenon to me. Is it because the water is too hot? Is it because I don't know how to pour water (despite being able to perform the task with out water-pouring tools)? Or are all teapots made with scandal-inducing defects?

Pouring liquid cleanly isn't an impossible or unreasonable task. My French coffee press does this just fine. As do many buckets. My mug does not pour water well, but it wasn't really made for that. The heart of the matter is that there are plenty of other things that know how to pour water without spilling it everywhere; why can't teapots behave the same way?

I'm not the only one to experience this, either. A local coffee shop gives their customers small teapots to steep their teabags in. A friend of mine detailed his horrid experience with the pots as not only he, but everyone else in the shop, spilled hot tea water all over the place each time they wanted to refill their mugs. And the reaction is always the same, no matter how many times you have spilled water with a teapot: "What? What? Where the hell is this water coming from?" Every time.

We have been raised as a society to understand how a teapot is supposed to work ("here is my handle, here is my spout... tip me over and pour me out"). When are they are going to start making affordable teapots that work the way they're supposed to?

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:48 AM | Comments (2)

February 27, 2008

A Man from Yale, with God

While Pittsburghers are presently mourning the loss of the great sports writer Myron Cope, conservatives across the country are focused elsewhere: on the death of intellectual pioneer, William F. Buckley Jr., who passed away today at the age of 82.

William F. Buckley is perhaps the most important figure in the modern conservative movement that arose out of the ashes of World War II. After graduating Yale, and publishing his monumental God and Man at Yale, he founded the bi-weekly magazine National Review. His intellectualization of traditional conservatism (a mix of anti-communist foreign policy and free market economics, with a dash of cultural-religious tradition) inspired people across the country, and eventually seeped into the then-moderate politics of the Republican Party. His influence could be traced then to Senator Barry Goldwater, who changed the face of GOP politics as we knew it. Buckley, along with Goldwater's presidential run, went on to inspire and influence Ronald Reagan, who brought true grassroots conservatism to the federal government. In essence, it was Buckley's conservatism that eventually ended the Cold War, amongst other successes.

I never had an opportunity to see Buckley in person, but I feel like I knew the guy merely from his excellent, and often extremely biting, writing style. Although he left the National Review as editor in the early 90's, and retired to private life in 2004, he continued to write up until his death. The last book he published was Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription: Notes & Asides from National Review, although he was also finishing up a biography of Goldwater. His son, Christopher Buckley, is perhaps better known in pop culture, having written Thank You For Smoking and most recently Boomsday.

A NPR commentator on FOX News this evening made a very astute observation about Buckley's passing: it could not have come at a more interesting time in the conservative movement. It's a time when we conservatives find ourselves in the cold, fighting off the politicians who wish to redefine exactly what it means to be "conservative." Buckley never entered the world of politics (although he famously ran for mayor of New York, promising that if he won he'd demand a recount), but instead stayed back, philosophizing and criticizing. It's my belief that every good political movement needs to have a rooted intellectual and philosophical background to guide it. Republicanism has been guided by Federalism and conservatism since the beginning, but it was the minds of William F. Buckley Jr., Russell Kirk, Barry Goldwater, and the like that made it so successful. It will be interesting to see what modes of thought prevail going forward.

Buckley was a writer, a talk show host, an editor, and a philanthropist, but above all he was a warrior of ideas.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:26 PM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2008

My Poster on Live with Regis and Kelly

Since I've been working as a full time designer for just a short while now, I've already had some great experiences. One of the best yet, however, came this morning, after we got a call in the office saying that my advertisement for an upcoming event at Mountaineer Casino was on Live with Regis and Kelly!

I designed billboards and posters for the event, which features Regis Philbin alongside Don Rickles for a grand night of comedy. I never expected Regis to actually get one of these posters, and proceed to hold it up on his show. Hilariously enough, he points out the same thing I said when I started working on it: that his photo was much darker than Don's. Of course, a designer can only do so much. I was just honored that he got one of the posters!

Watch the entire segment here, and look for him to bring out the poster around the 4:00 mark.

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:34 PM | Comments (6)

February 20, 2008

Total Eclipse of the Heart

With this evening's total eclipse, I decided it was a perfect night for some experimentation with my Nikon d40 DSLR. So I got out my tripod and my zoom lens (nothing fancy, just the 55-200mm lens kit that I got extra with the camera) and set about snapping photos. At first I wasn't having much luck taking photos of the moon out my bathroom window; the double-paned glass was created a weird ghosting effect. So then I took things outside and got serious.

With the tripod ready and the camera aimed upwards, I set the mode to manual, with a shutter speed of 1second and an aperture of f5. I don't mess too much yet with ISO settings, but to anyone who's interested, it was 400. The big issue with these settings is that even the slightest camera shake (like just pressing the button to open the shutter) can create a blur. I had to set it to a 10 second timer, that way I could press the button and step the heck away from the thing before it took the picture. What resulted was the best picture of the night:

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)

Skippy's Not a Child!

I recently came across a whole collection of public-domain recordings of "The Shadow" radio serial from the late '30s. I've been slowly going through them over the past few months, listening to them in order of their original air date. The episode I listened to yesterday, titled "Death Shows the Way," was simply one of the best, and most guffaw-inducing, yet.

The premise was simple: Lamont Cranston, aka "The Shadow," and his female companion Margot Lane are attending a posh party at a country house. The party is being hosted by a member of society's upper crust, who confides in Lamont that he has just purchased a rare jewel (or something). Also there are some other folks, a little brat named Skippy, and an unfriendly hound. Now the actual events of the episode elude me, because the shock of a twist ending literally blew my mind. All I remember is that for some reason, members of the party are being killed one-by-one with a poison that's being placed in the water. Lamont, utilizing some Oriental trickery, is able to feign death in order to get to the bottom of who is poisoning everyone. Apparently the murderer is just trying to get his or hands on the jewel.

Well the end of the episode finally rolls around as The Shadow prepares to make his Scooby-Doo-like reveal. All that is left is Margot, the host of the party, and Skippy (there may have been others there, but that doesn't matter). The Shadow reveals the killer with the tact of an atom bomb: Skippy did it. Of course everyone immediately cries fowl; how could Skippy possibly have killed everyone? He's just a small boy!

"Skippy's not a child," The Shadow exclaims, "He's a midget!"

It's at this point when my jaw dropped, my headphones flew off, and I almost fell backwards in my office chair! For all the directions this episode could have gone, never, in my wildest dreams, did I think the small boy character was in reality... a midget (or, if you want to be politically correct, a small person).

Now, this presents a number of questions, the biggest being "Why didn't anyone notice?" Yes, this is a radio drama, so obviously none of the listeners could have been able to tell that one of the characters was of diminutive size, but wouldn't the characters in the show have noticed? Little people back then looked as they do today, and even a dwarfed person can't pass as a "child." Even more disturbing is that his father had no clue that his son was actually a midget named Mike. When Mike tries to escape, however, he's torn to shreds by the dog of the house, while everyone just looks on in amazement.

The episode ends with a strange joke by Margot, as she seems to be in disbelieve that Skippy was, in fact, a small criminal mastermind: "You know, Lamont, I'm going to have a funny attitude towards children from now on... when I touch them on the cheek, I won't know whether to pet them or feel for a beard."

What the heck did I just listen to? Is this the kind of thing people found entertaining back in the '30s? Suddenly I was overcome with flashbacks to the little villain in Lone Wolf McQuaid and to reading Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. Seeing as how I'm only 29 episodes in to playlist totalling 98, I guess I should be prepared for even more radio-specific surprises down the line; then again, can it get any more surprising than this?

You can download the episode from Archive.org here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:53 AM | Comments (2)

February 18, 2008

Elephants of the Road: Chabon's Adventure Tale

In Michael Chabon's latest genre novel, Gentlemen of the Road, he attempts to revive the classic swords & sandals adventure tale. He does so by introducing the reader to a lost world of Jewish heroes, circa 950AD — in fact, the working title for the book was "Jews with Swords." While the book is a great attempt at reviving the recently quiet genre of adventure fiction, Chabon's writing style may be a little too much for what he's trying to accomplish.

The book, which was originally published in a serial format for New York Times Magazine, is a solid and fairly sprawling adventure tale. There's plenty of sword fighting, thievery, and traveling, but it's paired with a nice sense of wit and cleverness. The book fits with this subtle resurgence of wide-eyed, boyhood abandon in literature that started with the Dangerous Book for Boys. Maybe that's an over statement, perhaps it's not a resurgence across the literary world, but it is in my field of vision, as I find myself dipping more into pulp and genre fiction. The packaging for Chabon's book adds to all of this, with maps printed on the inside cover and illustrations by Gary Gianni, who does the Prince Valiant comic strip.

Gentlemen contributes, and takes away from, the sense of adventure and simple action that I've been craving. The story, which is a basic tale of two wanderers getting pulled into protecting a child and overthrowing a government, could have been written competently by any number of hack writers; but only under Chabon's watchful eye could it have been infused with the style, color, and subject matter that it has. Chabon's choice to make the story about "Jews with swords" is inspired, but also leads to lots of daunting jargon and complicated names. When you combine the names and titles with Chabon's already-challenging form of writing, the story takes a back seat to style. Chabon's use of metaphors and similes in the middle of what should be up-front, visceral action also dampens the excitement, causing the reader to slow down and ponder exactly what just happened. In the afterword, Chabon talks about how he's never written about action or weapons before, short of a 9mm pistol in Wonder Boys, and it shows. He manages to make gigantic, epic battles and sieges seem small and isolated, as if the entire thing is taking place in a literary fog of war.

The adventure novel that he's attempting to resurrect is something that should be simple, quick, and exciting. I liken it to the pulp short stories (from The Black Lizard Big Book of Pulps) that I've been reading, which aren't high literature by any means. The beauty of the pulp is that it's immediately accessible, and Gentlemen isn't.

That isn't to say the book is bad; quite the contrary it's a fun, brief read. Chabon's style may be dense and elaborate, but it's always a joy to read, regardless of what he's writing about. The book, rather succeeding as one complete package, succeeds on two different levels. It's an entertaining romp through the Middle East, while at the same time filled with colorful, unique prose. It was an interesting experiment for Michael Chabon, and it's honorable that he's trying his hand at various areas of genre fiction. Perhaps the interest he's creating in these areas will spark other authors to follow suit.

In the mean time, I'm looking forward to starting his other new novel, The Yiddish Policemen's Union.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:35 PM | Comments (0)

February 17, 2008

The Fireside Success

Things are finally starting to slow down slightly (trust me, just a temporary convenience) as the latest Dodge Intrepid performance has come and gone. This newest show, subtitled "Fireside Assassins," debuted to a full house last Saturday at Cafe Kolache. We had a great time performing it, and from what I've been told, the audience really loved it as well.

This latest show is set up differently from past adventures in the way that the story is framed. Without giving too much away, since we have yet to do the studio recordings or ready the podcasts, I can say that it presented some technical challenges from a writing and producing standpoint. If you haven't guessed from the title, FDR plays a role in this latest set of episodes... without us actually impersonating his voice. You'll have to hear the podcasts to hear what we did, but I'll say it was probably one of the more memorable audio tricks in the show.

We haven't decided when the next live radio performance will be, but hopefully in a couple of months. This latest adventure ends with such a cliffhanger that it would be an injustice not to follow it up soon. I'll be sure to post here whenever we start podcasting the "Fireside" episodes!

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:43 PM | Comments (0)

February 6, 2008

The Fireside Assassins

A world-renowned librarian is forced to team up with a private book collector who is also his ex-college roommate and nemesis — this is merely the beginning for the latest adventure in Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time, the ongoing old-time-radio adventure serial and podcast that I write alongside fellow Cellar Dweller, James Catullo. Our latest performance, Fireside Assassins debuts next Saturday, February 16th at Cafe Kolache.

Dodge Intrepid, the heroic librarian and time-traveler who operates out of the Aliquippa National Library, has no choice but to work alongside his wretched French foil Buick LeSabre in order to decipher a mystical tome for the military. The stakes are clear: if they can figure out how to fully operate this "tome of fire," then the military could use it to end the Second World War. That is, if they can ever get anything done. As they toil away in a secret underground complex deep beneath Washington D.C., Dodge's intern Pluck Gumption is working hard to distract two nosey reporters (named Ted and Tug) and see the sights of the Capital. Along the way, however, Pluck stumbles upon a massive assassination plot set to take place in the city!

Our latest adventure continues season four of the show, which has had such previous sets of episodes as "The Freedom Readers," "The Hunt for the Tome of Fire", and "Duel with Death." Arguably our pulpiest season yet, this latest set of four episodes is designed to be a great introductory set for people unfamiliar with the show. The character set is limited, the premise is relatively simple, and the excitement and humor are some of the best yet. After our live performance next weekend, I'll begin releasing the studio recordings of the show on the iTunes Music Store and other services that feature our podcast feed.

To check out the trailer for the show, just click here.

The show starts at 7:00pm on Saturday, February 16th at Cafe Kolache. For more information about the show, check out the Dodge Intrepid blog or the Facebook page.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:00 PM | Comments (0)

February 5, 2008

Rick's Cafe Americain, Tapping the Vein

"I have not entered the blogosphere as a lemming. I am not here to continue the dilution of the public discourse. I am here to save it." These are the words of a man of mystery, a masked pundit going only by the name Mega, who pens the blog "Rick's Cafe Americain." His blog, which went public mere weeks ago, has become part of my daily routine. His political observations and predictions are matched only by his stalwart reporting and above-the-fold scoops.

Rick's Cafe tows neither the Left or Right party lines, but rather the line of truth. Mega doesn't have his finger on society's pulse; he's tapped society's vein. No other blog so deftly reported the fact that Fidel Castro is still alive, or posted a personal letter of concession from Rudy Giuliani. The Atlantic Monthly put it best, saying "If you wish to remain woefully ignorant, read the New York Times. If you have the courage to discover the truth, Rick's Cafe is waiting."

Today is Super (Duper) Tuesday, what will surely be one of the deciding points of this insane Presidential Primary season. And while I can't even begin to predict what will happen to the candidates of either party, I know that when I am watching the results stream in tonight, my browser will have two tabs open: the Drudge Report and Rick's Cafe Americain.

[Revised 2008-02-05 5:55pm]

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:13 AM | Comments (4)

February 2, 2008

The Hulk-Out List

We all have bad days. Sometimes a day can be ruined by rude or thoughtless people, and other times it can be destroyed by our own clumsiness. And while most of us can just get upset and shrug it off, David Bruce Banner always seemed to handle things differently. More often than not, when Banner gets upset, his skin bulges, his height grows, his clothes rip, and he starts talking like a caveman. David Banner gets angry and becomes The Hulk.

Now if you've only ever seen the Ang Lee movie, you have no good perception of the kind of crap Banner has to deal with. For a true example, you must return back to the 1980's, and that magical television series: The Incredible Hulk. The show was just like The Fugitive, except rather than Dr. Kimble running from town to town because he's too good-natured, Banner must travel across North America because he keeps turning green. While that may be trendy today, it definitely wasn't back then.

Thankfully, the immensity of the internet has yielded an invaluable list, explaining in hilarious simplicity the reasons David Banner turns green. Posted on the series creator's website, The Hulk-Out List features over 115 instances, taken solely from the television series, of Banner "Hulking out." The list is hysterical, of course, and even funnier if you've ever seen the show. Here are some prime excerpts:

44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him

78. Being thrown under a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade float by a mean guy in
a gorilla suit who gives David a few kicks for good measure

86. Beaten up and thrown in a closet, and while thrashing around and trying to
get out, sticking his hand in a box of broken glassware

97. Trapped on a platform with the worker who is having a heart attack, and
being showered with electrical sparks

Reading the list, it becomes very obvious that if Banner wasn't so darned clumsy, he wouldn't have these problems. Sure he might get locked in a room, but does that mean he has to freak out, slip, and fall into boiling water? No. If he was just more patient, careful, and observant, these things wouldn't happen to him. But I guess the same could be said for any of us.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)

February 1, 2008

Rambo Inspires Change

I loved the new "Rambo" film. I wouldn't necessarily call it "Citizen Kane"-quality, or even "Transformers: The Animated Movie" quality, but it perfectly captures the 80's-action mentality with some post-modern nihilism; plus there are a heck of a lot of exploding heads.

According to a Reuters report, "Rambo" might be doing more than lighting up the box office. It's also inspiring the embattled population of Burma! The film is apparently such a hot topic amongst the population that the Myanmar government has banned the movie in fear of an uprising.

Police in Myanmar have given DVD hawkers strict orders not to stock the new Rambo movie, which features the Vietnam War veteran taking on the former Burma's ruling military junta, a Yangon resident told Reuters on Friday.

Despite the prohibition, pirated copies of the movie are widely available on the streets of the former capital, where it is fast becoming a talking point among a population eager to shake off 45 years of military rule.

"People are going crazy with the quote 'Live for nothing, die for something'," one resident said, referring to the tagline of the fourth Rambo installment, which opened in the United States this week.

