i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

Paradigm of the Post

August 16, 2005

If you've ever wondered how it could possibly be that a government service as efficient as the U.S. Postal Service could ever possibly lose an item of mail... perhaps this post will inspire you to hand deliver your own communications. Or not. Who knows? Who, for that matter, cares? Not I!

I would, however, like to tell you about the surprise in my mailbox this afternoon! It is a letter addressed to a woman named Christine who lives in Fort Thomas, Kentucky. "Woah, baby, not even close!" I thought to myself as I flipped through my mail. I read the assorted junk flyers including the ad for SuperCuts promising me a free bottle of Awapuhi shampoo (woo baby! rock on!) then I realized something ... strange. The letter was not postmarked.

So, now, my ever faithful servant of the post has delivered to me a letter posted just a few blocks away on Liberty Street. I suppose, in the long run, this makes more sense than a letter intended for Kentucky ending up on my doorstep in Pennsylvania... but it's disturbing nonetheless. I will, of course, place this letter back into the hands of my faithful friend tomorrow, where it will then be delivered, in all likelihood, perhaps a few more blocks down, ending up, eventually, somewhere in Kansas.

The problem that presents itself is, however, what if this letter had ended up in the hands of a less scrupulous Greensburg individual? Sorry, Christine, you ain't getting your letter! Yes, mistakes happen, of course they do! Even at the post office... but let me tell you a little story:

Once upon a time there was a girl who worked at the post office. Man, did she hate that job! But it turned out... with three ill-willed clicks on one little finger, BAM, a letter to, say, Australia is sent to Austria, Canada, maybe even Guatemala, never to be seen again. Not that said girl would ever admit to doing such a terrible thing... mostly because that would be admitting to a Federal offense, and HAHAHA, she's not that dumb.

Suffice it to say it's possible that bad things could happen to your mail. See, listen, here's the thing: where there is ONE distempered postal employee, there are 100's, nay 1000's, of others similiarly inclined.

Just a little something to think about on a Tuesday evening. Oh yeah.

Moira at 06:40 PM :: Comments (2) :: ::

Stop it! You're scaring me!

It's actually kind of amazing that the US mail system works as well as it does, despite rain, sleet, snow, anthrax scares, the economic threat posed by e-mail/fax/FedEx/UPS, and that long-time favorite, Going Postal Syndrome. And thank god. I'd love a world where electronic delivery were all that was necessary, but it would only take one solar flare or something like that from Mother Nature to destroy it.

Posted by: Mike Arnzen at August 17, 2005 12:37 PM

Suddenly I'm stuck on pink. Yikes, it's distracting.

Where was I?

Oh, Moira, your postalicious story. Why don't you write it out...

I played over the envelope, fingering random crinkles etched in some mysterious patois in brail. Oh, what could be in there? My imagination stormed up my cheeks.

'I've read the crinkles, it's an invitation. I know it! Yes, Abbe Hoffman's second cousin in-a-bubble is inviting Christine to an underground ball. Oh, what a trip...

Posted by: Edward Wells the 12th at September 30, 2005 01:34 PM
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