The Blog Has Moved...Join the Party!

You are reading the final post to The Goreletter at this location.

This weblog has now been consolidated with Michael Arnzen's homepage at http://www.gorelets.com/blog/.

Read All About The Goreletter to learn more about the new blog. New posts have already been posted to the new blog, so please come join us!

I hope you will also take this moment to add it to your favorites/bookmarks, change any weblinks on your own sites... and if you use RSS, resubscribe to the fancy, improved new feed, as well. If you'd like to embed a graphic button into your website, I've got those, too, like so:

Just point your links to http://www.gorelets.com/blog/ and you'll be set! Thanks for your patience during this upheaval.

Yours,
Michael A. Arnzen

gorelets.com is changing hosts

I'm in the process of changing webhosts for the gorelets.com domain -- the ISP I have had for that site since 2001 is going out of business and that means moving to a new host.

This shouldn't pose any major problems for visitors, but there may be unexpected site outages in the weeks ahead for gorelets.com and The Goreletter. This particular weblog will still be up and running; but I may take advantage of the new host to make some changes to how I run this blog, as well.

In any case, please keep checking back here if you find my web site is returning errors. If your e-mail to me gets bounced back, try sending it to arnzen@gmail.com as a temporary substitute.

Thanks for your patience and understanding. -- Mike Arnzen

Gorelets.com Back Up

The gorelets.com server was temporarily down from 4/15-18. If you tried to contact me during that time and did not succeed, please try again.

My ISP is changing hands, so it may be a bumpy ride over the next month or two. I might move the site to a new server, as well. If gorelets.com doesn't work, try the alternate domain, http://www.michaelarnzen.com.

-- Mike Arnzen

Goreletter 5.02 Mailed

The Goreletter Vol. 5, #2, with the title "Grim Henzen Productions" was mailed to subscribers on 02/Apr/2008 @ 11:20 pm est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version, including a subscriber-only contest where you can win a free DVD!

If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (Well...probably not completely pain-free). Issues are mailed only four times a year, so your inbox won't be glutted. -- Mike Arnzen

Gorelets.com Back Up

The server of my website, gorelets.com is now back online. Apologies for the outage experienced this past weekend (11/16-17). If you sent an e-mail during that period and have not received a response, you may need to resend.-- Mike Arnzen

Halloween Costume Contest Winner Announced

The winner of the Goreletter's "Virtual Halloween Costume Contest" is author JAMES NEWMAN for his creepy family portrait.

I actually adored ALL the entries...so why did James win? Ultimately, it came down to the scenario of the photo. I liked the vampiric relationship implied by the couple, but it was the "eyeball with fangs" child that did it for me... it looks like something out of one of those Robt. Williams art pieces...and how can the kid breath inside that mask? FREAKY!

James wins a limited edition hardcover of my new book, PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS, as soon as I receive one (the trade paperback is now out), along with a DVD of EXQUISITE CORPSE and a collectible surprise.

Since I only got a limited number of entries to this contest, EVERYONE'S A WINNER and I will be offering a free horror chapbook/magazine from the Arnzen coffers to all entrants.

What?! You missed your chance? Well, subscribe to the e-mail edition of The Goreletter and you won't miss out on things like this in the future!

Congratulations James. I hope your blood thirst has been quenched until next year. -- Mike Arnzen

Goreletter 5.01 Mailed

The Goreletter Vol. 5, #1, with the title "Cold Cuts" was mailed to subscribers on 20/Oct/2007 @ 12:39 pm est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version, including a subscriber-only Halloween Costume contest where you can win $75 in free books!

If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (Well...probably not completely pain-free). Issues are mailed only four-to-six times a year, so your inbox won't be glutted. This Bram Stoker Award-winning newsletter has just begun its fifth year of production; sign up and see what thousands of other horror fans are reading! -- Mike Arnzen

New RSS Options

RSS READERS:

There are several hidden options you have to get all the latest from The Goreletter and even some extras not available here:

1: the myspace feed
You should subscribe to my myspace blog as an RSS feed to get the quirky little extra things that I don't post here. Or if you don't do 'rss' (or even know what it is), then you should subscribe to my blog on myspace.com as a member (you will need to join myspace, but it's free).