Even though it received lukewarm reviews, it is likely to be a sure-fire hit with opponents of the junta, with some even hoping it could spur a change of regime in the impoverished southeast Asian nation.

"This movie could fuel the sentiment of Myanmar people to invite American troops to help save them from the junta," one Yangon resident told Reuters by e-mail.

Now Rambo needs to make movies about him kicking the crap out of the Iran, North Korean, and Venezuelan governments and we'll be set!

Posted by MikeRubino at 4:10 PM | Comments (1)

January 28, 2008

In Demand on OnDemand

The second episode of the Cellar Dwellers improv show on Comcast OnDemand is now available. So anyone in the Western PA Comcast digital cable area can go to OnDemand and check out our latest show! It's simple to find: Your Town/ Entertainment/ Comedy Spotlight/ Cellar Dwellers. Plus it's shorter than the first one (since we filmed two in one night), so you can show your friends without taking up too much of their time. We're so considerate.

Here's the commercial that's in rotation in the OnDemand screen:

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:50 PM | Comments (1)

January 26, 2008

The Facebook Economy Stimulus Package

Our current U.S. economy is going through some oddly turbulent times. And while much of this hype may be caused more by panic in the media than an actual crisis, the President and Congress are wasting no time in taking measures to make things better (too bad they don't do this for other pressing matters like Social Security and immigration reform... but that's neither here nor there). Their main plan to keep us out of a recession is to release an economic stimulus package, which is essentially a nice fat check returned to the American tax-payer. While this basically proves that the economy does better when the consumer has more money to spend (i.e. lower taxes), the stimulus package is a nice band-aid for a larger problem. Each tax-payer will probably get a couple hundred bucks to buy stuff with, or invest.

It seems to me as if Facebook is doing the same thing.

Today my brother sent me a gift on Facebook of an icon depicting a sack of money. It was tagged with a cute message celebrating the looming tax credit check we'll all be receiving sometime in June. Now normally, these "gifts" on Facebook cost $1 a piece. They don't really do anything, and they aren't exactly tangible; they're really just a way to tell someone you are thinking about them, without really just sending a message saying "I'm thinking about you." So I go to reply to my brother's thoughtful gift when I see that it is actually a free present that kids can give. It was sponsored by H&R Block, and was called the Fat Tax Refund present. Essentially it was encouraging users to give a free gift to one another, so that they would eventually spend more money giving other paid gifts on Facebook (because Facebook's revenue comes mainly from ads and $1 gift icons).

The Fat Tax Rebate gift was acting as a sort of stimulus package for the micro-economy of Facebook. While this may not have been intentional, it was certainly an entertaining thought on my commute home from work.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:36 AM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2008

Farewell Fred

Yesterday, presidential candidate Fred Dalton Thompson bowed out of the race. The 6'5" Southerner was considered to be a hot commodity early on, only to fade in the polls after refusing to play nice with the mainstream media. He was one of the few truly conservative, Federalist conservatives in the race, and certainly the last to quit during the primary voting season. A lot of people knew nothing about him, and those who did called him lazy; others said he didn't have the fire in his belly. Regardless of whether or not he had the indigestion necessary to run a fitting campaign, Thompson may have been the best kind of conservative candidate: the kind that didn't really care for the office.

He didn't really care to be the leader of the free world, nor did he think he needed to go out of his way to win the election; rather, he felt that people should judge him by his ideas and policies for a better America. His policy arguments were thought-out and well-delivered (if with a Southern drawl and a squirt of District Attorney-ness), but the average America isn't interested in that stuff. People claim to want to be "inspired" and "changed" by a candidate, but I don't particularly care to experience either of those feelings. The need to be inspired means that we lack motivation and direction, and that certainly isn't I, or anyone else I know, for that matter. Fred merely said "here's how it's going to be... and if you like what I'm saying, then vote for me." He wasn't putting on a shtick, and he wasn't trying to get a good soundbite for the evening news. Unfortunately, that's not how campaigns work in this day and age, and Fred, that once Reagan-esque white horse riding in to save the GOP, was squashed with more of a whimper than a yell.

And so who do I turn to this political season? Who can I possibly support for president? Obviously, my current selection is quite small: John Rambo, John McClane, or Zombie Reagan.

John Rambo, clearly the current front-runner in imaginary political candidates, seems to have the most going for him. With a new film opening this week, Rambo is going to be the topic of everyone's conversations around the water cooler. Rightfully so! Mr. Rambo, like Ronald Reagan, is a proud relic of the 1980's, filled with the pro-American vigor that we all need right about now. He served his country in 'Nam, and then returned to fight bureaucracy at home. Mr. Rambo refuses to back down from a challenge, and whole-heartedly backs the American Military, especially P.O.W.'s. Then again, because of his terrible speaking skills—let's face it, no one can really understand the guy—and his scarred mental well-being, he might be a better Vice President than actual POTUS.

John McClane is another great contender for the seat. This summer he proved that he still has what it takes to destroy a helicopter with a car, and I imagine he would take a similar approach to foreign policy: he may not use the most conventional methods of solving problems, but he'll get the job done. There is no better definition of a president than "a guy in the wrong place at the wrong time." Events occur around a president, and more often than not, he has to be ready to pick up the pieces and make everything work. McClane has spent much of his career doing that. Plus, he's divorced, so he fits in with the current crop of candidates.

Finally, there is the mystifying Zombie Reagan. His specter has haunted almost every GOP debate, so it's about time that the man finally rises up (from the grave) and just reclaims his office. It's likely that Zombie Reagan would have about the same policies as he did before, only with a little more emphasis placed on brain consumption. He'd build up the military; reduce regulations, taxes, and bureaucracy; and take on the new Soviet Union, also known as "Putin's Russia." Plus, he could work round the clock, provided we just kept feeding him the occasional ex-patriot.

Clearly, if a solid candidate doesn't emerge from the current Republican crop, I'm going to have to stick with some combination write-in of Zombie Reagan or one of the John's. Right now ZR (as he'll be called) seems to be the most likely choice, but you never know, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger will run as John Matrix (from Commando). I might have to vote for him.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2008

What Are You Doing, Randy?

It's really a shame when you have to sit and watch a performer devolve into senility — especially when that musician was never really that great in the first place. Case in point: Randy Newman, that silly pianist who likes to barely sing about very obvious things (that parody of him on Family Guy comes to mind). He was the capper performance at this year's Macworld keynote address.

Rather than just sticking to his repertoire of Disney songs that all sound the same, he decided to grace the audience with a new song about America. He prefaced the song by telling everyone about a recent visit to Europe in which he learned that they "don't like us." This revelation was such a surprise to Newman that he was compelled to write a ditty that defends America.

His noble plan to defend our nation was merely a MacGuffin to allow him to get to the heart of the matter: he thinks America is dying.

The song starts simply enough (like most of his music) and quickly makes the claim that America currently has the worst leaders in the nation's history; thankfully, they aren't the worst the world has ever seen. No, Newman proceeds to tell us about Rome and the various Caesars—and he keeps going into silly and confusing details about rulers hanging out with little boys and appointing cousins as vice presidents. He then moves on to the Spanish Empire and rhymes "inquisition" with "position." His allusions to America being a falling empire are neither subtle nor appropriate within the song, and the whole thing comes off as forced and ignorant.

His disdain for America doesn't stop there; Newman proceeds to pull out the quotable FDR handbook and then inform us that we live in a society in which we fear fear... because terrorism = fear. That message is so 2005, and yet Newman carries on like we've never heard this argument before. Oh my gosh he's right, we are just afraid of a synonym for being afraid! Why didn't I see it before? He carries on, shrugging it off with the childishness that made him the Hollywood go-to-guy for songs that are as deep as a matchbox.

Randy's "America sucks" song was a strange choice for an Apple keynote performance. We'll never know if Apple knew what he was going to sing before he went out, and I'd prefer not to know if they actually believed all that (although the politics of Steve Jobs is no real secret, and Al Gore is on their board... so that tells you something). Perhaps this was the best Randy could get. While other leftist musicians get large forums to spout their beliefs about America being the scourge of the world, the best venue Randy Newman could secure was a tech convention in a room full of geeks. He did end his song with a little rambling speech about how much he hates corporations, but not Apple (of course)... and not 20th Century Fox, mainly because they give him money.

Pushing any sort of political statement at what is essentially one of the biggest consumer announcements of your fiscal year isn't the smartest move. I'd feel just as uncomfortable if Newman was up there ranting about how great President Bush is. When you're trying to sell something to mainstream consumers you don't necessarily want to take political sides—and if you do, don't let some senile nitwit like Randy Newman do it for you.

Watch his god-awful performance here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2008

The Colgate Cap

As long as we're being honest here, I have to admit that I hate the Colgate toothpaste cap. Call me old fashioned, or a stick-in-the-mud, but I just think it's unnecessary, clumsy, and all-around asinine. Have you seen this cap? If you've never used this defective piece of wasted plastic, allow me to elaborate: unlike the normal, run-of-the-mill toothpaste cap, which twists off and can be removed from the paste tube, the Colgate cap flips, like an office garbage can lid, or a car hood.

And thus, the tragic flaw of the Colgate cap becomes apparent. The flipping action of the cap is intended, I assume, to be convenient. Colgate wants you to approach the tube of toothpaste thinking "Oh, I have a tooth brush in my left hand, and this tube in my right. What luck! I can hope this tube with one hand, just by flipping back the cap..." The only problem is that the cap itself is small, and it's range of flipping is weak. So if you are using one hand the entire time, as it is designed, you cannot control the cap and squeeze toothpaste out at the same time. While you may think that the toothpaste blast area is clear at first, the cap can often roll back to its more natural position, with the help of physics, and get caught in the minty crossfire!

What happens is that over time, with constant cap-toothpaste-collision, everything becomes gunky. Soon, the toothpaste oozes out from the protective bounds of the cap's lip, making the exterior bright green (or blue) and sticky. Now every time you want to use the paste, you have to scrub your hands really hard afterwards to get the stuff off!

Beyond all of this is the fact that the flip-cap on toothpaste is just unnatural. It might be easy to think of toothpaste like shampoo or body wash, which employs a similar cap, but it's quite different. Toothpaste needs to be kept in check, under control and tucked away from the outside world. More than likely, you're using shampoo in the shower, so therefore any escaped soap will just be washed away; with toothpaste, the tube just goes back in the drawer or cupboard and stays dry. It mingles with other hygienic items, and rarely becomes immersed in water long enough to get clean. Beyond all of that is the fact that the screw cap just makes sense.

The screw cap, as found on the Crest and Aquafresh toothpaste, allows the user to completely take the cap out of the equation, therefore avoiding any potential for toothpaste contact. Sure there are the incidents of cap loss (freshman year of college I dropped two caps in a row down the drain in my dorm room), but they are infrequent and provide a valuable learning opportunity. I'd rather drop a million caps down the drain that get toothpaste on my thumb from the flip-cap.

You know, just tonight I got toothpaste all over my thumb trying to open up that stupid cap. What a waste. Sure I guess I could screw off the flip-cap and just pretend that it's a Crest tube... but that would be like using a screwdriver to hammer a nail.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)

January 12, 2008

"Cashing in on Font Movies" or "Typographic Sequels that are Dying to be Made"

Helvetica was a great documentary about a very over-used, but pragmatic, font. While it certainly didn't top the box office charts, it did create a lot of buzz on the independent circuit. Its success as a movie about a font could possibly inspire other over-used fonts in society.

Papyrus: The Movie Out of the dry, desert wasteland of North Africa comes a font so mysterious, so crackly, that it was born to be used by every small business and secretary in the country: Papyrus. Its calculated deformities, combined with his elongated ascenders, make it seem as if it emerged from antiquity just to exist in the logos of fortune tellers, tanning salons, and organic coffee houses. Perhaps, when archaeologists finally discover the lost Dead Sea Scrolls, they shall be written in... Papyrus!

Comic Sans: The Movie Based on the hilarious off-off-off broadway play comes this hilarious romp into the zany, slapstick child wonderland known as Comic Sans! This font, created for Microsoft for exclusive use in children's computer games, just screams "fun!" It may look like it was handwritten, but its uniform width assures you that it's not. Nothing says kindergarten homework assignment like Comic Sans!

Algerian: The Musical Straight out of Northern Africa comes a font made to look like it was born in Victorian Germany! Now, see the glamorous musical set to Bavarian folk music, just in time for Oktoberfest. You may know Algerian from its constant employment for microbrewery labels, restaurant sign-age, or anything that's supposed to look European! Check out those crazy Y's and A's and you'll never miss Algerian!

There are plenty of other overused fonts out there, including Copperplate, Brush Script, and almost anything else included as default in Windows.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:30 PM | Comments (1)

January 11, 2008

A Movie About a Font

When I visited New York City with my family last Spring, I found an exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art on the font Helvetica. It was assembled in honor of the font's 50th birthday, and featured in the exhibit were clips from a feature-length documentary. That's right, a documentary about a font. Being a graphic designer, and a typographic enthusiast, I knew this movie would be right up my alley; at the very least, it would be a hilarious thing to behold.

Helvetica screened in Pittsburgh last Fall, but I never got around to actually seeing it. Lucky for me, it returned to the Steel City just for this week, as part of the Pittsburgh Filmmaker's January line-up. So my friend and I made plans to check it out after I got out of work last Thursday. I can gladly say that this documentary, filmed by Gary Hustwit, is 80 minutes of graphic design bliss. It's funny, it's thought-provoking, and it made me proud of the profession that I have chosen.

For the college-educated graphic designer, Helvetica is sort of like watching the red carpet footage at the Academy Awards. The documentarians interview plenty of designers and typographers that I studied in school, and seeing them on the screen was a neat experience. (I will admit that the only part of the film where I felt truly dorky was when I got excited at Hermann Zapf's cameo). Helvetica has a multi-pronged approach to talking about the font: they discuss the font's history, its place within the Modernist graphic design movement, its cultural and political influence, and ubiquitous nature in our ever day lives. The pacing of the film is very unique in that Helvetica's popularity wanes as the runtime grows. Designers introduced in the beginning of the film are much more appreciative of Helvetica's place in design history, and some see it as the perfect Modernist sans serif. Later in the film, however, we meet the Post-Modernists who despise the clean, calculated nature of the Swiss-designed typeface.

One aspect of the discussion presented in the film was about the font's political and culture significance. Some designers felt that the font was very capitalistic, mainly because it was embraced by marketing departments in all of the big corporations in the 60's; others felt that the font was extremely socialistic, mainly because it is available on every PC and Mac and can therefore become a powerful design tool for the average man. While that's all very interesting, their views seem to stem not from the font itself, but rather from what has been done with the font since its introduction into the design world. I prefer to look at Helvetica as a I would most fonts: by how it can be used, and if it's the best font for the job. Helvetica seems to me to be the kind of font best used as a bold face on a large surface. It doesn't translate that well to smaller projects or body type. Helvetica Neue is another story--and a much better font overall.

In talking about the movie beforehand, I predicted that the documentarian would somehow shove in a political opinion about Helvetica in relation to Left versus Right rhetoric. That seems to be the goal of every documentary made lately, whether it's a movie about penguins or crossword puzzles. Sure enough, the filmmaker prodded a female designer in New York about her political views on Helvetica. She went on to make a hilariously absurd tie between Helvetica and the Vietnam War, and then imply that Republicans (specifically Reagan supporters) were Helvetica users. Twisted logic for sure, but also a pathetically hilarious move to shove that message in the movie.

Poli-typographic squabbles aside, Helvetica is a fantastic documentary. It's an invaluable film for graphic designers, and it's pretty darn funny for everyone else. Walking out of the theater that night, I quickly noticed Helvetica being used all around me in downtown Pittsburgh. It was good.

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:50 PM | Comments (0)

December 28, 2007

So That's Who John Galt Is: My Review of Atlas Shrugged

This Christmas Eve, in between bouts of celebratory eating and last minute gift wrapping, I completed a project I started over six months ago: the reading of Ayn Rand's magnum opus, Atlas Shrugged.

I was given the book, along with her other major fictional works, by the Ayn Rand Institute while attending an English conference in New York. I had always wanted to read Rand's works, mainly because I was tired of people who had never read any of her novels calling her work juvenile and childish. Before I was about to draw any conclusions, I was going to see for myself. I started with her brief starter book Anthem, which acts as a sort of primer for the Objectivist philosophy she refined later in her career. It's a quick read. From there, I moved directly on to Atlas (with plans to read The Fountainhead only if I really liked Atlas).

Now that I spent the last six months reading this 1069 page paperback brick, I can say that I have mixed, but overall positive feelings about this Russo-American author. On many levels, the book is excellent, even when her philosophy is flawed. Its ideas about the free-market, government welfare, and individualism are relevant and extremely important to modern conservative thought; although, her extreme views on selfishness, atheism, and the worship of the dollar are missteps.

