Rachel Crump
Staff Writer
Printed February 6, 2004

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): This weekend you'll be able to admit that yes, love does stink. In other words, you'll be renting movies and eating microwave popcorn.

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): You will find the love of your life and live together in perfect bliss. Or end up alone with nine cats. The stars are unclear.

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 20): As you write out your SpongeBob Valentines, you'll realize that they are a cheap mass-marketed sentiment that doesn't even include an envelope anymore.

Taurus (Apr. 21 - May 20): You are the Bull. Not the nag. Loosen up a bit. Let your partner take the lead once in a while.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21): You adapt easily to changes. Which is good, seeing as how you'll likely be single tomorrow, thanks to that blonde. (You know, that blonde.)

Cancer (June 22 - July 22): Do not let your passions control you. This can only lead to despair. Or really, really great...well, you know.

Leo (July 23 - Aug.23): You'll become a famous film star. You still won't be able to get a date.

Virgo (Aug. 24 - Sept. 22): Beware of the person in black. Leather.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): You will wake up tomorrow morning and realize that your shoes are missing. You'll decide that this will make a great story, but you will be too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22): Your reputation precedes you. Enough said.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): You have a heightened awareness of the rest of the world. This includes those freaky mating squirrels on the lawn.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Wuv. Twue wuv, will fowow you, fowevah ... until the restraining order comes through.

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