2: the e-mail edition feed
The Goreletter's e-mail edition now has its own separate feed, so that you only get alerted whenever a new issue has been e-mailed to subscribers and posted to the e-mail archives -- and you can retreive the entire issue that way. This is a good way to make sure you're getting the latest issue whenever it is sent, because you may not otherwise realize it when the newsletter "bounces" or is filtered inadvertantly into your spam folder.

3: this page
The Goreletter weblog is the page you're reading now...and as you may already realize, things get posted here are "breaking news" and sometimes I add things here that don't end up in the e-mail edition. You might like to subscribe to the RSS feed for The Goreletter weblog to keep up with things on a daily basis.

Sign up for 'em all!

If you haven't yet discovered RSS, I recommend trying out a website aggregator, like the Google Reader, a MyYahoo account, Bloglines, or one of many, many software options.

Gorelets.com is Back

Gorelets.com and my e-mail service is now back up. It was down and out from roughly 9pm on 08/13/07 to 10am 08/15/07. If you sent e-mail during that time that hasn't been answered, you may need to resend it. With apologies.

Some updates:
Two new interviews have been posted to my bio page: a recent one with Raw Dog Screaming Press about the Audiovile project, and another one (in .pdf format) with Dark Discoveries magazine about my career in general (from 2005).

Fan Art Wanted

There is a new photo album on the Arnzen myspace page for fan art related to my work (look under 'pics'). A few pieces have already come in for it...but I'd love to receive more and share/inflict it on the world. Just e-mail it to me or upload it somewhere that I can download it and alert me.

What to send? Your creativity -- and the legal system -- is your only limit. But if it's related to Audiovile, you can qualify for entries in the current subscriber contest with valuable prizes (see the latest e-mail edition of The Goreletter for details -- contest ends Aug 18th).

-- Mike Arnzen

Goreletter 4.04 Mailed / Corrections

The Goreletter Vol. 4, #4, with the title "BLÜGH!" was mailed to subscribers on 18/Jul/2007 @ 5:27pm est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version, including a subscriber-only contests and free gift!

If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (Well...probably not completely pain-free). -- Mike Arnzen

***
CORRECTIONS FOR SUBSCRIBERS:

The correct address for downloading the Pseudopod podcasts is: http://pseudopod.org/

Here's a link to an interactive site for one of the books reviewed this issue: Comedy by the Numbers

Horror World (not Horror-Web) is the correct source for the following quote about Audiovile: ""[The CD contains] more than enough laugh out loud, make you cringe moments for me to recommend Audiovile, which caters to those among us who are just a bit twisted."

The archived edition reflects these corrections.

Corpse Contest Winners

In the latest e-mail edition of The Goreletter (#4.03), I held two cool contests for subscribers and the results are now in.

First up was the "Corpse Contest," sponsored by Jim Minton, the producer of Exquisite Corpse, with a free DVD version of the film as a prize. This contest asked readers to write a poem, eleven lines or less, about horror cinema. The only catch was that the words 'exquisite' and 'corpse' had to appear somewhere in the poem and the final two lines had to rhyme. A lot of great creative entries came in for this one, and Jim has kindly tossed in an extra DVD so that TWO entrants can win! Here they are:

1st Place Winner

IN CONSIDERATION OF MR. BIRD
by James C. Wardlaw

The organist coaxed screams and crescendos from the pipes.
The movie projector cast the flickering images of a corpse
dressed in a black tuxedo.
He rested on the park bench, hands folded on his chest
while ravens pecked at the sinkholes that served him for eyes.
The audience gazed at the staccato pictures in black and white,
wondering just what the hell would happen next.
Those black birds pulled out chunks with veritable haste.
It was a study in exquisite poor taste.

***
2nd Place winner

BLOOD PORTRAIT
by James S. Dorr

Exquisite,
Max Schreck --
his name even meant "fear" --
lurking corpse-silent through
Nosferatu,
no gentleman vampire he,
Bela Lugosi,
but claw and breath
drenching death.

***
I loved everyone's poems, but these two did the best job with imagery and formal line construction. Congratulations to Mr. Dorr and Mr. Wardlaw -- they're both getting a copy of the otherwise unattainable DVD, Exquisite Corpse!