One of the main themes of the book is the punishment of success in today's society. In the book, those industrialists ("the movers") are constantly looked down upon for being rich, successful, and intelligent. They're treated as if their success belongs to the collective masses, rather than their own personal doing; because of this, they are expected to bend over backwards to help society. Rand challenges this common practice of tearing down the rich by showing us what would happen if the movers disappeared. If all of the industrialists (a term that isn't necessarily used much anymore), inventors, scientists, and artists that we take for granted stopped producing, what would happen to the world? In Atlas, the movers begin to disappear one-by-one after they become fed up with the regulations, restrictions, and oppression of government intervention in the economy.

Rand's scope in the book was simply incredible--then again, I would expect a 1,000+ page book to have a little bit of breadth. While the story follows a number of key players, we mainly see the heroine, Dagny Taggart, as her family train company rises and falls. One of the side effects of reading this book is that you inadvertently learn a lot about the country's railroad system; although I have read articles that discuss Rand's exaggeration and simplification of the system for dramatic purposes. We don't necessarily realize how our industries are all connected until they all begin to fall like dominoes. In Atlas, the disappearance of a coal mine or a parts manufacturer sends the entire railroad economy into a tizzy. The same goes for the nationalization of Hank Rearden's steel: after public opinion shunned Rearden's new steel recipe, they quickly turned face and began clamoring for it... eventually, the government stepped in and made Rearden sign over his secrets to society, so that everyone could produce it.

All of these instances (and there are plenty in the book) are presented as cautionary Romantic examples that ultimately endorse complete laissez-faire capitalism. In Rand's world, this message and its many instances work fine--obviously, because she is creating them. All of the characters are idealistic, stoic, and emotionless. They deliver grand speeches that are, at times, very challenging to get through. It's much easier to understand Rand's complex philosophy through fiction, obviously, but if I knew people that talked like this in real life, I'd probably think they were crazy.

Her writing style, while at times stiff, is also very descriptive and specific. Rand leaves next to no room for confusion of emotions or actions. She'll tell you that these two characters make eye contact because they secretly hate each other. There's a lot of telling going on, and I assume it's because she wants to make certain that her vision is completely understood--at times it's a little excessive and silly. One aspect of the book that I really enjoyed, however, was the motif of shrugs. While the title "Atlas Shrugged" isn't discussed until the end of part two, the movers (AKA all of the people that are essentially titans like Atlas) occasionally shrug as a form of saying that they don't care. At different times in life, people become, and cease to be, titans, and she demonstrates this in the book through the use of shrugging. It's not the easiest thing for me to explain, but in practice within the world of the book it works well, and consistently, throughout the three parts.

As the story, and Rand's philosophy progresses, the arguments that she is making become a tad too broad for my tastes. I understand that her Objectivist philosophy is something that must be applied to one's entire lifestyle, but I never once felt like I wanted to be like anyone in the book. All of the heroic characters are cold, emotionally barren individuals who never seem like they are enjoying life (despite how much they talk about living). This could be because of Rand's complete rejection of religion, which she refers to as mysticism. While she never actually brings up a specific religion or church, she makes it clear that Man's only point of worship should be himself. While individualism is good, her idea of never helping or aiding anyone is too extreme for my tastes. Like much of pure philosophy, her ideas are extreme and hardly applicable to real life. I think that it's important to take the ideas that she is presenting, critically address them, and find out for yourself what's right and what's wrong. Her strict atheist viewpoints ring truer of Marxism--the very collectivist ideas that she hates with a passion. Yet while she may be against any sort of god, her characters become hypocritical later in the book, as the movers worship the almighty dollar. John Galt and his posse of merry industrialists treat the $ symbol like Christians treat a crucifix. They draw it with their hands, they erect large monuments to it, and they even smoke cigarettes adorned with it (that last instance isn't really practiced by Christians). It's these brief flashes of inconsistency that make me want to step back and challenge Rand's ideas further.

The practice of Objectivism isn't really something I find to be wholly perfect or useful in society today, however some of her ideas are sound. The government shouldn't be involved in stifling or nationalizing industrial advancements, nor should it be redistributing wealth in the promotion of welfare laziness. But Rand's views go beyond mere economic Libertarianism and into a world that's cold, singular, and selfish. Basically, I would rather make her Secretary of Commerce than President. Aside from all that, Atlas Shrugged is a book that was well worth reading, even if you don't care about her philosophy. The story is epic and the ending is spectacular. Looking back on it now, I find is curious that the Ayn Rand Institute was giving away these books for free--an idea that Rand would probably be pretty upset over.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

December 19, 2007

Merry Winter Break from the Dodge Intrepid Radio Show

As Christmas draws near, it's time for another Dodge Intrepid Christmas Special. This is the third year that James and I wrote and recorded a special online-exclusive holiday adventure. The first year, we did it just as a gift to hand out to friends and family; last year we put a little extra time in to it and made it something bigger; this year's episode is a 26-minute yuletide extravaganza.

The premise is two-fold: our heroic librarian, Dodge Intrepid, doesn't have time to get in the Christmas mood because he has to prepare the library for a ten-year review, which could determine whether or not it's merged with a neighboring library. Meanwhile, Dodge's grandfather, Edsel, who is the mayor of Aliquippa, has legislated that every place of business have a department-store-Santa Claus present at all times; that includes the bank, the post office, the bail bondsman, and, yes, the Aliquippa National Library.

Our new Christmas special touches on a number of classic Christmas tales, including Miracle on 34th Street, and a classic legend about a statue being reincarnated as a vagrant (also known as the MacGyver Christmas episode, "Madonna"). It was a heck of a lot of fun to write and perform, and I hope that everyone can enjoy it with friends this holiday season.

If you want to check out the episode, you can download it here, or visit the Dodge Intrepid blog.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:32 PM | Comments (2)

December 5, 2007

A Duel on Podcast

Last Monday I released the final new episode of Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time: Duel with Death. This series of four episodes was first performed live last October at Cafe Kolache, and studio-recorded podcasts have been released weekly since then.

Duel with Death was essentially a set of Halloween-themed episodes, pitting the heroic librarian against ghosts, stalkers, and other Scooby-Doo-esque scenarios. When writing the show, James and I did a good deal of online research about Beaver County legends and myths. Our fair county has had a lot of ghostly encounters, mainly stemming from fear of the Native Americans that dwelled here before us. But the bulk of the story revolves around the historical Vicary Mansion. This pre-Civil War home is said to be filled with ghosts, secret rooms, and a hidden passage that leads into the Ohio River. It was the perfect set up for our adventure.

The show also features the American villain Aaron Burr, who apparently spent some time in the county back in the day. Our heroes spend time trying to solve two mysteries, the location of a precious book and answers to the strange discovery they made buried beneath Aliquippa. And it just so happens that Mr. Burr has something to do with both items.

All four of the podcasts can be downloaded below, or from our podcast feed. The show went over extremely well last October, and we'll be podcasting the live recordings of the performance shortly (alongside our now-traditional Christmas episode).

Episode 409
Episode 410
Episode 411
Episode 412

Posted by MikeRubino at 6:48 PM | Comments (0)

December 2, 2007

A Memo to Accounting About Noise Meters

Memorandum: Accounting Department
Subject: Funds Allocated for Noise Measuring Devices

This is the seventh year in a row in which the Pittsburgh Splinters professional deck hockey organization has lost more than $750,000. Our quarterly earnings from ticket sales have been unbelievable, especially when compared to our greatest rival, the Johnstown Double Deckers; so you can imagine how surprised the Board of Directors must be to learn of our constant losses.

After examining our records over the past few months, it has become clear what the problem is: we are allotting too much money to the replacing and maintenance of our Noise Meters. I understand that the Noise Meter is a valuable tool for measuring how excited our crowds are, and they provide valuable information about how our team performs when the audience is loud. That said, these Noise Meters have proven to be ineffectual in reliably measuring noise, because they are easily, and almost always, broken by the crowd. It seems as if we have to repair or replace one of the four machines we have on hand every time we display its use on the JumboTron.

Clearly, mistakes have been made, and we have to move on. Perhaps buying the gauged Noise Meter from India was a bad idea. Or perhaps the steam powered, color-coded meter from Boeing is to blame. It seems as if every meter we have, regardless of it being American-made or imported, breaks after being put to the test. It costs upwards of $379,450.50 to replace the Boeing model, and even more to fly in repairmen for the Indian machine. This isn't even taking in to account the medical bills and insurance claims we have to pay for because of the camera men that are injured every time the Meter explodes. It is all adding up, and I have to wonder how we benefit from it.

So, from here on out, I refuse to approve any further spending on Noise Meters. I find it hard to believe that other sports organizations are able to afford such costly machines — perhaps if the Pittsburgh Penguins weren't constantly rebuilding their six Meters, they could have paid for the new arena themselves. For next Thursday's game, we will continue to use the Meters, but they will not be shown on the JumboTron; perhaps then the crowd will not get so loud as to damage the machine. One this crop of Noise Meters break, however, we will not replace them.

Regards,
Jack Stanley
C.E.O.
Pittsburgh Splinters

Posted by MikeRubino at 3:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2007

Another YouTube Debate

I forgot how much I hate CNN's YouTube debate format. The Democratic debate was a disaster, filled with ridiculous videos that did nothing but cheapen the respectability of everyone on stage. The Republicans took a lot of heat for declining to participate in the debate when it was first proposed. Now that enough time has passed, apparently they thought it was okay to give it a try.

This time around, CNN and Anderson Cooper tried to class it up a bit by getting rid of many of the types of questions that made the first one flop. There weren't any snowmen or pets asking questions, just plain old Americans sitting in rooms with terrible, terrible lighting. The format is still hideous, the video quality of the questions is still unwatchable, and CNN still can't figure out how to properly format a debate with eight people on stage. And while the now infamous snowman was M.I.A., CNN still managed to make things awkward; this came with the idea of having some of the question contributors in the audience. So on occasion, Cooper would surprise everyone by saying "actually, [so-and-so] is here with us today! [So-and-so], did you get an answer to your question?" More often than not, they'd say no.

Things got particularly hairy when a retired soldier asked a question about gays in the military, and then proceeded to go into a long, elderly rant on the subject in the audience. Townhall.com and the Drudge Report found out that this veteran is actually a campaigner for Hillary Clinton. The vet is a "member of Hillary Clinton's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transexual Americans For Hillary Steering Committee... [and] also part of a film production crew trying overturn the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy." CNN, of course, claimed to have no knowledge of his involvement in this stuff — they had no qualms about letting the guy speak uninterrupted for longer than Tancredo and Hunter's speaking times combined.

The only good thing about tonight's debate is that it's over with. I hope we never see another YouTube debate again. Then again, a Green Party YouTube debate would be kind of amusing.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:48 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2007

Back in Black Friday

Black Friday is not a new experience for me; after weathering the storms of shopping madness for over seven years now, I think I can safely say that me and my gang of friends are veterans. This year, we ventured into the darkness yet again, however we were greeted with some startling new developments.

I've always looked upon Black Friday as a Man vs Nature sort of challenge — it's the closest I'll ever get to being like Bear Grylls (and that's okay). Black Friday is a test of your personal fortitude, endurance, and willpower. Can you stand outside of a store, in the freezing chill of November, with absolutely nothing to do for upwards of four hours? Are you willing to risk your health and sanity in order to get a crappy $300 HP laptop? Are you man enough to call out those line-jumpers that show up right as the doors open? These are the kinds of questions you used to have to ask yourself before attending a Black Friday sale.

Not any more.

Last year, we witnessed the start of a disturbing trend: my friends and I pulled up to Best Buy only to find that the crowds had already formed, and a handful of people brought tents with them. Shoppers had lined up earlier than expected, and began bringing a lot of baggage with them. We chalked it up to the fact that it was so unseasonably warm outside; it was a fluke that wouldn't be repeated this year. Boy, did we guess wrong. This year it was twice as cold (with average temperatures in the low 30's), but there were just as many people, if not more, outside.

We pulled up outside of Best Buy to find that people had gone to extremes: there were tents, folding chairs, space heaters, and blankets everywhere. Even worse, some people brought their dogs to keep them company in the freezing weather. And to make the scene even more chaotic, people were parking their cars in line with them. So you would have four or five people, a couple tents, and then a giant SUV parked on the sidewalk alongside the building. It was excessive madness that instantly detracted from the entire experience.

Needless to say, we didn't put up with it. We skipped Best Buy and went to Circuit City, where there seemed to be a more down-to-earth line of die hards. The tent and car insanity of Best Buy did, however, spark a lot of conversation during the four hours we spent in line.

The idea of bringing such amenities with you to stand in line totally defeats the purpose of going to a Black Friday sale. It takes the fun and challenge out of waiting in line, while at the same time creating a complete mess for the store owners to have to deal with. I guess you could say I'm a traditionalist in the sense of Black Friday lines, uninterested in the glitzy, comfortable methods employed by newcomer shoppers this holiday season.

And yet I have to wonder why this sudden evolution in the Black Friday line occurred. Is it because the event itself has become more popular than ever? Perhaps it has now become so popular that new people are showing up who don't necessarily feel like they have to stand in line like the rest. This doesn't even refer to the constant placeholding and line-jumping that occurs in the line each year, where one person stands in line and six of their friends show up later. All of this goes back to basic social ethics — ethics that are seemingly lost when a good deal comes around.

If you look at it from the opposite end of the spectrum, however, maybe I have just been making things too hard for myself. Maybe it has always been unnecessary for us to stand in line and freeze like shmucks, and we could have been bringing portable DVD players, space heaters, and tents. We followed what we thought were the common rules of line-standing; rules that were unspoken, and passed down from previous Black Friday line-standers. Look back to Communist and Depression-era bread lines: did any of those people bring tents and dogs? Nope. They stuck it out.

This year was one of the craziest Black Fridays in recent memory. It wasn't necessarily hard on the four of us — we each got what we came for, which was generally a bunch of inconsequential DVDs — but the number of people that showed up at the stores in my area was unheard of. For me, it's always been mainly about the experience. I haven't gone after any of the "big ticket items" or "doorbusters," but rather stood in line for the fun of it and watched people beat each other up for televisions and computers. At the end of the day (or rather, by the late morning), I can look back on the day so far and smile. I had a good time, I bonded with my friends, and I got a couple good deals.

I guess while some people find the need to literally camp outside with their dog and their Jeep, we can rest knowing that we're still kicking it old school... and freezing our butts off.

Posted by MikeRubino at 5:10 PM | Comments (0)

November 18, 2007

"Cellar Dwellers OnDemand" or "Hey, that thing I do is on TV"

This year is the tenth anniversary of the Cellar Dwellers, the sketch comedy and improv troupe that I joined when I was but 12 years old. In the past ten years, we've performed countless shows, written thousands of skits, and wasted countless hours around a bubble hockey machine. Now, as we wrap-up our latest sketch comedy show, a new door has opened up for us: we're on TV.

A few months back, we were approached by an old friend who now works for a video production company in Pittsburgh. He works alongside Comcast's local OnDemand channel, and wanted to film one of our FN'Improv workshops (the FN' stands for Friday Night, of course). So last July, we filmed a kickin' two hour show to a standing-room-only crowd in our workshop space at the Beaver Valley Bowl. Months passed without us really hearing too much. Then November rolled around and the next thing we new, our pal was showing us rough cuts and having us approve intros for the show.

Now, as of last week, we are officially on Comcast OnDemand. The FN'Improv workshop is normally a two-hour show, filled with lots of audience participation, experimental games, and old standbys. All of that was edited down into a neat 45-minute package that shows off some great improvisation scenes and games.

After our stellar final performance of "A Legend, Indeed" last night, we all gathered to watch the OnDemand final product. Not only is it hilarious, but it's very well produced. Our friend and his film crew did a fantastic job capturing the show with their three-camera setup, and it's edited together in a very professional package. Comcast is able to track the statistics of how many people actually watch the thing, so hopefully it will get so many hits that they'll ask us to film another one.

The show is being broadcast, I believe, to all Comcast subscribers in the Western Pennsylvania area. So if you have Comcast cable with OnDemand, give it a tumble. You can access it by clicking Your Town > Entertainment > Comedy Spotlight > Cellar Dwellers 1. I guess the "1" implies that there will someday be a "2." The video should be available on Comcast for the next 6-12 months.

We will eventually be uploading clips of the show to YouTube, as well as producing a DVD of the uncut 2-hour performance... and we just might record a commentary track for it.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:05 PM | Comments (3)

November 16, 2007

The Pyramid Scheme

The Pyramid Scheme was around for years before the Egyptians even invented pyramids--they just didn't know what to call it. It's always plays out the same basic way: you sign up to do something, and the only way you can truly be successful at it is if you get others to sign up, and in turn they have to get more people to sign up. It's a never-ending process that usually never yields results, but it's always incredibly appealing to the naive and wide-eyed.

