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i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

IF You Want To Make Me Cry

November 22, 2004

IF drives me absolutely batty! I try to play the games without getting annoyed, but, man, give me a regular old book any day.  Even those Choose Your Own Adventure games would be better than this!  I decided to try playing Curses for a while longer to see what would happen.  The game was interesting for a while, I even got to visit a demon in a Hellish Place who offered me a clue that wasn’t even remotely useful. 

I found a robot mouse in a dusty cellar and a chicken wishbone in a disused dumbwaiter in the corner of a storage room.  I ate the chocolate biscuit in my inventory to give myself more room to collect ridiculous objects.  I managed to avoid being yelled at by the weird aunt in the conservatory.  I didn’t fall through the ceiling and demolish half the house and I still couldn’t get that damn demijohn opened, even after the demon dude told me what to do. 

I figured out that wearing the scarf instead of carrying it would give me room for one more item in my limited inventory.  I visited Madame SoSowhateverhernamewas for a tarot reading, which as a talented tarot card reader myself, I recognized as a bad news reading.  I got stuck in the game though when I couldn’t figure out how to get on the tourist
boat. 

Then I tried to travel but I couldn’t speak French to the dude at the kiosk.   I even signed online thinking “hahaha I’ll be tricky and use babelfishto translate the stinkin’ foreign language.”  But when I translated what I wanted to say into French, well, it just didn’t work, now did it? 

Then I thought maybe I could go back to Madame to see if she could offer me further assistance but nooooo she had decided to go on sabbatical or something and was gone.  Stupid fortune tellers.  So then I was stuck. 

And I was pissed off because I had been playing the game for forty minutes and gotten nothing accomplished.  I couldn’t
figure out how to get back to the house and inside I was on some nameless street in France or something and I was just s.o.l so I had to start over. 

This time, however, I was smart.  I went online, searched google for a cheat for the stinkin’ game and bingo I could follow the handy dandy instructions to finish the game.  Only, what the heck’s the fun in that?  I could follow the instructions to get right to the end of the game but why bother? I don’t even care enough to follow through.

I would never have thought to examine the insulation rolls to find the new battery for my torch or to turn on the radio to crappy music FM so that aunt Jemima wouldn’t hear me as I tried to steal her gloves.  (See, I knew I needed those gloves when I first played the game.) 

I think that playing this game has me fully convinced that I well and truly hate IF.  Not only does reading on the computer give me a wicked headache, playing some stupid game that isn’t even straight forward enough for me, a fairly intelligent, well-educated human, to figure out just makes me mad.  Grr.

IF You are Brave (or Insanely Bored?): Visit the page I made about these games.

Moira at 09:03 PM :: Comments (0) :: ::
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