February 10, 2004

Mosaic

He who is great painted the firmament
Yellow and blue pinkish mauve undertones
Ever changing pigments of Proportion
Divin'd glowing inspir'd with stroked-brush
By God his wonder stipple the starry-night
Pure moon of Dane accents His marked-might.

Posted by Michael Diezmos at February 10, 2004 9:17 PM
Comments

Love the poem, but a suggestion would be to think of a better title. This is something I am working on. I have mentioned in my blogs and in other's blogs that a creative title that doesn't give away the poem may be hard to write, but in the end it helps give that specific poem a life of its own.

Tiff

Posted by: Tiffany at February 11, 2004 12:46 AM

That title tip Tiff typed today -- 'twas tops.

Mike's clever-hyphen'd wordplay caught my ear.

"stipple with starry-night" syllables pleasantly tumble down
BAH Bum buh / BAH Bum buh / BAH Bum buh / BAH Bum buh / BAH Bum buh

The meter isn't strictly Shakespeare's verse.
In places straying from the rule is fine,
When meaning simply doesn't fit -- and yet
"Blue green pink and yellow red undertones"
Is not, to me, a line that needs to stray.
"blue GREEN pink AND yel LOW red UN der TONES"
Emphasizes silly syllables. See?
To fit that in iambic feet you'd say
"Em FUSS i SAYS sill LEE sill UHH buls. SEE?"
Though emphasizing syllables can bind.
(Though EMPH a SIZ ing SYLL a BLES can BIND.)
Rework those colors so they fall in step?

While God as painter is a bit cliche,
You may have found a fresh new thing to say.
The closing moon seems bolder, stronger, starker.
Mark'd God that moon with highlight (magic) marker?

Posted by: Dennis G. Jerz at February 11, 2004 2:24 AM

Dr. Jerz...You are getting a bit carried away with the whole iambic pentameter thing don't ya think?

Tiff

Posted by: Tiffany at February 12, 2004 1:07 AM

Michael,

"Starry night" are you referring to Van Gogh's piece? I love that piece of art. It is so meaningful in many ways. I liked your poem because it does not have many descriptions, yet I can still picture a clear image in my head. Good Job Michael!

Posted by: Firefighter Chica at March 4, 2004 3:00 PM

Thanks Firefighter Chica,

Actually I didn't think of Van Gogh when I wrote that line (I like Van Gogh's Starry Night though also), I love starry nights and I just used this as a metaphor for the way God is so intricate, I was also referring to an art technique I learned called 'stippling'. Stippling is making pictures by 'dotting' and from far away the distant stars almost looks like twinkling dots.

Posted by: Michael Diezmos at March 5, 2004 7:03 PM
Post a comment









Remember personal info?