I've grown up knowing to avoid such things, but not everyone is as lucky. The other night I was relaxing at a Starbucks after a long, hectic day of work; I needed the soothing words of Ayn Rand and a grande Italian Roast to comfort my troubled mind. While I was sitting there, I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between a well-dressed baby-boomer and an excited, friendly twentysomething. It sounded like a job interview at first, but when the gentleman started throwing around phrases like "You can make $10,000 a year for just having the internet" and the kid started reacting with "This seems too good to be true! I can really make this money just by having a computer?!" I knew what was going on.

I was suddenly struck with a Good Samaritan dilemma: should I say something to this kid, or should I just mind my own business? Clearly, I minded my own business. I had no right to get up and intervene, especially if there was some sort of other twist to the agreement--like they were just practicing lines for a new David Mamet play, and really weren't conducting shady business deals.

The entire situation was a sharp contrast to the sort of business ethics practiced in Atlas Shrugged. Whereas idealistic characters like Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden are so committed to working hard and producing goods in order to obtain wealth, this pyramid-schemer is promoting a get-rich-quick plot which hardly ever works. A pyramid scheme rarely produces anything, and must constantly grow in order to thrive... it's a parasite in the free market.

So I sat by, finished my coffee, finished a chapter, and went home. That twentysomething was far too enthralled to turn down the schemer, that's for certain. I can only hope that when the kid got home and talked with his parents, they warned him not to quit his day job.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2007

Mario Does What Hillary and Mitt Can't

With Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney leading the blue and red Presidential packs, respectively, in the latest popularity polls, a new Zogby International poll suggests that there is a common character that can unite America.

The poll found that "reds," "blues," and "purples" (aka "moderates") all play videogames. Liberals tend to play videogames more than the rest, but all three have a common favorite: Mario. While conservatives are more apt to play Madden, and liberals are more apt to play The Sims, all three groups of people really like Mario. So if there is some sort of videogaming third-party that can emerge in time for the Presidential election in 2008, they'll surely win as long as Mario is somehow involved. Being that Mario is also Italian, he'll be a shoe-in for support from major coalitions like Italian-Americans and Roman Catholics.

Mario would also be able to run (and jump) on the platform of strong reform when cleaning up the streets and standing up to brutal third-world monarchs that live in underground sewers.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2007

I'll Go Stag

The Writer's Guild of America has been on strike for a over a week now, and essentially the entire visual entertainment business has gone to hell. Late night shows have gone in to repeats, prime time dramas are counting down the remaining new episodes, and reality shows are waiting to flood the airwaves any day now. I'd say it's pretty much a disaster.

The writers are holding out for an agreement that would give them royalties from DVD and online sales of the movies and shows that they write. That sounds like a good idea, but I don't necessarily agree with striking until you get a universal agreement. I'd much rather see a standard established where each writer would negotiate for specific royalty rights for each project. Depending on the project, a writer could get more or fewer royalties based on how the product would be distributed. It's more pragmatic than just a plain old strike--because in my opinion, a strike is hardly ever pragmatic.

Unfortunately, it looks like it's going to be some time before anyone reaches a resolution. So here's my proposition: I'll go stag. That's right, I will gladly fill in for any writer in Hollywood and write something that they may have been working on. Need a fresh new episode of Grey's Anatomy? I could pull that off. Want some jokes for Jay to meadle through? Sure, I'll come up with something. Why re-shoot the ending to this season's Heroes? I've read enough comic books to rip them off and come up with some more material. Ya see, I've waited for years to be a stag for something... I am just the right kind of guy to cross the picket line and get the job done. So what if all the scripts I write will be filled with vague sarcasm and fake information, it would be better than watching an 18th season of Big Brother.

Just to prove my point, here is a sample just the kind of quality work I could be producing for your favorite TV shows:

Grey's Anatomy

Grey: I can't believe that John left me. My life is so crazy!
Other Doctor: Don't worry, Grey. I know how your life can be dissected so that you know every specific aspect of i.
Grey: Are you saying that you know... my anatomy?

End scene.

Wasn't that awesome? I'd say I hit every thematic note that show has (I assume). I can write jokes for Jay Leno as well:

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Jay: Hey Kevin, did you have a good night yesterday?
Kevin: Oh Jay! (laughs uncontrollably)
Jay: You're high again, aren't you?

End scene.

So now I've proven that I can master the Jay Leno monologue. Onwards to one of my favorite shows from last year:

Heroes

Peter: I'm so glad I got a haircut.
Claire: I cut my hair and it just grows back!
Peter: I'm sorry.

End scene.

Freaking awesome!

Who knows when this writer's strike will end, but as long as there are people like me out there... Hollywood should be fine.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:46 PM | Comments (1)

November 3, 2007

A New Sketch Show... a Legend, Indeed

It's been quite some time since I've had anything to blog about regarding the Cellar Dwellers doing a sketch comedy show. In fact, the last new sketch show we did was Spocktoberfest over a year ago. Since then, the group has been busy with other projects, our weekly improv show, and a lot of general busyness outside of the cellar; one member got married, another had a baby, and one tried to travel to South Carolina only to get in a crazy car accident. Looking back over the past year, it's easy to understand why we haven't had time to complete a new sketch show.

But after tonight, the drought will be broken. We are debuting our new sketch comedy show tonight at a little performance space called ModernFormations on Penn Avenue. The show was written by, and stars, just four members of the troupe (present company included). It's called "A Legend, Indeed"--a title that is more fitting each time I think about it.

Without giving too much away, I can tell you that the show has a number of themes running through it, the biggest being the idea of legends. Legends are something that have grown with humanity, originating with oral tradition way back in the day. They're blown out of proportion, they can be frightening or awe-inspiring, and when you really look at them... they're hilarious. This show tries to capture a little bit of all of that, and I look forward to seeing how it all plays out.

Tonight is the first of three performances. It's always hard to judge a show in Pittsburgh, because we are never really able to promote it as much as we would hope and there's always lots of other activities going on at the same time. But I'm happy to be going back, and ModernFormations is a great, intimate space to perform in (and it's usually got some great artwork hanging on the walls). The show starts at 8:00pm.

After tonight, we'll be traveling to the Bagpiper Theater at Geneva College for our second performance. That show is next Friday, Nov. 9th at 8:00pm. Then, closing out the show will be a grand performance at the Blue Violet Cafe in downtown Rochester on Saturday, Nov. 17th at 8:00pm.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

November 1, 2007

It's Time for a New Mayor

Since I travel to Pittsburgh every day in order to work, I think I'm allowed to have an educated opinion on the upcoming mayoral election. It seems to me that there is currently a "gathering storm" of support for Mark DeSantis, the Republican candidate running for Mayor of Pittsburgh. So far, he's been endorsed by every major newspaper in the Pittsburgh area, including the Trib, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (the Left-leaning rival of the Trib), and the Pittsburgh Courier (the city's African American press). The outpouring of support for DeSantis is very surprising, given the city's history... yet in the same sense, I can't help but think "it's about time."

There hasn't been a Republican Mayor in Pittsburgh for over 70 years. Over the years, especially in the last twenty, Pittsburgh has seen a decline in business, residence, and production. We're known as a dying city, and the stream of zombie movies set in Pittsburgh doesn't help the reputation. During all of this, the Democrats have had plenty of time to turn things around. In fact, they've had almost an entire century to make this city a bastion of liberal success. Okay, now it's time to give a Republican a chance.

Just from studying DeSantis's website it's clear that he has some strong ideas to help new business flourish in Pittsburgh. He wants to cut back on taxes and help foster businesses and corporations looking to call Pittsburgh home. I really think this guy has what it takes to make Pittsburgh a great city to work in again.

On the other side, there's Mayor Luke Ravenstahl. His 13 months in office have been filled with mini scandals involving him abusing his powers as mayor and wasting tax dollars. My biggest issue with Luke is that he's just too immature to run this city. It's clear that he is merely a tool for whatever staff he has behind him, and his true attitude shines through when he is sneaking on to golf courses or partying in the South Side. I'm sure he's a cool guy, but I think of him more as a "bro" or a 'wingman,' rather than a Mayor. I don't see this election as really being about political parties, but more about who is competent and who isn't. Unfortunately, there is still a large number of Pittsburghers who I'm sure will vote for Luke just because he's a Democrat.

I sort of wish I lived in the city so that I could vote for DeSantis. This seems to be the best chance Pittsburgh has ever had to have a Republican mayor. I just want to see what he does; and I know, if given the chance, that DeSantis's ideas will truly help Pittsburgh's economic situation. Really, Pittsburgh has nothing to lose by electing the guy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:19 PM | Comments (0)

October 31, 2007

Halloween, MacGyver, and the Candy Denial

This year was a very good Halloween for me. It was the first time I had dressed up since freshman year, when I went to my friend's costume party as "Rock" (you see, I went with two other kids, who were "Paper" and "Scissors"). I had to dress up this year, because the Cellar Dwellers threw their own costume party as part of their FN'Improv workshop. Everyone was asked to dress up, including audience members.

The show was incredibly successful, and about 90% of our audience actually dressed up for the occasion. Usually what happens is I plan on dressing up, but never think about a costume, and then throw one together at the last second (hence "Rock). This year, I planned, I deliberated, and I went with what was inside my heart: MacGyver. I went out and bought a blonde mullet wig from Wal-Mart; combined with it with a brown, leather bomber jacket and blue jeans; and tied it all together with a Swiss Army Knife. Of course, all of the mullet wigs out there are "Joe Dirt" length, and MacGyver's was never all that long. So I busted out Season 3 (when he had arguably his healthiest mullet) and Karissa trimmed the wig for me.

The costume went over very well, of course, as I sort have become known at FN'Improv as the resident "MacGyver nut." Helping the matter further was the fact that I actually had to help "macgyver" some things during the night. My Swiss Army Knife was put to good use a handful of times, and I was able to use my duct tape (which I had on my jeans) in a scene. I like to think that I was the cooler, early seasons, MacGyver, back when he was going on adventures and fighting foreign spies; not that later MacGyver, who spent all of his time whining about pollution and helping hippies in an urban commune.

The Halloween show at FN'Improv rocked pretty hard, and was essentially the climax of the Halloween season for me. I went to Zombiefest, as I previously mentioned, and didn't do much else to really get into the spirit.

Tonight, on the actual Halloween, the trick-or-treaters started coming to the door. My mom was thankfully on candy duty--I, personally, can't deal with all the little children running up the steps in costumes. There's a certain attitude expected of the candy-giver. Usually, you have to talk in that cute voice, tell the kids that they look cute, and really delight in seeing everyone. That's not really my scene, and I'm terrible at talking to kids.

Unfortunately, my mom had to step away from the door momentarily, and I was caught having to answer the siren call of candy-hungry kids. I opened the door to find five kids thrusting their pillow cases at me. The problem was, they weren't dressed as anything. I looked at them for a moment, and considered grilling them on the porch about what they were supposed to be.

Back when I was in grade school, and use to go trick-or-treating, kids were denied candy if they didn't have the costume. That just seems fitting to me. The costume is the only aspect of Halloween that makes begging for hand-outs acceptable. If you don't have the costume on, you are no better than a street beggar with a sweet tooth. And while I was standing there, thinking about all of this, looking at the faces of these children, I decided that I wasn't going to waste my breath. I gave them each a small bag of pretzels and sent them on their way. At least they thanked me.

Perhaps next year I will try to operate one of those "scary porches." You know the ones that you are afraid to walk up to in order to get candy. Usually these porches involve someone sitting there in make-up, or some sort of light-sensored ghost noise. Rather than going out of my way to scare the kids the convention way, I'll just give them candy while lecturing them about accepting hand-outs. That'll scare the crap out of them.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:18 AM | Comments (2)

October 27, 2007

Shuffling Along at Zombiefest

The first annual "Zombiefest" was held in Pittsburgh this weekend at the Monroeville Expo Mart. Holding such an event in Pittsburgh just seems fitting; after all, the city is the background for every George Romero zombie movie (even when he chooses to film in Toronto... I'm looking at you, Land of the Dead). The event is connected with the world's largest "zombie walk," which is becoming a yearly ritual in the 'Burgh. While I wasn't there to do the walk, Karissa and I did check out the exhibit hall, sit in on some panel discussions, and meet some of the actors from the Romero films.

I was expecting the convention to be similar to the comic book conventions I used to go to in grade school, but I guess you could say it was more akin to a Star Trek convention. The giant hall had a smattering of booths selling all sorts of zombie-wares, from old movie posters to crafts themed after the undead. The majority of folks in attendance were decked out in zombie make-up and costumes: there were zombie soldiers, clowns, sailors, pimps, and bikers. Making things more interesting was the fact that most people staying in "zombie character" while they shuffled about buying things and getting autographs. That's the kind of dedication I can get behind.

The coolest booth I saw was by Twilight Creations, Inc.. Twilight is a board game company that specializes in zombie games--their main product is simply called "Zombies!" The game looks awesome; it's one of those strategy games that takes like 5 hours to play and involves hundreds of little tiny figurines. That's the kind of game I love to play, assuming I can find the right number of people to get in on it.

Aside from wanting to bask in the glory of all this zombie stuff, we also wanted to come to the convention to see our Seton Hill prof. Dr. Michael Arnzen. Dr. Arnzen, as you may know, is a Bram Stoker-winning horror writer. He was there as part of the Raw Dog Screaming Press booth. There were plenty of other authors there, all of which participated on panels throughout the day. Each of the panels featuring writers reading excerpts from their published works, and then fielding questions from the audience. Most of the questions were actually pretty good and addressed serious topics like referencing popular culture and censorship in horror fiction. The panels were very interesting, when they weren't being interrupted by a gruff zombie voice making announcements over the P.A. system.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to meet the other author I had wanted to see: Max Brooks, author of World War Z. Brooks was only appearing Sunday--probably because that's the day of the zombie walk, so the crowd should be pretty large.

I did get to see a question and answer panel with various cast members from the first three Romero zombie films. I most enjoyed talking to David Emge, who played "Flyboy" in Dawn of the Dead. I made sure to let him know I thought Dawn was the best of the Romero films... just in case he was wondering.

It was strange that the convention seemed to have a focus solely on the first three Romero films (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead). Romero's fourth film, Land of the Dead was hardly ever mentioned. I'm not sure if it's because folks resent the film for not being filmed in Pittsburgh, or because it was made so long after the first three. It's a shame because I rather liked that movie. Other zombie movies seemed to be missing from the pack as well, like 28 Days Later and the remake of "Dawn." The convention was also missing any reference to the plethora of zombie video games and comic books out there--another aspect that would have made things feel more comprehensive. I would think that this convention might be able to broaden its appeal, and provide more content and vendors, if it would branch out to really include more than just three movies.

Zombiefest also included a handful of other vendors that seemed to just be there for the heck of it. Straub was there handing out some sort of new dark beer, some sort of Pittsburgh roller derby team was there, and a tattoo shop. A strange mix, but inside the cultural world of zombies, it all just sort of makes sense.

This first Zombiefest was a lot of fun to experience, and I'm certainly glad I went. This is the kind of convention that could only succeed in Pittsburgh, and I look forward to checking it out as it grows in the future.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:55 PM | Comments (0)

October 26, 2007

Prombies: Collaborative Podcasting Across North America

In celebration of Halloween, I got involved in a new radio show out there. This new show is very much in the same vein as "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time," except that I wasn't involved in the writing process... and it's filled with zombies.

This one-shot radio play is called "Prombies," and was written and produced by a couple of the writers over at DVD Verdict. The Verdict site already puts out three podcasts a week, one of which was nominated for a podcast-of-the year award over the summer, but this one is special for Halloween. It's also special because of the way it was recorded.

The cast of "Prombies" consisted of a number of the staff writers for the Verdict site, all of whom are scattered across the United States and Canada. So rather than deal with everyone recording their lines and compiling MP3s, the producers of the show decided to do perform it all live using a program called Skype. So over the course of a few weeks last month, we met in Skype voice conferences and read our lines together. It was a great experience, and certainly a fine example of online collaboration.

The sound quality is a little shaky, mainly because of Skype and the fact that everyone was using different sound equipment, but the content is solid. It's a hilariously campy send up of the zombie genre and those classic 50's high school movies. You can check it out by visiting DVDVerdict.com or downloading it here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:35 PM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2007

Interview on Saturday Light Brigade Tomorrow!

Tomorrow morning, I'll be interviewed on the excellent radio program The Saturday Light Brigade. You can catch my interview at around 8:40am on Pittsburgh's 88.3FM, or stream it online. The show itself runs from 6am til noon every Saturday. Here's more on the Light Brigade:

Broadcasting from Children's Museum of Pittsburgh, The Saturday Light Brigade is a radio program featuring acoustic music and family fun. Broadcast since 1978, it is one of the longest-running public radio programs in the United. States. Quality music, on-air telephone calls from kids and adults, innovative participatory puzzles and games, and interesting guests have made The Saturday Light Brigade a family radio tradition for tens of thousands of people. Kids listen with adults, adults listen with kids, and everyone has fun listening to the radio together!

I'll be on the program talking about tomorrow night's brand new performance of "Dodge Intrepid." So I hope that you'll tune in, and then come to the show that evening!

