Stand please... psyche!

Yeah, here is another blog entry about antics in church.

I don't understand how this happens, but every two months, people forget how the mass goes. Everything will seem fine, and then suddenly everyone, with the exception of those who are on the ball, stands at the wrong time. Let me explain further...

During the gift-offering and whatnot, in last Sunday's mass, everyone stood up. Why did they stand up? I have no idea, but in reality you aren't supposed to get up until after the priest finishes his prayers. Sometimes he gives a motion, other times you just gotta know. But regardless, you don't stand up before he is finished. (If you are interested in knowing the meaning behind the standing and sitting, ask someone else. And if you want to argue with me about it, then use a mirror instead)

So everyone stands up, but my family does not. Of course, we weren't alone, the family in front of us, a couple to the left of me, and a few people behind us (and some others throughout the church) stayed seated. This does one of two things:

1) Makes the people standing up feel very angry and stupid at the same time. First they are thinking "Look at those pompous families, why aren't they standing?" and then they are thinking "Wait... am I supposed to be standing? Crap, I stood up too early, just because the guy in front of me was standing up. Doh!"

2)It makes us who are seated look very smart. Everyone who is standing, once the initial confusion settles, they think to themselves "Wow, those people sitting really know their stuff! I am going to go home and study the steps of the mass so I can be just like them, and know when to sit and when to stand."

I really just want to know why this happens. I have prepared a few ideas, but I'm sure none of them are really correct.

A) A handful of people aren't paying attention (yes, I know, unfortunately there are some people like that) and they hear the music stop, and they panic. In order to not look silly they spring out of their chairs. The people also not paying attention, see this sudden movement, and they join in. Pretty soon the rest of the congregation feels as if they should stand as well.

B) Church mice. Church mice, every once in a while, will hop out and run along the pews. Once their tickley whiskers brush the bums of the bemused brothers and sisters, they will spring out of their seats and praise the Lord.

C) It's a conspiracy to point out and eliminate those families that they want out of the church. Sometimes congregations get too big, and some people are asked to come back another time, or they are just flat out executed in the alley. The people that don't stand are the people that are taken outside and executed.

D) People like to stand... alot.

All I know is that next time people do that, I am going to put a small thumb tac on the seat of everyone who is standing. That way when they sit back down... they will stay down. Or... they will spring back up. Hmm. Either way, I lose!

Posted by MikeRubino at March 22, 2004 10:30 PM