i'm just a literary tease, my reputation's on its knees.

Death By Carrots, An Extraction

August 20, 2006

"In short, it is singularly difficult to kill yourself with carrots." - Andrew Saul,

Today I scored an Oster Juice Extractor for $5 from a flea market. I've wanted one for a while, but am unwilling to pay a hefty price tag that I will, in all probability, use a few times before growing bored with it. This happened with my fancy espresso maker, food dehydrator, bread machine, and vegetable steamer. Luckily, I didn't pay for any of these appliances with now gather dust in my kitchen.

Maybe you've heard tales of my kitchen before:

"Some days I am practically a kitchen whizkid, whipping up those delicious banana nut muffins from scratch, with a nary a glance at my recipe as I do so. Other days, such as today, I am fairly certain it should be illegal for me to be around kitchen appliances, especially those with razor sharp blades whizzing around at the speed of light."

Tales of a Kitchen Wunderkid

Perhaps, even, you've followed some of my suggestions for using up leftover turkey.

Well... Then you know the danger the world faces now that I own a Juice Extractor!

How ominous the name: EX-tract-or.

Even juice, such an innocent word, has dark connotations:

Juice. N. A fluid naturally contained in plant or animal tissue. (

Animal tissue? As in, sheep juice? Rattlesnake juice? Flesh juice.


By the way, this entry has no point. I just wanted to share the quote at the beginning because I thought it was silly, and I imagined an orange man trying, in vain, to commit suicide through carrots. Isn't there a Korn song about dying carrots? Hmm... The possiblities, of juice extractors and of carrot suicide attempts, are endless. Mwhahaha!


Edit: So far I've made Apple-Pear-Kiwi-Pineapple Juice (yum!) and Beet-Cucumber-Apple juice (not-so-much). I just learned that I can use the leftover pulp in recipes. Sweet!

Moira at 12:46 PM :: Comments (0) :: ::
Post a comment

Remember personal info?