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:57 PM | Comments (0)

October 17, 2007

The Feed is Fixed!

For the past two weeks, I have been having issues with my podcast feed for "Dodge Intrepid." With the latest show just days away, I had to scramble to find a fix. Should I move the .xml file off of the Seton Hill blog servers? It's just an "asset" connected to my blog, so as long as this puppy's working, that should be too.

I coded the darn thing by hand, based off of the official iTunes Podcast file. Suddenly everything just stopped updating somewhere around the podcast of our live I.L.L. episode. I went over the code again and again, but like, like proofreading a paper, sometimes the author can't see all the little mistakes. This afternoon, I spent a few minutes researching Podcast feed programs-- little apps that would generate the RSS feed for me, mistake-free.

The best app I found was simply called Podcast Maker, published by Lemonz Dream. I haven't had the chance to play around with the demo, but it looks to be pretty simple. You make the audio file, fill in some forms, assign some graphics, and then upload it. You can make a super advanced podcast, or just the simple run-of-the-mill radio show. While it looks like I'll eventually purchase it and do all my podcasting with it, I needed to fix the issue at hand. That's when I started reading the developer's FAQ page and discovered a handy website: Feed Validator.

FeedValidator.org might be one of the handiest sites I've used, and it would be a good tool for any beginning blogger or podcaster trying to make the perfect RSS feed. The site is modeled after the simple Google interface. You simply paste in your feed URL (in my case its: "blogs.setonhill.edu/MikeRubino/podcast/dodgeintrepidcommercial.xml") and it goes through the XML code and tells you what's wrong with it. The site had a couple little mistakes when examining the iTunes-specific podcast code, but it was still helpful. It highlighted the entire description paragraph for the previously mentioned I.L.L. episode. Apparently there was some character in there that was stopping all further updates. So I simply deleted and rewrote the description... and it worked.

The podcast feed is safe, and just in time for this Saturday's "Duel with Death" performance. Hopefully these links can help other folks working on podcasts.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:08 PM | Comments (1)

October 14, 2007

A Duel with Death, This Saturday

This Saturday, October 20th, is the next live performance of my radio show, "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time." Subtitled "Duel with Death," this latest adventure was written with Halloween in mind, as our heroes visit a haunted house, get stalked by a mysterious killer, and become entangled in the many legends of Beaver County.

A good portion of the adventure involves the Vicary Mansion, a historical landmark in Beaver County. The mansion was built in the 1800s by a local sea captain. The mansion has long been rumored to be filled with ghosts, hidden rooms, and tunnels. The idea of Dodge and Pluck exploring these myths was just too good to pass up. James and I spent a good deal of time reading about all sorts of other ghost stories, urban legends, and myths about Beaver County history. The county has definitely had some weird stuff go down--mainly involving the oft-angered spirits of Native Americans. There's also evidence that Aaron Burr stopped in the county as some point. We had to include that in the show as well.

Tonight I just put the finishing touches on an audio trailer for the show. You can download it by clicking here, or updating your podcast feed.

"Duel with Death" premieres this Saturday, October 20th at Cafe Kolache (420 3rd St, Beaver PA) at 7:00PM. The seat is free, but you'll only need the edge!

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)

October 8, 2007

This Java Jacket Brought To You By...

To start my full work-week today, I stopped at Sheetz to get my now-usual Red Eye. I was started to see that the "java jacket," which normally hugs my piping hot paper coffee cup while protecting my hand from severe burns, was a light green instead of its normal brown cardboard. I've seen these little guys in different colors before, but this one seemed more special than most. Not only was it a java jacket, sworn to protect me, but also an advertisement, sworn to entice me.

The jacket on the cup was pushing some new Trident gum that whitens your teeth and freshens your breath. It did more than just tell me about it, the jacket also had a piece of gum stuck to it! And it was unchewed! There was a single, wrapped piece of this new Trident stuck to the java jacket with some of that rubber goo stuff that you usually stretch and snap at your friends.

I wasn't about to chew the gum, of course. I was raised never to take candy from strange coffee sleeves. But I certainly thought about this whole scheme in two different ways: the pragmatist in me says "Hey, this is a great marketing idea," while the cynic in me whines about the whole "advertisements everywhere" thing. And while it did initially give me that sort of "They Live" vibe, thinking about it further, I actually liked the idea. Every day people get these coffee sleeves on their cups, and most people probably ignore them. But if you stick a piece of gum (unchewed; really, that's vital to the marketing strategy) to the side of it, people will feel it, look at it, and maybe even eat it.

Then again, this new sleeve on my cup didn't feel like the normal jacket. It was a little looser, it was coated in some sort of gloss, and it had a piece of gum on it--which quickly grew all mushy because of the coffee-heat. It was a neat idea, but for the seasoned coffee vet it was just annoying. It's bad enough that I have my Starbucks cups giving me lessons about atheism and dying polar bears... now I have my Sheetz java jackets trying to peddle gum on me.

As you can see, I'm torn over the idea. But hey, at least the coffee was good.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:03 PM | Comments (1)

September 21, 2007

George F. Will's on my Starbucks Cup!

So Starbucks does this thing called The Way I See It, where they post quotes on their cups submitted from around the world. Usually, these quotes are anything by pithy or short; more often than not they are overly sentimental jibber jabber topped off with an air of pretension and guilt. Okay, I'm making a pretty broad generalization about the cups... but if you go to Starbucks as often as I do, you, too, would see the copious amounts of bleeding-heart-quotes.

About a month ago, Human Events posted an article calling for at least some conservative representation in the Starbucks quote-cups. I doubt that my instance today was because of Human Events, but it was good to see nonetheless.

While sipping my venti Uboro roast, I found none other than George F. Will on my cup:

Because true conservatives are pessimists, they are happier than liberals, for three reasons. First, pessimists are rarely surprised. Second, when they are wrong they are delighted to be so. Third, pessimists do not put their faith in princes - in government. They understand that happiness is a function of fending for oneself. Happiness is an activity; it is inseparable from the pursuit of happiness.

I had the pleasure of seeing Will speak when I attended C-PAC with the Seton Hill College Republicans last Spring. He's a wise, traditional conservative, and this quote was a welcome part of my morning. Thanks Starbucks.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:43 AM | Comments (1)

September 18, 2007

Democracy Stolen... and then Ripped in Half?

While I was one of the five people watching the Emmy's on Sunday night (and I only watched it a little bit, I swear), I couldn't help but catch the part where the guy from MySpace gave an award to Al Gore for his viewer-creation-centered cable channel Current TV. My brother and I watch Current TV on occasion, it isn't the best thing (and it certainly has a political agenda), but I don't think it's award worthy.

Merits of the award aside, it was Al Gore's speech upon receiving the award that bothered me. During his speech he said that he created this television channel in order for Americans to "take back democracy."

When was democracy taken away from us? Is he referring to when the Supreme Court ruled that he couldn't recount the votes that he didn't have in Florida any more? Or is he implying that somehow we have been stripped of our democratic right to vote, voice our opinion, change channels, and make up our minds? To me it just seemed like another trumped up, hyperbolic claim to make his cause seem nobler than most.

But then it got me thinking back to when I attended the National Wave Kick-Off in Freedom. While the Hulkster was up on stage ripping off various shirts and twirling his "Freedom Towel," he told us that this national effort of towel-waving was to unite the country again. He said that we were too polarized, that our country was torn apart... it sounded to me as if we were on the brink of another civil war!

Perhaps I'm not as pessimistic. I don't see America on the brink of any civil war, or any more divided than it has been since its founding. America is about the freedom to disagree and discuss ideas. When we need to be unified, we are. During World War II, when our way of life was legitimately challenged, we banded together... the same goes for the aftermath of 9/11. Now, we're not so unified in terms of the war, health care, and religion, but do we have to be?

I always thought that it was through challenge and opposition that ideas developed and grew stronger. Like in college, when you write a rough draft and take it to a tutor or the Writing Center, the counselor doesn't "unite" with you and pat you on the back. They challenge you by disagreeing with what you wrote. It makes you stronger and better.

We as Americans are already united... and we have our democracy. It's just easy to say that it was taken away from us. And they probably blame President Bush somehow.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:09 PM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2007

The Complete "Tome" Online

The latest set of episodes for my podcast/radio serial "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time" are now online. We have been podcasting the studio recorded episodes over the past month. These four episodes feature Dodge Intrepid, that time-traveling-adventurer-librarian, as he and his intern traverse war-torn Europe in search of the Tome of Fire.

Now that all of the studio recordings are online, I'm going to start readying the podcasts from our live performance of the show back in July. I hadn't been able to podcast any of the live recordings from our show for a while because the audio quality has been pretty poor (we were using a Toshiba laptop with Audacity, instead of Apple's Garageband, so everything was getting pretty blown out). But now that everyone in the cast has some form of Mac laptop, recording live shows is much cleaner. So over the next few weeks, we'll be podcasting that stuff while James and I gear up for a new show in October.

Here are the links to the four episodes:

• Episode 405


• Episode 406


• Episode 407


• Episode 408

You can also subscribe to our podcast feed through the iTunes Music Store by clicking here.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:05 PM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2007

The Elephants on Stage: Observations About the Republican Presidential Primary Thus Far

The Republican side of presidential campaigning was kicked in to high gear last Wednesday, after the GOP candidates had their big FOX News debate and a certain tall bald guy finally entered the race. I haven't sided with any candidate yet, but I am certainly enjoying the show thus far.

The FOX News debate wasn't the best debate I've ever seen, but it certainly was the best so far this season (if you don't count Newt Gingrich's revival of the "Lincoln/Douglas Debates"). It did prove to be the most successful in terms of ratings, smashing any of the Democratic debates held thus far--including that silly YouTube one. The Drudge Report stated that the debate received 3.1 million viewers Wednesday night. Democrats were offered to have their first debate on FOX News a while back, and they declined; too bad they couldn't look past their preconceptions about the network, they just might have had some viewers.

The current debating process still seems ridiculous to me. I can't understand the need to have all 8 candidates debating at one time. It's time to perform some survival of the fittest, and cap off the debates to the top four or five candidates with actual support. Folks like Tancredo and Brownback have been out of this thing for a while now; they're only prolonging the inevitable.

Yet with all these guys posturing on stage, the same ones continue to stand out: Rudy Giuliani as a leader with a strong track record, John McCain as the gruff statesmen, Mitt Romney as the Million Dollar Man, Mike Huckabee as the big-eyed Southern minister, and Ron Paul as the crazy guy.

After the debate last night, FOX News had a text-messaging voting system for viewers to choose the winner of the debate. Ron Paul won 2 to 1. He also received a ton of face time during the debate, and got some of the largest applauses. Sure, he's technically the most conservative person running (moreso than Barry Goldwater was), but he's also an unkempt, undignified, unreliable loon. It's my theory that people are only supporting him ironically; the same reason people wear Chuck Norris shirts or listen to glam rock. It's funny to support the guy, and besides, he adds some color to an otherwise serious and bland debate. Dennis Miller agreed with me.

Making things even more interesting is the fact that Fred Thompson skipped the debate to announce his candidacy on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Leading up to the event, the pundits were largely in agreement that this was a bad decision... but after seeing what the man was doing, people were praising him for the "shrewd" decision. I frankly thought it was pretty clever. Not only did he reach more people, he didn't have to parade on stage and put up with scrunching his debate answers into a 30 second sound clip.

Sadly, thus far there is one man missing from this presidential race: Newt Gingrich. I openly admit that if he were running, there would be no discussion as to who I was supporting. He's extremely well-spoken and intelligent, and he has some fantastically practical ideas for drastically changing the federal government. Although he isn't currently running, his ideas (which he is sharing openly with any candidate on either side... because he's that much of a badass) are starting to show up a couple of places.

At the debate, Huckabee, while talking about the issue of illegal immigration, brought up the simple statement that if Fed-Ex can track a package all over the world, we should be able to track illegal immigrants. Of course, he got slammed for this by Human Events today... but no one is pointing out that he ripped off that idea from an essay Newt wrote months ago (An Invitation to the World that Works). The big difference is that Newt was merely passing it along as a funny joke, one that the Huckster just botched. The joke ends with Newt saying "so clearly, we have to mail a package to all of the illegal immigrants, and then we'll know where they are."

Newt's other instance of influence came during Fred's appearance on the Tonight Show. Fred was talking about how he hates the current format of the big-panel debates on FOX and CNN. He said that he preferred a Lincon/Douglas debate style that Gingrich was proposing. Newt actually participated in a debate of just the sort with John Kerry, and it was extremely successful. It was also reported that Newt Gingrich advised Fred about launching his campaign with a video on his website.

This race for the presidency began far too early, of that I am certain. Thankfully, I'm just now starting to get interested and pay attention to things--instead of being burned out by following it from the beginning. I'm looking forward to the coming months, as the primaries begin to really kick in to gear. Let's hope that Ron Paul sticks around just long enough to keep me interested in the meantime.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)

The Ways "Over the Top" Disappoints

I was looking forward to Sylvester Stallone's "Over the Top" for a long time. The prospect of a movie all about arm wrestling, glorified to the heights of the World Wrestling Federation, was something I simply couldn't pass up. My friends and I had these day dreams of watching that movie paired with other Stallone classics like "Cobra" or "Locked Up." It would be a double feature to rival that time I watched "Escape from New York" and "Big Trouble in Little China"...

Thankfully, I never got the chance to combine it with anything. "Over the Top" was an extreme disappointment. When I told this to my mother, she asked, "What kind of expectations could you have possibly had for that movie?"

Perhaps I built the movie up too much beforehand--I do have a tendency to get really excited about certain types of movies. But I certainly wasn't expecting this movie to focus so much on the Stallone's relationship with his abandoned, precocious, military school son. The movie is 90-some minutes long, and Stallone spends maybe 15-20 of those minutes actually locking hands and pinning wrists. That was the first, and of course, my largest problem with the movie. If you are going to have a film that's supposedly all about going "over the top," then do it! Go over the top! The only thing over the top was Stallone's ability to become a good father in 48 hours.

Then there is the issue of Terry Funk's appearance in the movie. For those of you who don't know, Funk is an old-school professional wrestler who's been in the business for some time. He made his reputation by going to Japan, shoving staples into his opponents' heads, and then coming back and fighting Mick Foley. He is absolutely an extreme individual, and usually when he's in movies (like "Road House") he kicks ass. But not in "Over the Top." Here, he is a merely a goon that never actually does any gooning. It's like the classic move of setting a gun on the mantle at the beginning of a play and never using it. Why was he in this movie if he wasn't going to arm wrestle?

Why was anyone in this movie if they weren't going to arm wrestle? I mean, at least the little kid arm wrestled, therefore legitimizing his role in the film. Why didn't the kid's grandpa (the bad guy in the movie) arm wrestle Stallone? The least he could have done was rig the match somehow.

But really, who am I trying to kid? The movie is rated PG, so I really shouldn't have been hoping for all this. People weren't going to have their arms ripped off in the middle of a bout. And while it was cool that the last match involved that weird arm-wrestling-strap, I think that if they would have included it more, the movie would have received a PG-13 or R rating (too many leather straps=too risky for young viewers, no matter how they're used).

I write this as a warning to all you young Stallone enthusiasts out there. Avoid the temptation of getting psyched about this movie. Trust me, I know it's easy to... the movie essentially promises to blow you away with "over the top" arm-wrestling action. It can't even compare to Stallone's more impressive work ("Cobra," "First Blood," "Judge Dredd"). If you're looking for some sweet arm wrestling, just scan ESPN 2 on the weekends.

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:01 AM | Comments (0)

September 9, 2007

They Live for Sunglasses

John Carpenter's movie They Live is about a wandering construction worker, played by "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, who discovers that America is actually be manipulated by evil alien business men disguised as corporate elitists. The only way for him to figure this out is by wearing a pair of sunglasses. The whole thing's a big black-comedy satire whining about people making money in the 1980's. It's low-budget, but it's also a lot of fun. What was amazing, though, was everyone's refusal to simply put on a damn pair of sunglasses.

Initially, Piper stumbles upon this underground movement of people trying to unmask the aliens while living in a shantytown outside of Los Angeles. There's this weird blind preacher fellow who, of course, is the only one that initially sees the truth. Those blind prophets sure do come in handy, don't they? The preacher, alongside a guy who sort of looks like a thinner Meatloaf, are broadcasting their subversive message out of a nearby church. When Piper wanders in to the church, he's immediately ambushed by the preacher, who tries to get him to put on a pair of sunglasses. Since the preacher is blind, it's easy for Piper to escape the torture of wearing some stylish shades.

Later on the in the movie, once Piper actually tries them on and sees that all of the rich people are actually gross mutants, and that all of the advertisements in the city say things like "CONSUME" and "OBEY," he goes on a quest to get other people to put on the glasses. The only problem is that he makes a big show of it, and the aliens (along with the police force they run) try to break his glasses. He escapes, and meets a woman who brings him back to her apartment. Instead of making any small talk or watching some TV, he tries to get her to put on the pair of glasses... she throws him out a window.