The second contest was a trivia contest -- a random draw of people who sent me an e-mail message with the name of my first website in it. The winner was Jeff Strand, who remembered my old website was called, "Arnzen's Arbor Vitae," from the mid-to-late 1990s. Congratulations, Jeff! You won a rare broadside of my poem, "Six Short Films About Chauncey The Serial Killer" and an advanced demo of my upcoming CD, Audiovile!

I run contests often in The Goreletter...all you have to do is subscribe if you don't want to miss the chance to win.

A Public Service Announcement

If you want to enter either of the two e-mail subscriber-only contests from the latest issue of The Goreletter, remember that the deadline for entry is April 1st. Subscribe here for your chance to win a DVD of Exquisite Corpse, free Arnzen books and more.

Also: I will be a guest lecturer at the Odyssey writer's workshop in Manchester, NH in July. The deadline for applications to Odyssey is April 13th. The director, Jeanne Cavelos, is a great teacher (I should know -- she edited my first novel, Grave Markings, for Dell Books!). Here is some information about Odyssey:

Odyssey is an intensive six-week workshop for writers of fantasy, science fiction, and horror held each summer at Saint Anselm College in Manchester, NH. Developing writers aged 17-65 apply from all over the world. Sixteen are admitted, and over 50% of graduates go on to be published. Director Jeanne Cavelos is a best-selling author and former senior editor at Bantam Doubleday Dell, where she won the World Fantasy Award for her work. Top writers, editors, and agents in the field serve as guest lecturers. This summer, the workshop runs from June 11-July 20. Our writer-in-residence is Nina Kiriki Hoffman, and guest lecturers include Michael A. Burstein, Rodman Philbrick, Elizabeth Hand, John Clute, Michael A. Arnzen, and George Scithers. The application deadline is April 13. More information is available at www.odysseyworkshop .org.

In other news, Doorways magazine is now out and their debut looks pretty sharp. I'm featured poet in this issue, which also includes stories by Jack Ketchum, Graham Materton, Sephera Giron, and many more.

While I'm at it: Bare Bone magazine #10, will be out in the next few weeks. They're publishing a poem ("Not the Reaper") that will also appear in my upcoming spoken word audiobook, Audiovile...and this issue has a knock-out line up of writers that's not to be missed.

I look forward to seeing some of you at the ICFA and World Horror Convention in the month ahead!

Goreletter 4.03 Mailed/Correction

The Goreletter Vol. 4, #3, with the title "Introducing MyBlade" was mailed to subscribers on 11/Feb/2007 @ 2:47pm est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version, including two subscriber-only contests!

If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (Well...probably not completely pain-free). -- Mike Arnzen

***
CORRECTION: The "online gizmo" link to "Operation Thule" should have been to:
http://www.dr.dk/spil/dolph/. Apologies to those who landed on a peanut game and wondered where all the clubbing was.

Gorelets.com Revamped!

I have finally overhauled my primary website, gorelets.com. It was time to rearrange the furniture. Please drop by and take a look around. You'll bump into a few kinks, but you'll find lots of fun new things to check out.

I'm still learning (since I do most of this web work by hand), but I've borrowed from open source materials out there and have finally got the site up and running so it can "go live." The Goreletter is now fully-integrated across the site, with rss feed links and even headlines from this weblog now appearing automatically on the front page. I've tried to integrate CSS design into the whole site to give it a more uniform look. And I even built a creative writing wiki to better showcase my books and organize my bibliography. New free excerpts of my writing will appear in the bibliography alongside links to older work archived elsewhere online. And I'm sorting through my old photos to find fun things to post in the new gallery.

Unfortunately, I had to dispose of the old guestbook, and the "refrigerator of the damned" may be closed for good, too. I'm still working on these things and will continue to fiddle with the site over the months ahead.

Fictionwise Halloween Special

Fictionwise E-Books is offering a great 25% discount on every horror and dark fantasy e-book they sell on their site. It's a good chance to get my hard-to-find titles cheap. And this week they're offering a 100% rebate on preorders of Stephen King's new novel, Lisey's Story!

(E-books are great on PDAs, but Fictionwise offers a number of different formats. It's a great site because you can also get individual short-stories by popular writers, often for under 50 cents.)

