The Fight

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Here goes my first attempt at posting my very very very rough draft of the creative piece for Intro to Lit.
During my time of being awake all night, I came across some Norman Rockwell Paintings (Which I absolutly love) and I was totally inspired by this one particular picture. It made me think of a girl who gave me quite a hard time growing up, from elementary school to high school. She never beat me up or anything, but when I wrote this I kind of thought of her. Anyways, here it is. I called it The Fight!!!

As a special treat for one of the last days of school all of the sixth graders were given permission to sit out on the school lawn to eat their meal. Under the old oak tree, in the cool shade Daphne nervously twirled a long strand of auburn hair around a finger.
“Would you stop worrying, I don’t think she is even here. Plus school is almost over, I don’t think she would try anything now, and besides you already bought your lunch,” Chelsea said, gently patting her best friend on the knee
“That’s pretty easy for you to say,” Daphne replied, giving her friend a stony glare, her lips pressed into a straight line.
Judith Montgomery had been her worst nightmare since pre-school. She could clearly remember Judith joyfully ripping dolls and coloring books from her hands. There were many times when the big bully pushed her over, doing anything and everything to make her cry. As they grew older the tormentor turned to stealing lunch money. She was threatened into never telling her parents or teachers about the money. Her friends were always willing to share their lunches.
“Oh no! Don’t look now, but here she comes. You even said she wasn’t here today Chelsea,” groaned Lavender. Glancing around nervously she was prepared to flee at any moment.
A hawking figure from the distance moved toward them.

I would really appreciate any kind of critique or comments. I know it is very rough. Any kind of comment would be great :-)

I think I might post another story on here as well, getting a little braver each day.



Puff said:

I like the term "hawking" in the last sentence, it helps instill that feeling of true tourment from the bully. I don't know how the name Lavender fits into the piece, but sometimes it's good to not try and get to romantic with names, for readers could dismiss the story as Amateur. I like it though, good description.

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This page contains a single entry by published on February 7, 2004 5:42 PM.

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