Now, that scene is a little shocking--mainly because it happens so suddenly--but I have to wonder if maybe that woman was overreacting just a little. Couldn't she have something like "No thanks," or "Sorry, I have to go wash my hair"? Nope, the first thing that came to her mind was "This bastard is going out the window!"

But okay, maybe just that one person overreacted a tad... the next guy Piper talks to would gladly try on a pair of cool sunglasses, right? Fat chance!

Piper approaches his co-worker/homeless friend Frank with the proposition of trying on the glasses in a deserted alley. Frank kindly declines, which causes Piper to haul off and clock him! Then, the two muscly construction workers duke it out in the alley for over five minutes. At least throwing Piper out a window was quick. Here, Frank and Piper slowly punch, tackle, kick each other for five whole minutes-- and I don't remember there being any weird Mortal Kombat music playing while they happened either. After about a minute of this fight, you realize that these guys are adamant about stances on wearing sunglasses. Sure the whole thing is a conceit for people's need for ignorance... but who cares, these guys are fighting! And every time you think "Okay, Frank's had enough, he's gonna put on the glasses now," he doesn't. They just keep fighting. Sometimes they pick up a plank, or a broken bottle, and try to use that; occasionally, Piper tries to use one of his wrestling moves on Frank. It's grueling.

Finally, after five minutes and twenty seconds, the fight is over and Frank finally puts on the glasses. Of course, when he does, he realizes that he should have put them on after the first punch. After all that, Frank actually loves the glasses! He and Piper even wear them at night (because they're bad asses).

In the end, that movie didn't make me feel any different about corporate America or wealth... but it did make me realize that when someone offers me a pair of sunglasses to try, I should just do it, lest I want to spend the afternoon brawling.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:47 PM | Comments (1)

Long Time, No Blog. Here's Why...

I haven't posted on this blog since August 21st. Don't think that I quit blogging or anything. In actuality, Seton Hill University, who hosts this blog, just got done making the big switch to Moveable Type 4.0. That really won't mean much for my readers; I don't anticipate my blog getting an "extreme makeover" any time soon. But I will have cooler interface with which to post.

Since this blog has been down, I've been doing a lot of writing elsewhere. I've been publishing a number of reviews with DVD Verdict. I did discover that you can now subscribe to an RSS feed for my reviews. Just subscribe to this link, and you'll get updates every time I have a new review published.

Aside from that, I've been doing a lot of blogging on the Cellar Dwellers blog. I'll probably be posting the entries I wrote for that blog on here, just in case you're interested. And I've also been writing some blogs in text files, in anticipation for the return of the SHU blogosphere.

Anyways, now you know why there was that downtime... and I have to congratulation Dr. Dennis Jerz on the great job in getting this thing back up and running.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:58 PM | Comments (1)

August 21, 2007

Riding the Red Eye

Each morning, when I work in Pittsburgh, I find a way to start the day with coffee. Sometimes I brew it at home, other times I make a pit stop at a Starbucks, Panera's, or the local drive-thru coffee hut. And yet on that rare occasion when I have to get gas and coffee in one stop, I go for Sheetz.

Sheetz has been serving gas station coffee since the very beginning, but only recently did they install the "espresso bar." While skeptical at first, I was pleasantly surprised to see them install a high-end espresso machine and actually serve fresh coffee drinks. Sure it's not as good as having something hand-crafted by a barista, but it's still better than most gas stations.

Usually at Sheetz, I'll get an Americano, since it's cheap and still fresher than the coffee they have sitting out; today, however, I decided to go a little nuts. The heavy rain and the dense atmosphere was wreaking havoc on my sinuses, and I needed that extra dose of coffee to make it all go away: I got a Red Eye.

This beast, like Satan, goes by many names. At Sheetz, they call it a "Red Alert," at BFCaT, they call it an "Italian Car Bomb." I just call it an eye opener. For the uninformed, a red eye is a double shot of espresso mixed with a cup of coffee. It's like drinking 2-3 cups of coffee in a single dose. I had never had one before, but I had heard tales of their caffeinated-treachery. Well, this morning I had one... and it was awesome.

About half-way thru the red eye, did it all begin to hit me... my eyes lit up as my legs began to grow restless; I sat at my desk designing away with a flurry of mouse clicks and shortcut keystrokes; I began to suddenly hear techno music, like out of Run, Lola, Run and I was off at the races; fireworks began lighting up the room as a dozen dolphins dove all around me with firecrackers in their mouths; trumpets blared the theme song to the Green Hornet; and the walls of my office melted away in a tidal wave of molten steel sparks... I had finished the red eye. It was awesome.

I don't think this is something I could order every day, and I wouldn't be surprised if this was enough coffee to last me all day, but it's good in a pinch. I can see myself ordering a red eye before a Cellar Dweller show, or if I ever need to run on foot to Johnstown to hand-deliver a package.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)

August 16, 2007

The Hybrid Hoax

With "Green Fever" sweeping across the country, I remain skeptical for a number of reasons. I think we're jumping to conclusions, embracing a "sky is falling" mentality with little balanced scientific data to back anything up. This green movement, which seems to come and go in America like the tides, is becoming more than just scientific or political. It's becoming economic, and that concerns me most.

It's my belief that most companies and organizations aren't green because they care about the environment or the animals; they're in it because it will make them lots of money. What better way for an organization to get funding than to sell some "save the environment" swag? Everyone's buying it because they think that it's going to save the caribous and keep the glaciers chilly. It's all one big economic scam, and it all started with the hybrid car.

An article at NPR.com talks about the fading interest in hybrid cars, which is being linked to a realization by consumers that these cars aren't all they're cracked up to be. When hybrids first went mainstream, mile-per-gallon estimates flew around wildly as people rushed to the dealership to get in on the act. Suddenly, the car companies that environmentalists hated were selling these cars like hot cakes. Almost every car maker designed their own hybrid logo and slapped it on a model of their popular lines. Who cares if the technology in the engine wasn't that great? Who cares that these hybrid cars cost thousands more than normal cars?

The only problem is... they aren't worth it.

Hyrbid cars have long been underperforming what's advertised, and while I think that someday we'll have a great alternative to gasoline engines, it's just not there yet. Toyota makes their Prius, and sells boatloads... but then they begin making the Yaris, which not only looks cooler, but gets better mileage. Over the past few years, car companies have been creating these small class vehicles (like the Yaris, the Aveo, the Fit, etc.) which often get better mileage than the hybrids, and they cost less! If companies are thinking in terms of miles-per-gallon, they are showing the consumer that they can do better still with these economy vehicles, rather than with hybrid technology.

The most startling, and telling, aspect of the NPR article is the very last line: "The U.S. Department of Energy says in the seven years that hybrids have been available here, the total amount of gasoline saved adds up to less than the amount the United States imports every day." You wouldn't know this to be true if you listened to Hollywood environmentalists, who insist that the world is changing with the hybrid and that going "green" is making a difference. America isn't going to stop importing oil, and we don't just use it for cars. Instead, we need to create an economic environment where we have other fuel options, which are a flat-out better deal than oil, to power our cars. Then, the oil we do import can be used for other things, like power and industry, and eventually we might import less.

But just as this "going green" is all about making money for organizations and companies, it should be about money for the average American as well. Living in this supreme capitalist economy, we would be lying if we said money didn't cross our minds from time to time. The average American is much more concerned about paying the bills than saving the environment (which may or may not be going to hell in the first place). If you are going to sell me on alternative fuels, show me how it effects my budget; create cars that get better mileage without sacrificing power; and most importantly, don't tell me what to do.

It's terrible the way the word "hybrid" is thrown around with such carefree abandon. You see it, and you just assume that a car is getting hundreds of miles to the gallon, and working towards a better earth. That's a load of baloney, fed to us by boring people who know how to use PowerPoint. We as consumers shouldn't be settling for this; we deserve better. It's easy to see that the demand for hybrids might be wearing thin, but perhaps that's because people are realizing that they aren't a good buy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)

August 13, 2007

A Review Update

Things are going great at my new writing job over at DVDVerdict.com. For the past month and a half I've been publishing one to two reviews a week, covering films, documentaries, television shows, and even a stage performance. It's a fantastic site to work for, and I'm glad to hear that my reviews are reaching a wide audience. But in case you don't frequent the site, I thought I would post a few links to them.

Rowan Atkinson Live This was just posted today. It's my review of Rowan Atkinson's one-man-show performance from Boston U. back in the early 90's. Apparently the man has done more than that Mr. Bean routine.

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog I got to sit and watch over 20 episodes of this videogame cartoon. The voice of Sonic was played by Urkel... it was a long 550 minutes.

The Bourne Files This has become one of the most popular reviews of the past few weeks. I take a look at the re-release of the first two Bourne films in preparation for this new one that just came out.

Mr. Conservative: Goldwater on Goldwater Now this is a movie I can review! It's a great documentary about one of the leaders in the conservative revolution of the 50's and his bid for the presidency.

The New Adventures of Batman This seemed like a good idea at the time. It had Adam West and Burt Ward reprising their roles as the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder... but then they added Bat-Mite to the mix, and I almost killed myself.

So that's about it from the DVD front. I'll probably make a habit of posted a handful of links to my reviews every month or so. But please, by all means, just bookmark the site and read all the reviews posted daily. The site is staffed by great writers who really know their stuff!

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:45 PM | Comments (0)

August 10, 2007

Free Coffee for a Month

The flurry of coffee shops entering Beaver County over the last few years has been impressive. At a time when the "coolness" of coffee seemed to be waning, small business owners who care about the community in which we share are taking chances and brewing up some joe. With the growing economy of Beaver County comes other chain-coffee shops. These chains add a bit of corporate sameness that I welcome into the county--mainly because they are open later.

A year or two ago we got our first Starbucks. That was a pretty big moment for me. Although I don't think Starbucks has the best coffee, they do have some pretty unique Fair Trade blends. I don't go to the Starbucks in the county often, but I'm glad it's there.

Most recently, however, we got our first Panera's. This is an even bigger event than the opening of the Starbucks. Panera's has some good standard coffee, but they have a chicken salad sandwich that I would kill for (seriously, if I were hired as a mercenary for some secret wing of the government, and they were like "We're paying you in Panera chicken salad sandwiches... and sometimes a side of chicken noodle soup" I would do it). I've said before that I prefer Panera's over Starbucks but any reason previously stated has been trumped by this store's most recent opening.

They gave me free coffee for a month.

They didn't just give little, old me coffee for a month, but they gave 500 people (the first 500 people) free coffee. Better yet, it's not just some coupon you can use to get 500 free cups; they gave everyone a super-nice travel mug to fill again and again. It's probably the nicest grand-opening gesture since that time Quick Lube hosed down the first 25 people with motor oil.

When I first heard about the promotion, my brother and I made plans to attend. We figured that the store would be opening at 10am, so we could just go a few minutes early. But when we rolled up at 9:45 and saw people filing in and out, we hurried inside. The place was gorgeous in that "it's the same at every Panera's" way. They gave us our mugs, we bought some food, and it was good. Of course, hoards of people showed up at 10, when Panera's was supposed to open, but I can't say how many of them got the free coffee.

Now, I'm not the kind of guy who is going to go in there every day, get his free coffee, laugh, and walk out of the door. I realize this is a new business, and even though it's a chain, it deserves a chance as well. I've waited quite some time for a Panera's to come to the county, and I'm going to give them my business... while enjoying free coffee. This is the sort of promotion only a chain could pull off. And they are just another feather in my coffee-drinking cap.

I should get a coffee drinking cap.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:25 PM | Comments (4)

August 5, 2007

The Smoke Screen

My latest court case for DVD Verdict involves season 1, volume 1 of "The Fugitive," the original 1963 television series that inspired the sweet Harrison Ford movie. The show shares the same basic story as the movie, with the same characters and the same motives, but is vastly different in terms of storytelling (of course, this makes sense, since the original ran for four seasons and the movie ran for about two hours). While the review won't be finished and online for another week, I couldn't help but write about a specific episode of the show; an episode called "The Smoke Screen."

In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, the television show "The Fugitive" finds Dr. Richard Kimble running for his life after being falsely convicted for murdering his wife. He's on a hunt for the real killer, the one-armed man, while trying to evade a very dedicated detective who's always one step behind him.

"Smoke Screen" finds Kimble working on an onion farm in California, posing as a migrant worker to evade detection. While on the job, the workers are informed of a raging forest fire in the California hillside, and they are called to help put it out. Kimble has no choice but to join his Mexican co-workers in fighting the fire. What he didn't realize, was that the pregnant wife of one of the Mexicans tagged along!

You can probably tell where this is all going. Just as they begin to fight the fire, and quickly realize that their camp is being surrounded by flames, the woman goes in to labor. There's a nurse on staff, but she can't deliver this baby by herself; although she is able to conclude that the woman needs a cesarian in order to survive the birth. Despite the fact that he's trying to remain incognito, Kimble reveals that he isn't just some day-laborer, but in fact a pediatric surgeon! They set to work delivering this child amidst the raging forest fire... and it's ridiculous.

The episode actually touches on an issue still plaguing the country today: illegal immigration. Many of the workers in this onion farm hate Kimble outright because they assume that he's an undercover police officer, working there just to weed out the illegal workers. The husband of the pregnant woman is the first to find out that Kimble is quite the opposite of a police officer (he's... the Fugitive), and passes the word along to the rest. It's made clear that this Mexican couple really just want to have their baby in America so that he/she will become a citizen upon birth. It's an intriguing premise made all the more interesting when watched today.

In the end, in order to protect Kimble from the inquisitive press, the Mexican laborers and the nurse lie about who performed the surgery. They credit one of the workers, saying that he was a vet in a small village in Mexico. Kimble escapes, leaving his job, and the glory of being a hero, behind.

I still have a disc-full of episodes to watch before I start my review, but thus far this has been the most intense story yet. Volume 1 Season 1 will be released in stores next Tuesday.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

August 3, 2007

Hazard's Lake Fight

While on vacation at Put-in-Bay, I learned a lot about the War of 1812. Specifically, the story of Lt. Oliver Hazard Perry and his Erie-brawl with the Brits that led to the end of the war.

Oliver Perry's middle name was "Hazard," and he really lived up to it. Just when it seemed all was lost and his ship was sinking, he grabbed his homemade flag (which read "Dont give up the ship") and jumped ship! The man carried his grammatically-challenged flag on to a small raft and rowed it (amongst a hail of gunfire) to a different ship! He went on to win the war in just under three hours. Sure it may seem as if he disobeyed the very flag that has come to define the man-- he gave up the first ship, which was sinking, for the second, winning, ship. But really, if you think about it, he didn't give up the "ship" (in quotes). He didn't give up in the battle, even when it looked like all was lost.

If you compare this harrowing story with many of the other historical figures with interesting names, you can tell that Oliver Hazard Perry was something special. Just look at all the other ill-fitted middle names of the past: Edgar Pants Hoover, Myles Clean-Blanket Standish, William Howard Vivacious Taft, Hannibal Surly Hamlin, Adolf Scategories Hitler. None of them lived up to their names. None of em.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:37 PM | Comments (0)

August 2, 2007

A Put-in-Bay Adventure

This week, my family and I went on a mini-vacation to Put-in-Bay, Ohio. It's a little island sitting in Lake Erie, immersed neck-deep in the history of the War of 1812. The vacation was very different from our trip to New York City. We weren't constantly being approached by folks promoting comedy shows, nor were we eating giant pieces of cheesecake... this trip was a little more laid back.

One thing we did notice was the island's weird image issue. Put-in-Bay can't decide if it wants to be a place to bring your family, or a place to get totally hammered. It's got both themes running pretty thick throughout the island, I just can't decide which is more prominent.

There are a handful of things to do with your family, like mini-golfing, cave spelunking, and monument visiting. We did all of that, and it was really cool. Plus, if you like water (which I don't, really), you could go kayaking, boating, and parasailing. My bro and my mom went kayaking for almost two-hours, while my dad and I just walked around the town. But ultimately, the best thing to check out on the island is the historical society's museum, and Perry's Monument--which is dedicated to Oliver HAZARD Perry... that's right, his middle name is Hazard, so don't mess with him.

But at the same time, the majority of the locales in the main commercial district are bars. Lots of bars. And when it's not a bar, it's a t-shirt shop selling you shirts about going to the bars. In this regard, the place isn't really for families (unless you're a family that wants to get drunk together). We went in the middle of the week, so the evenings weren't very crazy, but people we talked to held the consensus that the weekends were nuts. This isn't a bad thing, but I guess it's something to keep in mind for folks going to visit the island.

I had a good time on the trip, and it was great getting to visit this little island that seems to disconnected from the rest of Ohio. I'd definitely return, just not on a weekend.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:06 PM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2007

10 Questions to Ask at the Next Democratic You Tube Debate

While I was extremely impressed by the efforts of my colleague to ask a question at the CNN/YouTube debate earlier in the week, the event as a whole was a little silly to me. It was more of a way for CNN to get other people to ask the same questions as every debate, only this time they would be funneled in by kids with webcams. Perhaps it was a good ploy to get more ratings, or to create the illusion that CNN is techno-savvy and forward thinking. But, here are some things I wish we would have seen at the debate.