Goreletter 4.02 Mailed

The Goreletter Vol. 4, #2, with the title "The Wink of the Cyclops" was mailed to subscribers on 9/21/2006 @ 9:12 PM est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version. If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribers to this newsletter receive bonus material -- and have access to exclusive discounts, contests, and other benefits. Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (But probably not completely pain-free). -- Mike Arnzen

Play Dead Playing Card Contest Ends

We have a winner in the "Play Dead Card Contest"! The contest asked subscribers to pose an interesting interview question for my weblog on amazon.com. The winner is Ron Breznay, who asks:

"If you could be a corpse, which corpse would you be?"

Trick question! To read my dodgy answer, visit my amazon blog!

Ron wins a free deck of the rare PLAY DEAD-inspired playing cards. Thanks to everyone who sent in groovy questions; I fully intend to answer some more of them, so keep your eyes on that amazon blog. You can always send me a question for the blog if you like, but note that all contests from Goreletter 4.01 are now officially closed.

4.01 Contest Updates

We have two winners in the 'spaminot' contest from Goreletter 4.01! But one contest still remains open, so subscribe soon and you can still enter.

The "spaminot" contest asked readers to guess which of the following phrases was NOT a real spam header I received: aggressive mannequin, be decomposable, cuddle grime, diabolical meathead, drive by grimace, efficiency nose ring, goth seniority, grandmamma warlock, medication madhouse, open face surgery, sanity immersion, toucan retardation, undeliverable baby. (Can you believe the sick ingenuity of spammers?). The made-up phrase was "diabolical meathead." Guess I wasn't so diabolical after all.

Craig Clarke wins 1st prize, nabbing an autographed Advanced Review Copy of my novel, Play Dead, a copy of The Dead Cat Poet Cabal (constructed by Gerard Houarner), a signed Play Dead book jacket, and Horror Library Vol. 1 (edited by RJ Cavender).

Tracy Mowdy came in 2nd with the winning entry, earning an autographed copy of Mythic Delirium #14, a signed Play Dead book jacket, and a copy of Butcher Shop Quartet (edited by Frank J. Hutton).

Congratulations to Craig and Tracy.

The currently open contest -- a subjective draw which invites subscribers to send me a witty interview question for my weblog on amazon.com -- will remain open until June 10th, when I pick my favorite question and answer it. To participate, all you need to do is subscribe to the e-mail edition of The Goreletter and follow the directions in the latest issue. The winner will receive a free and highly collectible deck of playing cards with art by Dave Liscomb inspired by my novel, Play Dead!

Goreletter 4.01 Mailed

The Goreletter Vol. 4, #1, with the title "Tender Cuts" was mailed to subscribers on 25/May/2006 23:08 est. It contains two contests for prizes and extra material not available here on the weblog version. If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribers to this newsletter receive bonus material -- and have access to exclusive discounts, contests, and other benefits. Subscribe today...it's painless, fun and free! (But probably not completely pain-free). -- Mike Arnzen

Wee Small Hours is Clocking Out

Wee Small Hours -- the online fiction challenge, responding to creative writing prompts plucked from my weekly column in Hellnotes newsletter -- has gone on hiatus. Read the final (?) entry (Bev Vincent's excellent story, "Therapy") while it's still available free online. Bev wrote a very grim, very moving, tale! I just wanted to say how proud I was to be the instigator for WSH. Although only one tale was chosen each month, it has produced many great stories that are still in circulation and it thrills me to be a part of all that creative energy. UPDATE 5/5/06: It turns out that Hellnotes magazine itself is undergoing radical changes. Editorial hands are changing from Judi Rohrig to David Silva, and the newsletter is now a free weblog! Go to Hellnotes for details. My "Instigation" department is no longer a part of Hellnotes, but I promise to continue to running Instigation in The Goreletter, for as long as I publish it.

Goreletter 3.06 Mailed

Goreletter 3.06 was mailed to subscribers on 11/Feb/2006 @ 19:47 est. If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribers to this newsletter receive bonus material -- and have access to exclusive discounts, contests, and other benefits. Subscribe today...it's painless and free!

