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i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

Tales of a Kitchen Wunderkid

September 12, 2004

Some days I am practically a kitchen whizkid, whipping up those delicious banana nut muffins from scratch, with a nary a glance at my recipe as I do so. Other days, such as today, I am fairly certain it should be illegal for me to be around kitchen appliances, especially those with razor sharp blades whizzing around at the speed of light.

So I'm making spaghetti sauce from scratch, right? I started last night with 10 pounds of garden fresh Roma tomatoes, 3 Vidalia onions, and a whole crapload of patience. Today, I went on a hunt for the food mill I didn't realize I would need and don't have with no success. So then I decided, screw it, who cares if my tomato sauce has seeds in it?

So instead of pushing my sauce through a food mill as recommended by the recipe, I decided to give it a whirl in my food processor instead. Same difference, right? So that went fine, no complications.

Then I tasted my sauce and I thought, "This needs something!" So I tossed a cinnamon stick into the pot as well as a generous splash of red wine vinegar. That was much better but it still needed something. Then I remembered the mushrooms I had kifed from the market o' fruit the other night. Mushrooms in my spaghetti sauce! Of course! But who wants to chop up all those dang mushrooms anyway? Pfffh! Not me!

So I thought, "Hey, the food processor is already out, why not chop my mushrooms in there!" Why not indeed! So I stuff the thing full of whole mushrooms. I didn't even chop 'em in half. I mean, if you're bein' lazy, you gotta do it right, right? So... I load it up, put on the lid, press the power button and presto! Chopped mushrooms!

Almost... it chopped about half of 'em before I needed to stop the machine and stir. Then I started it again. And it did the same thing. So I thought, genious that I am, instead of stopping the machine, this time I'll just open the little trapdoor at the top, and just push the mushroom down a little bit so the blade will get it. Oh yeah.

Two seconds later I'm standing there with half a wooden spoon in my hand and a stunned expression on my face. It truly was beautiful. Good thing I wasn't so stupid as to use my hand, eh?? man...

Moira at 11:34 AM :: Comments (4) :: ::
Comments:

Quite glad you didn't use your hand! Typing blog entries would be rough with five fingers and a stub.

I'm no culinary artiste (pronounced "arteest" lol). But It sure does sound like you have fun in the kitchen--that's what I always liked about cooking :)

Posted by: Karissa at September 12, 2004 02:22 PM

Yeah, man, it's a really good thing. I mean, the mess for one thing! For non-cleaners such as my self, that's quite an obstacle! Then you have the whole people-calling-me-stumpy thing that would only leave me surly and distempered. I'd get carpal tunnel from typing one handed all the time and I'd never be able to jump rope again!

Cooking is fun, as long as you aren't having major kitchen blunders... ;c)

Posted by: moira at September 12, 2004 09:11 PM

Wow, that's funny if you read it out loud...! :^D

Posted by: Karissa at September 12, 2004 09:59 PM

Yeah, I might be kitchen-gadget-disfunctional, but at least I'm funny. ;c)

Posted by: moira at September 12, 2004 11:34 PM
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