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January 29, 2004
Soaked
Okay, here's my first shot at a fifty word fiction, flash fiction, or whatever it is that we're calling it these days in Dr. Jerz's class. I don't care what we call it, I just think I really like it. It's almost poetic, but not quite... Anyway, I'll analyze later; here's my first attempt--let me know what YOU think!
Soaked-- 40 words
Drizzle. He forgot, but he's still haunted. Rolled out of bed, too late. He didn't matter, she didn't matter--broken picture of a broken relationship. He wanted so badly to cry. And as he walked, torrents poured into his shoulders.
I was having a bit of trouble trying to decide how to end the thing, but I figured, this is my first one, so let it be what it is. I considered adding another sentence for a bit more volume, since I this version is only 40 words, but then I wanted to make it longer... and longer... which is what usually happens to me when I write--things grow until they're proportioned to the length I think the story ought to be.
*shrug* Comments are, as always, welcomed by me :^)
Posted by KarissaKilgore at January 29, 2004 9:23 PM
Comments
How do you put so much into so little? I can feel his pain. I know him already. Sugarpacket/postcard collector you should be the journalist.
Posted by: Amanda at January 29, 2004 11:04 PM
That's beautiful Karissa! I've always loved flash fiction, but the stuff I've read has been longer, like 100 words or so. This is really deep and it's just wonderful. I've got to try my hand at it sometime. :D
Posted by: Steph C. at January 30, 2004 1:03 AM
Great work, Karissa. The word "torrents" is powerful, so the end isn't as weak as you think. Nice job.
Posted by: Mike Arnzen at January 30, 2004 11:40 AM
Karissa, This is awesome! Don't worry about the length. I think that you have done an amazing job of summing up the relationship broken in the amount of wording you have.
Tiffany
Posted by: Tiffany at January 30, 2004 1:50 PM