Halloween Specials

I noticed recently that there are a number of good Halloween shopping deals on horror books out there recently, and so I thought I'd call attention to a few before the end of the month...

Fictionwise E-books is presently offering 25% of all their horror titles until October 31st. They have a number of Arnzen titles in stock -- a good way to get my short story collections, 100 Jolts or Fluid Mosaic, cheap!

Shocklines Bookstore has an incentive for readers to discover horror poetry: buy one horror poetry book, get one free! A great way to pick up my latest collection, Freakcidents or Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems -- and get your hands on my "collected works" book, Writhing in Darkness, free!

Naked Snake Press is running a new promotion: pick up a copy of my zombie-themed poetry book, Rigormarole, and get a free subscription to their magazine, Poe Little Thing!

And amazon.com still seems to be the cheapest place to pick up my new novel, Play Dead, at almost ten bucks off!

HAIKRUEL CONTEST RESULTS

I received many excellent entries for the Goreletter's "Mess Up My Fridge" contest last month. Now my refrigerator is truly damned. So many strange entries came in that I couldn't just pick one winner...but FOUR, which all tied for first place. For prizes, everyone received a free Arnzen poetry book -- and anyone who entered was e-mailed a free Bitpasss for access to The Sickolodeon, just for playing!

Below are the winning entries. Didn't win? Eager for more? The "review race" contest for Play Dead is still on! Be among the first subscribers to post a "customer review" of my new novel on amazon.com, bn.com, ProjectPulp.com, or some other online bookseller, and you could win a free book, (no matter what you say)!

THE WINNERS

Soft belly babies
Two hearts strong rhythm--stiff hooks
Both splitting wetly

-- Stephen M. Wilson

***
blind casket petfood
mouse balloons and memory
cat embalmed in milk

-- Cameron Pierce

***
Squalid brain balloons,
Memory writhing inside,
Gleam with mad wonder.

-- Tanya Twombly

***
Embalmed skin costume
Naked writhing locked inside
Wet with casket worms

-- HorrorWench

***
HONORABLE MENTIONS

Cat paws out the heart
Of the dead mouse as it spurts
And it tastes like milk.

-- Barbara Bates

***
Dead memory worm
writhing inside wet brain chunks
with unstoppable rhythm.

-- Kathy B.

***
Haiku will never be the same again. The contest is over, but you can always post fridge magnet poetry on "The Damned Fridge" at gorelets.com

Two New Contests!

The latest e-mail edition of The Goreletter was delivered on July 18th. It features two new contests for subscribers only, where you can win free signed copies of my books. Check out the Refrigerator of the Damned at gorelets.com to see one of them in action.

Subscribing is free and easy. Newsletters are mailed roughly 13 times a year, so it's a low traffic list. It's the easiest way to keep up with this weblog, and always includes bonus materials like contests and coupons that you won't find here.

"I greatly look forward to each newsletter. I don't look at it in progress because I don't like to spoil the enjoyment and shock that I get from reading the finished copy. Sometimes something you've written sticks in my mind and I can't get it out...then I have to get my electric drill and...but I won't bore you with that." -- subscriber, Jennifer Peterson

Stoker 2004 Update

The winners of the 2004 Bram Stoker Awards were announced last weekend. Alas, this newsletter and my fiction collection, 100 Jolts -- which were finalists -- did not earn the trophy, but the old cliche is true: it truly was "an honor to be nominated" by my peers in the horror field.

There are several highlights in the winner's list, and I applaud everyone. But I think I'm clapping loudest for Hellnotes newsletter, which won the Stoker for Superior Achievement in Non-Fiction. As many readers of The Goreletter know, I contribute a weekly version of "Instigation: Twisted Prompts for Sicko Writers" to Hellnotes (in fact, a special 100th anniversary celebration is forthcoming) and it feels good to be a small part of a winning serial. Congratulations, especially, to editor Judi Rohrig.

I was also happy to see that The Devil's Wine (reviewed here last October) won the Bram Stoker award in the "Alternative Forms" category. Many congratulations to Tom Piccirilli for his courageous support of horror poetry.

Driving the Sick Elephant: Free Audio File

Break out your "Die"-pod!

You can now download and listen to me perform a spoken word piece called "Driving the Sick Elephant." It's pretty slick, coupled with some pretty wild music, self-recorded in the studio.