10. They should have asked each candidate to set up a MySpace page, and see whose was the ugliest and whose was the nicest. I'm guessing Gravel would have had his page filled with dancing GIFs, crazy music, and unreadable neon green text on a photograph background.

9. Lonelygirl15 could have asked Hillary why she's so fake.

8. "How many of you have actually used YouTube before?"

7. A video starts with footage from the Sega game "Streets of Rage," set to some music from the anime "Naruto." At the end of the video, after everyone has just watched someone beat the game in eight minutes, the question is posed: "Do you favor support of CAFTA?"

6. Coach Z shows up to ask "Where my lasers at?"

5. I wish the Ninja, from AskNinja.com, would have asked a question. He's a YouTube star, and I'm sure he has some concerns about healthcare options for midnight assassins.

4. "Who has the most facebook friends?"

3. "Mike Gravel, would you like help with your website?"

2. "How will you force Viacom to let kids post video clips of their old TV shows back on YouTube?"

1. "Who do you like better, Fred Thompson or Rudy Giuliani? Or are you holding out for Newt Gingrich too?"

Posted by MikeRubino at 7:46 PM | Comments (0)

July 22, 2007

Living Sound at BFCaT

Last night's performance of "Live Sound" was great. It was the first time we had performed at Beaver Falls Coffee and Tea, and we will surely try to go back in the future.

James and I wrote a special episode of the radio show, called "Dodge Intrepid: I.L.L." which acts as a prelude for next week's big Kolache show. "I.L.L." has our heroes traveling back to the late 1890's to fulfill an old request for "The Time Machine." The episode was a cool way to promote the interlibrary loan service for libraries, and provided a neat way of showing some of the ancestors of many of the show's characters.

Alongside the radio show was our good friend Jason Panella, who played guitar and sang during breaks in the adventure. The format for the show worked really well.

This week I'll be podcasting the studio version of "I.L.L." and eventually we'll podcast the live recording of "Live Sound." Unfortunately, due to copyright restrictions, Jason's cover songs will have to be left out of the podcast.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:03 PM | Comments (3)

July 19, 2007

The Killing of the Electric Car and American Ambition

I recently rented the documentary Who Killed the Electric Car? At first I wasn't sure if I would like the film; I was ready to write it off as another enviromentalist, anti-Bush conspiracy theory... and while some of that can be found in the film, I found myself really enjoying it. It doesn't just dwell solely on President Bush or environmentalism, it taught me about a moment in automotive history that I knew little about. It also kinda made me hate GM.

The movie covers the California zero emissions law of the 1990's, and General Motor's creation of the EV1 electric car. While the EV1 was sort of ugly (in my opinion), it appeared to be a peppy little car. It was amazing to hear about how the EV1 didn't require any sort of oil, mufflers, tune-ups, etc. Yes, it was imperfect (it could only go about 60-80 miles before needing recharged), but it was an important start. And just as I was beginning to dig the idea of driving an electric car to Pittsburgh every day, I remembered the title of the movie... and then I watched as GM took back every last EV1 they had leased, drove the cars to the Arizona desert, and destroyed them. It was mind boggling.

The story of the electric car reminded me instantly of the events in the beginning 200 pages of Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged," only in reverse. In the book, there's a steel mogul named Hank Rearden who invents a brand new type of metal called "Rearden Steel." It's set to revolutionize the steel and locomotive industry, just as GM's EV1 would have revolutionized the automobile industry. The difference between the two is that Hank Rearden is so driven by the desire to produce, to advance, and to succeed that he will do anything he can to make sure that his steel is produced. Economically-conscious scientists, unions, and the United States Government try to do everything they can do stop him, in the name of fairness to everyone else.

Compare that to General Motors in the instance of the EV1. GM did everything they could to make it appear as if the vehicle wasn't in demand, that people didn't want it. According to the documentary, they ignored and downplayed long waiting lists, they refused to do anything more than lease the vehicles, and made each lessee pass a litmus test before giving them a contract. Sure the cars were expensive, and GM was losing a good amount of money at first, but this was all start-up cost. Perhaps if the cars were moved over to the mass production lines, the cost would have gone down. Or the technology would have advanced further, making them cheaper. Unfortunately, we'll never know. General Motors didn't have the drive of Hank Rearden.

I'm not going to get into whether or not "big oil" is tied in with General Motors, or if the government was right to step in with the car maker's lawsuit against California. That's an issue for another day, and quite frankly, complaining about Big Oil and the Bush Administration doesn't help the matters whatsoever.

My main issue with the movie, and with the electric car movement altogether, is the fact that it's paired up with environmentalist extremists. What people need to realize is that the majority of Americans aren't going to go for the electric car because they are concerned about the environment. We, as American consumers, are interested in what is going to help our wallets. So rather than preaching on and on about how electric cars don't give out emissions (while they give off all sorts of other negative things...), talk about how the cars will save us money.

The movie sadly spiraled into a rant about the oil companies and the interventions of the Bush Administration into the California issue. Every interviewee in the documentary talked about how much they love the earth and how great electric cars are for the environment. They weren't selling me on anything. It wasn't until I saw how the thing ran, and how little extra money needed to be put into it, that I really perked up and listened. No more oil changes? I'm sold!

Each time a niche group (either on the Left or the Right) takes over a product or a service, it turns off the majority of Americans. It's sort of the same effect as when a corporation supports a political interest group. You instantly form an opinion about that company.

I was pleasantly surprised that the movie did offer a somewhat balanced perspective on things. The director blamed the motor companies and the government as much as he blamed the consumer and the state. They admitted that the cars weren't perfect, and rather expensive. At the end of the film, I was left feeling sort of saddened by the death of the car--which seemed to offer so much potential. I was furious at General Motors for just walking away from what had cost them billions. What's even worse is that we will never know the truth behind it all. It made me feel like taking off the 2009 Camaro wallpaper on my laptop... but then I remembered how cool that car's gonna be.

I recommend this documentary. If you find yourself on the left of the political aisle, you'll surely love every second of it. If you are of the more conservative persuasion, give it a shot. The environmental junk is a little annoying (and yes, they use that stupid stock satellite photo of swirling hurricane clouds every time they mention the phrase "global warming"), but if you can get past it you will find the story of the EV1 intriguing. It's a reminder that we live in a different time than that described in "Atlas Shrugged," where the dollar figure dictates innovation, rather than vice versa.

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:29 PM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2007

The Verdict Is In: My New Writing Job

About a month and a half ago, one of my favorite DVD review websites, DVD Verdict, posted an item saying they were looking for writers and editors. It was an open help wanted ad, and something inside me said "You could totally do this." I wrote a review of one of my DVD's and sent it in as a writing sample... three weeks later, I was put on staff as "Judge Michael Rubino."

The site has this judicial theme to all of its reviews. All of the writers are judges (some are appellate judges!) and the reviews all follow a creative court-case format. That was the reason I really liked the site in the first place. At least I'll be able to use my high school mock trial experience to help navigate the formatting.

This is such a great experience, and I know it's only going to get better. I'm actually using the skills I learned in a number of creative writing courses at Seton Hill to do this job. Each week, I pick DVD's from a list I would like to review. Some of those DVD's get sent to me, and I am assigned deadlines to watch and review them by. The best part of all, aside from getting writing credits, is that I get to keep the DVD's.

My very first review for the site was just posted this morning. I reviewed the second season of the classic television show Mission: Impossible. I am a fan of the series, so I was looking forward to diving in to the seven discs of the second season. Of course, I was probably crazy for picking this has my first thing to review, since I had to watch almost 27 hours of the show in a matter of two weeks. As I said in the tagline for my review: "Judge Mike Rubino self-destructed five seconds after writing this review..." I watched a lot of episodes.

I'm sure I'll be posting here often about what's going on over at DVD Verdict. This is an exciting second-job for me while I work part-time in Pittsburgh. Court adjourned.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:06 AM | Comments (1)

July 17, 2007

Getting Ready for the Double Deuce

Last week I spent an evening in Pittsburgh, in the basement of Mike the Tall's house, recording episodes for "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time." Specifically, we recorded our latest adventure "The Hunt for the Tome of Fire." Fittingly, it was sweltering that night, and the lack of air conditioning or fans made the session even more grueling. But, as always, it was a heck of a lot of fun and very productive.

I set up our Peavy soundboard and my iBook around this little wooden cart (which previously held such board games as "Hero Quest," "Master Detective Clue" and two copies of "Risk"). We huddled around it with our microphones and scripts. Our makeshift recording studios are usually like this; maybe someday someone will actually set us up in a real soundproof studio. But until then we shall be cooled only by our ambition and desire to produce an entertaining radio show (that sounded a little Ayn Randian, but it's true).

It's been a while since our last show, and so I'm really starting to get excited for these new ones. We've got two planned: one this Saturday, and one the following Saturday.

This Saturday, we're performing our first show at Beaver Falls Coffee and Tea Company. It's called Live Sound and aims to recreate the old fashioned radio variety shows of the 30's. I guess it won't be too much of a variety show given that there is only one other act besides ourselves, but it's a start. Our friend, Jason Panella, who has been a long-time fan of the show, will be playing sweet cover songs during breaks in the adventure.

We wrote a specific episode for BFCaT called "I.L.L."--which, if you use the library, specifically in college, you can guess what that means. But the episode acts as a prelude to our "Tome of Fire" show the following weekend. We'll also be podcasting the I.L.L. episode this week. It's probably one of the longest single episodes we've written (it clocks in at over 25 minutes), but it's also the only episode we're performing at "Live Sound," so it'll all even out.

Then, the following Saturday, July 28th, is the big new Cafe Kolache adventure: "The Hunt for the Tome of Fire." It's like all of our normal performances there, featuring four episodes during a two-hour show.

"The Hunt for the Tome of Fire" finds Dodge and Pluck searching out a mystical book in the middle of war-torn Europe. Along the way, they're making some unusual alliances, fighting Nazis, and dipping in to some Yiddish folklore. It's one of our pulpiest shows yet, and I can't wait to start podcasting it.

We're also using the "Tome of Fire" show to collect donations for the real Aliquippa library, the B.F. Jones Memorial Library. As I mentioned before, the library's basement was flooded, leading to the destruction of lots of kids books and archives. Eventually we hope to do a book drive or a fundraiser performance, but for the time being they are only accepting monetary donations.

These five episodes have been written over the past few months and recorded in a hot basement in Pittsburgh, now it's time to share.

Live Sound | Sat. July 21st | 7:30pm | Beaver Falls Coffee and Tea
Hunt for the Tome of Fire | Sat. July 28th | 7:00pm | Cafe Kolache

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:41 AM | Comments (1)

July 15, 2007

The Coffee Press

My world of coffee just got a hot shot of interest over the weekend. Last Friday was my 22nd birthday, and Karissa gave me a gift that will be changing my life: the Coffee Press. It's an 8-cup Bodum French coffee press from Starbucks (That link isn't the exact press, but it'll give you an idea). What this basically does is provide the coffee drinker with the freshest, most flavorful coffee possible. Saturday morning we tried the press for the first time, using coarsely-ground Starbucks Breakfast Blend, and it was one of the best cups of coffee I've ever had.

The press is an interesting piece of equipment. First of all, it's French, which is something I guess I have to give them credit for. If you want a group of people to go to for guilty, delicious pleasures, it's the French. Making coffee in this thing takes a considerable number of extra steps as opposed to hooking up with Mr. Coffee; but, of course it's worth it. You have to grind the beans right before you're ready to put them in the pot so that they are the freshest possible. Then you have to boil water in a separate kettle, and pour it into the press.

It's a little nerve-racking the first time around... it felt like I was defusing a bomb. One wrong move and the whole thing could go sour, or worse yet, I could get scalded by boiling coffee-water. After you set the water brew with the beans for a few minutes, you have to use the press, which is a weird plunger made of three different parts, to separate the water from the beans. Cleaning the plunger is the hardest part of the whole process, because you have to take it apart and handwash each piece. There's this weird metal base, a steel-wool type filter, and a metal top wrapped in a spring.

I know this sounds like a lot of work for just a cup of coffee, but I can assure you that it is 100% worth it. The actual setup and tear-down involved with the press is a lot of fun as well. But the coffee, my God... it's incredible.

Posted by MikeRubino at 2:43 PM | Comments (1)

July 9, 2007

Photoshop Terrorism

Terrorists have long been able to use Photoshop, but I don't think they're very good at it. You'd think, if they insist on using it so much, they'd take a class at the community college or something. The latest bit of Al Qaeda graphic design was reported by Sky News this morning, and I'm unimpressed.

I remember when there used to be real skill involved in propaganda. Paintings that were at least well crafted, despite their obvious terrible imagery. I think back to my Russian history class, when I wrote a paper on the art movements in the U.S.S.R. They at least had some talented artists working on that stuff. And over here in America, we didn't settle for any less: we pulled out guys like Norman Rockwell. The purpose of each country's respective propaganda was to build themselves up... Russia was trying to convince us, and it's own people, through art, that they were doing great and that everyone was happy over there. We, of course, were doing great (and still are) so Norman didn't have to make up too much.

Looking at today's propaganda coming from the Middle East, it's hard to feel the same way. Firstly, it's pretty ugly. I'm guessing it's because the Al Qaeda graphic designer can't find a place to use his optical mouse inside of that cave. Or maybe he just doesn't have an art director to push him a little harder. Whatever the reason, Al Qaeda and insurgent posters suck. I mean, the ones they posted on Sky News are supposed to scare us because they chose titles of movies that suck (with the exception of the "...of the Dead" ones, but then again they didn't change those too much). Did they do that on purpose? Or didn't they know that everyone over here pretty much hated those films? They should subscribe to Variety or something. And if they really wanted to scare us, they should have left Rob Schneider's face on "The Animal" poster.

Technical aspects aside, the message of these posters is pretty muddled: An army of terrorists are coming to get us; soldiers are dying; they have a really big banner, probably printed at Kinkos. None of it's really positive, because they aren't trying to convince anyone that they're doing okay over there. They're not trying to tell us that they have a better life than ours. Nope, all they want to communicate with their propaganda is "We've seen your Hollywood movies... and we can make better versions of them!"

Sorry terrorists... not only are you losing popularity on a global level, but your propaganda is pretty freaking lame. Maybe start with some thumbnail sketches next time.

Posted by MikeRubino at 11:35 AM | Comments (3)

July 8, 2007

You Don't Know Jack(son... Pollock)

I recently checked out the documentary "Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock?," a short little ditty about a 73 year-old truck driver who is taking on the art world. She bought a really large painting at a thrift shop for $5, and soon found out that it might be an original Jackson Pollock. She has no idea who this guy is, but after she finds out that her painting might be worth upwards of $50 million dollars, she teaches herself about the art world.

Her biggest hurdle, however, is finding out whether or not the painting is, in fact, a Pollock. The movie spends much of its time exploring this problem, and while it doesn't conclude either way, it presents very strong evidence that she might have the real thing. The dilemma comes from the old fashioned, close-minded art world, which is more exclusive than the cheerleader click in high school. So-called experts, like the former curator of the Met, examine the artwork and unanimously agree that it isn't a Pollock. Their reasoning behind the decision is usually (at least this is how it's presented in the film) based on the fact that it doesn't "feel" like a Pollock. It doesn't "soar like a Pollock, and it doesn't fail like a Pollock," one expert cries. The fact that it was purchased at a thrift shop, and doesn't have any provenance (or history of ownership), doesn't help either.

But the truck driver has one thing on her side: science. If a crime scene can be investigated using DNA and fingerprints, so can a painting. A Canadian scientist who specializes in "CSI: Paintings" is flown to California to do research on the painting. The things he finds are extremely fascinating, especially a partial Pollock fingerprint on the back of the canvas.

What's most amazing is the absolute shunning of this evidence by the art community. Despite having hardcore proof that this painting was handled by Pollock, and painted in his shed which is exact type of paint, they deny it being his. Not only that, but many of the experts and curators think this truck driver is a complete moron for having a dream and believing in something. The documentary provides a glimpse into a world that I've only read about, and provides a startling look at a community I find myself on the fringe of (thankfully).

The film is a brief 74 minutes long, but is a great little detective story. It has all the sorts of characters you would find in an old fashioned noir, too: it's got the forger, the CSI cop, the snobby elitists, the ex-con, and the damsel in distress. It's even got a weird country song at the end of it--which isn't found in many old noirs, but I threw it in there for good measure.

Make sure you check out "Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock?"

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:02 PM | Comments (3)

July 7, 2007

Flooded on the Third Floor

Everywhere the Cellar Dwellers go, we are followed by floods. In our original building, where we had our theater in the basement, we would always have to be on guard when it rained because water would flood in from the storm drains. Now, in our present home, where we've been for the past five years or so, it floods. This is somewhat hard to imagine, given that we are located on the third floor of the Beaver Valley Bowl--a tall, former brewery located near the Ohio River.

