Most of the blogs that I create are usually ones that I 'have' to for the classes that I am enrolled in. Very rarely does something strick me deep enough to make me think about the situation hours later. But today it happened.
I grew up in a parish that felt like a community, everyone respected our priests and church and the parishioners gathered on Sundays to go to Mass. I'm not an extreme catholic nor do I follow by all of the rules the church has, but I always had great admiration for the men and women that devote their lives to God. It is no secret that the Church has been facing complications for the past few years because of accusations of child molestation. Today when I read the Philadelphia Daily News, it had a huge impact on me. I know that priests have been molesting children and I felt bad, but I didn't really think it would be the priests that I have heard of and respected the most. I saw Anthony Bevilacqua's name in the paper, I felt like crying. I remember when I was in 6th grade we were the last class that he would ever be confirming, as silly as it sounds, it meant something to me. ANd now his name is being associated with one of the cardinals that are accused of hiding and ignoring the fact that priests were hurting children. How could he have looked children in their eyes and live with himself? He had the power to fire the priests or do something to protect the vulnerable, but no, he let the priests stay and just moved them around to different parishes. That is unheard of, I can not even comprehend that. Many children could have been protected after they started to find out, but they denied that their priests had a problem.
I do not know how someone is supposed to continue with their faith, because mine seems like it has been destroyed. People looked to priests to give them help and guide them in the right way. Which they did when they weren't playing out their fantasies with children. For example, "There is a Philadelphia-area Roman Catholic priest who raped an 11-year-old girl, causing her to become pregnant, and then took her to have an abortion, and who also molested a 5th-grader inside the confessional booth." That sounds bad huh? Well continue reading, "another priest is said to have been a sadomasochist who paid boys to place him in bondage - and then perform acts such as defecating so he could lick their excrement."
The Church is in trouble and they are the ones that caused it. They destroyed lives and got away and continue to get away with it for years. Part of my faith, is that I beileve in Confession. I feel like I am talking to God when I am confessing my sins, but now I will not go to confession. I love God and I know that I should forgive, but this is refuse to forgive. How can I continue to live as a practicing atholic by not going to confession or attending Mass? I can't, it is impossible. But I no longer feel comfortable, telling a 'secret rapist' my sins. I want to make it clear that I am not saying every priests, but because of the many that have been molesting boys and girls, I lost my trust in every priest that I once admired. I want nothing to do with the Catholic Church. They should be shameful and embarrassed. They were religious figures that people looked up to and they took advantage of that. They were supposed to take vows to guide people towards Jesus, they were supposed to be God's close friends, he chose those men to help us on earth, but I do not beileve that. I do not think that God would rape children repeditavely and then cover his actions up. Which leaves me to wonder what other belief do I have that will be a lie in the years that lie ahead of me.
The priest who are rapists, etc, should be put in jail and never get a chance to see daylight again. For the cardinals, priests who were aware of what was happeneing in their churches and did nothing to stop it should aslo have to faces consequences, but wait We can't they are priests and cardinals, what was I thinking?