A short sample is available to play online at gorelets.com, along with the complete file to download and the lyrics. You'll find it halfway down the "writing/previews" page at gorelets.com. Or if you just want to download the file right away, (click here (warning: it's 3.8 megabytes).

The "Mash Your Own Monsters" Contest Winners

Last issue I sponsored the "Mash Your Own Monster" contest, which asked subscribers to put any two horror film icons together in an original "monster mash", with a brief synopsis of the movie's mayhem. Points went out for originality in the pairing, a Gorelets-flavored sense of humor, and a general appeal to my sense of "I'd love to see them pull off THAT!"

The winners are:

Cody Goodfellow, 1st Place, for THINGAMABLOB: THE THING vs. THE BLOB ("Man is the Warmest Place to Hide Jelly Filling")

Stephen M. Wilson, 2nd Place, for THE BROOD vs. THE OOMPA LOOMPAS
("Can chocolate soothe the savage mom?")

Nick Cato, 3rd place, for JASON vs. THE KILLER TOMATOES (a.k.a. FRIDAY THE 13th part 16)

Congratulations! All three win BitPass prizes. Thanks to everyone who entered. I'll be publishing the hilariously inventive plot synopses of these "monster mashes" and ALL the entries in the e-mail edition of Goreletter, soon to be released. It's free to subscribe if you're curious or want to be elibgible for future contests and discount rewards.

CONTEST: Mash Your Own Monsters

To celebrate the 3rd Volume of the The Goreletter (launched today), I'm hosting a new contest. You must subscribe to the e-mail newsletter edition of The Goreletter to participate. No big whoop...give it a try!

Invent a wacky Monster Mash, based on characters from actual horror films -- not books or videogames. (For an example, read the latest issue's Blather). Give it a title and a slugline...even include a brief summary of the plot, if you like (keep it under 50 words please). Send only one. I'll publish all submissions in the next issue of The Goreletter -- and give my top two favorites (subjectively chosen) free prizes!

Top prize: a $10 BitPass gift card, a signed cover flat from Grave Markings (1994) and an autographed copy of Fluid Mosaic or Gorelets (your choice).
2nd Place: a $5 BitPass gift card and a signed cover flat from Grave Markings (1994)
3rd Place: a $3 BitPass gift card

A "bitpass" is a micropayment gift certificate. See The Sickolodeon for more information or visit BitPass.com

Send your entry to arnzen@gorelets.com with the subject line "MY MASH" by Midnight, April 1st. You must be a subscriber to the newsletter edition of The Goreletter to win. Late arrivals may be published, but ineligible for prizes. I'll announce winners in the next issue of The Goreletter (and here on the weblog)!

-- Michael Arnzen

Comments Removed

I decided to remove the "comments" feature from this website because of a recent "comment spam" attack. This was not an easy decision to make because it meant removing a few really creative short-shorts that subscribers have posted as well as some very kind and interesting feedback from visitors.

I apologize for this change but it really had to be done to keep The Goreletter in tip-top editorial shape. I know I'll miss reading your comments, so I invite any visitor who wants to comment on an article to write me personally at arnzen@gorelets.com. Or I'd be happy to receive feedback in the guestbook.

I also encourage folks to try to publish anything inspired by the "Instigation" department... ralan.com is a good place to start investigating potential markets to submit to. I will report any publication that's "instigated" by the Goreletter in the following Instigation department.

Battle Robot Contest Has Ended

The Battle Robot Contest has ended (in less than an hour after mailing the latest newsletter!).

My bot -- "hellboy" -- was no match to the contenders. The winners are:

• Palmer -- who took first place thanks in part to his dreaded Spring-Loaded Boxing Glove
  
• Lackey in second, whose Onboard iPod distracted Hellboy before she massacred him.
  
• Faulkner whose metal tusks laden with corporate logos impaled Hellboy to the floor.
  
• Clarke whose Nodule-Covered Truncated-Cone Base provided both armor and power to take 4th place.
  

All four will receive free copies of the Dogwitch comic book, autographed by artist Dan Schaffer. Palmer gets a book.

You can still battle Hellboy with your own custom made robot, but the contest is officially over.

