I like Philosophy, I really do! Perhaps it is this time of year that makes me inept when it comes to understanding any kind of reading we are being handed in my Lit class. I loathed the Philo portion of the reading, sorry Dr. Jerz. But alas! Blogging Portfolios are freaking due on Monday so I have to say "something."
Eh...
WELL....According to Emerson, an essay that totally blew me off guard, made me doze off a couple times, and made me squirm at the sight of 16 printed computer pages, the most important thing to mankind is self. Quite interesting, seeing that I'm kinda sorta having a problem like that in my own life.
Perhaps this has nothing to do with Emerson's reading at all, but I feel that it does therefore I think I'll share. Once upon a time, Renee met this really cool girl. Seeing that Renee had REALLY crappy friendships in the past, this cool girl was like a breath a fresh air, something different, a ray of hope. For 2 years, Renee and this really cool girl shared an unexplainable bond...something we owed to God....something we felt that was his doing in bringing us together for a reason. Simple put, Renee and this really cool girl were the best of friends, sisters from another womb.
Later on, Renee and this really cool girl started sharing their indeifferences, and a handful of fights accumulated. Renee and this really cool girl slowly lost their bond...so much that this really cool girl told Renee that she didn't think they should be friends anymore. (Renee is STILL crushed but thats another story).
The point is you may ask? I'm obviously Renee and this really cool girl was at one time my best friend. God bless my other friends for being there for me now but they all believe I've lost myself along the way. I think I'm getting tired of hearing "You have to think for yourself Renee, do what's best for you, do the things that make you happy..."
I don't know how to do that? I never have maybe...I think its selfish. My life has revolved around pleasing others, making my friends happy, ect. If they are happy...it makes me happy. I guess what this whole page long emo rant was about was...I'm not sure I entirely agree with Emerson. Someone like me couldn't possibly...I'm a do gooder, a people pleaser, the one to turn to. I just don't know how to think in regards to self and self importance. I mean I guess I do in a way, otherwise I could be direspecting my body or something of that nature, but in a way I don't.
I hold a certain amount of self reliance and self respect, but then again I don't know.
I hope this has made at least a pin prick of importance and or relevance. =/
Posted by ReneeDeFloria at October 9, 2004 8:03 PM