i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

Perils of Postage

March 09, 2005

Oh, man, it's finally happening! I have been dreaming about my Europe-experience for about two years now - it started with a germ of an idea "maybe I'll go to England?" and transformed over time into "Yeah, I think I will go." to "Sweet! I don't have to go to England alone!" into "OMG! I have a plane ticket to London!" quickly to "Oh, crap, I don't have my passport!" to, finally, today's "My passport application is in the mail. Almost." Whew!

It's a BIG pain is the proverbial rear end to get a passport if you aren't a U.S. citizen, ya know. I have to send my application directly to the British Embassy in Washington, D.C. That's the only place in the U.S. to get my U.K. Passport so I am subject to the whims of those in the passport office. (This is a little frightening!) The cost is $148, which may or may not include the $12 Federal Express shipping fee.

I have to send: my full birth certificate, my father's full birth certificate, my parents' marriage certificate, and the passport we used to get into this country. All of these documents have to be originals, mind you, so I am also subject to the whims of those who work for the U.S. Postal Service.

As an ex-employee of the United States Postal Service, I must inform you that this aspect, and this aspect alone, terrifies me to no end. I know the meaning of "disgruntled postal worker" firsthand, my friends. I was the person hiding in the breakroom hoping time would suddenly start to fly by instead of dragging its deadstumpy leg behind it. That was the worst job I ever had.

And it gave me a knowledge that to this day fills me with dread: three little keystrokes, three misguided, nay malicious keystrokes and your package goes from being delivered to Wichita to being lost in space, aka Australia, India, Egypt, never to be seen again. If a postal worker is having a bad day, if your package strikes him or her in the wrong manner, you may never see or hear of it again. Muhahaha! Oh wait... I quit that job... right.

So. I must trust my most important of documents to the post office. But, if in order to leave the country, this is what I must do - I will get delivery confirmation for free on the internet and I will glare menacingly at the person behind the counter so that they know, oh they will know, the wrath that will be incurred should my package be lost.

Moira at 10:20 AM :: Comments (0) :: ::
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