Subscribe to the e-mail version of The Goreletter to be eligible for contest prizes in the future and to receive exclusive discounts on horror books and gear not posted here.

Visit The Surrealist for more wickedly strange fun and games.

Still No Winners

Just FYI: there have been no lucky guesses yet in the special "subscriber's only" Strange Snippet contest from 2.9. If you haven't tried guessing yet, you've still got a little time left before the next Goreletter. Give it a shot! If you don't subscribe, you can't play to win. Sign up; it's free!

Fresh Air: Auction

Award winning author Charles L. Grant is in need of emergency relief for his medical condition. A Fresh Air Fund has been set up to assist him, and just this week the Horror Writers Association launched an awesome campaign of auctions on Ebay to help Charlie.

Shocklines Bargain

Just saw that Shocklines Bookstore is offering a neat package deal for the new Grave Markings limited along with Charlee Jacob's book, Soma. Buy both together and you get a huge gift package for free: two novels, a rare poetry chapbook and three great horror magazines! A great way to get Delirium Books' Dark Essentials.

Speaking of Shocklines, Grave Markings is #2 on their bestseller list this week, with 100 Jolts following nearby at #7. Thanks to all of you reading this who have picked up my books...I'm happy to have soiled you with my sickness.

Review Race: Update!

UK reader Claire Faulkner wins the "review race" contest from the latest Goreletter, by being the first to post a review of 100 Jolts to amazon.com. Although she certainly could have given a thumbs down and still won the contest, her review was very positive. It reads:

Short, sharp and definitely shocking. Whatever your taste in horror, '100 Jolts' will have a story for you. Intensively strong in style and content, highly addictive narrative. Arnzen gives horror again and again in bite sized shorts - you won't want to put it down. Highly recommended.

For a prize, she'll be getting her free pick of Arnzen chapbooks: Dying, Gorelets, or Sportuary.

update 4/20:
Shortly thereafter, Tracy Mowdy beat the pack to barnesandnoble.com, comparing 100 Jolts to being strapped into an electric chair.

And I may offer consolation prizes to runner's up who post reviews of 100 Jolts to either site before the next Goreletter is released, so if you've read the book, post your feedback to those online bookstores!

Speaking of reviews, you've just gotta read Gary Braunbeck's awesome review of 100 Jolts, just posted to his wonderful website. It actually made me blush.

Also just in: Flash Fantastic magazine reviews 100 Jolts: "This guy handles flash horror like a skilled surgeon with words that sing darkly. And he didn’t forget humor. 100 JOLTS delivers plenty of that. The humor is like chocolate dessert after a bloody heaping of raw meat." Yum.

Strange Visitors Winners

Winning entries have been received for the "Strange Visitors" contest, which is now officially closed. But the "Review Race" contest is still wide open!

In the "Strange Visitor" contest, I asked subscribers to guess which of the following oddball phrases were NOT entered into search engines to find my website, according to my host provider:

nude pyre
moldy heart
animated suicide
open caskets
girl on crutches
she is now a mannequin
softness of swelling brain
dead moldy monkey cheese
hot zombie love nest
once my friend pooped herself at school
poems about sick babies
splitting the brain

(Weird, I know.) The answer was "hot zombie love nest," which I made up. Our winners are subscribers Tracy Mowdy (who was the FIRST to respond at all) and Dean M. Watts in second place. Tracy wins a signed copy of 100 Jolts; Dean gets a gift certificate to bitpass.com.

UPDATE, 5/26: I'm writing poems based on the titles in the list above (striking them through as I complete them)...see the Weblog Exclusive department for them.

Contests & Coupons

I've just mailed the latest issue of The Goreletter to newsletter subscribers. It includes extras not available here on the blog, including TWO contests (which feature free book prizes and bitpass.com certificates) and coupons to several books, including discounts on the deluxe edition of Grave Markings! Subscribe (for free!) to have access to these goodies, by filling out the form on your right or registering at gorelets.com

100 Jolts Now Available Everywhere!

Although it's not printed yet, 100 Jolts is now up for sale at Books a Million.com, Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, and -- currently cheapest of them all -- buy.com. But if you want a signed copy you'll still have to order Jolts from my favorite bookseller (publisher of Freakcidents), the wonderful shocklines.com. And if you're in the market for an Arnzen title, you might find the helpful "booksearch" page at gorelets.com of interest, since it scours the web for booksellers who have my hard to find books.