The building is quite old, and is actually scheduled to be demolished in about half a year. The water seeps down through two floors above us, and drips in at various spots in the ceiling. Backstage, we occasionally leave buckets around to catch the water... but this week, the buckets were of no use.

Beaver County was hit pretty hard this past week with some rainfall. Enough to actually flood Aliquippa, and ruin the basement of the B.F. Jones Memorial Library (the library that Dodge Intrepid's "Aliquippa National Library" is based on!). I, of course, felt bad about Aliquippa getting all wet like that, but I never thought once about our space at the Bowl being in any sort of trouble.

Yesterday, before we were scheduled to arrive at the Bowl for rehearsal before our improv workshop, James and I were at Starbucks going over some radio show business. We were there for no more than five minutes before getting a frantic call from Joe, the Cellar Dweller who more-or-less built the theater we perform in currently. He went down to the Bowl early because we had a local artist displaying some photography in our lobby and discovered water throughout the theater! James and I sprung into action, chugged our Terraza Roast and went over to help clean up.

For dealing with floods as often as we do, you would think we would be more prepared in the ways of mops and such. That's not quite the case. By the time James and I got to the theater, Joe had moved all the chairs, tables, and the concession stand (complete with concessions) on to the stage. He was forced to use a large piece of foam and a macgyvered bucket (fashioned out of a milk container) to move all the water into a large bowl for disposal. James grabbed more slabs of foam (we've been amassing carpet foam for quite some time... just for a rainy day, if you will) and began sopping up the water. I grabbed the lemon furniture cleaner and began scrubbing everything down.

More Dwellers showed up shortly and we kicked it in to high gear. I put on my "classic rock" playlist and we worked double-time to make sure that everything was ready for the show at 10pm. This water that we're cleaning up isn't something that's just easily mopped and forgotten. This stuff has drained through two floors up... meaning that it's travelled through a disgustingly tarred roof, and two vacant and filthy floors above us. It looked more like coffee than water--but trust me, it wasn't really coffee.

After getting rid of the waterlogged foam, we dumped some Fantastic cleaner into a bucket with water and began mopping the floor. Then, as we moved the chairs and benches back into place, Joe touched up scrapes on the floor with gray paint. By the time 9:15 rolled around, the place looked back to normal. The paint was dry by 9:30, and the audience wouldn't have even known about the flood... except that we made sure to point it out, and then we made an improv game about it.

This isn't really the first time we've had to do this sort of cleaning up of a flood... and I'm sure it won't be the last before the place gets torn down. But really this is nothing compared to what the folks in Aliquippa are going through. We had next to no damage in the theater, while the library lost tons of children and historical books. Hopefully things get back to normal for them real soon.

Posted by MikeRubino at 4:30 PM | Comments (0)

July 6, 2007

To Michael Bay: That'll Do, Bay, That'll Do

Michael, I wanted to let you know that I went and saw Transformers on Monday night. Going in to it, I was uncertain, to say the least. Let's be frank here, you really haven't had the best track record as a director. When I heard that you were going to be turning one of my favorite childhood memories into a big-budget summer movie, I was a little worried. But let me just say, I was more than pleasantly surprised! You actually did the franchise justice and made a great movie!

You were wise to keep a lot of what made the original cartoon and animated movie great: namely keeping Peter Cullen as the voice of Optimus Prime. The fact that many of the series' main characters showed up in the film was a great treat (and the largely male audience in the screening made sure to cheer each time one of them was introduced). And, of course, mixing in the old school transforming sound with the new transforming noise was a cool touch. Sure the designs for the new autobots and decepticons were a little confusing and overly complex, but I'm sure you weren't the only person involved in that decision.

Ah yes, Michael... you did good. But don't think I'm letting you off the hook completely. Afterall, you did manage to infuse this movie with a ton of "Michael Bay-isms" that still irk me. In almost every movie you make you insert the same types of shots, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. You had the obligatory scene of pilots walking in slo-mo to their jets (or helicopters) on the runway, you had the guy running dramatically with the signal flare, you had the copiously dramatic shots of helicopters flyer... what's the deal? Why do you insist on putting this stuff in every movie? It might have been cool in The Rock, but making sure it was in Armageddon, Pearl Harbor and The Island was just nuts. Then there are the speeches. Why do you insist on having a grande, meaningless speech in every movie? And just when I thought that Transformers had escaped this fate, you threw it in there at the end. Are you serious? But hey, at least you know how to edit a film better than Tony Scott.

Anyways, I've got some errands to run... so I'd better wrap this up. You did a great job with Transformers and I'm proud of you. Make a sequel. Then maybe make the G.I. Joe movie. And, just for the heck of it, consider making a movie of the C.O.P.S. animated TV show. Not a lot of people remember it, but I loved it.

Posted by MikeRubino at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

June 28, 2007

Living Free, Dying Hard, and All That Jazz

Any fear I had about the resurrection of the "Die Hard" franchise quickly faded last night as I watched "Live Free or Die Hard." I can't decide what the defining moment was, but perhaps it was when John McClane made a guy explode through a window after shooting a fire extinguisher. That was probably it... or maybe it was when he took down a helicopter with a car. Either way, by the 30 minute mark, every fear I had vanished and I found myself giggling with delight at how badass this movie was.

Little did I know, I judged Die Hard 4 too soon. It was so B.A. that the projector in the theater couldn't handle the pressure. With fifteen minutes left in the movie, right about the time Bruce Willis finishes tearing up Baltimore in a big rig, the film melted! A dull roar ripped through the theater as the image on the screen deteriorated like that scene in "Fight Club." Back in the projector room, five hairy men wearing nothing but overalls, hardhats, and grime were toiling away, trying to get things under control. "It's too powerful! It can't take no more!" they yell as they hopefully pull levers and turn valves. "The movie is living up to the franchise! We're going down!"

Meanwhile, in the audience, we all gasped at the disturbing site of celluloid going to pot. But, once the shock wore off, everyone began clapping and cheering. There were no qualms about what we had just witnessed: this film, in all it's sheer awesomeness, destroyed itself. It was heroicly tragic. After the cheering stopped, we all realized that our movie was broken. Not cool.

The manager came in to calm everyone down. She said that there was another showing down the hall that was 30 minutes behind ours. The forty-plus people in the theater got up and made the jog down the hall, busting into the theater like a S.W.A.T. team. Who cares about the folks that were in the theater first, they didn't know the horror that we had witnessed... and if anyone complained, I was more than happy to tell them about the events that occur in the next twenty minutes of the movie.

We were able to see the movie the rest of the way through. They kept us all waiting with baited breath for what has been called "The greatest one-liner in movie history." It ended, we survived, and I lived (free) to tell about it. The movie passed the B.A. Test right away, and only assured me of that fact by going down in a blaze of glory. It died hard.

Posted by MikeRubino at 9:57 AM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2007

"The Hiatus is Over" or "Finally, New Dodge Stuff"

A lot has gone on since the last time I wrote and performed new episode for "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time." I went to Washington D.C., New York (twice), had an art exhibit, created a Dodge Intrepid website (that isn't online yet), graduated from college, got a job (two or three?), and wrote a blog about crisper sleeves. The last performance James, Mike and I did was back in January... and since then, things have been pretty quiet. I've been telling people that my graduating got in the way of the "Dodge writing process"--which involves James and I sitting in coffee shops for hours on end. Thankfully, this silence is about to come to an end.

During the last few weeks of college, and the last month of my new "adult" life, James and I polished off a brand new four-episode adventure, as well as a few new spin-offs. The idea is to get back into the swing of things big time. The last set of episodes really tied up a storyline that we had worked on for almost a year, and it was cool to start fresh.

Our next set of episodes, titled The Hunt for the Tome of Fire, will debut at Cafe Kolache on Saturday, July 28th. This new adventure not only reaches that zen between adventure and comedy, but also delves more into the past of our characters and fleshes out some ideas we first put forth in the very first episode of the show. We still have over a month before the show, so I'm sure I'll be talking about it even more in the coming weeks.

We're also trying something totally new: a special prelude episode! You see, it all started when our friends opened up a coffee shop called Beaver Falls Coffee and Tea. While being our friends, and coffee shop owners, they are also big fans of the show, and have asked us to perform something there. My solution was a sort of one-shot episode to be presented as part of a larger coffee-house variety show. The result is Live Sound, a new show hosted by "Dodge Intrepid and the Pages of Time" to be performed live at the cafe on Saturday, July 21st (a week before the big adventure). Essentially, the show will be a mix of acoustic music, played by our friend Jason, and this short new adventure. There will also be a preview of the following week's show, in an effort to introduce "Dodge" to more people. It's going to be a great time, and I'm happy that we are finally trying something at the new cafe.

Of course, all the while, we will be podcasting these new episodes, trailers, and other little one-shots to build up more hype for the adventure. I am glad that other members of the show recently purchased Macs, making the recording and editing process much more friendly. Now we should be able to better record live shows (because I haven't podcasted any of those for quite some time due to quality issues).

This summer will be Dodge's second year in existence... and it's gonna be good.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:26 PM | Comments (1)

June 19, 2007

Crisper Sleeve Chaos

Hot Pockets had a lot going for them. They were delicious, they were easy to make, and, most importantly, they had the Crisper Sleeve. The Sleeve was easily one of the more influential inventions of the 20th Century, and should have earned them the Nobel Prize for Microwavable Food Technology (they were edged out by those EasyMac bowls). The Sleeve was straightforward to use, and was essential for a delicious Hot Pocket meal; if you didn't use the Sleeve, your Pocket would come out all soggy and gross. I don't know how the Sleeve actually worked, or made a difference, but it did. It made life a little better, if only for a few fleeting moments.

Then they changed everything. Someone over at Hot Pocket decided to be cute and "revamp" the Sleeve. Hot Pocket took what could be called the "simple, white" sleeve (remiscent of an Apple design, if they designed microwavable cooking tools) and decked it out with perferation, bold colors, and instructions that stink. Now, instead of just shoving the pocket into the sleeve, heating it up, and eating it, you are expected to tear things, fold other things, and insert one piece of cardboard into another. It's lunacy!

First, you insert the Hot Pocket into the now-red sleeve. If you have purchased one of the 30-some Hot Pocket varieties that are relatively meaty, like the sausage and pepperoni, it might take some work to actually shove this thing into the sleeve. For some reason, the designers at Hot Pocket thought the sleeve needs to be able to split in half, so that while holding it, you don't have to push the Hot Pocket through the sleeve, but rather you can just destroy the cardboard. A lame idea to begin with, but when shoving one of the meatier Hot Pockets inside, the perforation breaks and the sleeve is ruined before even being microwaved!

Then, after you've finishing nuking it, you are expected to perform origamic surgery on the bottom half of the sleeve. You have to fold the top portion and insert this small tab into a slit on the bottom half. By doing so, you have created a true "pocket" so that the Hot Pocket doesn't slip through, or so that boiling grease doesn't shoot out the tail-end of the pouch and burn your hands. It sounds like a novel idea, but it almost never works. They might as well have put a button or zipper on the bottom to make it hold together.

All in all, this new crisper sleeve is a disaster. In fact, now I'm out there looking for old boxes of Hot Pockets, just to get the good sleeves back. Had I known this change was going to occur, I would have figured out a way to reuse the sleeve (something the instructions beg you not to do). Years ago my brother found a Hot Pocket crisper sleeve on sale on eBay for $500. At the time we thought the seller was crazy... but apparently, he knew something we didn't.

Posted by MikeRubino at 1:15 PM | Comments (7)

June 12, 2007

Atlas Lugged

It seems fitting that there is an image of Atlas carrying the world on the cover of Ayn Rand's classic "Atlus Shrugged." Sure his name is in the title, and has been on the cover of every edition of the book I can remember... but that's not why it's fitting. It's fitting because the book is really as heavy and cumbersome as the world. When you are reading this thing you literally become Atlas, doomed to lug this beast around for what seems like eternity.

I recently started this free-market epic, and I'm enjoying it so far... aside from the fact that it's like carrying a brick with me wherever I take it. The Centennial Edition of the book is 1,080 thinner-than-Bible-paper pages. The margins are tiny, the leading of the text is almost non-existent, and the page numbers almost melt into the last line of type on each page; it's clear that someone had to work to get this mammoth work of prose into a paperback format.

I try to read throughout the day, but thus far I've been pretty lax (although really, to get through this book in a reasonable amount of time, I'm going to have to pick up the pace). Usually I read at night before bed. I read pretty much like everyone else when they lie in bed: with the book resting on my chest. While that may work for most hardbacks (I often hold the trade paperbacks) "Atlas" nearly ceases airflow to the lungs! And if there is any inspiration to read the first half quickly, it's that holding the book while working on the first twenty pages is just awkward. Starting "Atlas" is like holding a Velveeta block of cheese by the first slice!

There needs to be some sort of invention to aid people in reading this text. Either a weird harness or pillow-like pedestal to hold down the book comfortably. The invention, whatever the heck it is, wouldn't just be for "Atlas Shrugged," either, it could be used for Rand's other work "The Fountainhead," and perhaps other classicly overlong books like "The Brothers Karamazov" and "War and Peace." Better yet, why not split the book up into three smaller books and package them together in a box? "Atlas" is already divided into three parts; Rand has done the work for you! Sure, I could ruin my copy of the book by doing the very thing I'm suggesting... but I don't like messing up books.

Maybe this will actually help me. Maybe by carrying around "Atlas" I'll get muscle definition (I'll start with a noun). And then, maybe I'll stop asking "Why am I having trouble breathing?" and start asking "Who is John Galt?"

Posted by MikeRubino at 10:57 AM | Comments (1)

June 10, 2007

Improv in Film

I recently read a lengthy article on the Onion AV about the use of improvisation in film. The two writers discussing the subject essentially agree, however one has a more optimistic view about the future of the practice. The whole discussion was brought about with the release of "Knocked Up," the latest comedy by Judd Apatow.

The movie is the latest in an ever-growing line of comedies that rely on the use of improvisation. I just saw "Knocked Up" yesterday, and I can testify that it was a great movie, and did well to utilize improv as a way to further develop characters and plot. Not every movie is able use improv like this, and usually it ends up just adding to any sort of randomness. Improv can lead to come hilarious or memorable moments in film (and it has a long history of creating some truly genuine acting moments), but it can also bog down or even ruin a screenplay.

There is a line of actors and movies that the Onion article continues to talk about. The main players in the this group are Will Farrell, Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller, and their crew. Over the past few years, these guys have made a ton of movies, but I'd venture to say only a few are real gems. A lot of them have funny moments, but those moments don't add up to much. These actors, and their improv skills, are thought of as tools to improve a crappy script. Look at films like "Envy," "Kicking and Screaming," and "The Ex." The Onion brings up a good point: the comedic talents of these actors were supposed to save these junky movies. Clearly, Hollywood is relying on these guys too much, because none of these movies were very good.

But the use of improv to come up with extra jokes and scenes seems to be the way of the future for the film comedy. Every movie involving Will Farrell just seems to be a vehicle for him to act silly. The financial success of these movies is begetting more of them, and the art of the comedic screenplay seems to be drifting away. This is my concern. The continued reliance on improvisation could mean that screenwriters will become lazier, leaving more room for the actors to "work their magic." Or perhaps screenplays will be tossed aside in favor of a bulleted outline of scenes to be improvised. This style of filmmaking works wonders in mockumentaries, like the films of Christopher Guest or "Spinal Tap," but might not be the trick for a plot-heavy comedy.

I've been doing improv for almost ten years now, and I know how powerful and helpful it can be. It's a great way to generate material and jokes, but it can also be pretty random and shallow. I can see improvisation being a great tool in the early developmental stages of a movie, but relying on it too much during the actual filming can be dangerous. A great example of this is "Anchorman," a movie I didn't care for but everyone else seems to love. It was a funny movie, with some good scenes in it, but overall it didn't feel right to me. The story wasn't very satisfying. I would contribute alot of this to the story that the main script for the movie was largely ignored in place of Farrell and Co.'s improvisations. I'm interested to know what the movie was supposed to be like before people ad-libbed all over it.

Often, a lot of our sketches for a Cellar Dweller show are born from improvisation sessions and workshops. It's a great way to test out jokes and develop ideas. At the same time, I can also see how improvisation helps during the performance of a scripted skit. Sometimes a joke just pops into the actor's head, and he slips it in there to try it out. If everyone is good at improv, they can react properly and keep the scripted scene on track. You can use it a lot or hardly at all... and I think filmmakers need to get past the novelty of "improv comedy" and realize how it can help or hurt a scene.

The discussion on the Onion was a great one. It really got me thinking about all of the good and bad aspects of improvisation in movies. I can only guess that the success of great improvisation movies like "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up" will inspire more of the same. I can't be so sure that they'll be as tight as these two, or the traditional screenplay-comedy.

Posted by MikeRubino at 8:07 PM | Comments (0)

June 8, 2007