i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

Tourist Lingo for Dummies

October 17, 2004

As a part of the project I am working on for Writing for the Internet, I decided to do a little research. See, my project is going to be a kind of virtual travel guide for Europe, only presented from my warped perspective. I'm moving to England this coming summer for three months so I figure I need to do some research for the places I want to visit. And why not present that information to you, my random readers?

Here's part of my project - A collection of 10 phrases that every European traveller should know.


If you know these 10 phrases for each country that you visit you will readily communicate your willingness to butcher a foreign language with your poor pronunciation and thus readily identify yourself as a naive tourist! The natives will show their appreciation for your genuine attempt to portray your utter helplessness by charging you higher prices and laughing at you as you walk away! Please don't be tempted to complain to the natives, however, becuase this will result in even more ill-will directed towards you, the clueless tourist. Instead, you must grin and bear it, accepting as your lot your permanent status as a pesky American tourist! You deserve it!


Thank you.
Where is the bathroom?
Two beers, please!
How much is it?
That person stole my wallet!
I am lost!
I am hungry!
Can you help me?
I am a stupid American!
I'm sorry.


¿Dónde está el cuarto de baño?
¡Dos cervezas, por favor!
¿Cuánto es él?
¡Esa persona robó mi carpeta!
¡Me pierden!
¡Tengo hambre!
¿Puede usted ayudarme?
¡Soy un americano estúpido!
Estoy apesadumbrado.


Où est la salle de bains ?
Deux bières, svp !
Combien coûte-t-il ?
Cette personne a volé ma pochette !
Aide !
Je suis perdu !
J'ai faim !
Pouvez-vous m'aider ?
Je suis un Américain stupide !
Je suis désolé.


Dank u.
Waar is de badkamers?
Twee bieren, tevreden!
Hoeveel is het?
Die persoon stal mijn portefeuille!
Ik word verloren!
Ik ben hongerig!
Kunt u me helpen?
Ik ben een stomme Amerikaan!
Ik ben droevig.


Wo ist das Badezimmer?
Zwei Biere, bitte!
Wieviel ist es?
Diese Person stahl meine Mappe!
Ich bin verloren!
Ich bin hungrig!
Können Sie mir helfen?
Ich bin ein dummer Amerikaner!
Ich bin traurig.

(Phrases Translated by Babelfish.)

If you are a student of any of these languages and you find a mistake, please let me know so that I'm not asking for bagels instead of bathrooms or something! Also, if you'd like to suggest a phrase that I should know - by all means, leave a comment! :c)

Moira at 02:08 PM :: Comments (2) :: « :: »

...And in case you want to start a barfight in other countries try these (although I can't promise you won't get jabbed in mid-sentence)...

*How many of you does it take to screw in a light bulb?
In French: Lequel de vous prend-il à la vis dans une ampoule?
In Dutch: Hoeveel van u neemt het om een gloeilamp vast te schroeven?

*This beer tastes like crap!!!
In Spanish: Esta cerveza prueba como el crap-o, homes!!!
In German: Dieses Bier schmeckt wie Mist!!!
In French: Quel genre de vin de sissy est ceci? Cette bière goûte comme votre underware de mother's!

And here's a quick way to get beat down...
*At least my country has a army that can win a war it stars.
In German: Mindestens hat mein Land eine Armee, die einen Krieg gewinnen kann es Sterne.
In French: Au moins mon pays a une armée qui peut gagner une guerre il des étoiles.

--I know I'm going to hell, no need to remind me.

Posted by: Hashim at October 18, 2004 09:47 PM

Hashim - I particularly enjoy your French translation of "This Beer tastes like crap!" NICE!!! (if you want to learn more - follow the babelfish link & copy and paste from Hashim's comment.)

And, el crap-o? LOL, I think you are reaching just a little bit! :c)

Are you ready to write, biznitch???

Posted by: moira at October 19, 2004 06:29 PM
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