New Years is Over

The heading in the e-mail edition of Goreletter 2.5 incorrectly dates the year as 2003. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, New Year's is over. (I'm talking to myself here). Please archive 2.5 accordingly. However, the grace period for messing up checks does not end for another three weeks. So bounce away!

Barnes and Noble

My upcoming book, 100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories is now available for preorder at Barnes and Noble with a 10% discount.

Take a look at Fluid Mosaic while you're there.

Or just browse their amazing warehouse sale. Book collectors are finding all sorts of fun things, like signed limited editions, at 80% off! (This is a tip, not an advertisement!)

Poll Closed

The Preditors & Editors online reader's poll has closed. Their instructions were mixed up, apparently because the poll officially closed yesterday.

My story, "How to Grow a Man Eating Plant," took third place in the Best Online Horror Story of 2003 race. Thanks to all of you who voted.

Mazingo Down (and Corrections)

+ Attention PDA subscribers: The Mazingo network has closed. I did not get warning about this. I've added a new PDA channel to the Gorelets front page. To subscribe, I recommend you install AvantGo -- https://my.avantgo.com/home/ -- or a an RSS reader for the PDA like StandAlone Software's "Hand/RSS" -- http://standalone.com/palmos/hand_rss/ -- and set them to automatically sample the new blog at http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/

+ The coupon for MediaSI in The Goreletter 2.2 erroneously implied that you need to order $50 minimum to get your 20% discount. On the contratry: you get the 20% off everything UP TO the first $50 you spend.

+ Fairwood Press will not have a table at World Fantasy Convention, as reported in the last Goreletter, but its books will certainly be available in the Dealer's room. Hunt them down and if you see someone named Patrick or Honna Swenson, introduce yourself.

New Poll

Please take a moment to vote
whether or not you want to get rid of
the unique "skinny column" format of
The Goreletter, which is no longer
required for Handheld computer users.
If you LIKE the long column, I'll keep it.
But you have to vote for it.

Squeegie Off the Gore

Congratulations to subscribers Leila
Eadie and Jill Roberts, for winning the
"Giant Monster Battle" contest from the
last issue. Combining guts, intellect,
and luck, they both slayed the blob that
could not be stopped, Geoblie, and
won free "Bitpasses" for any of the
content featured at bitpass.com. I've
left the "battle" game page online if you
want to play with Geoblie's flaccid
corpse. Prod carefully!

New Blog/RSS Version

Beginning with the second volume, The Goreletter will also be made available as a "blog" (a.k.a. "weblog") for the purposes of generating an RSS Syndicated Newsfeed. RSS allows readers to get the newsletter "fed" to them without having to use e-mail; it allows newsletter publishers to circumvent spam filters and "bounces" that occur when subscribers mailboxes are full and so forth. One article I read by online journalism guru Steve Outing claims that up to 38% of all newsletters never make it to their subscribers because of problems with e-mail systems. I want readers to have as many options as possible, so I think an alternative -- not a replacement -- is in order. Thus, The Goreletter weblog was born.

To read RSS newsfeeds, you must either download a newsreader and install it on your computer (I recommend Feeddemon) or subscribe through a website that syndicates headlines, like Bloglines.

Given the "live" abilities of syndicated RSS, I will often post the specific departments from the newsletter (Blather, Weird Web of the Month, etc.) as I finish them to the "blog" and even list breaking news items and extra material that might not appear in the newsletter itself. The e-mailed version of the newsletter will continue to be mailed on a monthly basis and will essentially compile the best material posted at the blog from the previous month. One exciting element of the blog site will be that you can choose to filter by department, so that, for example, you can browse all the "instigation" prompts that have been posted every month all on one page.

However, to read material from the first year's thirteen issues of The Goreletter, you need to review the archives at my creative writing website, gorelets.com.

Additionally, if you want to read my dry thoughts about teaching, you can visit my unapologetically academic weblog called Pedablogue.

Otherwise, my main website continues to be gorelets.com. The blog will simply be a nice supplement to it.