Denamarie Ercolani

I never had a Mother, so I had to compromise

I never really had a relationship with my mother so I didn’t know what feeling to expect when I read a piece of work that dealt with mother and children acts of love. By reading books that dealt with mothers and daughters, I, in a way, compromised having a mother by reading and reacting. I always wanted to know how it felt to have a mother.

"A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy,
an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological
and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships."
Victoria Secunda

I never had the chance to look up to my mother, but my mother isn’t a great role model to begin with. The quote above is everything I never had in my life. “What does it mean to have a mother, what are they supposed to do for me,” I would ask myself and my friends. Most reactions would be, “You don’t have a mom that stinks. I don’t know what I would do without my mom; she is always there for me.” Literature has answered the previous questions and has become my mother. It is always there when I need it and it helps me on my bad days. By reading literature it opened windows to let me feel and see how a mother-daughter relationship is like. After analyzing many pieces of literature that dealt with children with just fathers I realized that there are others out in the world that feel the same as I do. I finally realized what love was; having a father that loves you more than any mother could. Authors who write literature try to show a side of a mother that you don’t think is typical, for example in A Doll’s House, why would a mother leave her children; this is reality in my life. It is great to read books that deal with situations I went through and see how the author presented the characters that were left behind by their mothers. I thank my father every day for being there for me through thick and thin. My father is not only my dad, but also my mom.

If I never read literature, I wouldn’t know how to deal with a mother. By reviewing the stories that dealt with mothers, it made me grow into a stronger person physically and emotionally. My father was my backbone throughout my life. He helped me get over my mother in a way by just talking with me about how I felt. As I was eating breakfast before I left to go to first grade, my father interested me in tee ball. He showed me how to bat using my cereal as a ball and the spoon as a bat. Ever since that moment I have had sports in my life that have filled that emptiness from my mother. This emptiness came out a lot during sad movies and books, but it was therapy to me. I had to let her go, so by reading I did and I learned that I can go through life without her. At the end of the school day as I would swing on the old, rusty, squeaky swing set on the playground, I would see my best friends run into their mother’s arms. I felt left out and that I was the oddball for the reason that everyone would go home with their mothers, but I went home with my dad. I felt that I was swinging into the distance, and there was no one (mother) to push me. I didn’t need a mother to push me, I needed my dad. When I would cry, my father would get down on his knees and tell me, “You don’t need a mother Dena; I love you more than she could in a million years.” I know my father did love me a lot, but I felt that I was missing out on something that every child needs, a mother’s love.

One piece of literature that really touched me was A Doll’s House. The mother was never really involved in her children’s life. When she felt sheltered and lost her freedom she wanted to leave, and she did. Nora, the mother, just left her children without a good-bye and told her husband that she wasn’t a great mother and to keep the children away from her. My mom left in the middle of the night with out any warning and I never saw her until I was 14. To this day, I don’t speak to her because I have lost respect for her. She didn’t realize, well at least I think she didn’t, about my feelings or how I would be brought up and how my life would turn out. Personally, I lead a pretty good life. This story opened me up to my feelings about my mother; this book was a great therapeutic implement. I grew a little bit because of this play. I will never become my mother or Nora; I will be there at every moment for my children. Even though I did not grow up with both my mother and father, I received twice as much love and attention as well as care from my father.

Literature is a great piece of work that touches you, even if it is just in the slightest way. It will stick with you for the rest of your life; just like how not having a mother will stick with me for the rest of my life. I learned a lesson through my mother’s actions and literature. Not everyone will make the right choices. Literature makes you think in a whole new perspective and in a whole new light. By reading literature, you are helping your self grow as a person. For me personally, I took a lot into literature and came out with even more; I will never become a replica of any mother that leaves their children. Literature is my new mother; I want to be just like it.