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Puppy Love? Maybe not.

May 08, 2005

I haven't been sleeping well for the last week. I always seem to find that in times of stress the first thing that goes is my ability to get a good night's rest... followed closely by my ability to formulate a coherent sentence. Add the stress of finals week, toss in a dose of faith questioning, a pinch of romance gone astray (or are we just confused?), and a big steamin' lump of excitement/terror about my upcoming 9 week tour de Europe... and this girl is lying in bed at night, mind churning.

And when I do fall asleep? My mind is poppin' out those crazy dreams that stir me back to wakefulness. Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you are living in a dream? Today is that day.

Luckily, I have only had two important tasks to accomplish this morning: One was to call my mom and wish her a happy m-day / anniversary. check. The other was to walk my best friend's dognap-ees.

This is a long story. See, A is a bit of an animal-lover... oh, who am I kidding? A likes most animals better than humans, and I can't say I blame her. She lives on the top floor. Her degenerate recently-evicted neighbors live on the ground floor. The other day upon arriving home, A found the basement apartment abandoned and two dogs running around in her yard. When she went to return the dogs home, she found an empty and demolished apartment (we're talking NASTY!) complete with piles of dog poo and garbage and dirty diapers littering the floor. Yuck.

Later that day, I get a tearful message confessing A's sins of dognapping and a request to walk the dogs this weekend while she goes off doing whatever it is that ladies do when they take off for the weekend. How could I say no?

Now, I'm not much of a "dog person". I think of dogs in much the same way that I think of boyfriends and children - cool to be around and cuddle with... but I don't wanna clean up after 'em. Nice in theory but...

Sometimes I get caught up in the notion that maybe a dog would be a wonderful addition to my apartment but after this morning's experiences, well, let's just say I've had my fill of puppies.

First, I go up into the attic where the dogs are living until better arrangements can be made to find mounds of dog poo and two very enthusiastic puppies who practically knock me over in their joy.

Next, I wrangle a makeshift leash for one and use the actual leash from A's dog on the other. Then I open the door and brace myself as the two dogs run out the apartment and down the stairs. As we walk down the sidewalk, I lose one end of the robe tie I had been using as a lease and the smaller dog breaks free.

I try to sneak up on her and get the lease back around her but the other dog chases her with glee and she gets excited and takes off. Next thing I know, I am running down the street with one puppy, trying to catch the other puppy, hoping like hell it has the good sense not to run out into the street and wondering how the heck one goes about catching a runaway puppy anyway.

As I run, I realize that the brown puppy is enjoying the game and the black puppy is enjoying the game... and that this is a lose/lose situation for me.

Finally, I tie the black puppy to a pole off the road, and gently lure the other puppy back to me and the black one barks playfully as I chase the brown one around the yard it has, thankfully, decided to enjoy.

When I have both puppies under control, we continue on our walk, me twirling periodically to untangle myself from the dogs and hoping neither one poops cuz I don't wanna scoop it. Everywhere that the brown dog pees, the black dog follows suit and the two dogs are constantly sniffing and bumping into each other. At one point, the boy puppy raises his leg on a telephone poll just as the other one goes in for a sniff which equals, grossly, one brown puppy with pee on its head. yuck.

at that point I decide that perhaps I will cut our walk short and make a mental note not to touch the brown puppy ever again. When we get back to the apartment, I realize A has no cream for the coffee so I think that I will just dart across the street, leaving the puppies unpenned up because how much trouble can two puppies get into in five minutes?


I come back to a tipped over garbage can, with garbage strewn through the apartment, a puddle of dog urine on a garbage bag and a steamin' hunk of dog doo in the dining room, where I had the strictest instructions to not let the dogs. All in the space of 5 minutes... Oops. At that point, I decide to go back to my nice dog-free apartment, taking the coffee pot with me, leaving my dreams of having a puppy far, far behind me.

Moira at 11:11 AM :: Comments (0) :: ::
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